UPJOKE
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Women are the only creatures to defy the laws of gravity.

The heavier they are, the easier they are to pick up.

How do fat people defy the laws of physics?

They have mass but they don’t matter.

"The Frogs in Prague Defy Catalog"

According to a research team at Charles University in Prague, the local amphibians have very peculiar migratory habits. In recent years, a new sub-species have been identified which is not native to the area around the Czech capitol. The research has been carried out with the help of many students a...

The owner of the only abortion clinic that vowed to defy Texas' new law prohibiting abortions past 6 weeks says, it's never been busier...

"Currently we got a 24 month wait list"

Women are the only physical entity that defy the laws of gravitation.

Increase in mass does not lead to an increase in the force of attraction.

I was going to make a game where you play a death-defying, cross-dressing little person.

But I see you guys hate micro trans action.

There was a man named Walter and his Wife Ethel

Walter took Ethel to the state fair every year, and every time he would say to her, "Ethel, you know that I'd love to go for a ride in that helicopter." But Ethel would always reply, "I know that Walter, but that helicopter ride is 50 dollars and 50 dollars is 50 dollars."

Finally, they went...

I saw a clown drinking an alcoholic drink while doing death defying stunts.

I told him, "That's whiskey."

Four rabbis are having a debate

Four rabbis are debating scripture out in the garden, and one of them notices he's continuously outvoted by the other three even though he's absolutely certain he's right. At a certain point, his frustration gets the best of him and he stands up, raises his hands and and says "My Lord, you must know...

A man talks to a pilot

The man asks "what made you become a pilot?"
The pilot responds with "I had to defy my biggest fear"
"Heights?" The man says.
"No, dying alone," says the pilot.

Idina Menzel and Kristin Chenoweth walk into a restaurant...

They're waiting to be seated, when they spot Sandra Bullock and George Clooney sitting at a table nearby.

Suddenly and without warning they run over to the pair's table and start screaming and shouting:

"No!"
"You cannot, and shall not!"
"We will not let you! Ever!"

Securi...

"Noun; the force that attracts objects towards the center of a celestial body."

"Very nice, Elphaba, but I said '_defy_ gravity'"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Another Jewish joke (this one featuring boobs!) (NSFW)

My Jewish father showed me this one.

So a small Jewish man happens to come across a rather stunning woman. Specifically, this woman has the most beautiful, perfect breasts he's ever seen in his life.

So he approaches this woman and says with utmost sincerity:

"Ma'am, I'm sorry t...

"Gravity: noun. 1. The invisible force that pulls objects to celestial bodies."

"That's very nice, Elphaba. But I said try _defying_ gravity."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A nasty looking skinhead walks into a bar

with his nasty looking rottweiler. He sits at the bar, looks the bartender dead in the eyes and says:

- "Do you serve Jews here?"

The bartender is a bit freaked out but after a second decides to stand up for what is right:

- "Yes", he says, mustering the courage to defy this hat...

Just as the Count was about to pounce on van Helsing, the door to the library was flung open.

Incontinently, a host of furious villagers stormed into the library, waving blazing torches and voicing dire threats. The Count turned to leap on them, then reeled back, repelled at the reek of garlic that wafted from them like a solid thing.

"Count Dracula!" cried the burgomaster, a solid ci...

An old joke from Isaac Asimov(fairly long).

As is well known, in this thirtieth century of ours, space travel is fearfully dull and time-consuming. In search of diversion, many crew Members defy the quarantine restrictions and pick up pets from the various habitable worlds they explore.

Jim Sloane had a rockette, which he called Teddy....

What do you call an old person with really good hearing?

Deaf Defying.

Three nuns walk into a bar

The bouncer stops them on their way in and says “Alright sisters, before you go in I’ll have to ask you some questions.” The nuns agreed and the bouncer asked the first nun

“Who was the first Male on earth?”

The nun responded with “Adam!” And was allowed into the bar.

The second...

A priest begins to wonder if his religion is really the only ‘true’ religion. In his search he finds an Internet forum with like mined faith/spiritual seekers, and quickly befriends a Jewish Rabbi, and a Buddhist monk.

The three debate for months, with no real progression as such, until a post appears from a new user, claiming to be the purest, living descendant of Adam & Eve. He further claims, that to those who truly believe, he will grant the secret to human evolution.
All but the monk immediately dismi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A successful businessman is sitting in his office...

when suddenly he hears the voice of God.

"Charlie, you need to sell your business. Sell it for $1 million dollars."

Charlie is astounded, "But why, I'm doing so well!"

"Charlie, do as I say!"

Charlie doesn't want to argue with God, so he does what he is told, and within a...

A drunkard hits on a nun in the bus

“How's it going sweety, you wanna come to my place?“ The nun, obviously flustered, declines. “Come on sweetheart, just a onetime thing, you're so goddamn cute!“ The nun slaps him and leaves at the next station.

The busdriver, who had noticed the other man hitting on the nun, winks him over. ...

The captured explorer...

There was once an intrepid explorer called Eric, he was wandering in a hitherto unknown part of Africa. One day in the jungle, his guides are ambushed and killed with poison darts. Eric is the only one taken alive and he is bound and gagged. They drag him back to their village and present him to the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A traveller enters a mysterious looking hotel and is greeted by a rather attractive girl sitting behind the check in desk.

She smiles at him, exposing slightly crooked teeth and endearing dimples. "You can have me, right here, right now." She gestures to a door he hadn't noticed before and continues, "Or, you can carry on to success."

The traveller is a little nonplussed, a little flattered about being propositio...

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