I love disobeying my parents

it keeps me grounded.

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Jesus and a parrot

There was once a man who had bought an incredibly intelligent European parrot.
He thought, hell, it's so intelligent he could give it some chores. He thought the most efficient way to make the parrot obedient is to threaten it; saying that if it disobeys him, he'll nail it right next to Jesus Ch...

A father had a very rowdy son

He would never listen to his father, always disobeying rules, and being rebellious at every chance. The father often told the boy, "You should be more respectful of others", to no avail as his words fell on deaf ears. His pranks were, quite frankly, annoying to the neighbours, but what did the son c...

My mother used to say "never come back home late at night"

I never disobey her. I come back early in the morning.

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A drill sergeant walks into a bar...

And orders a beer and a shot. The bartender obliges, ant tells him it’ll be $10. The drill sergeant slams both drinks. He turns to the bartender and says, “I tell you what, I will show you a trick so good, you’ll give me both those drinks for free.”
The bartender says, “This better be a good...

Heard this from a Navy officer on shore leave.

A Commodore in the Navy found himself wrongly accused of trading secrets with the enemy, so he bluffed his way onto a docked submarine and ordered it out to sea so he could wait out the inquest in peace.


His superiors caught wind of this and ordered a nearby friendly destroyer to go to hi...

Benny and the Magic Urn

Once upon a time there was a man named Benny. Benny was a simple man with simple talents and simple desires. He was a quiet fellow who loved to walk the beach when he had some time to spare. He was the kind of guy you wouldn't mind having a drink with, but anything more might be tedious. One day, as...

Adam and Eve were wandering on the Garden of Eden

They were walking with their makeshift clothes, since they already tasted the Forbidden Fruit and realized they were naked.

Soon, God shows up, and realize they disobeyed his only rule so far.

Mad and with His thunderous voice, He yells at them:


"**WHY, WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS...

Hillbilly Ma says to her son,

"Jethro, I need you to fix the outhouse."

"What fer ma?"

"Jis go 'n hava look."

So Jethro walks out to the outhouse, opens the door, and looks, "I don't see nothin wrong here ma," he says.

"Look closer," says Ma. Jethro moves into the outhouse.

"Still don't see nu...

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Trump in Chicago

Donald Trump decides to visit Chicago. He wants to get a few photo ops, so he can later post them on Twitter and show how he and his policies "helping the community get back on its feet."

But when he gets to the South Side, he notices that the streets are completely empty. Finding that odd, ...

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So two guys are driving in the middle of nowhere...

And their car breaks down.

They had no cell service, so they started walking. Eventually they come upon a house surrounded by fields of fruit. They knock on the front door and say to the man who answered the door. "Hey man, our car broke down a couple miles back and it's getting late. Do you ...

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If Johnny Had a Twin Brother

A single mother was raising a pair of terrible twins boys and was at wits ends as to what to do about their behavior, so he went to her pastor to ask for help.

"They're absolute terrors! They disobey me, they wreck the house, they don't do their homework. And worst of all, they cuss like a co...

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The Three Nuns

One day, three nuns decided to disobey their rules and walk around the convert naked. Because the convert was visible from a road, they decided to close the blinds so no one would see them. The blinds were slightly broken so there was a single opening. the nuns decided to have one of the nuns keep w...

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Mrs. Johnson had a very beautiful and intelligent parrot.

He had just one problem: He liked to fuck Mr. Hawkins' chickens. Mrs. Johnson scolded him time and time again, but he would just laugh at her. Finally, she told him that if he did it again, she would cut off all of the feathers on the top of his head. Well, he resisted the urge for a week, but on...

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