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Rejection Jokes

What's the ultimate rejection?

When you're mastutbating and your hand falls asleep.

I told the paramedics the wrong blood type for my ex

Now she'll know what rejection feels like

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A plastic surgeon at Johns Hopkins just performed surgery on a child born without eyelids, circumcising him and replaced the missing lids with the harvested tissue. The boy's new eyelids work almost perfectly and, since they were made from his own tissue, rejection won't be a problem.

When speaking to reporters, though, the surgeon admitted that the boy does look a little cockeyed.

I love to go to bookstores and ask "Hello, I'm looking for a book titled: How to deal with rejection without killing"

... do you have it? ...

You should see the nasty rejection letter I got from Heinz regarding my suggestion of a new condiment mixing relish and mustard…

It might have been the name though…

I got a rejection letter from the origami university today,

I’m not sure what to make of it.

They say rejection is a hard pill to swallow...

But it's just practice for the 60 pain killers later.

For a man to fully understand rejection

He must first be ignored by a cat.

My wife has rejection issues. She asked me to help by rejecting her from time to time.

I said no.

I went to the library, and I asked the librarian if they carried a book called “How To Deal With Rejection.”

She told me no, so I started shaking and weeping uncontrollably.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Judgement Day

So, there's this guy, not exactly a saint, and on judgment day, he finds himself in the fiery realms. Satan, with a wicked grin, goes, "Welcome to eternal suffering! Time to choose your poison. Pick a door, any door."

Sweating bullets, our guy opens the first door and, BAM, it's a grues...

George R.R. Martin (OC)

I met George R.R. Martin at a book signing a while back. It was very early in the morning and there weren’t that many people around, so I actually had the opportunity to chat with him a bit. I told him I’m a huge fan of his works, and that he’s always been an idol of mine, and that he inspired me to...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man with no arms and no legs is sitting on the beach, thinking deeply about his life.

As he lays there, unable to move, he thinks about all the rejection he has faced. Countless women, scared off by his grotesque appearance, have avoided all contact with him. Never been kissed, never been loved.


As he reflects on his sad, lonely existence, a beautiful, busty young lady, ...

My Cake Day joke: I finally got a girlfriend for Valentines Day!!!

Her name is Rejection.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

During World war 2, there was a shortage of organs for transplantation...

... so one London hospital had started trying to use animal parts instead.

A man who had lost his eye, arm and his penis in the bombings was one of the first patients receiving this experimental treatment.

Instead of his lost eye, they gave him the eye of an eagle.

Instead of ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a tragic birth defect that affected a young couples' first born child.

The doctor looked at the new parents and said. "Your baby is healthy, but he was born without eyelids. The parents were shocked and the new mother started to weep.

"Is there anything that can be done to fix this?" She asked, choking on her tears.

The doctor thought a moment when an ...

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