Odds Jokes

What are the odds?!?!

The odds were against me

An engineer and an anti-vaxxer were walking through the woods when they came upon a bridge across a crocodile infested river.

The anti-vaxxer asked the engineer "What are the odds of us making it across that bridge safely?" The engineer took out his calculator and his tape measure, did a s... read more

The odds of getting on a plane with two bombs on it are closer to 700,000,000 to one So, to be safe, I always bring my own bomb.

S. W.

"...is \_2.\_6\_%"

Doc says it was a freak injury. I mean, what are the odds? Must be a Zildjian in one!

on his way to catch a flight to Washington DC. When they opened up his bag they found a bomb in it. Subsequently he was handcuffed and taken to the station for questioning. When asked about it he said, “I always carry a bomb with me for every fight!” The investigator questioned this, saying “Why wou... read more

6 never did trust 7. Sure, they worked closely together, but 7 always seemed at odds with him. 6 always preferred the company of 4, a perfect 10 of a duo, even though 2 kept them apart.
But when it came to 7? 6 always summed it up to bad luck. Then, 6 found the truth.
6 respected 9, even thoug... read more

Thanks to Autocorrect,1 in 5 children will be getting a visit from Satan this Christmas.

Juan in a million

The odds of a suicide bomber being on your plane are 1 in 10 million.

The odds of two random unrelated suicide bombers on the same plane are virtually impossible.

So if you want to guarantee that you won’t die from another suicide bomber on your flight then you should wear a bomb.

Sigh

I can't even

So there was this guy named odd, and see everyone would make fun of him, cause his name was odd, lol.

So when he died, he told the gravestone guy to leave his gravestone blank, so no one would make fun of his grave.

But see, when people would walk by his grave, they would say:

... read more

The blind man sits down, thinking he'd break the ice with the bartender by asking "Wanna hear a blond joke?"

In a hushed voice, a man beside him says "Before you tell that joke, you should know our bartender IS blonde, or bouncer is blond, I'm a 6'4" black belt, the man sitting on the other ... read more

There was a man who was born on the fifth day of the fifth month of 1955, whose lucky number was five. On his birthday, he went to the racetrack and was astounded to see that in the fifth race (scheduled for five o'clock) a horse named Pentagram was running, with the odds of 55 to 1. Rushing off to ... read more

She said it was quim cheese.

But once I joined, we beat him up in five minutes.