An engineer and an anti-vaxxer were walking through the woods.

An engineer and an anti-vaxxer were walking through the woods when they came upon a bridge across a crocodile infested river.

The anti-vaxxer asked the engineer "What are the odds of us making it across that bridge safely?" The engineer took out his calculator and his tape measure, did a s...

"Our chance of survival..." "Never tell me the odds!"

" \_2.\_6\_%"

Ladies that eat Tide pods should be aware it could negatively affect their chances for a romantic relationship. Odds are likely that it will...


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Good odds

A teacher asks her class what their parents do for a living.

Mary says, "My dad's a doctor." The teacher says, "That's great, can you spell doctor?"

"Yes, miss," replies Mary, "it's D-O-C-T-O-R."

"Well done," says the teacher, "Who's next?"

Billy puts his hand up and say...

Three guys were sleeping on a single mattress

When they wake up the guy on the left whispers to the other two, "Dudes, I just had a dream I was getting a handjob...It was friggin awesome."

Then the guy on the right says, "Get outta here! I had a handjob dream too!"

While they high fived and discussed the odds, the guy in the cente...

The bagel my wife gave me tasted very odd

She said it was quim cheese.

I got in a fight with 1 3 5 7 and 9

The odds were against me!

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 was primed for revenge, and odds had to be evened.

I have some great stock tips..

Always keep the simmer low and slow. Save up the odds and ends from veggies. If you're using chicken, skim the fat/floaty bits off to get a clear liquid etc.

If you keep doing this, you end up a bouillonaire.

A man walks into a crowded bar on a Friday night, and there’s a big commotion going on

Curious, he walks into the crowd and tries to find what is so exciting. Looking up, he sees several pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. Even more curious now, but also rather thirsty, he works his way to the bar tender. The man asks the bartender, “Why are there pieces of meat hanging from the ...

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Given the words 'wife', 'odds', 'egg', and 'blowjob' which one doesn't fit the category?

Ans: (First, change the above term "wife" to "traffic" so that the good people are happy.) Blowjob. You can beat an egg, you can beat the odds, you can beat the traffic, but you can't beat a blowjob.

My dad worked for years as an actuary.

Back in the 1970s he travelled a lot for his work. This was during the time when hijackings, bombings and stuff like that weren’t too uncommon.

Being a statistician, he sat down one day and calculated the odds that a bomb would be on a plane that he was on. Turns out, he didn’t like the odd...

I joined a math contest the other day

And against all odds,

I was severely outnumbered

What were the odds in 1957 of being the exact stray dog chosen to be the first living thing in space?

Laika million to one

The odds of getting on a plane with a bomb on it are 950,000 to one -

The odds of getting on a plane with two bombs on it are closer to 700,000,000 to one So, to be safe, I always bring my own bomb.

S. W.

My teacher got mad at me because i answered

years ago, like when i was in the 5th grade, my math teacher asked the class for an example for odds and fractions.

Apparently, russian roulette was the wrong answer

I won a nearly impossible fight where the odds were six against one.

But once I joined, we beat him up in five minutes.

The girl I'm dating loves pumpkin spice lattes and uggs, but she's honestly pretty odd

She literally can't even

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