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Raking Jokes

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard.

The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."

The little boy runs into the house and ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I Asked My Wife For The Rake

I was doing yard work after the storm this weekend and my wife was about to take a shower. I realized that I couldn’t find the rake. I yelled up to my wife, “Where’s the rake?”

She couldn’t hear me and she shouted back, “What?”

I pointed to my eye, then I pointed to my knee and made a ...

How did the blonde break her legs raking leaves?

She fell out of a tree.

A six-year-old girl runs into her backyard and sees her neighbor raking leaves...

She runs to him and says proudly “My mommy taught me all about politics today!”

“That’s great! So are you a Republican or a Democrat?” he asks.

“A demmycrat!”

“Why’s that?”

“Well, demmycrats believe in helping the poor. So they take some money from everyone and give it ...

Raking leaves sucks...

...but the alternative blows.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day Bill was out raking leaves when he saw a hearse drive by...

followed by a second hearse, followed by man solemnly walking a dog, and then a line of two hundred men walking in single file.

Intrigued, Bill questioned the man following the second hearse, “Who is that in the first hearse?”

The man replied, “My wife.”

Bill said, “I’m sorry. W...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day two brothers were raking in the front yard...

The older brother, who is 6, says, "Hey, at breakfast tomorrow, me and you should say a cuss word!" The younger brother, who is 4, nods with excitement. So, the next day, the their mother says, "What do you want for breakfast?" to the older brother. He replies, "All hell! I'll have some Cherrios!" T...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young couple is outside doing yard work..

They’ve been working hard all morning and the wife says “boy I’m cooked, I’m gonna go inside and clean up.” The husband tells her he’s going to stay outside and keep working for a while.

She goes inside the house, up the stairs into the bathroom, gets the water running, and gets completely un...

I used to have a job collecting leaves

I was raking it in

What was Rob Halfords favorite chore growing up?

Raking the lawn, Raking the lawn!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man and his wife are doing yard work

When the wife decides that she had enough and goes inside to take a shower. The man, still doing yard work, realizes that he can’t find the rake and gets her attention through the bathroom window.

He cups his hands around his mouth and yells “I NEED THE RAKE!” The wife shrugs her shoulders,...

I like to yard work listening to Judas Priest...

......singing at the top of my lungs: RAKING THE LAWN RAKING THE LAWN!

What's with Trump and landscape equipment?

First he's raking for California, now he's hoeing for Saudi Arabia.

I was doing some yard work this weekend...

It was a hot, muggy day, and I had just finished raking the leaves in my yard. I was ready to be done. I pulled out some plastic sheeting to pile the leaves on and dragged them to the curb.

After my chores were done, I took a break and broke out a bottle of liqueur to relax and enjoy the fru...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The kids learn to cuss . . .

A 6 year old and a 4 year old are raking the yard.

The 6 year old asks, "You know what? I think it's about time we started learning to cuss".  The 4 year old nods his head in approval.

The 6 year old continues, "When we go in for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with hell and you say...

A blonde is on break from college and needs some spending money...

...so she goes around town knocking on doors looking for work. She comes to a sizeable house in a wealthy neighborhood and knocks. An older gentleman answers.
"Sir, I'm on college break and desperately need some extra money, are there any jobs you might need done around the house?"
The man t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Soda Called Sup

Back in the 80's, the Coca-Cola company sold Sup, a combination of Sprite, 7 Up, and a secret ingredient that was never revealed. It was a beloved beverage that was unfortunately discontinued within a couple months and without any intention of going back on store shelves. People started buying Sup l...

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