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An American tourist is on holidays along the west of Ireland, tracing his roots, hiking the many hills and cliffs along the coast. Pausing to enjoy the breathtaking view, amongst all the green he notices a dirty old tractor putt-putt-putting along a country lane...

An American tourist is on holidays along the west of Ireland, tracing his roots, hiking the many hills and cliffs along the coast. Pausing to enjoy the breathtaking view, amongst all the green he notices a dirty old tractor putt-putt-putting along a country lane.

As it comes closer, he notice...

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A hunter shoots a duck and it falls on First Nations land...

The Hunter goes to get it, and a native man stops him. "This duck is on my land, so it's mine."

The hunter argues that he shot it, so it's his.

They go back and forth for some time, and finally the native says, "My people have a tradition here for settling disputes - we take turns kick...

Muck Fichigan

There are an Ohio State fan, Michigan fan, and Penn State fan that all find themselves lost in a desert in the middle east. Finally after many hours of wandering around, they happen upon giant palace. Before they can make it up to the entrance, the guards capture them and take them down to the dunge...

A Chap walks up to Merlin...

Chap - You're Merlin aren't you?

Merlin - Why yes. It's nice to be recognized!

Chap - Bit of a Wizard, I hear?

Merlin - Well Yes. I've been told I'm skilled.

Chap - Do tricks and things ..don't ya.. Magical stuff?

Merlin - Magical ... yes that's correct.

Cha...

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When I was lost in the woods

A couple of years ago, I was walking through the woods when I became lost. I had no compass, no map and wandered for hours, then days trying to find my way back. As I made my way through the muck and mud, I became hungry, more hungry than I had ever been, and found a few berries to satiate me for a ...

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A farmer goes outside to check his livestock

While observing the cattle he notices that he needs to clean up the accumulated manure in one of his corrals. So he gets the tractor and pushes the muck into a pile on the edge of the pen. As he does this, the pile leans against the fence causing the wood to break and splinter. The farmer turns to h...

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at a comunitty outhouse while camping

A man is taking a piss when another man enters. Shuffling to do his business, the new comer acidently drops a $5 bill down into the muck below.

Noticing the original occupant says "that sux" but is flabbergasted as the new man pulls out his wallet and drops a $20 down there as well. "Why'd ...

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An old farmer is known across the state for his giant pumpkins.

Every year he takes the blue ribbon at the state fair for biggest pumpkin, and every year his town throws a Pumpkin Parade for him where he drives the winner down Main Street in the back of his pickup, the local marching band plays, the mayor makes a speech--- the whole works. Makes the front page ...

My grandfather got pretty burnt the other day

They don't muck around at the crematorium

I walked into a public restroom

and saw a guy staring into a filthy toilet with a quarter at the bottom. He stood there looking conflicted for a minute, then pulled a twenty dollar bill from his wallet and threw it into the toilet. Then he reached into the muck and pulled out the twenty dollar bill and the quarter.

I asked ...

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The tourettes pianist

An out of work pianist with Tourettes Syndrome is strolling around the streets and bars of Soho one unemployed afternoon. Walking down Dean Street he sees a lounge bar with a sign in the window 'Pianist wanted for evening performances'.
'Fucking get in there you cunt!' he says to himself and goes...

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A woman flashed her tits at me today....

I just sat there and giggled like a school boy.



Then she said to me " will you stop mucking around and check this lump, doctor."

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Three men going skiing

Three men go on a skiing trip, but when they get to the HOTEL they find out that the hotel have mucked up their rooms and they have to share one big bed. When they wake up the guy on the left says I had the most fabulous dream last night that I was getting a hand job from a smoking hot snow bunny, a...

A horse and a ram were sitting in a bar.

"Fancy another beer?" said the horse. "It's thirsty work pulling that cart all day."

"I know what you mean," replied the ram. "I've been stuck in a field all afternoon with no protection whatsoever from the sun. And the only water we get comes in a through that is filled with grass, muck and ...

What's the difference between a mountain goat and a goldfish?

A goldfish mucks about the fountain.

Why did Moses vote for Al Gore?

Because the last time he took political orders from a Bush, his country went mucking around in the Middle East for forty years.

Seeing as you guys are liking these at the moment, What's the difference between a goldfish and a goat?

One mucks around in fountains.

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Two Russians were walking through the woods...

And they came across a pile of brownish muck.
"Look like dogshit?" asks Commander Igor.
"Ya! Look like dogshit!" answers Ivan.
"Smell it!" commands Igor. Ivan gets down and takes a whiff.
"Smell like dogshit?" asks Igor.
"Ya! Smells like dogshit!"
"Taste i...

What's the difference between a politician and a catfish?

One's a bottom-dwelling, muck-sucker and the other is a fish.

The first day of school...

The first day of school was always great. I remember mucking around in the classroom and wreaking havoc. Picking on the little kids and taking their lunch money. Asserting myself on the playground by tripping and pushing everyone.

I just hope the students were having fun.

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