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Ragged Jokes

The wine taster at an old vineyard died. A homeless guy, looking ragged And dirty, came to apply. He persuaded the manager to give him a try.

The guy was given a glass of wine. He swirled, smelled, sipped and spit. “It's a red wine, Merlot, three years old, grown on the South Slope and matured in oak barrels." He said. "Impressive," said the manager.

The man is given another. "Still a red wine, Cabernet, eight years old, from the N...

A woman comes home early, and finds her husband in bed with a girl.

She is furious, threatens to kill them both... the husband says:

\- Believe me, darling, this is just a misunderstanding. I was driving home, and saw this young lady trying to catch a ride. So I decided to give her a lift. I ask her where she needs to go, and she tells me she wants to visit s...

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At a winery, the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire.

A drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came in to apply for the position. The director of the winery wondered how to send him away. He gave him a glass to drink.

The drunk tried it and said, “It's a Muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers. Low grade, but acc...

It's closing time at the local pub. As the bartender is putting stools up, a filthy ragged homeless man walks in...

"No free booze!" says the bartender.

"No, all I want is one toothpick." says the homeless man.

The bartender gives him the toothpick and away he goes.

No sooner has the homeless man left, another one shows up.

"What do YOU want?" asks the bartender mopping the floor. ...

A ragged looking teen is begging for food on the street

A guy comes along and buys him a sandwich. He asks the kid, “are you an orphan?”

The kid replies, “yes I am. What gave me away?”

The guy says, “obviously, your parents”

A muscular man walks into the bar with a tiny ragged doll

"What can I get you?" the bartender asks.
“A whiskey, neat, keep it coming” the muscular man orders.
Drink after drink, the bartender finally gathered the courage to ask;
"Why did you carry that tiny ragged doll around?
No offence sir, but one would normally assume it’s not your...

One Sunday morning an old ragged cowboy entered a church just before services were to begin.

Although the old man and his clothes were spotlessly clean, he wore jeans, a denim shirt and boots that were very worn and ragged.

In his hand he carried a worn out old hat and a equally worn out Bible. The church he entered was in a very upscale and exclusive part of the city. It was the lar...

The rain was pouring and there was a big puddle in front of the pub.

A ragged old man was standing there with a rod and hanging a string into the puddle.
A curious gentleman came over and asked what he was doing. "Fishing", the old man said simply. "Poor old fool", the gentleman thought, and he invited the ragged old man to a drink in the pub.

He felt he ...

A Politician Dies And Has To Spend Just ONE Day In Hell

A politician dies and ends up standing in front of the pearly gates. Saint Peter looks at him for a second, flicks through his book, and finds his name.

"So, you're a politician..."

"Well, yes, is that a problem?"

"Oh no, no problem. But we've recently adopted a new system for p...

A man comes into the Airport Employment Office.

He looks like a real hick, in overalls, muddy boots, and a ragged straw hat. "Ah'z looking fer a jobe," he announces.
"And what is it you do, good sir?" asks the man at the desk.
"Ah'z uh pahlut."
Surprised, the man says "Really? Well, we can always use another pilot around the airpor...

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I want to live my next life backwards....

You start out dead and get that out of the way right off the bat.

Then, you wake up in a nursing home feeling better every day.

When you are kicked out of the home for being too healthy, you spend several years enjoying your retirement and collecting benefit checks.

When you sta...

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A man smelling of alcohol and weed sat next to a priest on a bus.

The man’s clothes were ragged and dirty, there was pink lipstick on his collar, and an almost empty bottle of rum stuck out of his pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.

A few minutes later he turned to the priest and said, "Tell me Father, do you happen to know what causes arthr...

On a tour of some really remote islands...

A cruise ship passed by an archipelago. A sharp-eyed passenger spotted a ragged figure by a campfire who jumped up and started waving his arms wildly.

"Captain!" said the passenger, "I see someone over there....who is that?"

"I'm not sure," replied the captain, "but he goes nuts every ...

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What a beach!

A flea is lying on the beach, getting some sun and relaxation when he sees another flea approaching. This second flea is ragged, worn out looking and seems very exhausted.
The first flea, curious, asks the second flea what his problems were?
The second flea replies “I’ve hopped from th...

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I wake up at around 7am to hear this pounding at my door as if it’s about to cave in

So I open the door and I see this 6ft cockroach. Before I can even ask him how’s he doing he picks me up and flings me across the hallway of my house. Moving at rapid speed he’s got me in a headlock and delivers some devastating punches. I’m gutted to say I passed out from the sheer pain. Next day w...

A Mouse and A Lion walk into a Bar

They’re sitting there chugging away at a few beers when a giraffe walks in. “Get a load of her” says the mouse, “I fancy that!”

“Well, why not try your luck?” says the lion.

So the mouse goes over to the giraffe and starts talking to her, and within five minutes they’re out the door an...

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What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann with the Pillsbury Dough Boy?

A red-headed bitch with a yeast infection!

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Merkel, Trump, and Putin are at a military inspection

They are standing at a dock. Trump points at an American submarine: "Our American submarines are so well-made, they can last half a year under water without having to resurface a single time in-between!". Putin shows himself unimpressed and points at a Russian submarine: "That's nothing, our Russian...

Santa spots a girl atop a tree...

He notices her ragged clothes and lack of undergarments.

Pitying the girl and in Christmas spirit, he asks her to come back down and gives her a crisp €5 bill. He implores her to splurge on a fresh set of underwear and have a great Christmas.

The girl, greatly delighted, heads back hom...

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Two guys get captured by a primitive tribe on a remote island.

The first guy is taken to the tribe chief.

The chief says: You have two options: Giri-Giri or death

The first guy thinks to himself: "Anything is better than death."

Guy 1: I choose Giri-Giri

The whole tribe fucks him in the ass for the entire day

He comes to guy 2...

It was a dark time on the street.

War had come to Sesame Street. Big Bird lay bleeding with a piece of shrapnel sticking out of his side. As he lay there. Oscar the grouch came over to speak with him.
Oscar: How are you doing general bird?
Big Bird: Never mind that now commander what is the letter and number of the day?
Osc...

Damn Dirty Hippie

I live near a small store way out in the country close to a hippie commune. They're good people for the most part, although a bit smelly sometimes.

I was in there one day and a long-haired, scraggly looking fellow came in. He had a ten-dollar bill in one hand and was naked as the day he was b...

Professional taster

In a winery in Napa Valley, California, a new wine tester has just died. The president of the company worriedly published the newspaper, looking for a replacement. A mysterious drunk, ragged clothes came to apply for a job. The employer wanted to kick him drunk and go away but still wanted to test ...

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[NSFW] A homeless man walked into a piano bar

No one was playing the piano so he asked the manager if he could play.
The manager, seeing the ragged dirty old man refused, but he was persistent and begged
“Oh please just one song, I’m REALLY good I promise”
So he allowed him, “Okay one song, but then you must leave”
The homeless ma...

Healing Kiss

In a train compartment a young couple and an elderly, somewhat ragged man were sitting.

The girl looks like she’s having some discomfort so her boyfriend asks her, "What’s wrong honey?"

She replies. "My head hurts."

Her boyfriend kisses her forehead, and asks her, "Is it bett...

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A wealthy man goes to Rome...

...in one of his finest suits the hope that when he visits the Vatican, he can be granted an audience with the Holy Father. During one of the Papal processions, he manages to make his way to the front of the barrier as the Pontiff walks past them. Instead, the Pope completely blanks the man, and sto...

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The Pope's in Town

The Pope is in town and nearly everybody is lining up outside of the the local church for a chance to meet him.

A religious man, looking forward to the chance of meeting the Pope, puts on his best suit and gets on line. It is the man's dream to discuss God with the Pope, and he has so many q...

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There was this couple who had lived together for 10 years

The man had an uncanny habit of farting extremely loudly every morning. Each fart would smell like jackshit and cause his Wife to feel nausea as well.

One day his Wife got so angry that she yelled at him that he would fart his guts out if he continued farting like that.

The very next m...

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