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Chevy Jokes

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Two Syrian refugees compete to see who can become the most American in three weeks

After three weeks the Syrians meet again at McDonald's the first Syrian makes his case for him being more American by saying: "Every day I have taken my son to softball practise and my daughter to ballet. I just purchased my first car and it's Chevy El Camino. I've recently started listening to Toby...

My buddy has a sign in his driveway that says "Chevy parking only". I drive a Grand Caravan.

Needless to say, I've been Dodging the guy.

With Ford v Ferrari being so successful

Chevy has decided to come out with their own movie. Total Recall

A Chevy Silverado, a GMC Sierra, a Ford F150, a RAM 1500, and a Toyota Tacoma are driving in convoy

Best pickup line ever

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A white man comes across a Native American lying with his ear pressed against the ground between a pair of tire tracks.

“What’s going on?” the white man asks.

“White Chevy Tahoe. Four door. License plate XPV 14785. Has a Coexist bumper sticker,” replies the Native American.

“Wow, you can tell all that from just listening to the ground?”

“No, you idiot! That’s what the asshole who hit me was drivi...

[OC] What do you call it if I wash a classic Chevy and make a TV show about it?

The Fresh Rinse of Bel Air.

Why do Norwegians drive Chevys?

They're afraid of drowning in a Fjord.

I drove to Vegas in a $25,000 Chevy and came home in a $250,000 vehicle

A greyhound bus.

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A guy goes to a Chevy dealership

A guy goes to a Chevy dealership. He is of course approached by a sales man, “is there anything I can help you with sir?”, the guy says “I’m interested in purchasing a corvette”.

The sales man replies “ah, to attract the ladies?”
Guy “not really, it’s something that I just can’t put my fin...

Never buy a second electric car from Chevy.

It's revolting.

I knew a guy who got an electric Chevy as a gift, but he didn't want it and just gave it to someone else.

Frankly, I find that to be revolting.

What's the difference between OJ Simpson and Caddyshack?

One had a Bronco pursuit and the other had Chevy Chase.

What kind of cars do ghosts drive?

Chevy Maliboos.

An old woman needed her porch painted...

So she called up a guy and asked,

"Could you come by? I need to have my porch painted red."

"Yes ma'am, I'll be there in a jiffy. "

He shows up and let's the old lady know it shouldn't take him too long. She's surprised by this because her porch is large and wraps around the ho...

Did you hear about the Russian man who got turned into a chevy?

They call him Vlad the Impala.

I just replaced a bunch of parts on my Chevy muscle car and made it a Pontiac muscle car.

Now it’s a trans Trans-Am.

What does Ford stand for?

Found On Road Dead

My step dad is a super Chevy guy and told me this when I was young, drop your best Chevy/Ford jokes

God tells these 3 guys that the vehicle they'll be driving around in heaven will be a reflection of how faithful they were to their wives

The first guy was cheating on his wife like every month, so God gave him a Chevy to drive around in heaven.

The second guy cheated on his wife once or twice over the years, but overall was pretty faithful, so God gave him an Acura to drive around in heaven.

The third guy never cheated ...

I've been having trouble meeting girls, so I asked my dad for some advice. He said that if I wanted to break the ice, the next time I go out, I should use this pickup line...

"Ford F-150, Chevy Silverado, Dodge Ram, Toyota Tundra, Nissan Titan, GMC Sierra, Honda Ridgeline..."

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BECOMING AMERICAN

Two Saudi brothers come to America and one buys a house on the west coast and the other on the east coast. They are so excited about being Americans and during their goodbyes they make a $10,000 bet: in two months they will meet again and the one that is the most American wins.

Two months pas...

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Fishing is expensive

A young student looking for a job goes to a big “everything under one roof” department store.

The Manager says, “Do you have any sales experience?” The kid says “Very little.”

Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. “You start tomorrow. I’ll come down after we close and see ...

Two old farmers were talking about the 'good-ole-days'..

The old farmer from Texas says, "When I had my ranch, I could get up in the morning, get in my old Chevy truck, and drive all day and still be on my property."


The old farmer from Kentucky said, "Yeah, I had a truck like that once too... you shoulda gota Ford...hell, they'll get ya all th...

What's the difference between a 1972 chevelle and a bic mini?

Well one is a heavy chevy and the other is a little lighter.

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Tasteless space shuttle Challenger jokes

Q) Where did Christa McAuliffe spend her vacation?

A) All over Florida.

Q) What color were Christa McAuliffe's eyes?

A) Blue, one blew this way, one blew that way.

Q) What was the last thing Christa McAuliffe told her husband?

A) "You take care of the dog and cat, ...

In memoriam

Rapid Roy was a daredevil who specialized in car stunts. He decided to retire in style and end his career by attempting a canyon jump in the worst car he could find. After doing some digging, he came across a Chevy Nova in an auction in Champagne, LA. It was in bad shape, but he took a chance, wo...

Three friends die and go to heaven...

and meet God at the gate. God tells them that he will give them cars to drive into heaven, but first they have to tell him how many times they cheated on their wives, and they shouldn't bother lying because he has a big record book of every person's actions.

God turns to the first man and ask...

Condoms galore

Nike Condoms: Just do it.


Toyota Condoms: Oh what a feeling.


Diet Pepsi Condoms: You got the right one, baby.


Pringles Condoms: Once you pop, you can't stop.


Mentos Condoms: The freshmaker.


Flintstones Vitamins Condom Pack: T...

Chevrolet announced that they’re going to start producing ventilators in their factories.

Preliminary orders for the Chevy Noviva have been strong in the U.S. but surprising weak in Latin American.

Indian On The Road

I'm driving from Santa Fe to Albuquerque when I see an American Indian lying on the road with his ear to the ground. Curious, I pull over, walk up to him and ask, "Excuse me, what are you doing?" He says, "Silver 1991 Chevy station wagon, one man, one woman, two children". I say, "Wow, you can te...

Three men died and went to heaven...

... and met St. Peter at the pearly gates, who was explaining a new reward system to the newcomers. Each person who made it to heaven would receive a vehicle, the quality of which would be determined by how faithful they were to their spouses on Earth. The first man had his fair share of adulterous ...

Don MacLean lobbied for GM to be included in a carmaker tax

He wanted to bring Chevy to the levy

A recently retired man decides to buy his dream car

A brand new 2015 Chevy Corvette. As he's leaving the dealership with his new purchase, he decides to open it up on the road and see what his car can do. He's flying down the road at about 130 mph when he sees the red and blue sirens behind him trying to keep up. He pushes the pedal to the floor, kno...

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An engineer and a scientist walk into a dive bar....

Smiling, happy, the engineer says, "Bartender, shots for everyone!"

The bartender leans in, confused, "I can tell you're not from around here. Are you sure you want to buy these people drinks?"

The scientist retorts with, "Make 'em doubles!"

The bartender deploys the drinks to e...

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A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture...

when suddenly a plain white Chevy advanced out of the dust cloud towards him. The driver, a rather stiff man in a suit and tie, leaned out the window and asked the shepherd... "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?" The shepherd looked at the man, obvious...

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Bill's been looking forward to this hunting trip for months.

He shakes his wife awake at the asscrack of dawn and says, "C'mon woman, less'go! We gotta get them guns packed into the Chevy," and she says, "No, honey, I don't feel good, you go on without me," and he says, "You summ'bitch, do you know how long I've been plannin' this goddamn couples huntin' trip...

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A DOTA2 Joke Made My BF Help Bring In Groceries

My boyfriend (a League guy) and I (a DOTA gal) were grocery shopping the other day. His brother was driving and Boyfriend was in the front seat. Since we forgot the trunk key (it's a Chevy Celebrity, you need a key) I was forced to spoon with the groceries in the back seat. When we got home, I strug...

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Three old men die and go to heaven...

...and St. Peter explains to them that the lives they lived on earth will determine what kind of car they drive for eternity.

He looks to the first man and says "You were a top-notch citizen your entire life. You paid your taxes, showed up for work every day, never cheated on your wife and we...

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New-age alcohol test

A driver gets stopped by a cop.

Cop: "I'm gonna have to give you an alcohol test, but I forgot to bring the piss testers, so we'll just try something different."

Driver: "Fine by me."

Cop: "Imagine you're driving at night and you're seeing one headlight coming your way. What is ...

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