The 66+ Best Molest Jokes

As a child i was molested by mimes

They did unspeakable things to me.

A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says, "You've been brought here for drinking and molesting women."

The drunk says "Great! Let's get started."

what do you call someone who molests child molesters?

An apex predator

Police officer pulls over 2 Catholic priests. Says he’s looking for two child molesters.

Catholic priests looking at each other: We’ll do it!

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A homophobe, a child molester, and a con man walk into a bar

The bartender says "What will it be, Father?"

Ive just been molested by a group of mime artists...

They did unspeakable things to me.

Child molesters

Two priests are out driving one day, when they get pulled over by a police officer.
The cop approaches the priests vehicle and says to the driver, " Sorry to pull you over father, but we're currently searching for two child molesters."
The two priests turn and look at each other for a fe...

What do you call an illegal immigrant vs. a child molester?

Alien vs. Predator.

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What do you call a robot that’s been sexually molested?

R2ME2

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I got arrested for molestation for no fault of mine

I was in the elevator when this gorgeous woman walked in wearing a low cut blouse exposing her perfectly sized breasts.

When she caught me checking on them , she angrily said

" Stop staring and press one quickly".

And I did exactly what she said

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I probably didn't help my case when I went to court for child molestation charges today, when the judge asked how 6-10 years sounded?

Sexy, I replied.

Why did Michael Jackson molest young boys?

Becuase his mother always told him dont go around breaking young girls hearts.

Three guys walk into a bar: an alcoholic, a priest, and a child molester...

And that's just the first guy.

If a priest molests a child...

Isn’t it just a clerical error?

what do socks and fruit molesters have in common?

They come in pairs.

You shouldn’t joke about Molestations…

How are else would the Moles get to work

Did you hear about the heart warming emotional testimony the molester gave at his trial?

Even the jury was touched.

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Do you know what they call someone who molests children using an online dictionary?

A Wikipaedophile

A teacher was called in by the police for accusations of child molestation

"What is your name sir?"

"Mark Stephens"

"How old are you?"

"37 years old"

"And what do you do for a living?"

"I teach school chilren"

"Come again?"

"I teach school chilren"

"Do you mean children?"

"What?"

"You said chilren, you f...

There's a new drug that is guarenteed to get you molested.

The only side effect is you feel Spacey.

Droids claim they were molested by George Lucas during filming for Star Wars...

#R2MeToo

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When I told my date I was raised Catholic, she asked me right away whether I was molested as a child.

I’m still butt hurt about it.

Did you hear about child molester who plays the piano?

He was fingering a minor

Why did the jury cry at the molester’s hearing?

It was a very touching trial.

A new experimental punishment for child molesters involves chaining them to electricity-producing machines and having them work 24/7

Researcers hope to be able to generate multiple pedowatts of power.

What do you call a baker that molests women?

A crepist.

Jerry Sandusky Penn State molestation charges affirmed in Court today.

Will there be a book?
"From Penn State to State Pen: The Jerry Sandusky Story."

Have you guys heard about the Sharpie molester?

Apparently he only felt tips.

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How many drinks would a molester, a priest and a paedophile order

One

A kid and child molester are walking in the woods

A kid and a child molester are walking in the woods. As the sun is going down and it gets darker, the kod says, "It's getting kinda scary mister." He tells the kid, "I know. I'm the one that's gotta walk back alone."

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A bartender is sitting alone in a newly opened bar when a priest, a paedophile and a molester walk in

And now there are two people in the bar

Molestation is no laughing matter.

For most, its a very touchy subject.

I heard there's a new movie coming out where an illegal immigrant turns vigilante and battles a child molester...

They're calling it Alien vs Predator.

Did you hear about the man who was arrested for molesting a duck?

He was suspected of Fowl Play

What is the default format for child molesters?

.PDF Files.

What do a silver medalist and a child molester have in common?

They both came in a little behind

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Why didn't they let the sex molester become an Astronaut?

They didn't want him getting near Uranus

When I was a kid the police came to the church to ask if anyone knew any child molesters.

The priests fingered me.

I was going to make a joke about molestation...

But it seems to be quite touchy subject.

What is the one good thing about child molesters?

They drive slowly in the school zones!

What kind of shoes does a child molester wear?

White vans.

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I told my friend, "My dad just passed away. I think it's only right for me to now say...that he molested me when I was three-years-old."

"Woah, man," he said. "Too soon."

I said, "Well, yes. But that's not how a paedophile's mind works."

At my therapy session today, I suddenly remembered that as a child I was molested by a clown.

I never knew I had IT in me.

I molested an intensive care patient...

but his nurse walked in at the last moment.

It was real touch-and-go for a while there.

What do you call a folder on FBI's servers that contains all the intel on known child molesters?

A Pedo File.

With all these celebrities getting outed for molesting kids, it's only a matter of time before Jackie Chan is exposed.

Like, do you have any idea how many times he told Jaden Smith to jacket off in the karate kid?

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Why was the jeweler's son sexually molested?

He went to Jared's.

Sherlock was convicted for child molestation

A disgusted Watson visited him in prison, and said, "I cannot believe you were caught exposing yourself to a child in high school!"

"Elementary, my dear Watson..."

Regarding the molestation jokes. A lot you guys may not know this, but molestation...

Is a very touchy subject.

I'm sorry. Did that joke rub you the wrong way?

After a young boy was molested by a priest, the police asked him what happened.

The young boy responded, "I knew I was in trouble when the the priest told me to call him Daddy instead of Father"

What did the Jewish child molester say to the kid?

Hey kid, do you want to buy some candy?

I think I'm about to be molested by an alpaca...

Today some guy on the street kept screaming at me to "be ready for the alpaca lips"

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What's special about twin fruit molesters?

They always cum in pears.

My uncle works at a camp for kids who are about to be molested

I mean everyone complains about their job but he loved everyday of his

Barry Gibb has revealed that he was nearly molested as a child…

…but the would-be abuser gave him the HeebieBeeGees…

What do you call a bird that has been molested?

Rustled Crow

Statistics show that one out of three of your next door neighbors could be a child molester...

Thank goodness the only neighbors I have are smokin' hot ten year olds.

What's the difference between acne and a child molester?

Acne waits till you are 13 to come on your face.

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What do you call a child molester with a lot of cheese?

A pedophile with a feta pile

What do you call the High Sparrow who is caught molesting kids?

The Deviated Septon.

Why did the remorseful child-molester paint his toe-nails?

He thought it would be a pedicure.

^^^sorry.

Do you know the difference between camping and molestation?

No? In that case, do you want to go camping this weekend?

where does a Finnish child molester go when his ship sinks?

Helsinki

Why did the pervert cough when he was caught molesting a pony?

He was feeling a little horse.

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Why did the boy laugh when he was molested by a test?

Because the testicles

So there's a child molester and a little boy walking into the woods...

They keep walking deeper and deeper, and its getting darker and darker; scarier and scarier. Further and further they walk. The boy looks up at the child molester and says "Gee Mister, I'm getting scared." and the child molester looks down at the kid and says: "You think you're scared kid, I gotta ...

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