UPJOKE
harassplagueharryprovokehasslebotherannoyvexchevyrilebesetirritateragchafedisturb

Molest Jokes

As a child i was molested by mimes

They did unspeakable things to me.

A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says, "You've been brought here for drinking and molesting women."

The drunk says "Great! Let's get started."

what do you call someone who molests child molesters?

An apex predator

Police officer pulls over 2 Catholic priests. Says he’s looking for two child molesters.

Catholic priests looking at each other: We’ll do it!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a robot that’s been sexually molested?

R2ME2

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A homophobe, a child molester, and a con man walk into a bar

The bartender says "What will it be, Father?"

Ive just been molested by a group of mime artists...

They did unspeakable things to me.

what do socks and fruit molesters have in common?

They come in pairs.

Did you hear about the heart warming emotional testimony the molester gave at his trial?

Even the jury was touched.

Why did the jury cry at the molester’s hearing?

It was a very touching trial.

Why did Michael Jackson molest young boys?

Becuase his mother always told him dont go around breaking young girls hearts.

Droids claim they were molested by George Lucas during filming for Star Wars...

#R2MeToo

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got arrested for molestation for no fault of mine

I was in the elevator when this gorgeous woman walked in wearing a low cut blouse exposing her perfectly sized breasts.

When she caught me checking on them , she angrily said

" Stop staring and press one quickly".

And I did exactly what she said

If a priest molests a child...

Isn’t it just a clerical error?

You shouldn’t joke about Molestations…

How are else would the Moles get to work

Have you guys heard about the Sharpie molester?

Apparently he only felt tips.

A new experimental punishment for child molesters involves chaining them to electricity-producing machines and having them work 24/7

Researcers hope to be able to generate multiple pedowatts of power.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do you know what they call someone who molests children using an online dictionary?

A Wikipaedophile

What do you call a baker that molests women?

A crepist.

Child molesters

Two priests are out driving one day, when they get pulled over by a police officer.
The cop approaches the priests vehicle and says to the driver, " Sorry to pull you over father, but we're currently searching for two child molesters."
The two priests turn and look at each other for a fe...

There's a new drug that is guarenteed to get you molested.

The only side effect is you feel Spacey.

Jerry Sandusky Penn State molestation charges affirmed in Court today.

Will there be a book?
"From Penn State to State Pen: The Jerry Sandusky Story."

Did you hear about child molester who plays the piano?

He was fingering a minor

What do you call an illegal immigrant vs. a child molester?

Alien vs. Predator.

Three guys walk into a bar: an alcoholic, a priest, and a child molester...

And that's just the first guy.

A teacher was called in by the police for accusations of child molestation

"What is your name sir?"

"Mark Stephens"

"How old are you?"

"37 years old"

"And what do you do for a living?"

"I teach school chilren"

"Come again?"

"I teach school chilren"

"Do you mean children?"

"What?"

"You said chilren, you f...

Where do child molesters go to university?

Bring'em Young

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I told my date I was raised Catholic, she asked me right away whether I was molested as a child.

I’m still butt hurt about it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bartender is sitting alone in a newly opened bar when a priest, a paedophile and a molester walk in

And now there are two people in the bar

A kid and child molester are walking in the woods

A kid and a child molester are walking in the woods. As the sun is going down and it gets darker, the kod says, "It's getting kinda scary mister." He tells the kid, "I know. I'm the one that's gotta walk back alone."

Did you hear about the man who was arrested for molesting a duck?

He was suspected of Fowl Play

What do a silver medalist and a child molester have in common?

They both came in a little behind

DO NOT talk about molestation

It's a touchy subject

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why didn't they let the sex molester become an Astronaut?

They didn't want him getting near Uranus

What is the one good thing about child molesters?

They drive slowly in the school zones!

I heard there's a new movie coming out where an illegal immigrant turns vigilante and battles a child molester...

They're calling it Alien vs Predator.

What kind of shoes does a child molester wear?

White vans.

I was going to make a joke about molestation...

But it seems to be quite touchy subject.

what do you call fifty child molesters walking in a straight line?

A centi-peado-file

Stop making child molestation jokes

It's a really touchy subject

When I was a kid the police came to the church to ask if anyone knew any child molesters.

The priests fingered me.

At my therapy session today, I suddenly remembered that as a child I was molested by a clown.

I never knew I had IT in me.

What do you call a folder on FBI's servers that contains all the intel on known child molesters?

A Pedo File.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I told my friend, "My dad just passed away. I think it's only right for me to now say...that he molested me when I was three-years-old."

"Woah, man," he said. "Too soon."


I said, "Well, yes. But that's not how a paedophile's mind works."

What is the default format for child molesters?

.PDF Files.

Regarding the molestation jokes. A lot you guys may not know this, but molestation...

Is a very touchy subject.





I'm sorry. Did that joke rub you the wrong way?

I think I'm about to be molested by an alpaca...

Today some guy on the street kept screaming at me to "be ready for the alpaca lips"

I molested an intensive care patient...

but his nurse walked in at the last moment.

It was real touch-and-go for a while there.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why was the jeweler's son sexually molested?

He went to Jared's.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's special about twin fruit molesters?

They always cum in pears.

Sherlock was convicted for child molestation

A disgusted Watson visited him in prison, and said, "I cannot believe you were caught exposing yourself to a child in high school!"

"Elementary, my dear Watson..."

What did the Jewish child molester say to the kid?

Hey kid, do you want to buy some candy?

After a young boy was molested by a priest, the police asked him what happened.

The young boy responded, "I knew I was in trouble when the the priest told me to call him Daddy instead of Father"

With all these celebrities getting outed for molesting kids, it's only a matter of time before Jackie Chan is exposed.

Like, do you have any idea how many times he told Jaden Smith to jacket off in the karate kid?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the boy King Midas molested?

They settled out of court for a dick load of gold.

Barry Gibb has revealed that he was nearly molested as a child…

…but the would-be abuser gave him the HeebieBeeGees…

What do you call a bird that has been molested?

Rustled Crow

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a child molester with a lot of cheese?

A pedophile with a feta pile

My uncle works at a camp for kids who are about to be molested

I mean everyone complains about their job but he loved everyday of his

What's the difference between acne and a child molester?

Acne waits till you are 13 to come on your face.

Statistics show that one out of three of your next door neighbors could be a child molester...

Thank goodness the only neighbors I have are smokin' hot ten year olds.

Do you know the difference between camping and molestation?

No? In that case, do you want to go camping this weekend?

What do you call the High Sparrow who is caught molesting kids?

The Deviated Septon.

Why did the remorseful child-molester paint his toe-nails?

He thought it would be a pedicure.

^^^sorry.

where does a Finnish child molester go when his ship sinks?

Helsinki

Why did the pervert cough when he was caught molesting a pony?

He was feeling a little horse.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the boy laugh when he was molested by a test?

Because the testicles

So there's a child molester and a little boy walking into the woods...

They keep walking deeper and deeper, and its getting darker and darker; scarier and scarier. Further and further they walk. The boy looks up at the child molester and says "Gee Mister, I'm getting scared." and the child molester looks down at the kid and says: "You think you're scared kid, I gotta ...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.