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I was verbally harassed by two kids at the park today

So I told them off. Then their mother came over to me and said "Leave them the fuck alone! They're my fucking kids!"

Trying to think of a witty comeback, I asked her "Are they twins?"

She replied, "Of course they're not twins you fucking idiot, one is seven and the other is twelve! How...

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Everyone got up and cheered when Bob was fired for sexual harassment.

It was a touching farewell.

Workplace harassment is a real problem. Every customer my girlfriend has asks her for head.

Working in a tennis shop has been really hard on her.

A teacher asks her students to use the word harassment in a sentence

One of the student raises his hand and says: “My big brother is really depressed nowadays”

The teacher asks: “why”?

The kid goes: “he broke up with his girlfriend”

So the teacher asks the student “and how is this relevant?”

He says: Harassment a lot to him

Peggy Johnson was suing her neighbor, Dave, for harassment after he kept calling her "pig."

The two were fighting over their backyard borders, and so Dave took up to calling her a "pig." Peggy took him to court and sued him for harassment. The judge wanted to settle this immediately and issued an order for Dave to stop calling Peggy a "pig."

"Dave, I'm giving you a chance to walk aw...

I lost my watch at a party once. An hour later I saw some guy stepping on it while he was harassing some woman at that party. Infuriated, I immediately went over, punched him and broke his nose.

No one does that to a woman, not on my watch...

Woman calls the cops to complain about a neighbour harassing her

The cop arrives at her apartment with a notebook in hand to take notes.
Cop: Yes Mam, tell me who’s this person and what are they doing ?

Woman: he lives in the flat one floor above and is constantly looking at me, when I’m in my bathroom. Such a creep.

Cop: ( a bit confused) can...

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A thug starts harassing a nun on a bus

He's saying things to her like 'show me what's under that outfit' and 'I bet you're not wearing any underwear'. The nun is clearly uncomfortable and eventually clutches her bible to her chest and yells 'LORD PROTECT ME' and gets off the bus at the next stop.


The thug starts yelling abus...

If you lost your erection every time a game developer got accused of workplace harassment

Ubisoft

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I was accused of harassment at work today.

When I told my wife she said, "Harassment what?"
I said, "I swear baby her ass meant nothing to me!"

A man is drinking in a bar when a nun harasses him about drinking.

In self-defense the man says, “Who told you that drinking is bad?”

Nun : "Mother Superior told me."

Man : "So, have you ever tried it?"

Nun : "No, I haven’t ever taken a drink of hard liquor."

Man : "Well, don’t criticize me if you haven’t tried it. I’ll tell you what if ...

Teacher: Make a sentence with the word "harassment"

**Student**: "her-ass-meant" a lot to me

**Teacher:** Coward!!

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My teacher told me to write a sentence using the word harassment...

So I wrote I know a girl and "her ass meant" a lot to me.

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A guy named John Hitler was tired of people bullying him for his name so he went to the federal court and changed it hoping the harassments would stop.

But Peter Hitler is still getting bullied to this day.

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If a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment.

When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.50 a minute.

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Why aren't we using Tide to prevent sexual harassment?

After all, it deters gents.

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My boss said you need sexual harassment training

I said I already know how to sexually harass people just fine, ask your secretary.

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OC: By a hobo, to a hobo, about a hobo (a Melvin tale)

(This story was told to me by my friend Mondo, about our mutual friend Melvin. We're all hobos here, living on the streets in the affluent community of Roseville, California. If you're ever in the area and you see a frail old man carrying a massive green rucksack, give ol' Melvin a beer for me. He w...

What's the difference between harass and annoy?

I have never had my finger in annoy.

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Sex_al Harass_ _nt

All that's missing is "u" and "me".

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Today i got a memo from the HR for sexual harassment..

All that happened was a female co-worker came wearing a t-shirt with the caption "GUESS"

So i said " might be 32C " ..

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What's the difference between flirting and sexual harassment?

Whether or not the woman finds the man attractive.

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Your hair smells nice.

Everyday a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady standing at the water cooler, inhales deeply then tells her "your hair smells nice." A weeks of this and she can't stand it anymore, she takes her complaint to a supervisor in personnel and states she wants to file a sexual harassment grie...

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Our boss called our team over to talk us about sexual harassment

Turns out I’m pretty good at it.

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All we need now is for someone to come forward and say EA has been sexually harassing them

Actually, that applies to all of us. They've been fucking us for years.

So this dude dies and goes to heaven...

... as he's approaching the pearly gates, St Peter says to him. "Ok, it's like this. You don't get into heaven just for being good anymore. You have to have done something really great. Can you think of anything that might qualify you?"

The man says. "Well, I once saw a group of really m...

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NSFW: My wife and I have been working from home since April, and I finally called her HR Department with a complaint.

There has been far less sexual harassment in our workplace than I was hoping for.

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My wife is being sexually harassed at work

It all began when she started working from home.

I caught my friend harassing some electricity.

I told him it was an abuse of power.

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Peter Dinkalage has been accused of sexual harassment.

He allegedly told the woman that her hair smelled nice.

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David Blaine is being investigated for sexual harassment.

Let's see if he can get out of that.

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I was going to make a sexual harassment joke ...

But it’s a touchy subject

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What do you call a robot that sexually harasses people?

R2 #metoo

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I got a sexual harasser fired today

Is anyone hiring right now? Im a very hands on learner.

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Did you hear about the magician who was accused of sexual harassment?

His stage name was David Coppafeel

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What do you call a droid who was sexually harassed in the workplace?

R2MeToo

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I reported a cashier to her management for sexually harassing me

She was checking me out.

A man dies and goes to Heaven.

He is stopped in his tracks at the pearly gates by St Peter.

"My child, you are not yet permitted to enter Heaven," St Peter says.

"May I know why not?" the man asks.

"Well, you see, our database has not been updated yet and the current indication here is that you have not done ...

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John the skeleton was fired for sexual harassment

Employees of the firm filed complaints about his perpetual boner

Q: What do small businesses cry when account executives harass them for money?

A: Yelp!

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With all the stories about how everyone's being sexually harassed

...I'm starting to think I might be ugly.

My friend was harassing me with bird puns

But toucan play at that game.

New Rooster

A farmer’s rooster passed away so he went to a neighboring farm to get another one. Speaking to the other farmer - He watches the flock and sees a rooster running all over the place screwing every chicken he can get a hold of. The farmer says “ I think I’ll take that one.” The other farmer says “Oh,...

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Why did the coworker get charged with sexual harassment on Valentine's Day?

Because he had a heart on.

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Harassment

Little Johnny's teacher asked him, "Johnny, use 'harassment' in a sentence."
Little Johnny replied, "Her mouth said 'no', but her ass meant 'yes'."

Man walks around with a dead fish in his pocket instead of wearing a mask

In thier community almost all of them caught the virus and this guy never did. The community head was curious and invited him to learn his secret and to talk to him as the smell was harassing this community.
Man came to the head's with the dead fish in pocket.

Man: I will talk to you only...

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Did you hear about the first robot sexual harassment case?

Yeah, it was R2Me2...

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Caitlyn Jenner just became the latest to expose another sexual harasser.

She is alleging Bruce Jenner groped her about 10 years ago.

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So Amy Schumer claims that a big time producer, sexually harassed her by asking her for a blow job.

Turns out, he was just telling her she sucks.

Yesterday, I saw a guy harassing a diabetic who recently had parts of his foot amputated.

I guess the first guy was lack toes intolerant.

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Such an unfair world. When a man talks dirty to a woman it's considered sexual harassment.

But when a woman talks dirty to a man it's £2.50/min (charges may vary).

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I'm a pervert that aspires to be a sexual harassment lawyer.

Ok, so I really just want to get myself off in court.

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Sexual harassment allegations have been made against Lou Bega

7 women have come forward and the assaults have been said to have taken place in varying locations including: in the sun and by his side

Mom: Why don't you talk to John anymore?

Mom: Why don't you talk to John anymore?

Me: If you get to know one of your friends harasses women when he sees them alone, does drugs, throws stones at stray animals and laughs at their misery, gets into fights for no reason, abuses his girlfriend and bunks classes, would you still talk to h...

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TIL during the shooting of "Who framed Roger Rabbit?", Porky Pig was accused of sexually harassing Tinkerbell

On contacting Porky Pig, he replied "Th- Th- Th- That's all Hoax!"

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Today at work we had a talk about sexual harassment

Personally I thought it was a bit of a touchy subject.

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Which 3 US bills have to do with sexual harassment of women?

Bill Cosby
Bill O'reilly
Bill Clinton

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Did you see the story on Twitter about the robots from Star Wars alleging sexual harassment?

They are using #OurTooMeToo

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A woman came into our work yesterday to give us all a talk about sexual harassment in the work place.

A woman came into our work yesterday to give us all a talk about sexual harassment in the work place. After the presentation she asked, "Has anyone got any questions?"
I put my hand up and asked, "What colour knickers have you got on?"

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TIL that Melvil Dewey, inventor of the Dewey Decimal system for organizing library collections, was known to be a serial sexual harasser.

Someone really should've put him in his place.

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I like my dust like I like my sexual harassment allegations.

Swept under the rug.

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My workplace scheduled Sexual Harassment Training.

Needless to say, I was greatly disappointed.

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Does humping a woman’s leg count as sexual harassment?

If so, my dog is gonna be facing a lot of allegations on Twitter.

I asked the librarian if he had any books on harassment.

He said "no" so I asked him 35 more times.

My son gets harassed and abused by every single kid at his school.

He's being hyperboled.

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"Baby Its Cold Outside" is a great example of today's sexual harassment problems.

A guy can't even talk about the weather without women assuming it's something sexual.

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I had to file a sexual harassment claim against a squirrel in the park yesterday...

...he wouldn't stop trying to grab my nut sack.

So I was at a party some years ago with my new watch.

Unfortunately while I was there I found that ny watch had been stolen. I searched the party for hours trying to find, I was going completely mad. As the party started to wind down I began to lose hope of ever finding. Until I saw some douchebag harassing a some random girl, he was grabbing her arm, ...

I was walking down the street when I saw a disabled man in a wheelchair being harassed...

so I stood up for him.

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What's the worst part of being a self-employed, one person work from home business?

The constant sexual harassment, from the boss, while you're just trying to get work done.

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Heard there's a new sexual harassment class...

Being taught by Bill Cosby, Bill Clinton, and Roger Ailes at Trump University. Women get in free.

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Harassment

A man walks into the human resources office at work. The HR representative tells the man to sit down and tell him why a female employee is suing the company for sexual harassment. The man replies, "Her ass meant nothing to me, I was staring at her tits."

Franky was enjoying himself at a nightclub

During the events of the night he lost his watch and couldn't find it anywhere he looked, so he figured he'd just settle his losses and move on.

Later in the night he saw a man standing on his watch, this man was harassing a girl who clearly didn't want to dance with him, so Franky walked up ...

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"Driver, I believe that I was sexually harassed!"

On a senior citizen bus tour, the driver was surprised.

While the passengers were unloading, to do some sightseeing, one elderly lady stopped and whispered in his ear,
"Driver, I believe that I was sexually harassed!"

The driver didn't think much of this complaint, but promised he...

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NSFW

Sally has been feeling harassed by one of her coworkers, John. She tells her employer that he has been harassing her and he asks her, "What does he do?"

She says, "He always tells me my hair smells nice."

Her boss replies, "That's not really sexual harassment."

Sally says, "He's...

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