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Harass Jokes

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My wife complains about constantly being sexually harassed at work

I told her she can stop working from home and go back to the office if she doesn’t like it

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They told me I have to do sexual harassment training at work

Which is ridiculous, I’m already very good at it.

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A man at my wife’s workplace has been sexually harassing her, but honestly I feel like it’s her fault.

She’s the one who chose to work from home, and she knows how I feel about dat ass.

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Every job Medusa had, she had to go through sexual harassment training.

She couldn’t stop objectifying people.

I caught my friend harassing some electricity...

I told him it was an abuse of power.

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Guy 1: Why do you think it's ok to harass women?

Guy 2: I don't, her ass meant nothing to me.

I lost my watch at a party once. An hour later I saw some guy stepping on it while he was harassing some woman at that party. Infuriated, I immediately went over, punched him and broke his nose.

No one does that to a woman, not on my watch...

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If a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment.

When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.50 a minute.

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Elon Musk is being accused of sexual harassment…

I believe it, TSLA share price has been f**king me in the a$$ for months!

What's the difference between harass and annoy?

I have never had my finger in annoy.

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I recently got arrested for sexually harassing a statue…

That’s when I hit rock bottom

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Sex_al Harass_ _nt

All that's missing is "u" and "me".

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All we need now is for someone to come forward and say EA has been sexually harassing them

Actually, that applies to all of us. They've been fucking us for years.

I was harassed in the bank...

...So I told them to leave me a loan

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What's the difference between flirting and sexual harassment?

Whether or not the woman finds the man attractive.

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Have you heard of the magician who sexually harassed his showgirls?

His name was David Cop a Feel

i once lost my watch..

i once lost my watch at a party. after an hour of searching, i saw a guy harassing a woman while stepping on my watch. i immediately went to him, kicked him, and saved the woman. no one ever harasses a female, not on my watch



edit- damn this blew up like a time bomb

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Why was the Hulk charged with sexual harassment at Burger King?

He asked them to hold the pickle.

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Lost my wristwatch at a party once. A guy stepped on it while sexually harassing a girl.

I punched him straight in the chin, knocking him out. Nobody does that to a girl, not on my watch.

My friend was harassing me with bird puns

But toucan play at that game.

One morning Snow White said to her prince, "I haven't visited the seven dwarves in ages. I think I'll visit them for a week."

The next day, Snow white came back to the castle in a huff.

"Why are you back so early?" asked the prince.

"Grumpy harassed me," replied Snow White.

"What happened?"

"Well, as soon as I entered the cottage, he told me my hair smelled nice."

"That doesn't sound like...

Harassment.

So a teacher asks her students to use the word harassment in a sentence. A boy stood up and said, "Ok this is easy. I met a beautiful girl one day and harassment a lot to me"

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Harassment

Little Johnny's teacher asked him, "Johnny, use 'harassment' in a sentence."
Little Johnny replied, "Her mouth said 'no', but her ass meant 'yes'."

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''Did you hear about the magician who was sued for sexual harassment? ''

''No. What was his name?''

''David Cop-a-feel.''

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Everyone got up and cheered when Bob was fired for sexual harassment.

It was a touching farewell.

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I was accused of harassment at work today.

When I told my wife she said, "Harassment what?"
I said, "I swear baby her ass meant nothing to me!"

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A thug starts harassing a nun on a bus

He's saying things to her like 'show me what's under that outfit' and 'I bet you're not wearing any underwear'. The nun is clearly uncomfortable and eventually clutches her bible to her chest and yells 'LORD PROTECT ME' and gets off the bus at the next stop.


The thug starts yelling abus...

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David Blaine is being investigated for sexual harassment.

Let's see if he can get out of that.

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I got a sexual harasser fired today

Is anyone hiring right now? Im a very hands on learner.

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Why aren't we using Tide to prevent sexual harassment?

After all, it deters gents.

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What do you call a sexually harassed robot?

R2#metoo

Woman calls the cops to complain about a neighbour harassing her

The cop arrives at her apartment with a notebook in hand to take notes.
Cop: Yes Mam, tell me who’s this person and what are they doing ?

Woman: he lives in the flat one floor above and is constantly looking at me, when I’m in my bathroom. Such a creep.

Cop: ( a bit confused) can...

A conductor harassed a woman on his bus

Charges were filed and the judge sentenced him to death by electric chair.


But it had no effect because he was a bad conductor.

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NSFW

Sally has been feeling harassed by one of her coworkers, John. She tells her employer that he has been harassing her and he asks her, "What does he do?"

She says, "He always tells me my hair smells nice."

Her boss replies, "That's not really sexual harassment."

Sally says, "He's...

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Harassment

A man walks into the human resources office at work. The HR representative tells the man to sit down and tell him why a female employee is suing the company for sexual harassment. The man replies, "Her ass meant nothing to me, I was staring at her tits."

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The Masturbating Mime

Police in Paris have finally caught the elusive mime known for masturbating in public and harassing tourists.
In a statement, Police Chief claims "he came quietly"

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Our boss called our team over to talk us about sexual harassment

Turns out I’m pretty good at it.

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With all the stories about how everyone's being sexually harassed

...I'm starting to think I might be ugly.

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What do you call a robot that sexually harasses people?

R2 #metoo

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Today i got a memo from the HR for sexual harassment..

All that happened was a female co-worker came wearing a t-shirt with the caption "GUESS"

So i said " might be 32C " ..

Q: What do small businesses cry when account executives harass them for money?

A: Yelp!

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John the skeleton was fired for sexual harassment

Employees of the firm filed complaints about his perpetual boner

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My workplace scheduled Sexual Harassment Training.

Needless to say, I was greatly disappointed.

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I reported a cashier to her management for sexually harassing me

She was checking me out.

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A man goes to the police to report sexual harassment in the work place by a group of horny work colleagues.

He's a zoo keeper in the rhino enclosure.

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Caitlyn Jenner is filing a Lawsuit for Sexual Harassment...

Claims that she's Constantly being Groped by Bruce Jenner.

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Did you hear about the first robot sexual harassment case?

Yeah, it was R2Me2...

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Sexual harassment allegations have been made against Lou Bega

7 women have come forward and the assaults have been said to have taken place in varying locations including: in the sun and by his side

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Dwarfs and Sexual Harassment

Dawn, a tall attractive office assistant complains to human relations in her firm that every time she goes to the photocopier a nearby worker named Philbert comes up close to her and says "Mmm, your hair smells nice." Hermagrude, the kind , wise human relations officer says placatingly, "Well Dawn, ...

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Why did the coworker get charged with sexual harassment on Valentine's Day?

Because he had a heart on.

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Caitlyn Jenner just became the latest to expose another sexual harasser.

She is alleging Bruce Jenner groped her about 10 years ago.

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Today at work we had a talk about sexual harassment

Personally I thought it was a bit of a touchy subject.

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Heard there's a new sexual harassment class...

Being taught by Bill Cosby, Bill Clinton, and Roger Ailes at Trump University. Women get in free.

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Does humping a woman’s leg count as sexual harassment?

If so, my dog is gonna be facing a lot of allegations on Twitter.

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A guy named John Hitler was tired of people bullying him for his name so he went to the federal court and changed it hoping the harassments would stop.

But Peter Hitler is still getting bullied to this day.

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I'm a pervert that aspires to be a sexual harassment lawyer.

Ok, so I really just want to get myself off in court.

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A middle manager was called into HR for a harmless ice breaker.

"Do you know why you've been sent here? One of your new employees, Gina, has levied sexual harassment allegations against you". The stern HR rep asserted.

"What!? Gina!? Oh god, no this must be a mistake! I've only known her for a few days!" The manager replied perplexed and shocked.

"...

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I like my dust like I like my sexual harassment allegations.

Swept under the rug.

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Save yourself from a sexual harassment case.

If a fellow employee asks, "Do you know a place I can get Off?". They may just need some bug spray.

I asked the librarian if he had any books on harassment.

He said "no" so I asked him 35 more times.

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"Driver, I believe that I was sexually harassed!"

On a senior citizen bus tour, the driver was surprised.

While the passengers were unloading, to do some sightseeing, one elderly lady stopped and whispered in his ear,
"Driver, I believe that I was sexually harassed!"

The driver didn't think much of this complaint, but promised he...

A guy dies and gets to the pearly gates

where st peter asks him
"son, to let you into heaven you must tell me one good thing you've done on earth"
the guy thinks for a minute and replies
"well, this one time i saw some some bikers out the front of a bar harassing a girl. So I walked over to the biggest biker, kicked his bike over...

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Telling a girl she has nice hair is not sexual harassment

Unless you're a dwarf

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There's only one thing I remember from sexual harassment training.

"Harass" is just one word.

Yesterday, I saw a guy harassing a diabetic who recently had parts of his foot amputated.

I guess the first guy was lack toes intolerant.

My son gets harassed and abused by every single kid at his school.

He's being hyperboled.

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Such an unfair world. When a man talks dirty to a woman it's considered sexual harassment.

But when a woman talks dirty to a man it's £2.50/min (charges may vary).

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TIL during the shooting of "Who framed Roger Rabbit?", Porky Pig was accused of sexually harassing Tinkerbell

On contacting Porky Pig, he replied "Th- Th- Th- That's all Hoax!"

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I had to file a sexual harassment claim against a squirrel in the park yesterday...

...he wouldn't stop trying to grab my nut sack.

A man gets to heaven

He’s a small nerdy account type, and he’s met at the pearly gates by St Peter.

“Welcome,” says St Peter, opening a large book. “This book lists all the good things and bad things you did in your life. If you did more good than bad, you get to come in.”

“Sounds fair,” says the ma...

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So Amy Schumer claims that a big time producer, sexually harassed her by asking her for a blow job.

Turns out, he was just telling her she sucks.

I was walking down the street when I saw a disabled man in a wheelchair being harassed...

so I stood up for him.

I lost my watch at a party.

After some intensive searching through the crowd, I spotted it lying on the floor. There was a guy standing on it. When I looked up, I saw the guy harassing a girl, touching her at all the wrong places. She obviously didn't approve. So I walked over there and punched this guy in the face. Nobody tre...

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A woman came into our work yesterday to give us all a talk about sexual harassment in the work place.

A woman came into our work yesterday to give us all a talk about sexual harassment in the work place. After the presentation she asked, "Has anyone got any questions?"
I put my hand up and asked, "What colour knickers have you got on?"

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TIL that Melvil Dewey, inventor of the Dewey Decimal system for organizing library collections, was known to be a serial sexual harasser.

Someone really should've put him in his place.

What do Barack Obama and Donald Trump have in common?

Both are former presidents of the USA and both are harassed for the color of their skin.

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Your dick is so small, that ...

Your dick is so small, that if you would sexual harass someone, it would be a Micro aggression.

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