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My wife complains about constantly being sexually harassed at work

I told her she can stop working from home and go back to the office if she doesn’t like it

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I was verbally harassed by two kids at the park today

So I told them off. Then their mother came over to me and said "Leave them the fuck alone! They're my fucking kids!"

Trying to think of a witty comeback, I asked her "Are they twins?"

She replied, "Of course they're not twins you fucking idiot, one is seven and the other is twelve! How...

Harassed husband

Harassed husband : Sir , I am married for 15 years . Whenever we quarrel , my wife calling her brother from Moscow , who comes by next flight, punches me black and blue and flies back. My wife pays for tickets using my credit card. Please help me !

Counsellor : I am very sorry to know your s...

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Sexual harassment should not be joked about

It’s a very touchy subject to some people

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Everyone got up and cheered when Bob was fired for sexual harassment.

It was a touching farewell.

Peggy Johnson was suing her neighbor, Dave, for harassment after he kept calling her "pig."

The two were fighting over their backyard borders, and so Dave took up to calling her a "pig." Peggy took him to court and sued him for harassment. The judge wanted to settle this immediately and issued an order for Dave to stop calling Peggy a "pig."

"Dave, I'm giving you a chance to walk aw...

I lost my watch at a party once. An hour later I saw some guy stepping on it while he was harassing some woman at that party. Infuriated, I immediately went over, punched him and broke his nose.

No one does that to a woman, not on my watch...

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Your dick is so small, that ...

Your dick is so small, that if you would sexual harass someone, it would be a Micro aggression.

What do Barack Obama and Donald Trump have in common?

Both are former presidents of the USA and both are harassed for the color of their skin.

Woman calls the cops to complain about a neighbour harassing her

The cop arrives at her apartment with a notebook in hand to take notes.
Cop: Yes Mam, tell me who’s this person and what are they doing ?

Woman: he lives in the flat one floor above and is constantly looking at me, when I’m in my bathroom. Such a creep.

Cop: ( a bit confused) can...

A man is drinking in a bar when a nun harasses him about drinking.

In self-defense the man says, “Who told you that drinking is bad?”

Nun : "Mother Superior told me."

Man : "So, have you ever tried it?"

Nun : "No, I haven’t ever taken a drink of hard liquor."

Man : "Well, don’t criticize me if you haven’t tried it. I’ll tell you what if ...

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[OC] An airline captain is holding interviews for a new copilot after the former one retired

He holds a series of back to back interviews, each one going seemingly better than the last. On the last scheduled interview for the day, a man walks in holding a human turd. He places the turd in the chair facing the captain. Seeing the captain's confused look, the man explains that the turd will b...

If you lost your erection every time a game developer got accused of workplace harassment

Ubisoft

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I was accused of harassment at work today.

When I told my wife she said, "Harassment what?"
I said, "I swear baby her ass meant nothing to me!"

So this dude dies and goes to heaven.

As he's approaching the pearly gates, St Peter says to him. "Okay, it's like this. You don't get into heaven just for being good anymore. You have to have done something really great. Can you think of anything that might qualify you?" The man says. "Well, I once saw a group of really mean bikies har...

My son might have a drinking problem

He is up all hours of the night harassing everybody in the household until he gets his fix.
He doesn't stop until he's completely passed out. There's no talking to him,
he either completely ignores you or just mumbles on incoherently.
And this has been going on three months now; si...

What's the difference between harass and annoy?

I have never had my finger in annoy.

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If a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment.

When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.50 a minute.

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A thug starts harassing a nun on a bus

He's saying things to her like 'show me what's under that outfit' and 'I bet you're not wearing any underwear'. The nun is clearly uncomfortable and eventually clutches her bible to her chest and yells 'LORD PROTECT ME' and gets off the bus at the next stop.


The thug starts yelling abus...

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A guy named John Hitler was tired of people bullying him for his name so he went to the federal court and changed it hoping the harassments would stop.

But Peter Hitler is still getting bullied to this day.

Teacher: Make a sentence with the word "harassment"

**Student**: "her-ass-meant" a lot to me

**Teacher:** Coward!!

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My teacher told me to write a sentence using the word harassment...

So I wrote I know a girl and "her ass meant" a lot to me.

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Sex_al Harass_ _nt

All that's missing is "u" and "me".

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Why aren't we using Tide to prevent sexual harassment?

After all, it deters gents.

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What's the difference between flirting and sexual harassment?

Whether or not the woman finds the man attractive.

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All we need now is for someone to come forward and say EA has been sexually harassing them

Actually, that applies to all of us. They've been fucking us for years.

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Today i got a memo from the HR for sexual harassment..

All that happened was a female co-worker came wearing a t-shirt with the caption "GUESS"

So i said " might be 32C " ..

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Our boss called our team over to talk us about sexual harassment

Turns out I’m pretty good at it.

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Peter Dinkalage has been accused of sexual harassment.

He allegedly told the woman that her hair smelled nice.

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David Blaine is being investigated for sexual harassment.

Let's see if he can get out of that.

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What do you call a robot that sexually harasses people?

R2 #metoo

I caught my friend harassing some electricity.

I told him it was an abuse of power.

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I got a sexual harasser fired today

Is anyone hiring right now? Im a very hands on learner.

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What do you call a droid who was sexually harassed in the workplace?

R2MeToo

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How do you know if a female co-worker that you flirted with at work is into you?

If she *doesn't* report you for sexual harassment, then she's into you

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Did you hear about the magician who was accused of sexual harassment?

His stage name was David Coppafeel

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I reported a cashier to her management for sexually harassing me

She was checking me out.

Q: What do small businesses cry when account executives harass them for money?

A: Yelp!

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Why did Medusa have to take sexual harassment training?

Because she wouldn't stop objectifying people.

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With all the stories about how everyone's being sexually harassed

...I'm starting to think I might be ugly.

My friend was harassing me with bird puns

But toucan play at that game.

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John the skeleton was fired for sexual harassment

Employees of the firm filed complaints about his perpetual boner

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Your hair smells nice.

Everyday a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady standing at the water cooler, inhales deeply then tells her "your hair smells nice." A weeks of this and she can't stand it anymore, she takes her complaint to a supervisor in personnel and states she wants to file a sexual harassment grie...

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Why did the coworker get charged with sexual harassment on Valentine's Day?

Because he had a heart on.

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Harassment

Little Johnny's teacher asked him, "Johnny, use 'harassment' in a sentence."
Little Johnny replied, "Her mouth said 'no', but her ass meant 'yes'."

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NSFW: My wife and I have been working from home since April, and I finally called her HR Department with a complaint.

There has been far less sexual harassment in our workplace than I was hoping for.

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Did you hear about the first robot sexual harassment case?

Yeah, it was R2Me2...

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Caitlyn Jenner just became the latest to expose another sexual harasser.

She is alleging Bruce Jenner groped her about 10 years ago.

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So Amy Schumer claims that a big time producer, sexually harassed her by asking her for a blow job.

Turns out, he was just telling her she sucks.

Yesterday, I saw a guy harassing a diabetic who recently had parts of his foot amputated.

I guess the first guy was lack toes intolerant.

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Such an unfair world. When a man talks dirty to a woman it's considered sexual harassment.

But when a woman talks dirty to a man it's £2.50/min (charges may vary).

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I'm a pervert that aspires to be a sexual harassment lawyer.

Ok, so I really just want to get myself off in court.

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Sexual harassment allegations have been made against Lou Bega

7 women have come forward and the assaults have been said to have taken place in varying locations including: in the sun and by his side

A man dies and goes to Heaven.

He is stopped in his tracks at the pearly gates by St Peter.

"My child, you are not yet permitted to enter Heaven," St Peter says.

"May I know why not?" the man asks.

"Well, you see, our database has not been updated yet and the current indication here is that you have not done ...

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Which 3 US bills have to do with sexual harassment of women?

Bill Cosby
Bill O'reilly
Bill Clinton

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A woman came into our work yesterday to give us all a talk about sexual harassment in the work place.

A woman came into our work yesterday to give us all a talk about sexual harassment in the work place. After the presentation she asked, "Has anyone got any questions?"
I put my hand up and asked, "What colour knickers have you got on?"

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TIL during the shooting of "Who framed Roger Rabbit?", Porky Pig was accused of sexually harassing Tinkerbell

On contacting Porky Pig, he replied "Th- Th- Th- That's all Hoax!"

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Today at work we had a talk about sexual harassment

Personally I thought it was a bit of a touchy subject.

Harassment.

So a teacher asks her students to use the word harassment in a sentence. A boy stood up and said, "Ok this is easy. I met a beautiful girl one day and harassment a lot to me"

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My workplace scheduled Sexual Harassment Training.

Needless to say, I was greatly disappointed.

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TIL that Melvil Dewey, inventor of the Dewey Decimal system for organizing library collections, was known to be a serial sexual harasser.

Someone really should've put him in his place.

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I like my dust like I like my sexual harassment allegations.

Swept under the rug.

New Rooster

A farmer’s rooster passed away so he went to a neighboring farm to get another one. Speaking to the other farmer - He watches the flock and sees a rooster running all over the place screwing every chicken he can get a hold of. The farmer says “ I think I’ll take that one.” The other farmer says “Oh,...

My son gets harassed and abused by every single kid at his school.

He's being hyperboled.

I asked the librarian if he had any books on harassment.

He said "no" so I asked him 35 more times.

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I had to file a sexual harassment claim against a squirrel in the park yesterday...

...he wouldn't stop trying to grab my nut sack.

Man walks around with a dead fish in his pocket instead of wearing a mask

In thier community almost all of them caught the virus and this guy never did. The community head was curious and invited him to learn his secret and to talk to him as the smell was harassing this community.
Man came to the head's with the dead fish in pocket.

Man: I will talk to you only...

I was walking down the street when I saw a disabled man in a wheelchair being harassed...

so I stood up for him.

Mom: Why don't you talk to John anymore?

Mom: Why don't you talk to John anymore?

Me: If you get to know one of your friends harasses women when he sees them alone, does drugs, throws stones at stray animals and laughs at their misery, gets into fights for no reason, abuses his girlfriend and bunks classes, would you still talk to h...

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Harassment

A man walks into the human resources office at work. The HR representative tells the man to sit down and tell him why a female employee is suing the company for sexual harassment. The man replies, "Her ass meant nothing to me, I was staring at her tits."

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"Driver, I believe that I was sexually harassed!"

On a senior citizen bus tour, the driver was surprised.

While the passengers were unloading, to do some sightseeing, one elderly lady stopped and whispered in his ear,
"Driver, I believe that I was sexually harassed!"

The driver didn't think much of this complaint, but promised he...

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There's only one thing I remember from sexual harassment training.

"Harass" is just one word.

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Guy: Police, yeah there's this black kid harassing a homeless person.

Police: You had me at black

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