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Harass Jokes

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My wife has been complaining that someone has been sexually harassing her at work, but I think it's her fault

Honestly, what does she expect working from home

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Every job Medusa had, she had to go through sexual harassment training.

She couldn’t stop objectifying people.

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A man at my wife’s workplace has been sexually harassing her, but honestly I feel like it’s her fault.

She’s the one who chose to work from home, and she knows how I feel about dat ass.

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They told me I have to do sexual harassment training at work

Which is ridiculous, I’m already very good at it.

I caught my friend harassing some electricity...

I told him it was an abuse of power.

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My wife complains to me about constantly being sexually harassed at work​

I told her she can stop working from home and go back to the office

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Have you heard of the magician who sexually harassed his showgirls?

His name was David Cop a Feel

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If a man talks dirty to a woman, that’s sexual harassment. If a woman talks dirty to a man….

…that’s $7 a minute.

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I recently got arrested for sexually harassing a statue…

That’s when I hit rock bottom

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Elon Musk is being accused of sexual harassment…

I believe it, TSLA share price has been f**king me in the a$$ for months!

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One day, Little Red Riding Hood is walking through the forest ...

And she sees a wolf sitting under a tree with its ears erect and his mouth stretched in a big toothy grin.

She says to the wolf, "My, what big ears you have!"

The wolf just grins and looks a bit wild about the eyes.

She says, "My, what big eyes you have!"

The wolf gri...

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Why was the Hulk charged with sexual harassment at Burger King?

He asked them to hold the pickle.

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Lost my wristwatch at a party once. A guy stepped on it while sexually harassing a girl.

I punched him straight in the chin, knocking him out. Nobody does that to a girl, not on my watch.

I lost my watch at a party once. An hour later I saw some guy stepping on it while he was harassing some woman at that party. Infuriated, I immediately went over, punched him and broke his nose.

No one does that to a woman, not on my watch...

I was harassed in the bank...

...So I told them to leave me a loan

A Mime Goes To The Zoo...

The mime, who has been down on his luck, begins to perform his act in the middle of the zoo. Just as a small crowd is beginning to gather, a couple of zookeepers come by and escort him away.

The zookeepers bring the mime to see the head zookeeper, who admits to the mime that recently their m...

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Two business associates and long-time friends were having lunch together...

... when one asked what happened to his friend's fetching secretary.

"Oh, Brenda? She quit. She had such a beautiful body, but couldn't take a joke. I needed some travel arrangements and she just goes and quits on me."

"What?!? Why?", says the first.

"Well, you know when you say...

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What do you call it when a worm catcalls another worm?

Asexual harassment.

What's the difference between harass and annoy?

I have never had my finger in annoy.

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Sex_al Harass_ _nt

All that's missing is "u" and "me".

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A man goes to the police to report sexual harassment in the work place by a group of horny work colleagues.

He's a zoo keeper in the rhino enclosure.

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''Did you hear about the magician who was sued for sexual harassment? ''

''No. What was his name?''

''David Cop-a-feel.''

One morning Snow White said to her prince, "I haven't visited the seven dwarves in ages. I think I'll visit them for a week."

The next day, Snow white came back to the castle in a huff.

"Why are you back so early?" asked the prince.

"Grumpy harassed me," replied Snow White.

"What happened?"

"Well, as soon as I entered the cottage, he told me my hair smelled nice."

"That doesn't sound like...

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Everyone got up and cheered when Bob was fired for sexual harassment.

It was a touching farewell.

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A guy named John Hitler was tired of people bullying him for his name so he went to the federal court and changed it hoping the harassments would stop.

But Peter Hitler is still getting bullied to this day.

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All we need now is for someone to come forward and say EA has been sexually harassing them

Actually, that applies to all of us. They've been fucking us for years.

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What's the difference between flirting and sexual harassment?

Whether or not the woman finds the man attractive.

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The Masturbating Mime

Police in Paris have finally caught the elusive mime known for masturbating in public and harassing tourists.
In a statement, Police Chief claims "he came quietly"

Q: What do small businesses cry when account executives harass them for money?

A: Yelp!

Woman calls the cops to complain about a neighbour harassing her

The cop arrives at her apartment with a notebook in hand to take notes.
Cop: Yes Mam, tell me who’s this person and what are they doing ?

Woman: he lives in the flat one floor above and is constantly looking at me, when I’m in my bathroom. Such a creep.

Cop: ( a bit confused) can...

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Our boss called our team over to talk us about sexual harassment

Turns out I’m pretty good at it.

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I was accused of harassment at work today.

When I told my wife she said, "Harassment what?"
I said, "I swear baby her ass meant nothing to me!"

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What do you call a droid who was sexually harassed in the workplace?

R2MeToo

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A thug starts harassing a nun on a bus

He's saying things to her like 'show me what's under that outfit' and 'I bet you're not wearing any underwear'. The nun is clearly uncomfortable and eventually clutches her bible to her chest and yells 'LORD PROTECT ME' and gets off the bus at the next stop.


The thug starts yelling abus...

My friend was harassing me with bird puns

But toucan play at that game.

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Today i got a memo from the HR for sexual harassment..

All that happened was a female co-worker came wearing a t-shirt with the caption "GUESS"

So i said " might be 32C " ..

A man gets to heaven

He’s a small nerdy account type, and he’s met at the pearly gates by St Peter.

“Welcome,” says St Peter, opening a large book. “This book lists all the good things and bad things you did in your life. If you did more good than bad, you get to come in.”

“Sounds fair,” says the ma...

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My teacher told me to write a sentence using the word harassment...

So I wrote I know a girl and "her ass meant" a lot to me.

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With all the stories about how everyone's being sexually harassed

...I'm starting to think I might be ugly.

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What do you call a robot that sexually harasses people?

R2 #metoo

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I reported a cashier to her management for sexually harassing me

She was checking me out.

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David Blaine is being investigated for sexual harassment.

Let's see if he can get out of that.

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Harassment

Little Johnny's teacher asked him, "Johnny, use 'harassment' in a sentence."
Little Johnny replied, "Her mouth said 'no', but her ass meant 'yes'."

A conductor harassed a woman on his bus

Charges were filed and the judge sentenced him to death by electric chair.


But it had no effect because he was a bad conductor.

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I got a sexual harasser fired today

Is anyone hiring right now? Im a very hands on learner.

Harassment.

So a teacher asks her students to use the word harassment in a sentence. A boy stood up and said, "Ok this is easy. I met a beautiful girl one day and harassment a lot to me"

Teacher asks a student to make a sentence with word 'Harassment'

At first the student hesitated then he spoke "herassment a lot to me"

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John the skeleton was fired for sexual harassment

Employees of the firm filed complaints about his perpetual boner

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A woman came into our work yesterday to give us all a talk about sexual harassment in the work place.

A woman came into our work yesterday to give us all a talk about sexual harassment in the work place. After the presentation she asked, "Has anyone got any questions?"
I put my hand up and asked, "What colour knickers have you got on?"

Yesterday, I saw a guy harassing a diabetic who recently had parts of his foot amputated.

I guess the first guy was lack toes intolerant.

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Caitlyn Jenner just became the latest to expose another sexual harasser.

She is alleging Bruce Jenner groped her about 10 years ago.

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My workplace scheduled Sexual Harassment Training.

Needless to say, I was greatly disappointed.

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Why did the coworker get charged with sexual harassment on Valentine's Day?

Because he had a heart on.

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Did you hear about the first robot sexual harassment case?

Yeah, it was R2Me2...

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So Amy Schumer claims that a big time producer, sexually harassed her by asking her for a blow job.

Turns out, he was just telling her she sucks.

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Which 3 US bills have to do with sexual harassment of women?

Bill Cosby
Bill O'reilly
Bill Clinton

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I'm a pervert that aspires to be a sexual harassment lawyer.

Ok, so I really just want to get myself off in court.

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A redditor is being investigated for tax fraud

So he goes to the IRS bar at the bank with his attorney little Johnny.

The tax bartender asks him "you have no marketable skills, how do you make so much money?"

The redditor responds "I tell jokes, want to hear one? If you guess the punch line I'll pay you $69, if not you'll owe me $...

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Sexual harassment allegations have been made against Lou Bega

7 women have come forward and the assaults have been said to have taken place in varying locations including: in the sun and by his side

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An old man named Steve is walking down the street and sees a clown walking towards him.

"Hey look, a clown!" Steve says. "Do you think you could make me laugh?"

The clown says, "Not now, I'm tired. I want to go home."

"Oh come on!" says Steve. "Show me a magic trick you sissy! Make me feel young again!"

Steve won't quit harassing him, so the clown reluctantly agre...

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Such an unfair world. When a man talks dirty to a woman it's considered sexual harassment.

But when a woman talks dirty to a man it's £2.50/min (charges may vary).

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TIL during the shooting of "Who framed Roger Rabbit?", Porky Pig was accused of sexually harassing Tinkerbell

On contacting Porky Pig, he replied "Th- Th- Th- That's all Hoax!"

They say the people burning books are just a vocal minority

But I don't see the police harassing them?

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Today at work we had a talk about sexual harassment

Personally I thought it was a bit of a touchy subject.

My son gets harassed and abused by every single kid at his school.

He's being hyperboled.

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TIL that Melvil Dewey, inventor of the Dewey Decimal system for organizing library collections, was known to be a serial sexual harasser.

Someone really should've put him in his place.

I asked the librarian if he had any books on harassment.

He said "no" so I asked him 35 more times.

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Harassment

A man walks into the human resources office at work. The HR representative tells the man to sit down and tell him why a female employee is suing the company for sexual harassment. The man replies, "Her ass meant nothing to me, I was staring at her tits."

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I had to file a sexual harassment claim against a squirrel in the park yesterday...

...he wouldn't stop trying to grab my nut sack.

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Telling a girl she has nice hair is not sexual harassment

Unless you're a dwarf

I was walking down the street when I saw a disabled man in a wheelchair being harassed...

so I stood up for him.

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"Driver, I believe that I was sexually harassed!"

On a senior citizen bus tour, the driver was surprised.

While the passengers were unloading, to do some sightseeing, one elderly lady stopped and whispered in his ear,
"Driver, I believe that I was sexually harassed!"

The driver didn't think much of this complaint, but promised he...

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Heard there's a new sexual harassment class...

Being taught by Bill Cosby, Bill Clinton, and Roger Ailes at Trump University. Women get in free.

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There's only one thing I remember from sexual harassment training.

"Harass" is just one word.

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Save yourself from a sexual harassment case.

If a fellow employee asks, "Do you know a place I can get Off?". They may just need some bug spray.

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Dwarfs and Sexual Harassment

Dawn, a tall attractive office assistant complains to human relations in her firm that every time she goes to the photocopier a nearby worker named Philbert comes up close to her and says "Mmm, your hair smells nice." Hermagrude, the kind , wise human relations officer says placatingly, "Well Dawn, ...

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