UPJOKE
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If a man talks dirty to a woman, that’s sexual harassment. If a woman talks dirty to a man….

…that’s $7 a minute.

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My wife complains to me about constantly being sexually harassed at work​

I told her she can stop working from home and go back to the office

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Elon Musk is being accused of sexual harassment…

I believe it, TSLA share price has been f**king me in the a$$ for months!

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Lost my wristwatch at a party once. A guy stepped on it while sexually harassing a girl.

I punched him straight in the chin, knocking him out. Nobody does that to a girl, not on my watch.

I was harassed in the bank...

...So I told them to leave me a loan

I lost my watch at a party once... An hour later I saw some guy stepping on it while he was harassing some woman at that party. Infuriated, I immediately went over, punched him and broke his nose.

No one does that to a woman, not on my watch!

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The Masturbating Mime

Police in Paris have finally caught the elusive mime known for masturbating in public and harassing tourists.
In a statement, Police Chief claims "he came quietly"

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''Did you hear about the magician who was sued for sexual harassment? ''

''No. What was his name?''

''David Cop-a-feel.''

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A man goes to the police to report sexual harassment in the work place by a group of horny work colleagues.

He's a zoo keeper in the rhino enclosure.

A man gets to heaven

He’s a small nerdy account type, and he’s met at the pearly gates by St Peter.

“Welcome,” says St Peter, opening a large book. “This book lists all the good things and bad things you did in your life. If you did more good than bad, you get to come in.”

“Sounds fair,” says the ma...

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Sexual harassment should not be joked about

It’s a very touchy subject to some people

A young Taiwanese boy asks his father a question:

(some things don't translate super well, I'll try my best)

He asks: "Dad, I heard some strange words at school today, and I don't know what they mean."

His dad responds, "Hmm... Tell me what they are. I'll try to explain them as best I can."

The boy asks the following: "What's '...

What's the difference between harass and annoy?

I have never had my finger in annoy.

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Everyone got up and cheered when Bob was fired for sexual harassment.

It was a touching farewell.

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Sex_al Harass_ _nt

All that's missing is "u" and "me".

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A redditor is being investigated for tax fraud

So he goes to the IRS bar at the bank with his attorney little Johnny.

The tax bartender asks him "you have no marketable skills, how do you make so much money?"

The redditor responds "I tell jokes, want to hear one? If you guess the punch line I'll pay you $69, if not you'll owe me $...

They say the people burning books are just a vocal minority

But I don't see the police harassing them?

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A guy named John Hitler was tired of people bullying him for his name so he went to the federal court and changed it hoping the harassments would stop.

But Peter Hitler is still getting bullied to this day.

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All we need now is for someone to come forward and say EA has been sexually harassing them

Actually, that applies to all of us. They've been fucking us for years.

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A thug starts harassing a nun on a bus

He's saying things to her like 'show me what's under that outfit' and 'I bet you're not wearing any underwear'. The nun is clearly uncomfortable and eventually clutches her bible to her chest and yells 'LORD PROTECT ME' and gets off the bus at the next stop.


The thug starts yelling abus...

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What's the difference between flirting and sexual harassment?

Whether or not the woman finds the man attractive.

Woman calls the cops to complain about a neighbour harassing her

The cop arrives at her apartment with a notebook in hand to take notes.
Cop: Yes Mam, tell me who’s this person and what are they doing ?

Woman: he lives in the flat one floor above and is constantly looking at me, when I’m in my bathroom. Such a creep.

Cop: ( a bit confused) can...

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An old man named Steve is walking down the street and sees a clown walking towards him.

"Hey look, a clown!" Steve says. "Do you think you could make me laugh?"

The clown says, "Not now, I'm tired. I want to go home."

"Oh come on!" says Steve. "Show me a magic trick you sissy! Make me feel young again!"

Steve won't quit harassing him, so the clown reluctantly agre...

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I was accused of harassment at work today.

When I told my wife she said, "Harassment what?"
I said, "I swear baby her ass meant nothing to me!"

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Our boss called our team over to talk us about sexual harassment

Turns out I’m pretty good at it.

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My teacher told me to write a sentence using the word harassment...

So I wrote I know a girl and "her ass meant" a lot to me.

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Today i got a memo from the HR for sexual harassment..

All that happened was a female co-worker came wearing a t-shirt with the caption "GUESS"

So i said " might be 32C " ..

There was a man entering heaven's gate.

This is an old joke so I expect people already knew about it.

There was a man entering heaven's gate and St. Peter asked him. "What makes you think you deserve to enter heaven?"

The man replied when I was alive I once saw a biker gang harassing an old lady and when they are supposed t...

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My mother always told me I should treat people the way I want to be treated.

but every time I do, I get charged with sexual harassment.

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Why aren't we using Tide to prevent sexual harassment?

After all, it deters gents.

Q: What do small businesses cry when account executives harass them for money?

A: Yelp!

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What do you call a droid who was sexually harassed in the workplace?

R2MeToo

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Why did Medusa have to take sexual harassment training?

Because she wouldn't stop objectifying people.

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What do you call a robot that sexually harasses people?

R2 #metoo

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David Blaine is being investigated for sexual harassment.

Let's see if he can get out of that.

My friend was harassing me with bird puns

But toucan play at that game.

Smells fishy to me. Not my work.

Two prawns were swimming around in the ocean.

One called Justin and the other called Kristian.

The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area:

Finally one day Justin said to Kristian. "I'm fed up with being a prawn. I wish I was a shar...

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I reported a cashier to her management for sexually harassing me

She was checking me out.

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With all the stories about how everyone's being sexually harassed

...I'm starting to think I might be ugly.

I caught my friend harassing some electricity.

I told him it was an abuse of power.

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I got a sexual harasser fired today

Is anyone hiring right now? Im a very hands on learner.

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Harassment

Little Johnny's teacher asked him, "Johnny, use 'harassment' in a sentence."
Little Johnny replied, "Her mouth said 'no', but her ass meant 'yes'."

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John the skeleton was fired for sexual harassment

Employees of the firm filed complaints about his perpetual boner

Teacher asks a student to make a sentence with word 'Harassment'

At first the student hesitated then he spoke "herassment a lot to me"

What do Barack Obama and Donald Trump have in common?

Both are former presidents of the USA and both are harassed for the color of their skin.

Harassment.

So a teacher asks her students to use the word harassment in a sentence. A boy stood up and said, "Ok this is easy. I met a beautiful girl one day and harassment a lot to me"

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Caitlyn Jenner just became the latest to expose another sexual harasser.

She is alleging Bruce Jenner groped her about 10 years ago.

An intern recently started working for an IT programming firm.

Everyday he went into work he was always harassed by his peers, they kept saying he was never being true always being false.
#
So I had to step in, I couldn’t let them
keep Boolean him.

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Did you hear about the first robot sexual harassment case?

Yeah, it was R2Me2...

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Your dick is so small, that ...

Your dick is so small, that if you would sexual harass someone, it would be a Micro aggression.

Yesterday, I saw a guy harassing a diabetic who recently had parts of his foot amputated.

I guess the first guy was lack toes intolerant.

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A motorcycle officer stopped a man who ran a red light.

The guy was a real jerk, demanding, “Why am I being harassed by the Gestapo?!”
The officer calmly told him of his violation.
The man erupted in a tirade, questioning the officer’s ancestry and sexual orientation in explicit terms.
The officer took it in stride, saying nothing. When he finis...

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A woman came into our work yesterday to give us all a talk about sexual harassment in the work place.

A woman came into our work yesterday to give us all a talk about sexual harassment in the work place. After the presentation she asked, "Has anyone got any questions?"
I put my hand up and asked, "What colour knickers have you got on?"

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So Amy Schumer claims that a big time producer, sexually harassed her by asking her for a blow job.

Turns out, he was just telling her she sucks.

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My workplace scheduled Sexual Harassment Training.

Needless to say, I was greatly disappointed.

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Which 3 US bills have to do with sexual harassment of women?

Bill Cosby
Bill O'reilly
Bill Clinton

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I'm a pervert that aspires to be a sexual harassment lawyer.

Ok, so I really just want to get myself off in court.

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Such an unfair world. When a man talks dirty to a woman it's considered sexual harassment.

But when a woman talks dirty to a man it's £2.50/min (charges may vary).

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Sexual harassment allegations have been made against Lou Bega

7 women have come forward and the assaults have been said to have taken place in varying locations including: in the sun and by his side

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TIL during the shooting of "Who framed Roger Rabbit?", Porky Pig was accused of sexually harassing Tinkerbell

On contacting Porky Pig, he replied "Th- Th- Th- That's all Hoax!"

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Today at work we had a talk about sexual harassment

Personally I thought it was a bit of a touchy subject.

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TIL that Melvil Dewey, inventor of the Dewey Decimal system for organizing library collections, was known to be a serial sexual harasser.

Someone really should've put him in his place.

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Did you see the story on Twitter about the robots from Star Wars alleging sexual harassment?

They are using #OurTooMeToo

My son gets harassed and abused by every single kid at his school.

He's being hyperboled.

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I like my dust like I like my sexual harassment allegations.

Swept under the rug.

I asked the librarian if he had any books on harassment.

He said "no" so I asked him 35 more times.

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Does humping a woman’s leg count as sexual harassment?

If so, my dog is gonna be facing a lot of allegations on Twitter.

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I had to file a sexual harassment claim against a squirrel in the park yesterday...

...he wouldn't stop trying to grab my nut sack.

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[OC] An airline captain is holding interviews for a new copilot after the former one retired

He holds a series of back to back interviews, each one going seemingly better than the last. On the last scheduled interview for the day, a man walks in holding a human turd. He places the turd in the chair facing the captain. Seeing the captain's confused look, the man explains that the turd will b...

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Harassment

A man walks into the human resources office at work. The HR representative tells the man to sit down and tell him why a female employee is suing the company for sexual harassment. The man replies, "Her ass meant nothing to me, I was staring at her tits."

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Thoughtful Gesture

N Y Governor Cuomo assured the public that he always wore his face mask while sexually harassing his accusers

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Telling a girl she has nice hair is not sexual harassment

Unless you're a dwarf

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Heard there's a new sexual harassment class...

Being taught by Bill Cosby, Bill Clinton, and Roger Ailes at Trump University. Women get in free.

So this dude dies and goes to heaven.

As he's approaching the pearly gates, St Peter says to him. "Okay, it's like this. You don't get into heaven just for being good anymore. You have to have done something really great. Can you think of anything that might qualify you?" The man says. "Well, I once saw a group of really mean bikies har...

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"Driver, I believe that I was sexually harassed!"

On a senior citizen bus tour, the driver was surprised.

While the passengers were unloading, to do some sightseeing, one elderly lady stopped and whispered in his ear,
"Driver, I believe that I was sexually harassed!"

The driver didn't think much of this complaint, but promised he...

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There's only one thing I remember from sexual harassment training.

"Harass" is just one word.

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Guy: Police, yeah there's this black kid harassing a homeless person.

Police: You had me at black

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Save yourself from a sexual harassment case.

If a fellow employee asks, "Do you know a place I can get Off?". They may just need some bug spray.

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