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Seth Jokes

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Dr. Seth had sex with one of his patients...

He felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he just couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head that said:
"Seth, don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical prac...

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What do a thong bikini and Donald's Trump's hair have in common.

They both barely cover the asshole.
(gota give Seth Myer credit for this one).

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An elderly woman's husband keeps falling asleep in church

An elderly lady's husband habitually falls asleep during the sermon, so she meets with the pastor one Saturday and tells him "Give me a wink every time you notice my husband falling asleep so I can poke him with a hat pin and wake him up." The pastor agrees.

The next day, sure enough, during...

Did you hear the one about Seth Rich?

If you're on Reddit, then probably not.

If adam and eve were Chinese

Then we would still be in paradise as they would eat the snake instead of the apple.

Why do people look to Snoop Dogg and Seth Rogen to teach them how to make good blunts and joints?

Because they're good roll models.

Why did the old witch in the woods get removed from the Grimm's fairy tales?

Hansel Culture.



\-- Late Night with Seth Meyers

(I apologize for this)

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Trump's ego is so big...

Trump's ego is so big that when he bangs a super-model, he closes his eyes and imagines he's jerking off.

-Seth Macfarlane, CC Roast of Trump

I have an insane crush on my old manager and just want to tell him.

If you're reading this Seth please check the subreddit and stop stalking my account here.

TIL When Steve Martin was 20 he had a ventriloquism act. The manager of a club where he performed had a tip for him.

"You have to hold the dummy closer to the mic."

From Steve Martin's interview on Seth Meyers' show.

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New York police officers helped a black woman deliver a baby on the side of the road

Said one officer, “Come out with your hands up!”


- Seth Myers / Writers

I think I might have Alzheimer’s...

...after watching Seth Rogan’s Hilarity for Charity I forgot why I ever thought he was funny.

A census taker in a rural area went up to a farmhouse and knocked. When a woman came to the door, he asked her how many children she had and their ages.

She said, "Let's see now, there's the twins, Sally and Billy, they're eighteen. And the twins, Seth & Beth, they're sixteen. And the twins, Penny and Jenny, they're fourteen."

"Hold on!" said the census taker, "Did you get twins every time?"

The woman answered, "Heck no, there were...

Fifty Shades of Grey beat the record for fastest selling R-rated movie in history...

Well, first it tied the record... then it beat it....

[credit goes to the Late Night with Seth Meyers writers]

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