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Isis Jokes

An ISIS member was performing...

An ISIS member was performing a routine traffic stop looking for infidels, and stopped the car of a Christian couple. “Are you Muslim?” asked the ISIS member. “Yes,” replied the Christian man, “I’m Muslim.”
The ISIS member says, “If you are a Muslim, then recite a verse of Quran.” The Christian m...

What's the difference between a Syrian kindergarten and an ISIS hospital?

I wouldn't know, I'm just the drone operator.

Why wont ISIS bomb my local Walmart?

...because its not a Target.

I joined ISIS to help my self esteem issues.

Everyone kept telling me “You’re the bomb.”

What makes an ISIS joke funny?

The execution

ISIS takes Congress hostage

A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington, DC.

Nothing was moving.

Suddenly, a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped the entire US Congress, and they're asking for a $100 mil...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does an ISIS member use for sex?

A blow-up doll.

An Englishman, a Scotsman, a Welshman and a Irishman are captured by Isis.

The executioner lines the men in a row and says that each of them can have one final wish. He starts by asking the Irishman what his wish is.

"My wish is to have 1000 Irish tap dancers tapping during my execution."

"Granted." The executioner replied and then proceeded to ask the Scotsm...

Man don’t ever make a isis joke

You always execute it horribly

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A CNN reporter, a BBC reporter, and an Israeli commando are captured by ISIS in Syria.

The leader of the terrorists told them that he would grant them each one last request before they were beheaded.

The CNN Reporter said, "Well, I’m an American, so I’d like one last hamburger with French fries.”

The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the burger &am...

ISIS guy stopped the car of Christian couple.

ISIS guy stopped the car of Christian couple.
ISIS guy: Are you moslem?
Christian: Yes I am.
ISIS guy: Recite a verse from Quran.
Christian man recited a verse from Bible.
ISIS guys: Yallah-ho-snackbar, you can go.

Later Christian guy's wife: I can't believe you too...

ISIS is taking back territory after a surprise turn of events

Their new partnership with Samsung is quickly paying off

What would you call ISIS after they've been eliminated?

WASWAS.

One Marine is better than...

A large group of Isis fighters in Iraq are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand dune:
"One Marine is better than ten Isis fighters".

The Isis commander quickly orders 10 of best men over the dune where a gun battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, ...

Who's the real enemy of ISIS?

IBRO

As the KKK are so full of hate, bigotry and want to rid America of others...

Should we call them Vanilla Isis ?

What is an ISIS member's favorite game?

Jenga.

What will the ISIS be called when we eventually destroy them?

WASWAS.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Our President Elect is a real tough guy...

The candidate who was going to "defeat ISIS" is currently at war with Saturday Night Live and a Broadway musical.

What do Little Miss Muffet and ISIS have in common?

They both have Kurds in their way.

What do you call it when ISIS soldiers run for cover?

100 meter Daesh

What`s the difference between a Doctors Without Borders hospital and ISIS?

How would I know, I`m just a US Air Force Operator.

What’s the difference between a children’s hospital and an ISIS training camp?

I dunno, I just fly the drones

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Labour politician, a BBC TV reporter and a British SAS soldier were captured by ISIS...

They were, as usual, sentenced to death by beheading.

Unexpectedly, the ISIS leader said they could have one last request before their sentence was carried out...

The Labour politician asked to hear a rendering of "Keep the Red Flag Flying Here".

The BBC TV reporter asked that t...

What do you call a camera mounted on a ISIS-truck?

a daeshcam

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Isis sent me a sex doll today

It's great! It blows it self up.

How did Isis move from 5th wanted terrorist group to the most wanted terrorist group?

They cut a head

ISIS recently released their own brand of anti-dandruff shampoo

It's called Shoulders

Had a job interview with ISIS today...

They asked me where I see myself exploding in five years.

What is the difference between a Pakistani School and a ISIS Trainingscamp?

I have no idea I'm only flying the drone.

What's the best part of an ISIS joke?

The Execution.

Hehe...get it? No? Fine I'll be-heading off now.

Obama and a general are discussing how to attack ISIS

Obama: “We need to get boots on the ground to attack them. Send in soldiers, artillery, and trucks.”

General: “You are forgetting something important sir.“

Obama: “No I am not.”

General: “Tanks, Obama.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to an ISIS birthday party once

The musical chairs were slow but fuck me pass the parcel was quick.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The head of ISIS finally agreed to be interviewed...

So the interviewer said, "I noticed that every time ISIS releases a video there are always Toyota trucks in the background. Whether it is ISIS members riding in the back of the truck or a torture video, you always see a Toyota truck. Why it is that you guys drive Toyota trucks?"

The head of ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know ISIS has its own sex toy factory?

There specialise in blow up dolls

Two ISIS guys are showing each other pictures of their children.

One says, "Ah, Fizal, they blow up so fast."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A German Man, A Swedish Man, and an Israeli Man Are Kidnapped by ISIS

“Listen up infidels,” says the ISIS member, you have on last with before I kill you.”

The German pleads for mercy, “Germany has always embraced your people, what have I done to deserve this ?” After no answer, he deicdes he wants sausage and a good beer.

Next, the Swedish man screams a...

Snow isn't a problem in the Middle East

...but ISIS

If ISIS would really like the world to take notice of their intentions

they should kill a lion.

Why is ISIS recruiting young members?

Because all they have right now are Boomers.

Isis have developed

isis have developed an explosive prayer mat they are selling like hot cakes.prophets are going through the roof

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

At an ISIS recruitment centre...

Interviewer: Name?

Recruit: Saaed Bin Hasrat.

Interviewer: Sex?

Recruit: Often twice a day.

Interviewer: No, no. Male or female?

Recruit: Male, female, sometimes camel, mostly sheep.

ISIS Awards Night

The 2016 best suicide bomber award goes to Mohammed.

Unfortunately Mohammed can't be with us tonight.

Under President Trump, ISIS continues to spread across Middle East

as a fine red mist.

Why does ISIS call camels "Ships of the Desert"?

Because they are full of ISIS seamen.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

ISIS Warrior, Frog, Doctor

An ISIS Warrior walks into his Doctor's office with a Frog sitting on his head.

"What seems to be the problem?" the doctor asks.

"Well as you might have seen, there's a really big tumor on my ass." replied the frog.

You've got to hand it to Trump, he defeated ISIS...

...they gave up operations after Trump shows he can kill more Americans than they ever could.

What did the Redditor that joined ISIS say?

Edit: Wow, this blew up!

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