UPJOKE
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Reddit Jokes

A Suggestion to Reddit HQ

Reddit should rename 'share' to 'spreddit', 'delete' to 'shreddit' and 'karma' to 'creddit'. Yet they haven't. I don't geddit.
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Greta Thunberg must love reddit

Most of the content here is recycled
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What did the reddit user say after detonating a bomb inside a bank?

EDIT: Wow! This blew up! Thanks for the gold!
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Reddit Coins.

That’s it, that was the whole joke…
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Reddit’s new API Costs

Yep that’s it. It’s going to price out all those apps you all use instead of the official one to read or post jokes. And I can tell you first hand, it is much tougher to copy and paste in official app.

Can we go black out on June 12-14?
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Why do reddit users hate facebook?

Because you need to have friends to be on facebook.
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Why do pirates love reddit?

It be the best place to exchange stolen content for gold.
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Thank goodness Reddit is back up

I was almost productive for a second there!
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How easy is it to get reddit karma?

It's a piece of cake.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dads of Reddit: Happy Father's Day...

YOU MOTHER FUCKERS

It's a good thing Elon didn't acquire Reddit, otherwise

(Your post was removed by Reddit admins, and your account was suspended)
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Jokes on reddit are like US presidents.

You might see a new one every four years or so.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Damn girl are you a reddit user?

Because you give me the same fucking shit, day after day!

I went to the Reddit restaurant

All of its servers were busy...
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Reddit should add separate NSFW tags for gore and porn

I'm so tired of my boners being ruined by these hot ladies.

My wife asked me what I'm posting on Reddit...

I tell her that they /r/jokes.
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Why are there two “d”s in “Reddit”?

The second one’s a repost.
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If Elon bought Reddit, what would he call it?

eXit
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Top Reddit posters should use their karma to help the environment.

They are already experts at recycling.
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I wish I hadn’t downloaded Reddit.

I regreddit.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My favorite joke I’ve ever read on Reddit, one of the first I’ve ever read here too: Everyone Knows Dave

Dave was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."

Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?"

"No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it." So Dave ...

To the guy who hacked my Reddit account

I will find you, and I will kill you


Edit: no you won't


Special edit for u/takes_joke_literally , are you happy now?
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what's a person with reddit premium called?

predditor
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I can't stand the ignorance of some reddit commenters

The reason they do this is because they want to show what they know about the issue, it gives them sense of worth and want to feel validated. I know this because I ~~have a degree in psychology~~ saw a youtube video
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Reddit's logo should be a bit more green.

To symbolize the amount of reused and recycled content.
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How many Reddit mods does it take to change a lightbulb?

[removed]
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It's my Cakeday! 8 Years on Reddit!

My life is the joke.
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A Redditor walks into Reddit Restaurant...

All of our servers are busy right now. Please try again in a minute.
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I was so excited to show my teacher my Reddit joke, but sadly she wasn't in today, so...

...the subreddit.
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Hi Reddit! My name is Joseph, and I am the son of Stephen King. AMA!

I would post proof, but it's obvious that I'm Joe King.
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Reddit is killing third-party applications (and itself). Read more in this post.

>!More!<
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I tried changing my password to "brazildefense" but Reddit said it was too weak

hope you find it funny!
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My first joke on reddit. Hope it hasn't been told too often

A bank robber wanted to keep his identity secret, but didn't wear a balaclava. he told all in the bank not to look at him or he would shoot them.
one foolhardy customer sneaked a look, and the robber promtply shot him.
the robber asked if anyone else had seen his face.
one customer, gazing ...
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Reddit Karma is a lot like sex

It's easier to get if you lie about having cancer

Why do people delete comments from Reddit?

They Regreddit.
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An old joke I can't find on Reddit. Here we go...

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from re-possessing the ranch they need to purchase a bull from a stockyard in a far-away town so that they can breed their own stock. Th...
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I heard Reddit likes puns so I posted ten of them thinking at least one would reach the first page

No pun in ten did
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Reddit was down this morning

Leaving millions of workers nothing to do except their jobs
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How do you get a procrastinator off of Reddit?

There is no punchline I actually need help please I have a 10 page paper due at midnight someone help please
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I told a fencing joke on Reddit once.

Turned out to be a riposte.
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What’s the difference between NASA and Reddit?

NASA really wanted the Apollo program to succeed
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They finally did it, Reddit has made impossible for blind people to moderate their sub with the api changes. This is their last statement from r/blind

"H dhei osndhsjbw siso is koqp odjd jsoa JD djs sis ikksbs"

(I am sorry for this horrible joke and I really hope things may work out for you)
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How do you know when a Reddit user has left their hotel?

Their username checks out.
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I remember when I first used Reddit.

Everything was new. To me there were no reposts.

What a good 4 seconds
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Did you guys hear about the CEO of Reddit?

I heard he's a great guy.
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I’m pleased to announce reddit has achieved its goal in becoming one of the top 10 green companies in the world.

The front page is now made up of over 90% recycled content.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

CAN ADMINS OF THIS SUBREDDIT REDDIT DO A BETTER JOB OF MONITORING WHO IS ALLOWED IN HERE PLEASE?!

WE HAVE A NEW MEMBER, A WOMAN. SHE’S BEEN PRIVATELY MESSAGING MEMBERS, SENDING THEM NAKED PICTURES OF HERSELF IN NASTY POSES ALONG WITH CLOSE UPS OF HER UNMENTIONABLES. SHE IS OFFERING AN IPHONE X IN EXCHANGE FOR SEXUAL FAVORS. I AM ESPECIALLY BOTHERED BECAUSE IT TURNED OUT TO BE AN IPHONE SE AND OB...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Reddit posts are just like my prostitutes.

They always end up getting buried.

If I win tonight's Powerball, I'm sharing with everyone on Reddit.

I'm not sharing the money. I'll just let you know I won.
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Reddit is secretly run by cows, and I can prove it!

[remooved]
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Why did Tencent invest $150 million in Reddit?

[censored]
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Reddit is really a green community,

considering all the recycled content on here.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My penis is like a joke on reddit..

People seeing it for the first time usually laugh.

And those who have seen it before get mad that they’re seeing it again.

The front page is filled with memes in reference to that guy being dragged off of a plane. I can't remember the last time the entire reddit user base was so...

... United.
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What does English teachers do on Reddit?

Edit: grammar
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There were tons of reddit admins responsible for today's commotion.

But not many of them.
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Reddit, Imgur and 9gag walk in to a bar.

Reddit orders a beer.
Two days later Imgur orders a beer.
Four days later this joke has a 9gag watermark on it.
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George Bush goes to hell. Classic. First posted on Reddit 13 years ago.

One day in the future, George Bush has a heart attack and dies. He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him. "I don't know what to do," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I'...
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Since reddit has been all about native americans lately..

An Indian and a cowboy are walking through the prairie one day.
The Indian stops and puts his ear to the ground and says "ah, buffalo come."
In which the cowboy replies:
"Dang, you can tell that from stickin yer ear to the ground?"
Indian says:
"No. Ear sticky."
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An attempt at OC after one year on Reddit.

I slept with a girl that works at Amazon last night.

I got a text from her today that said: “People who slept with me also bought a STD kit and this 5 star genital wart cream.”
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What do reddit and Playboy magazine have in common?

No one actually reads the articles.
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A 3rd grade class goes to the swimming pool... (/r/AskReddit comments section liked it and I was told that you might like it, too)

*It's a joke I know in french. So I tried to translate it and did some improvments since my first comment, too:*

A 3rd grade class goes to the swimming pool.

The lifeguard asks to the class: "Does any one of you already know how to swim?"

Then the little Dimitri, all excited, an...
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How to spot a non-native English speaker on Reddit.

Title: Detecting Non-Native English Speakers on Reddit: Unveiling Language Clues

Introduction:
In the vast realm of online platforms like Reddit, where people from various corners of the world come together to exchange ideas, it's not uncommon to encounter non-native English speakers. This...
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Y'know, sometimes I just really wanna talk shit about reddit mods.

[removed]

I’m from Alabama and I don’t appreciate all the jokes Reddit makes about my home state. I told my dad, my uncle, and my grandpa about it.

When he found out he was madder than hell.
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Reddit is possibly the most environmentally conscious site on the internet.

Nearly 100% of the content is recycled at some point, often several times.
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3 reddit mods walk in a bar.

The bar collapses
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My piece of shit grandfather just got on reddit...

After a few days he asks me what "iykyk" means. I told him "if you know you know". He told me to go fuck myself.

What do you call a Reddit joke without a punchline?

Clickbait
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For my decade on Reddit here is my favorite Will Smith joke

It appears Will Smith’s marriage is open to everything except JOKES
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What did the reddit user say to the CEO of reddit Ellen Pao

[This Post was Removed]
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If you spend enough time on Instagram or Reddit or reels…

… eventually you will see images of scantily clad older women and even some men, asking your opinion of them. This is not good, there comes a time when less is not better. UNLESS, you can profit from it. For example, in my case I found that walking around naked in my backyard has produced tall pri...
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What happens when a pizzaman does an AMA on Reddit?

OP delivers.
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I used to rip off famous comedians' jokes to post on Reddit for easy karma.

I still do, but I used to, too.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just join reddit and suddenly discover that my name is on the front page!

Final Final Edit: Titty sprinkles

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How did you come up with your reddit username?

I made mine when I stopped giving a shit

This must be Reddit's most eco-friendly sub...

99% recycled content.
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What's the difference between Reddit and Facebook?

About a day
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What's the best way to be funny on Reddit?

Ctrl+C, Ctrl+V
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I'm trying to understand how there can be so many school shooting jokes on Reddit...

But I guess everyone's aiming at a younger crowd.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

joke I heard a while ago, not sure if it's been posted (new to reddit)

Once upon a time lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts. Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try. One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Ph...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Engineer Goes To Hell (repost from r/AskReddit, all credit to armaha)

A professional engineer dies and because of some misfiled paperwork, ends up in hell. Trudging through the sweltering heat, eventually he comes across Satan and says, "You know, with a little work, we can probably cool this place off..."
At first, Satan is enraged and prepares to unleash fury on ...

What does Oppenheimer and Reddit have in common?

“Wow, this blew up!”
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Hey Reddit, what are your favorite lame jokes?

"Wanna hear a pizza joke?"

"Nevermind, it's too cheesy."
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why are most reddit posts medium rare?

because they certainly aren't rare, and are definitely not well done.
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Why is Reddit named Reddit? [OC]

Because all the posts are reposts and you've already read it
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Humorists of Reddit! I challenge your joke inventing skills! First comment gives the punch line; the reply is the rest of the joke!

edit: Thanks guys for some hilarious jokes! Keep 'em coming. I wanted to let you know that I've messaged the mods about this thread. Maybe it could be a weekly thread? Who knows.
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I am so sorry reddit . . .

I AM HERE TO SAY GOODBYE, I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH! MY WIFE SAYS I AM IN THIS SUBREDDIT EVERY 20 SECONDS, AND SHE CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE! WE ARGUED AND SHE TOLD ME TO CHOOSE BETWEEN HER OR THE SUBREDDIT. SO I AM GOING TO BE OFFLINE FOR A COUPLE OF MINUTES WHILE I PACK HER BAGS, AND CALL HER A TAXI. ...
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Reddit is like anal sex

You dont know how it works for the first time,
It can be painful and time consuming,
But if done correctly you start enjoying it later.

AND ITS NOT FOR EVERYONE.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hey Reddit - What's are some of your favorite one liners? I'll start...

Last time I called shotgun we had rented a limo, so I fucked up!

-Mitch Hedberg

A friend of mine has a trophy wife, but apparently it wasn't first place.

-Steven Wright

Why is it that most of the people who are against abortion are people you wouldn't want to fuck in the ...

I just read the funniest joke on Reddit...

For the thousandth time.
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Reddit logic.

- Oh I see you made a comment, I'm sorry to inform you it got deleted! You don't have enough karma to make the comment.

= That's fine! How do I make enough karma then?

- You need up votes and rewards on your comments of course!

= ok...? I will make one then and hopefully I get u...
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I now get why Reddit is called Reddit.

It's because everything is a repost and you've already read it.
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Why does reddit hates fencing?

Because of all the riposting.
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I think Reddit used a scheme when selling coins,

And I believe it was a shilling technique.
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What's the difference between Bad Karma and Reddit Karma?

You get Bad Karma by stealing other people's belongings. You get Reddit Karma by stealing other people's jokes.
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One for the bassists of Reddit

A team of scientists were exploring a newly discovered island with a handful of different tribes that had been living there for centuries, and were being led by a guide of one of the peaceful tribes.

As the trek went on, the jungle continued to get thicker. As they got deeper into the jungle...
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I tried setting a password for my new Reddit account.

I put in “MyDick”.

It said the password was too short.
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With reddit alienating a large amount of its users, they decided to rebrand.

They're changing it from Reddit to WeBluit
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A year ago when I joined Reddit I threw a boomerang to celebrate

I now live in constant fear
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Everyone on reddit......

"I only believe in 12.5% of the Bible. Because I am an eighth-theist."
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"Reddit, reddit."

A chicken walks into a library, goes up to a librarian and says, "Book book book." The librarian decides that the chicken wants a book so he gives the chicken a book and the chicken walks away. About ten minutes later the chicken comes back with the book, looking a bit agitated, saying, "Book book b...
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What's the difference between a joke and an award on reddit

The jokes will reapper after 2 months.
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What did one Redditer say to another?

Doesn't matter, the real joke is in the comments.
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What do Lewinsky, Monroe, and Reddit have in common?

They all went down on a President.
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What's the difference between Reddit and Instagram?

Reddit fills your mind with thoughts.

Instagram fills your mind with thots.
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Hey Reddit, are you connected to the CIA?

[removed]
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Q.How do we know there are so many environmentalists on reddit?

A. Because everyone keep recycling the same jokes
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What did the pirate say to the Reddit poster?

tld-ARRRRRRRRRRR…
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I want to write about what's happening on reddit...

...but I can't spell "drama" without "AMA."
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Cancer is to reddit what olympics are to athletes

It gets you medals
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AskReddit is 16 years old next month ...

Typical teenager, it has an answer for everything.
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I was looking forward to showing my teacher my reddit post, but she got sick.

So, the subreddit
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Reddit creates a joke.

Ill start with one word and comment to create a joke in order.

One
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Reddit should rename 'share' to 'spreddit', 'delete' to 'shreddit' and 'karma' to 'creddit'. Yet they haven't.

I don’t geddit.

Eddits:

Courtesy to The_maxi : I propose to add a function to remove awards and name it “regreddit“
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I can't stand reading unoriginal jokes on reddit

Thankfully, I spend most of the day sat down.
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It’s my cake day but I don’t Reddit for karma. I Reddit for love.

So somebody please love me so I can get off this awful site.
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I used to think no one cared what I have to say. Then I joined reddit

Now I know it's true.
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How often is a chemistry joke posted on reddit?

Periodically.
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Reddit is like a Refrigerator

I keep opening it hoping for something good, but it is just leftovers I don't want.
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How do you confuse a reddit user?

You post a brand new joke.


(O.C)
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I've spent all day trying to convince people on Reddit I'm French.

I give up.
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Why does the Diabetic refuse to read Reddit on PC?

Because that would require accepting the cookies.
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A reddit mod walks into a bar...

She promptly kicks everyone out, locks the doors and, declaring herself to be the bartender, proceeds to get drunk with power.
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What’s the difference between my Wife and my Reddit account?

After nine years…..

Reddit still sucks…
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When trying online dating, you should open with a joke you found on Reddit.

This way, you can ensure that they're not some weirdo who reads Reddit.
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Reddit is the most eco-friendly website

Everything here gets reused a million times
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Why is Reddit the best place for freedom of speech?

[removed]
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Punchline in the title of a Reddit post

Yo mama so stupid she puts the…
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I searched Reddit and this joke hasn't been posted.

USPS came out with a Donald Trump stamp. They were Yugely popular at first, but suddenly went out of circulation, because they wont stick to the envelopes.

This enraged the president, and he demanded a full investigation, blamed the democrats and JINA and the lame-stream media.


<...
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Thank you Reddit

For helping me feel like Dark Helmet on the bridge of Spaceball One.
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How easy is it to tell a joke 1 year after joining Reddit?

A piece of cake.
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