The first animal to be mechanically milked must have been pumped
I know its an old joke, and I'm milking it dry. I just think its dairy funny.
I dont get the jokes about pumped up kicks
They must be aimed at younger audiences
Today at school, I accidentally started humming "Pumped Up Kicks"...
I didn't even realize I was doing it until someone told me. When I realized what song it was, the other person screamed in panic and ran away. I don't know why, all I said was, "Oh, shoot!"
(Sorry this is super bad, I couldn't figure out how to word it, it's a work in progress!!!)
My girlfriend likes to get pumped up before we do a workout.
Then I deflate her afterwards.
I was a new Army basic trainee at Fort McClellan, and one requirement was a demanding 12-mile march. We got started at 6 a.m. and were pumped up for the trek.
An hour later, feeling the heavy load of our packs, we wondered if the end would ever come.
"Men," our sergeant yelled, "you're doing a fine job. We've already covered four miles!"
Revitalized, we picked up the pace.
"And," continued Sarge, "we should reach the starting point...
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
All the organs were deciding who should be the boss....
"I should be in charge," said the brain , "I run all the body's systems, without me nothing would happen."
"I should be in charge," said the heart , "I circulate oxygen and nutrients all over."
"No! I should be in charge," said the stomach, "I process the food that gives us energy."...
Punishment
An Air Force cargo plane was preparing for departure from Thule Air Base in Greenland. They were waiting for the truck to arrive to pump out the aircraft's sewage holding tank.~~~The Aircraft Commander was in a hurry, the truck was late in arriving, and the Airman performing the job was extremely sl...
An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up...
The doctor asked the man how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said, "things are great, and I've never felt better! I now have a 20-year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that, doc?"
The doctor considered the question for a minute, and then began to tell a sto...
Crazy drinking session we had last night.
My wife got her stomach pumped. In my defence it was dark and she fell asleep at a funny angle.
Three guys were traveling for a ski trip to the mountains and had to stop in a small town to rent a room for the night.
The small mountain inn only had one room left, and it only had a single queen size bed. Being a drafty old inn, the men decided to sleep together in the same bed to conserve space and warmth.
The next morning the guy who slept on the left side of the bed said, "Oh my god, you guys, I had the ...
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