Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap

He was high on my list of priorities

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

librarian knows his priorities

A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide.
The librarian said: “Fuck off, you won’t bring it back.”

My girlfriend used to be my first priority

But she dumped me for my sister.


I can never seem to keep my priorities straight.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Priorities: 1.Face 2. Legs 3. Butt

And if you shower any differently than you are doing it wrong

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A grandfather, father, and son are paired with a very attractive woman for a round of golf

The three are amazed to find that this woman is an amazing golfer. She outplays them on almost every hold, and come up to the 18th green at 1 over par with a 20ft Birdie putt. She tells the three guys

"Alright, this is the first time I've ever had a chance at shooting par. Whoever correctly h...

A man wins the lottery...

[*I heard this joke for the first time as a 13 year old at a family party. So imagine my mild mannered German 70 year old great uncle calmly telling this joke to the whole table. I had never heard him tell a joke before. It's still one of my favourite jokes*]

A man wins the lottery after year...

My wife rolled a blunt using my to-do list!

She is high on my list of priorities!



Credit to : The Chive

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

TWO GLASSES OF WINE

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in
a day are not enough, reme mber the mayonnaise jar and the 2 glasses of wine...

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front
of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a...

My stoned friend used my daily planner to roll a joint.

Now he’s high on my list of priorities.

Oldie but a goodie.

There are four people on a small plane heading north over Canada. The pilot, Trump , the pope and a random backpacker.
Suddenly the engine starts emitting black smoke and dies.
As the plane slowly starts to fall the pilot rips open a compartment with three parachutes, takes one and sho...

At the box office this weekend Predator took first place and The Nun took second.

Coincidently, that’s how the Catholic Church ranks it’s priorities.

My stoner friend rolled a joint using a page from my agenda notebook.

He is high on my list of priorities.

This guy stopped me in the street.

"Sir," he said, "have you got a few minutes to complete a survey on priorities?"

I said, "Yes," and walked away.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between rearranging your schedule and getting to second base with an ex-girlfriend?

One is playing with your priorities, the other is playing with prior titties!

"Honey, I just got into a terrible bike accident..

... So I don't think I can pick up the groceries on the way home. I think I broke my legs and maybe even a fractured rib. I'm bleeding all over too. Diane is bringing me to the hospital right now."

"Who's Diane?"

Girl's priorities.

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