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Priorities Jokes

Priorities

A guy starts his new job and makes it a habit to get coffee from the nearby cafe and give some of the change to the same homeless guy. As the time progressed the homeless guy notices that over the years the amount he received was going down. He stops the guy one day and asks if everything is going ...

Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap

He was high on my list of priorities

I have a joke about priorities...

...but I have other jokes to tell first.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny's got his priorities straight

A teacher asks her class, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Little Johnny says "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a jewelry and shit worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throu...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Priorities: 1.Face 2. Legs 3. Butt

And if you shower any differently than you are doing it wrong

My girlfriend used to be my first priority

But she dumped me for my sister.


I can never seem to keep my priorities straight.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Yesterday, I was walking down the street when I met a gorgeous blonde woman with perfect breasts who was almost as tall as me. She offered to have sex with me if I advertised a car, but I refused because my priorities are high.

But not as high as the quality of the 2022 Honda CRV.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

librarian knows his priorities

A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide.
The librarian said: “Fuck off, you won’t bring it back.”

My wife has been mad at me lately because she says I need to get my priorities straight...

I told her we can talk about it after this episode of Spongebob.

I thought 2020 would have a lot of jokes about vision

in hindsight with everything going on that was the last of their priorities

At the box office this weekend Predator took first place and The Nun took second.

Coincidently, that’s how the Catholic Church ranks it’s priorities.

My wife rolled a blunt using my to-do list!

She is high on my list of priorities!



Credit to : The Chive

This guy stopped me in the street.

"Sir," he said, "have you got a few minutes to complete a survey on priorities?"

I said, "Yes," and walked away.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between rearranging your schedule and getting to second base with an ex-girlfriend?

One is playing with your priorities, the other is playing with prior titties!

"Honey, I just got into a terrible bike accident..

... So I don't think I can pick up the groceries on the way home. I think I broke my legs and maybe even a fractured rib. I'm bleeding all over too. Diane is bringing me to the hospital right now."

"Who's Diane?"

Girl's priorities.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A grandfather, father, and son are paired with a very attractive woman for a round of golf

The three are amazed to find that this woman is an amazing golfer. She outplays them on almost every hold, and come up to the 18th green at 1 over par with a 20ft Birdie putt. She tells the three guys

"Alright, this is the first time I've ever had a chance at shooting par. Whoever correctly h...

Oldie but a goodie.

There are four people on a small plane heading north over Canada. The pilot, Trump , the pope and a random backpacker.
Suddenly the engine starts emitting black smoke and dies.
As the plane slowly starts to fall the pilot rips open a compartment with three parachutes, takes one and sho...

A philosophy professor stood before her class and had some items in front of her...

When the class began, silently she picked up a large empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks.

She then asked the students if the jar was full?

They agreed that it was.

So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar.

She ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tired of urban living

After years of the rat race, I found that I finally had enough saved to get away, as long as I did it thoughtfully. I wanted to be away from people, from cars, buildings, you name it. I didn't care if I didn't talk to anyone any more. With e-commerce so prevalent now, anything I needed could be deli...

A man wins the lottery...

[*I heard this joke for the first time as a 13 year old at a family party. So imagine my mild mannered German 70 year old great uncle calmly telling this joke to the whole table. I had never heard him tell a joke before. It's still one of my favourite jokes*]

A man wins the lottery after year...

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