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Practices Jokes

My new neighbor practices the trumpet at 6 in the morning, then listens to thrash metal at max volume after midnight.

Don't worry though. I've let him know that if he stops doing the first thing, I'll let him stop the second too.

My friend wants to be a famous jazz musician on his brass instrument but he never practices.

I told him his stage name could be “Rusty Trombone.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My grandfather, an 83 year old doctor that still practices, sent me this jokes. Enjoy.

An old golfer comes in from a round of golf at a new course and heads into the grill room. As he passes through the swinging doors he sees a sign hanging over the bar : COLD BEER: $2.00 HAMBURGER: $2.25 CHEESEBURGER: $2.50 CHICKEN SANDWICH : $3.50 HAND JOB: $50.00
Checking his wallet to be sure h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a flower that practices abstinence?

A Fuckmenot

What do you call an ostrich that practices dark magic?

An ostwitch!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A comprehensive observation about common religions and religious practices.

Jainism: You must not disturb shit

Bhuddism: You must become one with the shit.

Taoism: Shit happens

Shintoism: Our ancestors thought of this shit.

Hinduism: Eating meat makes you a shit person.

Paganism: Here's some shit that represents other shit.

Reform J...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a horny emo who practices self-control?

An edgelord

Apple’s Hiring Practices

Apple realized they needed new programmers, so they began putting out word that they were seeking experienced workers. Unfortunately, due to the incompatibility between Microsoft and Apple products, they decided is was best to refrain from hiring former Microsoft employees. Their solution to weed th...

what do you call a spine doctor who practices in Egypt?

a cairo-practor!

There’s a great actor who can no longer remember his lines, and when word gets out, no one will hire him.

After many years he finally finds a theater that is prepared to give him a chance to shine again. The director says, “This is the most important part, but it has only one line. You walk out on stage at the opening, carrying a rose. You hold the rose to your nose with just one finger and thumb, sniff...

A couple practices baseball together.

The girlfriend ends up as catcher, and the boyfriend pitches.

"Give me a pitch that'll blow me away!"

The boy thinks for a bit, then says
"Here, ill give you the double entendre pitch!"

He ended up nailing her.

What's the difference between a taxidermist and someone who practices bestiality?

One stuffs and then mounts the animal; the other mounts and then stuffs it.

What do you call a couple that practices natural family planning?

Parents.

Apparently, I'm the punchline of this joke.

What do you call someone who manages the money of an organization that practices black magic?

An occultant

What happens when corn traders in the commodity market indulge in greedy but lame practices to profit?

Corny capitalism

Who’s your favourite Canadian music icon that also practices advanced culinary technique which enhances the flavour of poultry at the atomic level?

Brine Atoms

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