UPJOKE
positionsetpostureattitudeseatthrowsitlayset downputplacesituateexposesittingrepose

A man and his wife were getting a divorce at a local court in Greece; but the custody of their children posed a problem.





The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.

The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his side of the story.

After a long moment of silence...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

My wife FINALLY agreed to a Star Wars role play in the bedroom

The only catch was I had to be Obi Wan, because she always had a thing for Ewan McGregor.

"Of course!" I said, and got to work putting together the sexiest Obi Wan costume I could. I even managed to find Glow in the Dark condoms so I could impress her with my "lightsaber".

The night f...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Tortoise and Rabbit. Antagonist view.

A different insight into the story of hare and tortoise:-

E๐’—๐’†๐’“๐’š๐’๐’๐’† ๐’•๐’‰๐’“๐’๐’–๐’ˆ๐’‰๐’๐’–๐’• ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’˜๐’๐’“๐’๐’… ๐’‰๐’‚๐’” ๐’Œ๐’†๐’‘๐’• ๐’ˆ๐’Š๐’—๐’Š๐’๐’ˆ ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’†๐’™๐’‚๐’Ž๐’‘๐’๐’† ๐’๐’‡ ๐‘ป๐’๐’“๐’•๐’๐’Š๐’”๐’†โ€ฆ ๐‘บ๐’‚๐’š๐’Š๐’๐’ˆ ๐’•๐’‰๐’‚๐’• ๐’”๐’๐’๐’˜ ๐’‚๐’๐’… ๐’”๐’•๐’†๐’‚๐’…๐’š ๐’˜๐’Š๐’๐’” ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’“๐’‚๐’„๐’†, ๐’‚๐’๐’… ๐’†๐’Ž๐’‘๐’‰๐’‚๐’”๐’Š๐’›๐’Š๐’๐’ˆ...

I posed naked for a magazine today

Although from the reaction I got, I think the newsstand owner would have preferred money

Little Johnny was sitting in math class when the teacher posed a problem.

The teacher stated "There are 10 crows sitting on a fence when a farmer fires his shotgun. Seven of the crows flew away. How many are left?"

Johnny replied "There are none left."

The teacher replied "Well, if there are ten and seven leave, then there would be three left."

John...

There were four guys who were in the final stages of interviewing for a prestigious job.

They were from Harvard, Yale, MIT, and Stanford. The company decided to fly them all in for dinner and a final interview.

Over dinner at a fine restaurant, the president of the company told the men that all were very worthy applicants, and that he wished he could hire them all, but that they ...

I was standing in front of the bathroom mirror one evening admiring my reflection, when I posed this question to my wife of 30 years: โ€œWill you still love me when Iโ€™m old, fat, and balding?โ€

She answered, โ€œI do.โ€

As the photographer snapped pictures, I posed provocatively and gave my most sultry looks to the camera, even grabbing my crotch for effect! I felt wild and sensual and free...

I went over to the computer to see the results, as I was keen to see if they had captured the essence of my being.

"I guess so." growled the officer. "Now let's go stand for the police lineup and then we'll be done here."

I found a ghost who wanted to pose for a photo for me! Unfortunately, it came out horribly underexposed.

The spirit was willing, but the flash was weak.

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

A lady who is cheating on her husband

There's a lady who is cheating on her husband. One day while they are having sex she hears her husband pull into the driveway. Her boyfriend says "oh no! What should we do?!" She says "hurry! Get dressed and go to the living room!" Once they're in the living room she starts sprinkling baby powder al...

Why did Shakespeare only write in ink?

Pencils posed an issue; 2B or not 2B

Is Hell endothermic or exothermic?

The e-mail was on the weighty matter of the nature of hell, as allegedly posed by a Dr Robert Shambaugh of the University of Oklahoma school of chemical engineering. It purports to be a final exam question from May 1997.

His May 1997 question for his Momentum, Heat and Mass Transfer II class ...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

A U.S. Marine Colonel was about to start the morning briefing to his staff..

A U.S. Marine Colonel was about to start the morning briefing to his staff.

While waiting for the coffee machine to finish brewing, the Colonel decided
to pose a question to all assembled.

He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he
failed to get his ...

The Interview

An office manager was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of rsums he found four people who were equally qualified. An American, an Indian, a European and a Nigerian.He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answers w...

A mathematician and a physicist were arguing over whose field of study was better.

A mathematician and a physicist were arguing over whose field of study was better. They decided to settle the argument by posing questions. The mathematician went first, and posed a complicated mathematical problem. With a great deal of effort, several books of mathematical tables and techniques,...

Duckiiiiiies

Two philosophers sat chatting in a bar, when one posed a question to the other. โ€œImagine to yourself there were two ducks; one that could not stop moving in a certain directions, and could not be stopped, and another which could not by any means move or be moved. Say they were on a collision course,...

Wholesome Prison joke from my uncleโ€™s dad

So there are a group of men serving simultaneous life sentences in prison. Theyโ€™ve served 20 years together already and over all those years to fill the time they told each other jokes. These jokes theyโ€™ve loved so much and were told so many times; that they have been able to tell them by numbers al...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Joke from my southern grandmother

I havenโ€™t seen this one on here before, but maybe Iโ€™ve just missed it. Here goes:

Back yonder in the olden days, little Johnny would have to walk to the school house for class. As with many young children, Johnny was very imaginative and would play pretend with sticks and branches, sword figh...

Why I Joined the Air Force

The DOD was conducting an all service briefing and the leader posed this question.
โ€œWhat would you do if you found a scorpion in your tent?โ€
A sailor said, โ€œIโ€™d step on it.โ€
A soldier said, โ€œIโ€™d squash it with my boot.
A marine said, Iโ€™d catch it, break the stinger off, and eat it.โ€
A...

A man has 3 children: โ€œSandyโ€, โ€œSnowyโ€ and โ€œBrickyโ€.

One night he is watching television, Snowy approaches him and ask: โ€œWhy is my name snowy?โ€

The father replies: โ€œBecause when you were born, a little snow flake posed on your head and your mother though it was beautifulโ€

The other day, Sandy approaches his dad and asks him: โ€œWhy is my n...

Happy Easter

Three blondes died in a car crash trying to jump the Grand Canyon and are at the pearly gates of heaven. St Peter tells them that they can enter the gates only if they can answer one simple religious question. The question posed by St. Peter is "What is Easter"?

The first blonde replies, "Oh...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.