UPJOKE
mosswaterbotanyfernleafphotosynthesisroottreesetfruitautotrophgreen algaepollenchlorophyllalgae

Planted Jokes

I accidentally planted the wrong flowers in my garden

Oopsie daisies

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The king of a country has planted a razor in the queen's vagina in order to find out which guard she is cheating with.

in the evening, while she is sleeping.

Next day comes, and he orders them to get undressed to check on their penises, and sees that each one's was cut except for a single one's. The king yells:

\- Finally, a loyal guard to his king and country! All of you traitors should have followed ...

TIL the american flag planted on the moon is now completely white due to radiation from the sun.

Great, now future archeologists are gonna think the French got there first.

What do you call a tree planted by a very mean woman?

A country

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I was 13, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend with big tits..

When I was 16, I got a girlfriend with big tits, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with zest for life.

In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just planted emo grass.

Ignore it and it cuts itself.

TeamTrees reached their goal of 20,000,000 trees planted on the same day Trump got impeached.

Now millions of people can breathe easier.

Dear son; Your mom and I love you very much, and we miss you dearly ever since you went to prison. I especially miss you now that spring is here, and it is time to plow the fields. The ground is hard, and my back is old. I am afraid I will never be able to plant the crops in time. Dad

Dear Dad:

Do not dig in the field. That is where I hid that thing. You know I can not say what it is because they read our mail. Just do not dig out there.

Your son

\----------------------------------------

Dear son:

The cops came out and dug up my fields. They sai...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Our farm failed because we planted buttermilk-flavored Dorito chips instead of seeds...

But at *least* it was a **cool** ranch.

What happened to the two apple trees that were planted together?

They lived appley ever after.

A tree that I planted years ago became sick and looked like dying

So i dug around it to get to the root of the problem

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a king with a beautiful virgin daughter

The king ruled a wealthy and massive kingdom, but he was obsessed with keeping his daughter a virgin. He had a device planted into her vagina that would chop off anything inserted into it.

He then called in his 3 best knights and told them that he would be off on a trip and that they would be...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What would you say to a spanish person that planted grass seed on your butt

Grassy ass!

Why are the trees planted so close together in Paris?

So the Germans could march in the shade.

There was an old man who lived by a forest. As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. That day, he called his children to a meeting…

He said, "Look at my hair. It used to be so magnificent, but it's completely gone now. My hair can't be saved. But look outside at the forest. It's such a lovely forest with so many trees, but sooner or later they'll all be cut down and this forest will look as bald as my hair."

"What I want ...

When I die, I want an almond tree seed to be planted with my body ...

and several years from then, when that tree is full grown, you can all eat my nuts.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I remember when I was an apprentice Japanese gardener and showed my master the pot of bulbs I'd planted..

" You Lack Crocus" he said..

I planted some root vegetables in my yard.

We'll see what turnips.

Found this in my timeline...

I was fed up with being burgled every other day in my neighbourhood. So, I tore out my alarm system & de-registered from our local Neighbourhood Watch.
I've planted a Pakistani flag in each corner of my front garden and a large Black Flag of ISIL in its centre.
Now,the Yorkshire police, th...

I planted some daffodils on Aunt Millie's grave. She never liked them, but....

after a while they started to grow on her.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.