UPJOKE
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Why would no one name their child Pollen?

There's a lot of stigma attached to it.

Pollen is what happens when flowers

can’t keep it in their plants.

So I was training to collect pollen

And my final grade was a B

did you know that bees are allergic to pollen?

Because when they get exposed to them they develop hives

I’m really allergic to pollen

But I feel this spring will be breathtaking

The pollen is so bad this year...

The drug dealers are trying to turn their meth back into Sudafed.

What did the momma bee say to the baby bee when he didn't collect enough pollen?

Bee better.

If I run around pollenating flowers...

Am I a human beeing?

*Pollen accidentally enters body*

Immune system: What the hell is that?

Pollen: Oh hey. Sorry. We got a bit lost. The wind kinda bl-

Immune system: OH GOD WE'RE UNDER ATTACK!

Pollen: What?! No! We just got lo-

Immune system: OPEN THE FLOODGATES!

Pollen: The what?

Mucus membranes: Sir. All th...

Mike Tyson is playing Jeopardy and the clue is "The part of a flower's stamen where pollen is produced".

He's the first to buzz in. Alex Trebek calls on him:

Alex: "Mike?"

Mike: "What is the answer?"

Alex: "You can't ask me, Mike. You have to give me the answer."

Mike: "I am! What is the answer?"

Alex: "You have to give *us* the answer to the clue, Mike, we can't tell...

Did you boys ever hear of the planet where the inhabitants were mobile flowers?

Remarkably similar to Earthly blossoms, but they had feet and human intelligence.

The whole planet was ruled by a king called Richard the Artichoke-Heart, and one day at a court orgy his eye was caught by Fuchsia, a pale-eyed perennial. Her beauty was so great it almost made up for her stupi...

I've just read that the pollen count is exceptionally high this year.

That would explain why my 14 year old son is getting through so many boxes of tissues, poor little mite.

A reminder to all people with allergies at this time of year

Technically pollen is plant sperm.

So you don't have allergies you have an STD you got from a plant.

What is the difference between a bee from the UK and a bee from the US?

A UK bee carries pollen, the latter carries data.

Teacher: "Does anybody have any food allergies"

Carl: "Pollen"



Teacher: "Well, you don't eat pollen, do you?"



Carl: "No ma'am, I'm allergic"

Band most likely to be blasted out of the speakers at your local beehive?

Pollen Oates

I See Death

All around me, i see death. In the streets. In public transportation. I don't know if i should isolate myself in my room and never leave, or wear a mask that might not even work.

I see death whenever i take a breath. I feel the tingle in my throat, the tears in my eyes, the fluids running dow...

Three men are sentenced to die in Great Britain.

The night before the men got drunk and destroyed the Queen's garden. Knowing her garden is full of pollen, she offers them a chance at life under one condition.

The men must learn self control by sitting in the garden and not sneezing, not even once. If one of them succeeds in the time allot...

A Story of Two Bees

So once upon a time, there were two bees, and they were out collecting pollen for their hive. It was going well at first, but soon the clouds started to gather together. One bee said to Two bee, "We better hurry up and meet our quota, it looks like it's going to rain." Two bee said to One bee, "Yes,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I met a girl who said she orgasmed every time she sneezed

I asked her what she took for that.

She said usually pollen or ragweed

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