Moss Jokes - 27 Hilarious Moss Jokes

Where do Russian cows go to gather moss?

Moscow.

How do rocks feel about moss?

It's growing on them.

Today I found a Youtube channel about moss

They told me to lichen subscribe

One for the Aussies: So after the break-up of Cold Chisel, Ian Moss approached Mick Jagger and Keith Richards about replacing the recently departed Bill Wyman.

But everyone knows a Rolling Stone gathers no Moss.

What do you call a man with moss on his head?

Pete

Okay, I thought this up on the way to work this morning and I'm like 40% sure it's original.

What did one patch of moss say to the other when asked what he thought of the summer weather?

He said: "I'm lichen it so far!"

Now you're allowed to laugh, if you'd like.

How does mosses make tea?

He brews!

What’s a YouTuber’s favorite type of moss?

The lichensubscribe!

Pippen: "Treebeard, you're covered in moss, do you like it?"

Treebeard: "Well, it kind of grows on you."

Moss and Algae take a liking to each other.

Algae and a Moss took a liking to each other and soon after got married. After a few years they realized their marriage was on the rocks.

A moss covered rock finds out he needs to wake up at 4AM for his new job

"Wow, that's a bit early for my lichen"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After years of flirting and begging, Kate Moss finally agreed to go on a date with Mick Jagger.

She texted him to pick her up at her upmarket apartment in London at 19:00. When the time came, she was all dressed up, sitting on her couch, waiting for the doorbell to ring. She was extremely excited about the date, as she had heard "big" things of Mick, and even decided to go on the date comman...

Why didn't Mick Jagger pick Randy Moss up from the airport?

Because a Rolling Stone gathers no Moss.

What did the hiker say when he fell in a pile of moss?

"I'm not lichen this!'

Scientists discovered that death is actually caused by moss buildup in veins, which stops the flow of blood.

This is why Keith Richards is still alive.

My son and I were exploring the forest yesterday

As we were walking among the trees he asked "Dad what's this green thing on the bottom of the tree? Is it moss?"

It was the time to do what needed to be done as a dad, "Moss likely".

What do you call a dirty cow in Russia?

MossCow

What's the Russian word for dry-aged steak?

"Moss Cow."

What did the southern side of the tree say to the northern side when it died?

“I’m sorry for your moss”

I made this up and I apologise. It’s awful.

Mick Jagger was awarded for his lifetime achievement in music industry for over 55 years.

He didn't have a date to the ceremony so Kate Moss, who was a huge fan of Mick, volunteered to be with him for the night. It was decided that he'll pick her up from her hotel. On the evening of the ceremony Mick didn't pick her up and went straight to the ceremony alone.

Apparently a rol...

What kind of cow do Hindus living in Russia worship?

A moss cow.

Did you hear about a Russian-speaking Indian?

He worships a moss cow

The man hobbled as he walked up to the Talking Tree on the edge of the clearing...

The man hobbled as he walked up to the Talking Tree on the edge of the clearing at the end of the path, as he had done at the close of every day for the last 73 turnings of the Earth. Never farther, for it was as far North as he ever went, and he came this far only to pour out his sorrows to the fin...

What do you call a Russian bovine covered in lichen?

A Moss-cow

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Arthur gets a call from the Doctor

D: Arthur, its Doctor Moss. We got the test results back for your wife.

A: What is it Doc? What's the problem?

D: Well, that's the thing. We've narrowed it down to 2 possibilities. Either she has Alzheimers, or AIDS.

A: Ok so what do I do?

D: Take her for a drive and drop...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In the middle of a beautiful forest there is a pond filled with clear, cool water.

Flying about six inches above the pond is a fly. The fly is thinking "I'm thirsty. If I drop down to the surface of the pond I can get a drink".

Unknown to the fly a fish is quietly watching it and thinking "That fly looks thirsty. If it drops down to get a drink I can swim up and eat it. Tha...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The worst joke in the world

WW3 breaks out and the President authorizes use of the most powerful weapon ever made, a joke so bad it causes instant death to the listener. The problem is, it was said to be developed in revolutionary times by British expats and nobody could remember where it has been stashed away.

To find...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.