Planting Jokes - 20 Hilarious Planting Jokes

not NSFW: Watson sees Sherlock Holmes planting a tree and asks him, "What kind of tree are you planting?"

Holmes: "A lemon tree my dear watson"

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I decided to brighten the neighborhood by planting an array of dildos over my boundary wall...

My neighbor is livid but his wife is still on the fence

A wise oldman was planting a date palm...

A boy approaches and asks:

- Wise oldman, why are you planting such tree if it's highly unlikely that you live enough to see it bear fruits?

The wise oldman look at the boy and smiled:

- Why don't you go f**k yourself and mind your own business? The terrain is mine a...

People like planting plants

But I like to plant kidneys

Dr. Watson was again impressed by Sherlock Holmes’ diverse set of skills, as Watson asked inquisitively as to what tree Sherlock was planting...

To which Sherlock replied, “Why, that’s a lemon tree, my dear Watson.”

A 17-year-old boy who works part-time at Pizza Hut drives up to park in front of the house in a beautiful Porsche.

Naturally, his parents know that there’s no way he earned enough with his after-school job to buy such a car.

“Where did you get that car?” his mom and dad screamed in shock.
“I bought it today,” replied the teen calmly.
“With what money young man?” his mom demands. “We know how much a...

Why should you always get a pedicure before planting your garden?

Toes before hoes

It's my cake day, so one of my favorite jokes ... A sixteen year-old boy came home with a brand new Ford F150.

His parents look at the truck and ask, "Where did you get that truck?!"

"I bought it today," he says. "With what money?" says his mother. They knew what a new F150 cost.

"Well," he says, "this one cost me just fifteen dollars."

The father looks at him like he's crazy. "Who wo...

If trees produced wifi we'd be planting them everywhere...

... too bad they only produce oxygen.

So they've started planting trees actively nowadays.

Well that's a releaf

MrBeast sure is good at planting seeds

Last time I saw someone spread their seed that successfully was when Ghengis Khan was around.

As I suspected, Someone has been planting soil in my garden

The plot thickens

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Killing 31,646 people would be the equivalent of planting 20 million trees.

Making hitler the biggest environmentalist ever!

Planting potatoes in Chicago

So there's this old Pakistani man who lives alone in Chicago. One day he sends an e-mail to his son Ahmad :

"Dear son, I would love to plant some potatoes in the backyard but I'm old and lonely, I can't plow the land without your help. With love, your father."

Later that night, Ahmad...

A man was working at a farm and was about to begin planting crops

When they were ready, the leader announced, "Lettuce begin."

A German woman swore an oath to prepare her large field for planting using only the teachings of Lao-tsu, an ox and a pig. Local farmers call this "impossible".

# Headline:"Frau vows to plow with Tao, cow and sow... somehow."

An old wise monk is in his garden, planting a young fig tree.

His youthful apprentice, with his own green thumb, comes through the garden to say - "My teacher! Why do you plant a fig tree? They take years to bear fruit... and you may be long gone before you are able to taste their sweet offerings."

And the old, wise monk, sighs mournfully and says -
...

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A wise old monk was planting a date tree in his garden when a young man walked by.

This confused the man, who knew date trees take 80 years to bear fruit, so he asked the monk:

"Why are you planting a date tree, when you will never live to enjoy its fruit?"

The old monk smiled amicably at the young man and answered:

"My son. Go eat a fat dick. It's my garden, ...

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My 80 yr-old uncle was caught planting secret listening devices in a hotel room while wearing a clown costume.

What a silly old bugger.

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A young Japanese man was fleeing war

He ended in front of a Buddhist temple. He was granted access to this beautiful place and after a few weeks he saw the oldest high priest planting a tree.
He asked the old priest what is he doing. Priest said that the tree would cast a cooling shadow in the midst of the hottest summer when fully...

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