I was forced to swallow purple food color.

I feel violated.

The purple man lives in the purple house. The blue man lives in the blue house. Who lives in the White House?

The orange man.

I just found out I'm colorblind

That diagnosis really came out of the purple

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I once dated a girl who had a twin.

People kept asking me how I could tell them apart. Easy.

Jill paints her nails purple. John has a dick.

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Purple Vein

Disclaimer skipping to the end will ruin the joke, but it is best said in person to a group of people. Enjoy!


One morning a young boy was walking to class when three older girls approached the boy and said well aren't you just a "purple vein". The boy asked but the girls giggled as they...

I was just diagnosed with color blindness...

... it came completely out of the purple.

Why'd magneto stop wearing purple?

Because the days of fuchsia passed.

What’s the difference between pink and purple?

the grip.

What is the one word the rhymes with ‘purple’

No it’s not.

My least favorite color is purple.

I hate it more than red and blue combined.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's purple and green and sits on the porch at night crying?

She's my fucking girlfriend I'll paint her whatever colours I want.

I thought I saw a guy with purple skin yesterday.

Turns out it was just a pigment of my imagination.

The Purple Pirate

This is not a good joke, my Dad told it to me years ago and I haven't seen it here yet.

There was once a purple pirate who sailed the 7 purple seas. One purple day, as the sky was clear and purple the purple pirate landed his purple ship on a purple island.

The Purple pirate explored t...

The Purple Gorilla.

Once upon a time there was a man driving down an old road at night when his car broke down on the side of the road. He saw a small house not to far away. He decided to see if the house had anyone willing to help him out. The man knocked on the door and almost instantly an old lady swung open the doo...

Why do barbie dolls have purple nips?

Because GI Joes have kung fu grips ...

What is Purple, Musical, and Deadly?

Thanos in a Barbershop Quartet!

Purple is the best color for camouflage

Have you ever seen a soldier in violet ?

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My dad said people shouldn't get ribbons just for participating because it rewards them for losing.

So I took the Purple Heart that he got in Vietnam.

He was so mad he threw his prosthetic leg at me.

I bought pink cotton but my wife wanted purple

Sorry, wrong thread

Three military wives were at the base PX in Fort Hood fighting over the last toaster on the shelf. The first one says "My husband came back from Afghanistan with a Purple Heart and a Bronze Star. I deserve it."

The second one says "No. My husband came back from Afghanistan with a Purple Heart, a Bronze Star, and the Congressional Medal of Honor. I deserve it."

The third one says "Well, my husband came back from Afghanistan in a body bag. NOW GET YOUR MITTS OFF THAT TOASTER!"

The Purple Violet

Timmy was starting kindergarten, and on his first day he was pretty nervous.
First, the students went around and said their names, and something fun about them.
“I’m Mary, and I like dolls!” said Mary.
“I’m Johnny, and I like action figures!” said Johnny.
When it was Timmy’s turn, he...

A doctor told me I was colorblind

But I don't trust purple people

A man was on a hike with his best friend.

They’re walking up a hill, talking about what had happened during their childhood. About halfway through the height, the man spots a purple flower out of the corner of his eye. He goes over to it and picks it up. He turns to his friend and says,
“Hey, look! A purple flower!”

His friends ...

How do you kill a purple elephant?

**With a purple elephant gun.**

How do you kill a blue elephant?

**You tie a knot in it's trunk until it turns purple then shoot it with a purple elephant gun.**

How do you put a giraffe in a refrigerator?

**Open the door and put it inside**

How do you put a lion i...

As a purple faced man, one day I hope to meet a purple faced women...

They tell me I shouldn't hold my breath

I was diagnosed with color blindness just an hour ago.

It came right out of the purple.

What's both blue and purple and never seen again?

This thread :/

Breaking News: A ship carrying red paint just collided with a ship carrying purple paint, in the South China Sea.

Authorities report that the crews of both ships are marooned

What happens if u throw a purple hat in the black sea?

It gets wet.

A purple man has a purple wife.

They have two purple kids and live in a big purple house. One day they decide to take a vacation, so they all pile into their purple car, drive it to their purple boat, and set out to sea. Sadly the boat crashes and they are stranded on a small island. The purple man looks to the heavens in desperat...

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The Purple Spotted Penis

While in China , an American man is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom all the time. A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with purple spots.. Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor.

The doctor, never having seen...

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Magic Purple Dildo

A girl walks into a bar, and goes up to the bartender and complains about ex-boyfriend and how she will never get laid again.

The bartender looks at her and reaches under the counter and pulls out a purple dildo. He tells her that the dildo is a Magic Dildo. "This is a magic purple dildo you...

What do you call a brewmaster that wears a bright purple robe and carries around an enormous recipe book?

An Ale Chemist.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The purple feather

Billy was walking to school when he spotted a purple feather on the side of the road . "A purple feather! I can't wait to show everyone" he exclaimed. It was lunch time at school and Billy decided to show his friend Jacob. Jacob held the feather and asked "how did you find this?" Billy replied "I w...

I was recently surprised to hear from the doctor that i was colour blind!

It was so sudden! It came right out of the purple!

One day, DJ Khalid’s son found a magical lamp...

One day, DJ Khaled’s son stumbled upon a magical lamp. After rubbing it, a mystical genie poured out of the stem and asked for boy what he wanted for his wishes. Knowing his father’s great love of music, the boy wished to become a keyboard, something Khaled enjoyed using for his music. “Granted”, sa...

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