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Purple Jokes

I was forced to swallow purple food color.

I feel violated.

I'm color blind and the other day I thought I could actually detect purple,

but it was just a pigment of my imagination.

The Purple Pirate

This is not a good joke, my Dad told it to me years ago and I haven't seen it here yet.

There was once a purple pirate who sailed the 7 purple seas. One purple day, as the sky was clear and purple the purple pirate landed his purple ship on a purple island.

The Purple pirate explored t...
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My least favorite color is purple.

I hate it more than red and blue combined.

What’s purple and doesn’t fit anymore?

A dead epileptic

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How do you kill a blue Elephant?

With a blue elephant gun obviously.

*How do you kill a red elephant?*

You choke it til it turns blue then use a blue elephant gun.

*How do you kill a green elephant?*

You tickle it til it turns red then choke it til it turns blue then use a blue elephant gun.

*How ...

What’s the difference between pink and purple?

Grip strength.

What do you call a purple chicken that does not move?

An egg plant!

I Dyed A Bit When I Wrote This

Many years ago, I came home from work one day and noticed my fiance had dyed her hair.

“Purple, really?”

“Fushia”

“What’s the difference?”

“Fuschia is purple with some red and pink in it., It’s not really purple.”

I gave her a hard time for a long time, until she g...

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The Purple Spotted Penis

While in China , an American man is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom all the time. A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with purple spots.. Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor.

The doctor, never having seen...

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I once dated a girl with a twin. People asked me how I could tell them apart?

Sally painted her fingernails purple. Bob had a cock.

A purple man has a purple wife.

They have two purple kids and live in a big purple house. One day they decide to take a vacation, so they all pile into their purple car, drive it to their purple boat, and set out to sea. Sadly the boat crashes and they are stranded on a small island. The purple man looks to the heavens in desperat...

I bought pink cotton but my wife wanted purple

Sorry, wrong thread

I just found out I’m colour blind

News came out of the purple.

A tanker ship carrying dark purple ink ran around on a deserted island, spilling its contents.

Sadly, the entire crew was marooned.

Purple lemon

So this little boy is in the playground when some bullies come along, and they say to him:

“Hey, purple lemon, you suck!”

And the boy doesn’t know what a purple lemon is, so he asks. And the bullies say:

“Well, you’ll just have to ask a teacher then, won’t you?”

And so h...

This morning my wife walked in and started hitting me with a bouquet of purple flowers…

She woke up and chose violets.

Purple is the best color for camouflage

Have you ever seen a soldier in violet ?

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I put a mood ring on my penis and it turned purple.

The ring, however, turned orange.

What do you call a purple boat with a trebuchet and a telescope?

A one-eyed, one-armed floating purple people yeeter

I just found out I'm colorblind

The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.

We all know that Barney the Dinosaur is a LOVABLE PURPLE DINOSAUR.

In ancient Rome, there was no letter U, so they used a V instead, making Barney a LOVABLE PVRPLE DINOSAVR.

Now eliminate all the letters that are not Roman numerals. We are left with LVL VL DIV.

Next, let's refresh your brain. I=1, V=5, L=50, D=500.

When we add it all up, we get...

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Once there was a man with a 15 inch penis.

He absolutely hated it, because it was too big for any woman to handle. Every time he tried to have sex, he ended up accidentally hurting his partner.

One day he went to the witch at the edge of town and asked her to help him make it smaller. "I cannot do that," said the witch, "But I do know...

Why did Rudolph run away from Santa, get a tattoo and dye his tail purple?

He was a rebel without a Claus

As a purple faced man, one day I hope to meet a purple faced women...

They tell me I shouldn't hold my breath

Blue Guy lives in the blue house, red guy lives in the red house, purple guy lives in the purple house, orange guy...

Lives in the White House.

Did y'all hear about the purple stegosaurus?

He stuck out like a dinosaur thumb!

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You and 2 friends of yours walk through a forest

after a while you lot stumble upon a hut, from which a weird old lady, resembling a witch, comes out from. She slowly says
*"...do not step on the purple flower..."*
and then goes back into her hut.

A little confused, you exchange looks with your friends, shrug, and keep walking.
...

Why'd magneto stop wearing purple?

Because the days of fuchsia passed.

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The purple feather

Billy was walking to school when he spotted a purple feather on the side of the road . "A purple feather! I can't wait to show everyone" he exclaimed. It was lunch time at school and Billy decided to show his friend Jacob. Jacob held the feather and asked "how did you find this?" Billy replied "I w...

Why do barbie dolls have purple nips?

Because GI Joes have kung fu grips ...

What's purple and smells like Mars?

Apartment!

I had this weird dream that I was swimming in a fizzy purple drink...

When I woke up in my bed, I have to admit, I was a little disappointed that it was only a Fanta-sy.

Crazy naked guy with purple paint

There was this crazy naked guy out side painting everything purple. He painted the lawn purple, he painted the sidewalk purple, the painted the bushes purple, he even painted himself purple.

A neighbor walking by proclaimed "you're nuts! You're nuts!"

He responded saying, "I know, bu...

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Magic Purple Dildo

A girl walks into a bar, and goes up to the bartender and complains about ex-boyfriend and how she will never get laid again.

The bartender looks at her and reaches under the counter and pulls out a purple dildo. He tells her that the dildo is a Magic Dildo. "This is a magic purple dildo you...

Joke made from personal experience What’s purple and makes you cry?

Mamas flipflop

Never trust a website with purple terms and conditions.

They clearly violet your privacy.

What's purple, orange and yellow and has wheels?

A dolphin. I lied about the colour and the wheels

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The Purple Flower

So there's this guy walking to school and on his way there he sees these two girls talking to each other. He drops in on their conversation and hears them talking about a purple flower. He thought to himself "Purple flower?" and stops to think about it. He realizes he's late for school and runs as f...

What is Purple, Musical, and Deadly?

Thanos in a Barbershop Quartet!

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"Purple Passion"

A boy was walking to school. A creepy man jumps out from behind a bush and screams at the kid, "Purple passion!"

Needless to say, the boy was frightened and took another way to school. He was late. The teacher asks why, and he explains:

"Some weird guy shouted 'Purple passion!' on my w...

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The purple flower joke. (Very long)

Once there was a boy in 5th grade, and he really liked this girl (simp) and he knew that she liked the color purple.

So one day during recess he found these purple flowers and decided to make his move on the girl, so he walked up to her (with the flowers) and said "You are my purple flower" a...

Weathermen in my area are warning of purple rain this afternoon

And later on in the evening it looks like there will be some violet storms moving in.

What do you call a purple tent?

An indigo inn to go

Why did the CSI team get called to the set of the Purple Rain video shoot.

They needed to dust for Prince.

How do you kill a purple elephant?

**With a purple elephant gun.**

How do you kill a blue elephant?

**You tie a knot in it's trunk until it turns purple then shoot it with a purple elephant gun.**

How do you put a giraffe in a refrigerator?

**Open the door and put it inside**

How do you put a lion i...

A ship carrying red paint ­collided with another one carrying purple paint.

Both crews are said to be marooned

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What's purple and green and sits on the porch at night crying?

She's my fucking girlfriend I'll paint her whatever colours I want.

A guy wakes up after some heavy drinking. He sees a purple giraffe standing next to his bed.

— What are you looking at? – asks the giraffe – There’s so many of you, goddamn drunks, that we had no pink elephants left!

What is the one word the rhymes with ‘purple’

No it’s not.

I never knew my grandfather but I just learned he had a purple heart.

It's terrible what alcoholism does to your organs.

A Brazilian Jiu Jitsu teacher and black belt told his Purple belt employee,

"We're going to have a match. If you can avoid being submitted for 10 minutes, I'll award you a black belt and I'll give you a raise. If I can get you in a chokehold and you can't escape, I'm going to fire you."

The employee agreed, and they started the match. Five minutes in, the teacher loc...

I had to see a psychiatrist recently after becoming obsessed with a specific shade of purple

Apparently I’m Plum Crazy

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Pink-and-purple poofy-rated ping pong ball

So, there is a rich man, and he has a son. A month before his son's 5th birthday, he goes to his son and says,
"Son, your fifth birthday is coming soon. I am rich, so I can get you anything you like - money is no object. What would you like for your birthday?"
The son ponders this for a few se...

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