The purple man lives in the purple house. The blue man lives in the blue house. Who lives in the White House?

The orange man.

I'm color blind and the other day I thought I could actually detect purple,

but it was just a pigment of my imagination.

The Purple Pirate

This is not a good joke, my Dad told it to me years ago and I haven't seen it here yet.

There was once a purple pirate who sailed the 7 purple seas. One purple day, as the sky was clear and purple the purple pirate landed his purple ship on a purple island.

The Purple pirate explored t...

What’s purple and doesn’t fit anymore?

A dead epileptic

What's the difference between pink and purple?

Your grip.

I hate the color purple

I hate it more than red and blue combined

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I once dated a girl who had a twin. People always asked me how I could tell them apart.

Simple: Jane paints her nails purple. John has a cock.

I just found out I'm colorblind.

The news came out of the purple

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How do you kill a blue Elephant?

With a blue elephant gun obviously.

*How do you kill a red elephant?*

You choke it til it turns blue then use a blue elephant gun.

*How do you kill a green elephant?*

You tickle it til it turns red then choke it til it turns blue then use a blue elephant gun.

*How ...

I was forced to swallow purple food color.

I feel violated.

A guy wakes up after some heavy drinking. He sees a purple giraffe standing next to his bed.

— What are you looking at? – asks the giraffe – There’s so many of you, goddamn drunks, that we had no pink elephants left!

What's purple and smells like Mars?

Apartment!

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While in China, an American man is sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom the entire time he is there.

A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots. Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor.

The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days ...

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A couple go out to a posh restaurant for dinner

The place is very exclusive and features also a live band playing gentle music, and fancy expensive food and wine. They settle in and order and initially the evening is fine and enjoyable.
Lady is eating duck, which can often have small bones. She doesn't notice and swallows a bite, chased with a...

When I was a kid I was diagnosed as color blind.

It really came out of the purple.

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You and 2 friends of yours walk through a forest

after a while you lot stumble upon a hut, from which a weird old lady, resembling a witch, comes out from. She slowly says
*"...do not step on the purple flower..."*
and then goes back into her hut.

A little confused, you exchange looks with your friends, shrug, and keep walking.
...

Why did the CSI team get called to the set of the Purple Rain video shoot.

They needed to dust for Prince.

Purple lemon

So this little boy is in the playground when some bullies come along, and they say to him:

“Hey, purple lemon, you suck!”

And the boy doesn’t know what a purple lemon is, so he asks. And the bullies say:

“Well, you’ll just have to ask a teacher then, won’t you?”

And so h...

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I put a mood ring on my penis and it turned purple.

The ring, however, turned orange.

Just watched a movie where a mad scientist rigs a DeLorean to time travel and he paints everything purple, it's called...

"Back to the Fuschia"

How Do You Catch a Pink Elephant?

This is super old. But another Joke here reminded me, so...

How Do You Catch a Pink Elephant?

First, you bake a cake with 3 raisins. Pink Elephants LOVE raisins. Then, you travel through Purple Elephant country. Purple Elephants are really easy to catch. Once you are in Pink Elephant c...

Joke made from personal experience What’s purple and makes you cry?

Mamas flipflop

Purple is the best color for camouflage

Have you ever seen a soldier in violet ?

Never trust a website with purple terms and conditions.

They clearly violet your privacy.

Tom was not the brightest kid in his school.

None of his classmates liked him. He was plain stupid when it came to even simplest stuff. His teacher always told him "you're driving me crazy".

One day, Tom's mother visited school and when she spoke to teacher, the teacher directly said: "Your child is absolutely stupid, not only his grad...

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A 7 foot tall giant of a man walks into a bar...

...carrying a brown box. Everyone is staring quietly because of the sheer size of some random guy seemingly on a mission.
 
He walks up to the counter and orders two shots of whiskey. After downing them both in succession, he reaches into the box and pulls out a huge snapping turtle, shows it ...

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Once there was a man with a 15 inch penis.

He absolutely hated it, because it was too big for any woman to handle. Every time he tried to have sex, he ended up accidentally hurting his partner.

One day he went to the witch at the edge of town and asked her to help him make it smaller. "I cannot do that," said the witch, "But I do know...

Why do barbie dolls have purple nips?

Because GI Joes have kung fu grips ...

I never knew my grandfather but I just learned he had a purple heart.

It's terrible what alcoholism does to your organs.

Weathermen in my area are warning of purple rain this afternoon

And later on in the evening it looks like there will be some violet storms moving in.

I had to see a psychiatrist recently after becoming obsessed with a specific shade of purple

Apparently I’m Plum Crazy

A ship carrying red paint ­collided with another one carrying purple paint.

Both crews are said to be marooned

Why did Rudolph run away from Santa, get a tattoo and dye his tail purple?

He was a rebel without a Claus

I bought pink cotton but my wife wanted purple

Sorry, wrong thread

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Back when Pope John Paul II died, the Vatican College of Cardinals were faced with the responsibility of choosing a new pope for the Catholic Church...

... At first, they favored a British Cardinal by the name of Cardinal Nigel Mason.

Card. Mason had been a pilot in WWII, fighting Germany's Luftwaffe. He was decorated for his service, during which he shot down 12 Nazi fighter planes.

He himself was finally shot down and made a rough l...

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Who's the toughest

A group of old men were sitting at the local VFW, downing beers and trading war stories.

They were joined by another old man, who was new to their club, so they took their turns trying to prove who was the toughest.

First the Navy guy stood up: "I was on the USS Indianapolis, when it g...

What's purple, orange and yellow and has wheels?

A dolphin. I lied about the colour and the wheels

Went to the opticians.

She told me that I was color blind.


Well I must say, that came right out of the purple.

I was searching up Alzheimer’s syndromes

But the links were all purple

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What's purple and green and sits on the porch at night crying?

She's my fucking girlfriend I'll paint her whatever colours I want.

A purple man has a purple wife.

They have two purple kids and live in a big purple house. One day they decide to take a vacation, so they all pile into their purple car, drive it to their purple boat, and set out to sea. Sadly the boat crashes and they are stranded on a small island. The purple man looks to the heavens in desperat...

Why'd magneto stop wearing purple?

Because the days of fuchsia passed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The purple flower joke. (Very long)

Once there was a boy in 5th grade, and he really liked this girl (simp) and he knew that she liked the color purple.

So one day during recess he found these purple flowers and decided to make his move on the girl, so he walked up to her (with the flowers) and said "You are my purple flower" a...

This is my first time googling Alzheimer’s

Why is most search results purple?

Guy gets a job as a spy...

He's sent on his first mission, and told that the secret passphrase he has to give to contacts is, "The night-bird flies at dawn."

He's instructed to go to London, head to Piccadilly Circus, and speak to a guy in a purple fedora, busking. So he flies to London, goes to Piccadilly Circus, fin...

Today my doctor told me I was colorblind..

The results were completely out of the purple...

How do you kill a purple elephant?

**With a purple elephant gun.**

How do you kill a blue elephant?

**You tie a knot in it's trunk until it turns purple then shoot it with a purple elephant gun.**

How do you put a giraffe in a refrigerator?

**Open the door and put it inside**

How do you put a lion i...

As a purple faced man, one day I hope to meet a purple faced women...

They tell me I shouldn't hold my breath

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I got such a vigorous hand job whilst watching the new Adams Family movie that my dick has turned purple.

Talk about too much of a good Thing.

I Googled the symptoms of dementia

But all the links were purple.

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Magic Purple Dildo

A girl walks into a bar, and goes up to the bartender and complains about ex-boyfriend and how she will never get laid again.

The bartender looks at her and reaches under the counter and pulls out a purple dildo. He tells her that the dildo is a Magic Dildo. "This is a magic purple dildo you...

What is the one word the rhymes with ‘purple’

No it’s not.

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Peter Piker

When Peter Piker peeked at Penny,

And peeped her perfect pooper

His peepers paused and then his jaw

Plopped down into a stupor



But he perked up and pressed his luck;

Professed he pined to pipe her

He self-composed and then proposed

While poin...

Three military wives were at the base PX in Fort Hood fighting over the last toaster on the shelf. The first one says "My husband came back from Afghanistan with a Purple Heart and a Bronze Star. I deserve it."

The second one says "No. My husband came back from Afghanistan with a Purple Heart, a Bronze Star, and the Congressional Medal of Honor. I deserve it."

The third one says "Well, my husband came back from Afghanistan in a body bag. NOW GET YOUR MITTS OFF THAT TOASTER!"

What do you call a purple tent?

An indigo inn to go

What is Purple, Musical, and Deadly?

Thanos in a Barbershop Quartet!

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