I just found out I'm colorblind

That diagnosis really came out of the purple

I was just diagnosed with color blindness...

... it came completely out of the purple.

NSFW. What’s the difference between purple and red?

The grip!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What's purple and green and sits on the porch at night crying?

She's my fucking girlfriend I'll paint her whatever colours I want.

I thought I saw a guy with purple skin yesterday.

Turns out it was just a pigment of my imagination.

The Purple Pirate

This is not a good joke, my Dad told it to me years ago and I haven't seen it here yet.

There was once a purple pirate who sailed the 7 purple seas. One purple day, as the sky was clear and purple the purple pirate landed his purple ship on a purple island.

The Purple pirate explored t...

What do you call a Sikh with a purple turban?

Lavinder Singh

What’s longest purple thing on earth you can see from the moon?

The Grape Wall of China

The Purple Gorilla.

Once upon a time there was a man driving down an old road at night when his car broke down on the side of the road. He saw a small house not to far away. He decided to see if the house had anyone willing to help him out. The man knocked on the door and almost instantly an old lady swung open the doo...

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I once dated a girl with a twin.

People asked me how I could tell them apart. It was pretty simple, Rachel always painted her nails purple and Dave had a cock.

Purple is my favorite color!

I like it more than blue and red combined.

Purple is the best color for camouflage

Have you ever seen a soldier in violet ?

Why'd magneto stop wearing purple?

Because the days of fuchsia passed.

I was forced to swallow purple food color.

I feel violated.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My dad said people shouldn't get ribbons just for participating because it rewards them for losing.

So I took the Purple Heart that he got in Vietnam.

He was so mad he threw his prosthetic leg at me.

A doctor told me I was colorblind

But I don't trust purple people

Why do barbie dolls have purple nips?

Because GI Joes have kung fu grips ...

The Purple Violet

Timmy was starting kindergarten, and on his first day he was pretty nervous.
First, the students went around and said their names, and something fun about them.
“I’m Mary, and I like dolls!” said Mary.
“I’m Johnny, and I like action figures!” said Johnny.
When it was Timmy’s turn, he...

As a purple faced man, one day I hope to meet a purple faced women...

They tell me I shouldn't hold my breath

I bought pink cotton but my wife wanted purple

Sorry, wrong thread

I bought purple Jell-O mix and now I feel like a superhero.

With grape powder comes great responsibility.

I was diagnosed with color blindness just an hour ago.

It came right out of the purple.

Blue Guy lives in the blue house, red guy lives in the red house, purple guy lives in the purple house, orange guy...

Lives in the White House.

Once upon a time, there was a trainee fortune teller...

Once upon a time, there was a trainee fortune teller called Sarah who hoped to learn the proper skills of divination by training alongside a renowned fortune teller, Madame Lointain (for, in these times, it was customary for each village to have a fortune teller).


After having studied for...

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My dog disgraced himself by escaping and bringing home next doors rabbit.

It was very dead and covered in dirt but I couldn't see any wound so I thought I might just be able to get away without confessing. So I quickly washed and blow dried the deceased bunny, snuck round the fence and popped bun back in its hutch, all snuggled up looking in its straw so it looked just l...

What's both blue and purple and never seen again?

This thread :/

How do you kill a purple elephant?

**With a purple elephant gun.**

How do you kill a blue elephant?

**You tie a knot in it's trunk until it turns purple then shoot it with a purple elephant gun.**

How do you put a giraffe in a refrigerator?

**Open the door and put it inside**

How do you put a lion i...

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While in China, an American man is sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom the entire time he is there.

A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots. Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor.

The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Magic Purple Dildo

A girl walks into a bar, and goes up to the bartender and complains about ex-boyfriend and how she will never get laid again.

The bartender looks at her and reaches under the counter and pulls out a purple dildo. He tells her that the dildo is a Magic Dildo. "This is a magic purple dildo you...

What happens if u throw a purple hat in the black sea?

It gets wet.

So I hear Deep Purple is composing a song for the new Star Wars film

It's called Snoke on the Water.

Breaking News: A ship carrying red paint just collided with a ship carrying purple paint, in the South China Sea.

Authorities report that the crews of both ships are marooned

A purple man has a purple wife.

They have two purple kids and live in a big purple house. One day they decide to take a vacation, so they all pile into their purple car, drive it to their purple boat, and set out to sea. Sadly the boat crashes and they are stranded on a small island. The purple man looks to the heavens in desperat...

What do you call a brewmaster that wears a bright purple robe and carries around an enormous recipe book?

An Ale Chemist.

Roses are red, That much is true

But violets are purple
Not freakin blue

How many hits of acid do I need before I can change a light bulb?

Two. One to help me get the ladder and the other to distract all the spiders. Oh god - - there are SPIDERS everywhere!! And now they’re purple cows. With fangs. Only 8 more hours of blblblblblblblblbl.

A man goes to a wizard to get his fortune read. (antijoke)

He arrives at the wizard's tower and ascends the cobblestone stairs to face the large oak door. After knocking on the door, a raspy voice answers from within.

"What do you want? I'm rather busy and have no time for pests."

The man responds, uncertainly, "I wish for you to read my fortu...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The purple feather

Billy was walking to school when he spotted a purple feather on the side of the road . "A purple feather! I can't wait to show everyone" he exclaimed. It was lunch time at school and Billy decided to show his friend Jacob. Jacob held the feather and asked "how did you find this?" Billy replied "I w...

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"Purple Passion"

A boy was walking to school. A creepy man jumps out from behind a bush and screams at the kid, "Purple passion!"

Needless to say, the boy was frightened and took another way to school. He was late. The teacher asks why, and he explains:

"Some weird guy shouted 'Purple passion!' on my w...

Found out i was colourblind the other day..

Hit me right out of the purple

The color red walks over to the table where Blue and Purple are sitting

"Sorry," says Blue, "you can't sit with us. You aren't cool enough."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Purple Flower

So there's this guy walking to school and on his way there he sees these two girls talking to each other. He drops in on their conversation and hears them talking about a purple flower. He thought to himself "Purple flower?" and stops to think about it. He realizes he's late for school and runs as f...

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A Purple and a Grey walk into a bar...

The bartender says "what'll it be, boys?"
The grey is indecisive and thinks long and hard about his decision.
A little annoyed, the bartender turns to the purple.
^^^.
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But he was already passed out on the bathroom floor.
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...