What happened to Reese’s Cup when he dropped it?

It became Reese’s Pieces.

What would be Reese Witherspoon's credits name if she starred in Matrix?

"Reese Wither", because there is no spoon.

My brother was murdered today

cop: do you mind identifying the body \[puts hand on my shoulder\] I have to warn you the body was hacked up.

me: \[tearing up\] yes that's my brother Reese.

cop: you're sure?

me: \[nodding\] those are Reese's Pieces.

Guys, I've already failed No Nut November

I'm eating my reese's as we speak

[A cinema ticket office attendant told me this] Q. How does Reese eat ice cream?

A. Witherspoon

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What do you call a mini-golf club made of wasp testicles that's covered in Reese's Pieces?

A peanut butter bee-nut putter.

Did you hear about the actress that stabbed her husband at dinner? Reese something....

“Witherspoon?”












No with her knife!!!!

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What do you get when you stick two Reese's Peanut Butter Cups together?

A Peanut Butter Pint.

Which celebrity is always ready for cereal?

Reese. With her spoon.

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"There's no wrong way to eat a Reese's"

...said the guy who didn't just shove a bunch of Reese's in his ass.

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Allison was bragging to her boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."

Tired of her, boasting, her boss called her bluff, "OK, Allison, how about Reese Witherspoon?"

"No dramas boss, Reese and I are old friends, and I can prove it." So Allison and her boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Reese Witherspoon's door, and Reese Witherspoo shouts,

"Allison! W...

If Reese Witherspoon married Bill Withers

...she'd have to give up the poon.

That actress called Reese got stabbed the other day. I just can't remember her surname.

Witherspoon?

No with a knife.

DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself.

MOM: Oh my! Who!?


DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?


MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????


DAD: No, it was with a knife...

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The Birth of Baby Ruth

It was another Payday and I was tired of Mr. Goodbar. I saw Miss Hershey standing behind the Powerhouse on the corner of Clark and Fifth Avenue when I whipped out my Whopper and whispered, "Hey Sweetheart, how'd you like to Crunch on my big hunk for a Million Dollar Bar?"

Well, she immediate...

Did any one hear that a famous actress was recently stabbed while eating dinner at a restaurant in Hollywood? Her name was Reese. .....?

If you were thinking Witherspoon you're wrong it was Withherknife.

Did you hear about that celebrity who committed suicide? Reese whatsername?

"Witherspoon?"

"No, with a knife!"

Only really works if you actually tell it to someone (and can maintain a good pokerface)

And the bus driver's name is Mac.

A man got a new job driving a school bus. When he went to pick up the keys, the man behind the desk slammed them down and said, "Bus #1. Has a Big Bird picture on the side."

The man got in his bus and drove to the first stop. He picked up one boy, who immediately introduced himself. "Hi! My...

Did you hear about that Reese lady?

Guy 1: Hey, did you here about that celebrity that stabbed some poor guy to death? What was her name, Reese... Reese Wither... Wither...

Guy 2: Witherspoon?

Guy 1: No, with her knife.

Classic that I haven't seen for awhile

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Why did the inventor of the peanut butter cup give up on eating them with her fork ?

Because it was easier for Reese with her spoon

Two workers at TMZ are talking...

‘Did you guys hear about the actress who got stabbed?’
‘No, what happened?’
‘Reese…’
‘Witherspoon?’
‘No with a knife.’

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So a guy walked into a bar and asked how to become a cupcake...

So, a guy walked into a bar and he saw a cupcake. He went up to the cupcake and asked, "How do I become a cupcake?"

The cupcake replied, "You have to eat a cupcake to become a cupcake."

So the guy left to go eat a cupcake and the next night he returned to the bar. He then saw a chocola...

Cerealsly amazing joke

Once upon a time, there was a Cheerio who wanted something to do with his life, because it sucked. He decided he wanted to marry someone. So, one day, he went to the town square and saw a beautiful Fruit Loop. He went up to her and tried to ask her out on a date, but before he could get any words ou...

Did you hear about the actress tho got stabbed?

A girl asked her mum, "Did you hear about the actress tho got stabbed?"

The mum replied "no who?"

The girl said "Reese something"

The mum said " Witherspoon??"

The girl responded "Nah with a knife"

The cashier got my wife with this at the store just now then she got me at home with it. It only works verbally, but I wanted to share.

Cashier: Did you hear about the famous actress that stabbed her husband today?

wife: No who?

Cashier: Reese...um...

Wife: Witherspoon?

Cashier: No, with her knife!

Did you see the news?

Tim: John did you see the news yesterday?

John: No shy?

Tim: an actress was killed! She got stabbed to death. Her name was um reese?

John: Witherspoon?

Tim: no with a knife John

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What happens when a kamikaze bomber blows up a chocolate peanut butter cup factory?

Reeses pieces

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There's a 4 year old and a 7 year old.

The 7 year old says, "Hey, let's say bad words!" The 4 year old says okay, so they go downstairs. They see their mom and she asks the boys what they want. The 7 year old says, "Give me some god damn Reese's Puffs." The mom slaps him and asks the 4 year old what he wants. The 4 year old says, "You be...

Some blonde chick was in my house holding something the other day...

...turns out it was just Reese Witherspoon

I was driving out of the hospital parking ramp...

And I stopped to pay the attendant, an older man.

While he was getting change he casually said “you hear about the actress that was stabbed earlier today?”

I’m like “No! That’s terrible! Who was it?!?”

“Reese... umm... uhhh....”

“Witherspoon?!?”

“NO WITH A KNIFE!!!...

A cheerio walks into his boss's office...

And he says to his boss, “Boss, I want to be more delicious than a plain old Cheerio.” The boss shuffles his papers around a bit, and replies. “Okay, I tell you what. If you go out and work for a year, I’ll upgrade you to a Honey Nut Cheerio.” The Cheerio thinks on it, and quickly agrees. He goes ou...

Did you hear that actress from Legally Blonde was stabbed?

Me: Yeah. She was stabbed in California, in broad day light. The one from legally blonde. Reese....Something.... with-er... um...with-uh... ..ummm...

Friend: Witherspoon?

Me: No. With a knife.

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Last Halloween

Last Halloween, I went to a costume party. I spot a guy dressed in a monkey costume with a jar of peanut butter in one hand and a chocolate bar in the other. I asked him what he was dressed as, and he replied, "Me? I am a Reese's Monkey."

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Anybody read the paper this morning

Person one: "Hey, did you read the news this morning?"
Person two: "No, why?"
Person one: "omg it was crazy, this famous actress stabbed her housekeeper like 50 times!"
Person two: "holy shit, what was her name?"
Person one: "uhh, it was like Reese something, umm Reese..."
Person two:...

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