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The Penis Poem–by Willie Nelson

My nookie days are over,
My pilot light is out.

What used to be my sex appeal,
Is now my water spout.

Time was when, on its own accord,
From my trousers it would spring.

But now I’ve got a full time job,
To find the gosh darn thing.

It used to be embar...

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A guy goes to the tatoo parlor and offers the tattoo artist $1,000 to put a $100 bill on his willie.

The artist agrees, but is curious and asks the man why he wants to do this.


The man replies, "I have my reasons which I would rather not tell right now."


So, the artist goes ahead and does the job. But, all the while he is anxious with curiosity over why this man wants a ...

What’s the last thing you want to hear when you’re done blowing Willie Nelson?

“I’m not Willie Nelson!”

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Disabled legless Parrot. With a bargain.

A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, "Jeesh. I wonder what happened to this Parrot?"

The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."

"Holy shit," the guy replies. "You actually...

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A woman joins a country club and when she hears the guys talking about their golf round, she says, "I played on my college's golf team. I was pretty good. Mind if I join you next week?" No one wants to say 'yes', but they're on the spot…

Finally, one man says, "Okay, but we start at 6:30 a.m."

He figures the early tee-time will discourage her.

The woman says this may be a problem and asks if she can be up to 15 minutes late.

They roll their eyes, but say, "Okay."

She's there at 6:30 am. sharp and beats al...

Willie Nelson

Did you hear Willie Nelson almost got hit by a car?

He was …. on the road again

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How many kinds of boobs are there

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hangi...

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A company was looking to hire someone for an important position so they interviewed dozens of applicants and narrowed their search down to three people from different parts of Canada.

In an attempt to pick one of them, they decided to give them all the same question to answer within 24 hours, and the one with the best answer would get the job.

The question was:

A man and a woman are in bed, nude. The woman is lying on her side with her back facing the man, and the m...

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A college student was driving through rural Scotland on holiday

When he came across an old stone pub that must have been several hundred years old. He thought to himself that this could be an opportunity to sample some of the local ale, so he parked and headed inside.

When he opened the door, however, the bar was empty except for one old bartender polish...

An Elvis Presley fan decides to get his likeness tattooed on each of her thighs.

However, she was not entirely pleased with the end result. One night, during a particularly successful tinder date, she decided to get a second opinion. Flipping on the lights and lifting her frock she asked her date "Does this look like Elvis to you?" After a moment of careful study, her date repli...

A lady decides to get a tattoo

A lady who is a huge Elvis fan decides on his birthday to get a tattoo of the King to commemorate his life.

She goes to a well-known tattoo artist in town and asks that he put the ink on the inside of her thigh. The artist draws it out and asked her, “Do you like the design, and is right her...

What gets higher with age?

Willie Nelson

Why did the chicken named Willie cross the road?

He just couldn't wait to get on the road again.

Willie Nelson is doing a concert for Beto O'Rourke

Some fans are burning their marijuana in protest.

Willie saw some dynamite

Willie saw some dynamite,
Couldn't understand it quite;
Curiosity never pays:
It rained Willie seven days.

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What do you call it when your willie gets stuck in your pant's zipper?

A penis fly trap

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A Florida man dies and goes to a waiting area for his final destination.

As he awaits, he spots his best friend within the crowd and cannot believe it. He approaches his buddy and starts a conversation

“Cooch, is that you buddy? Holy shit! It is you! What are you doing here?”

“Hey Willie” says the man with barely any expression on his face.

“What ar...

Anyone ever read " thousand miles to the outhouse" by Willie Makeit

Published by Betty Dident.

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Willie the bridge builder

An old man is sitting at the bar when a young patron walks in. He notices the old man has quite a few empty shot glasses in front of him. He approaches the old man and says, "Hello sir, I don't mean to be nosy but you sure have a lot of empty shot glasses there. What's the matter?" The old man looks...

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I came home one day and there were five penguins standing in my driveway. I didn't know what to do so I called a vet. His name was Willie and he was in Viet-Nam.

" Willie WTF should I do with these Penguins?" Willies says " Take them to the zoo" Good Idea. So I run into Willie downtown a couple of weeks later. " WTF are you doing with those penguins in the back of your truck, I told you to take them to the zoo?" " I did, and we had so much fun I am taki...

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An Englishman, an Irishman & a Leprechaun in a bar...

An Irishman walks into a bar and asks for two beers. He then pulls a small green-skinned man out of his pocket and puts him on the counter.

As he’s drinking one drink and the green man is drinking the other, an Englishman down the bar who has had a few too many drinks says, “Hey, what’s that...

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