My wife traumatically ripped the blankets off me last night

But I will recover.

An elderly woman was taken to court suspected of having killed the 4 husbands she'd had. There, the prosecutor starts the interrogation;

"How did your first husband die?" Asked the prosecutor.

"He ate soup made with poisonous mushrooms" Answered the woman.

"And, how did your second husband die?".

"He ate soup made with poisonous mushrooms".

The court gasps.

The prosecutor follows on "How did your th...

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Three men arrive at the gates of heaven but St Peter says that heaven is kinda full and, for whatever reason, they’re only letting in the people that have died in the most traumatic way...

So the first man steps forward and says “That’s me! I was convinced my wife was cheating and left work early to catch her in the act. I burst into the bedroom and find her in bed, the sheets are a mess, the smell of sex is in the air, but she swears she was just sleeping, I search the apartment high...

What type of trophy do you get when you’ve seen a traumatic amount of cat asses in your life?

A catastrophe

Why did the clairvoyant visit the psychologist?

He was suffering from pre-traumatic stress disorder.

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Over the last few months I became a victim of a clever scam while shopping at Home Depot.

Simply going out to get supplies


has turned out to be very traumatic for me. Don't be


naïve enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your


friends. Here's how the scam works:


Two seriously good-looking 20-21 year-old girls come over

...

Why did 10 have post traumatic stress disorders and night terrors?

Because he was smack dab in the middle of 9 11

What tool best deals with traumatic events?

A coping saw.

Football gave me traumatic brain injury

And I was only watching.

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A pathologist is teaching her class how to do autopsies

The students are taken to the morgue and once in there they are shown the corpse of a dead man. The cadaver is bloated and old, several traumatic wounds are visible, its skin is pale and dried and the faint smell of chemicals and rot emanates from him.

"To become a good pathologist you need t...

My clothes were traumatically stolen from me.

But I've recovered.

Underwater Birth

My wife and I decided to have an underwater child birth. The Dr. said birth in a pool would be less traumatic for the baby.

In hindsight, I don't think we would do it again. It seemed very chaotic as everyone was screaming, pushing, and splashing water as they tried to get out of the pool.

Fergus goes to the dentist and asks about the cost of a tooth extraction.

$85 for an extraction sir," was the dentists reply.

"Och huv ye nay got unythin cheaper," replies the Scotsman getting agitated.

"But that's the normal charge for an extraction sir," replied the dentist.

"What aboot if ye didnae use uny anaesthetic?" asked Fergus hopefully. <...

Hello, and Welcome to the Mental Health Hotline:

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you ar...

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3 nuns die and go to heavens gate

3 nuns died and went to Heavens Gate. St. Peter comes out and says "before you can enter the gates of heaven you must answer me this one question".
"What part of your body last touch a man's genitals?"

The first nun steps up and says, "Well, I used to work in an orphanage with babies and ...

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My friends and I get bullied a lot

I was at school, going to the lunchroom with my friends- James (he has Parkinson's Disease), Alex (he's mute), Megan (she's completely blind in both eyes), Abby (she has asthma) and Hayley (she's albino). I myself am paralyzed from the waist down and so I need to use a wheelchair. Since my friends a...

Why doesnt Doomguy/slayer have PTSD?

***He*** is the traumatic event.

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A husband and wife are in a terrible car crash

The wife walks away with some minor cuts and bruises, but the husband is in critical condition and is rushed into surgery.

After 5 or 6 hours in the waiting room, the wife sees the doctor approaching in blood-stained scrubs.

"I've got good news and bad news," he says. "Which would you ...

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Heaven was running out of spots for new souls

So St. Peter was instructed by God to only let in people, who, apart from having lived honorable lives, had also suffered a terribly traumatic last moment, and needed consolation for that.

The next day, St. Peter went to his place at the front gates of Heaven, and three men were there, waitin...

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Old Men Scam

>**Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall and in dark parking lots, etc.  This is the first warning I have seen for men.  I wanted to pass it on in case you haven't heard about it.  A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular customers at Lowe's, Home Depot, Sam’s ...

When I was in middle school, my "friends" used to force me to eat vegetables until I almost threw up.

They even started sending me pictures of vegetables on the internet, threatening to make me eat lettuce until I was sick. To this day, I still suffer from the effects of their rampant and traumatic fiber-bullying.

How many Yale students does it take to change a lightbulb?

*One to hold the bulb up to the socket and wait for the world to revolve around them, three to scream at the circuit breaker and belittle it for controlling power, and eight others to console the first four while they tweet about how problematic this traumatic experience has been for everyone.*

With all the sadness and trauma

going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person which went almost un-noticed.



Larry La Prise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey" died peacefully on 11 April 2016 aged 83.



The most traumatic part for his family was get...

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Man goes to the Dr because his D!ck has turned Orange.

Man: Doctor, I have this orange dick, its freaking me out, have you ever heard of such a thing?


Doctor: Hmm interesting, mind if I take a peak?


So the man breaks out his bright orange man meat for the doctor to inspect.


Doctor: By god! You're not kidding, you just wo...

Warning: Car Cleaning scam

Guys, please take care when shopping. I've become a victim of a scam, this is what happens:

While loading my car at the supermarket 2 very attractive ladies come over to help and clean the windshield wearing very skimpy clothing (very nice to watch I must say), they wouldn't take any payment...

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Three men die and go to heaven

When the first guy arrives at the pearly gates, Saint Peter says "my son, we're a bit crowded here, and you're only allowed in heaven if you had a traumatic death". "Traumatic death?" the guy exclaims, "I just caught my wife cheating. I came to my apartment early and she was naked on the bed. And th...

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Steve and Jason have their car break down on a deserted country road. [NSFW]

It’s late at night, there is no cell reception and they see only one house for miles surrounded by corn fields so they walk over and ring the doorbell. A disgusting old, wrinkly lady answers the door and asks them what they want.

“Our car broke down and we need to call a tow truck but we don’...

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A medical student decided to study sexual dysfunction as his speciality.....

On his first day in the hospital, the chief doctor decided to show him around and to start teaching his new student about this area of medicine. As part of the training, the chief doctor decided to bring the student around to all the patients in his wing so the student could see firsthand some of th...

The man who wrote the Hokey Cokey just died.

The most traumatic part for his family was getting him in the coffin. They put his left leg in... and then the trouble started.

So this black bear walked into a restaurant...

So this black bear walks into a restaurant. Ok, wait, I know what you’re thinking, why’s it have to be a BLACK bear? Ok, fine, it was a brown bear... no wait... that still won’t work. Polar bear? Maybe a grizzly bear, though, I guess technically that’s still brown. You know what, it doesn’t matter. ...

Hand Surgery

A man suffers a traumatic accident that requires the surgical reconstruction of both his hands. It takes multiple operations, but eventually his mangled digits resemble something human again, and he regains full use of all of his fingers. Thankful but somber, he asks the surgeon, "But doc, will I ev...

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Once upon a time there was a princess.

This princess could never get her father, the king, to approve of any man she brought home. She brought home a baker, a farmer, a lord, even a few knights, but no matter their social standing, wealth, or intelligence, her father would not approve. Exasperated with trying and failing to find a prince...

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Talking dog.

A man was driving through the countryside one day and he passed a nice little cottage and there was a sign outside saying 'Talking dog for sale'

so he pulled into the driveway and knocked on the door. An middle aged man answered.

"I believe you have a talking dog for sale?"

"Yes...

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