UPJOKE
schizophreniadisabilitydepressionbipolar disorderdisturbancebrainmindpsychosisbehaviordementiaanxiety disorderpsychotherapystresssocial workalcoholism

Cat with mental disorder

The psychiatrist just diagnosed my cat for having dissociative identity disorder.

She now have 45 lives.

I don't have any mental disorders.

My other personalities aren't so lucky.

A team of researchers have figured out how to reduce the rate of new mental disorder cases by 100%!

β€œStop diagnosing them.”

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Sexual fetishes are getting seperate volume in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders

There is now the a-DSM and the b-DSM.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

How do you bid farewell to a sexually open Arctic animal with a mental disorder.

"Bye bye bi bipolar polar bear!"

Recent studies show that 100% of people disabled from the waist down are diagnosed with a mental disorder

Crippling Depression

I tell all my dates I'm an open book.

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, fifth edition.

I am half Spiderman, half batman and half moon knight...

\- Poor
\- With no powers
\- With mental disorders

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Why psychologists don't like bondage sex?

-because they only like DSM

A reporter goes to a mental health clinic to do a news piece.

A reporter goes to a mental hospital to do a news article piece about the hospitals great success rate in diagnosing pacients with mental disorders. The hospital manager starts to explain to our curious reporter that they use a very simple method to determine whether a pacient is crazy or not.
...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

A guy finally gathers up his courage and asks his crush out.

She says yes, and he invites her to an amusement park. They ride the carousel, the roller coaster and the ferris wheel. Then he asks her "What do you wanna do next?" She tells him "I wanna be weighed!"

As a matter of fact, there's a weight guesser present at the park,and they go to his stand....

Parking spot

Today I had to go to Lowe's. As I approached the entrance, I noticed a female driver looking for a parking space. I flagged the driver and pointed out a handicap parking space that was open and available.

The driver looked puzzled, rolled down her window and said, "I'm not handicapped!" Well...

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