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Pass Gas Jokes

What do you call a cat who likes to pass gas?

Puss and toots

how to pass gas

I was in a restaurant once and I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas.

The music was really, really loud, so I timed my reliefs to the beat of the music.

After just a few songs I started to feel better.

I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man lying in bed didnt know if he had to poop or pass gas

So he took a shart in the dark

What do you call someone who doesn't pass gas in public?

A private tooter (tutor)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do DJs like to pass gas?

*It gives them a chance to put their shit on BLAST!!*



I'm so sorry. I'll show myself out...

What is it called when too many people pass gas inside of a mine?

An excess stench hole crisis.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I pass gas and people look to me as if I was the culprit,

I blame the asshole behind me.

When you pass gas loudly in a crowded room, everyone should applaud...

That takes some guts.

Mother Superior is travelling

Mother Superior was traveling by bus with a young novice nun.

They had to change buses in anothyer city.

They had packed a lunch and found a bench in the bus station to spread their lunch on a cloth between them.

As they ate the young novice noticed a large scale in a corner t...

An elderly woman goes to the doctor.

An elderly woman goes to the doctor. She says, "Doc, it's terrible, I pass gas all the time. Fortunately, it's odorless and silent, otherwise, I'd be mortified. For example, I've passed gas ten times just since we've been talking, but it's odorless and silent so you can't tell." The doctor gives her...

Farting Issues

Patient: Doctor, every time I pass gas, the room fills up with smoke and stinks of petrol. What's wrong with me?

Doctor: Get some rest. You're just exhausted.

An old woman at the doctor's

"Doc, I have incredible problems with gas. Really, I have to pass gas all the time, but fortunately, they don't smell and you can't hear them at all. You see, since I came in here, I had to pass gas four times already and still, no smell, no sound, nothing."

The doctor nods and writes some me...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman was waiting at a bus stop

The wait was going to be long. In the diner across the road, there was a fortune machine. 25 cents, the little slip of paper came out.

"You know how to play the violin"

Well that's not true, she thought. There happened to be a violinist in the diner, he let her try. To both of thei...

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Duke!

Dave goes to visit his friend, the rich Lord Pendergrast, for lunch. Lord Pendergast greets him at the door, along with his trusty hound Duke, and after greetings and a warm embrace, the butler shows them into the banquet hall where they sit down to dine. Duke plops down beside Dave, hoping for some...

I went to the doctor the other day because I was having bad gas.

It wasn't bothering me because I'm Anosmic (no sense of smell), but my wife and kids were complaining.

By the time doctor came into the examination room, I had passed gas at least four times. They felt like smelly farts, but I couldn't really tell.

I told the doctor about my problem, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two boys were playing in the sandbox with a girl

**This is a joke my grandpa just told me (he was a Navy guy).**

Two boys were playing in the sandbox with a girl; the boys’ names were Tom and Dick and the girl’s name was Sally.

Tom decided to challenge Sally to a contest. The rules of the contest were as follows: each child had to bu...

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A man goes to his girlfriends house for dinner..

The father invites him in. He sits down at the table, and starts eating. The family dog is sitting quietly under the table..

While eating, he feels the urge to pass gas.
Thinking he can do it silently, he decides to do it at the table.
"BRAAAAAPP" The sound of it echoes in the dining r...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young man was visiting his girlfriends parents for the first time.

As they ate dinner, he felt the need to pass gas, but he held it in quite a while. As the night wore on, he couldn't stand it, so he tried to let out just a little bit.

"Eeeep!"

The girls mother looks sharply at the dog and says "Spot!"

Twenty minutes go by, and he decid...

An old woman goes to the doctor...

and talks to him about a problem she is having.

"I have a terrible time with gas. Luckily, they are silent and scentless. In fact, I've farted several times while I've been here. While it isn't ruining my day to day living, it is terribly embarrassing."

The doctor thinks a minute an...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is watching a movie at a movie theater.

Suddenly, he has a tremendous urge to pass gas and wants to do it silently. Fortunately, there is a scene on the screen with a freight train going by, and he lets out a big one. After he does his business and the train passes, the guy next to him turns to him and asks,

"Excuse me sir, but do ...

I'm an anesthesiologist.

I get to pass gas for a living.

An elderly man goes to the doctor and says...

An elderly man goes to the doctor and says he has a concerning problem. "Doctor," he says, "when I pass gas, it no longer smells or makes a sound." Baffled, the doctor orders a full battery of tests; physical examination, blood work, CT scan, stool sample, the entire work up. After reviewing the ...

A man was eating alone in a restaurant listening to music

As he was eating his dinner, he needed to pass gas. He didn't want to leave his table unattended and came up with a plan. He decided to let it out to the beat of the music so that no one would hear it. When he was done he looked up to see if anyone noticed. They were all staring at him. He forgot he...

The Nudist Club

(Long)

A man joins an extremely exclusive nudist club. The first day in the camp he undresses and starts walking around a bit uncomfortably. The first person he meets is an extremely beautiful busty blonde and the man gets an erection immediately. The woman notices his erection, comes up to h...

A young man from the hills of Kentucky came home on leave from the military.

He knew his family would ask a million questions, so he managed to convince his sergeant to let him take home his weapon and a training grenade.

As he crested the hill, his cousins and siblings came pouring out to see him, but immediately saw his rifle and begged him to let them shoot it. So...

The Toastmaster

Once upon a time in a small village there lived a toastmaster. One sunny day, two young villagers decided to get married and the whole village invited the toastmaster to the wedding. The toastmaster gave a flamboyant speech and suddenly discovered he really needed to pass gas. The reception were to ...

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