UPJOKE
elfgoblinorcuskiller whalewarcraftdemonplutowhalelatinogreurizentraditionmiddle-earthsauronmordor

My partner had a go at me because at night, unaware, I go on about Hobbits, Rings and Orcs.

They think I'm Tolkien in my sleep.

[OC] What do you call an Orc on a bike?

A Mordorcyclist

I walked into a disco, and there were Orcs, Trolls, and Nazgûl doing their best moves.

It was Mordor on the dance floor.

What did the elf say after an orc stole his Legos?

I’m Legolas.

Why is it ok to hack Cthulhu in as a recruitable hero in a fantasy RTS to defeat the orcs?

Because all's fair in Lovecraft and Warcraft.

Orc humor What do you call a paladin with a spear in his chest?

A hole-y knight

What type of oil do orcs use in their machinery?

Mordor Oil

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] An Orc and an Elf are sitting at a tavern looking at a pretty hobbit girl.

"I took her on a date last night," bragged the Orc.
"And she let me reach under the table and diddle her hairy twat!"

"Liar." Says the Elf.
"It's true! She loved it. Go ask her." Says the Orc.

So the Elf approaches the pretty Hobbit.
"Is it true that you went on a date with t...

Where do Orcs go to school?

Uruk-Hai

How do Orcs of Mordor preserve their meat?

They use Sauron wrap

An Elf, an Orc, and a Dragonborn walk into a bar...

There's no punchline, it's just a fantasy of mine.

What was the only suggestion the orc had for the contractor who built his house?

Mordor

Have you heard of Smokey the Orc?

Only YOU can prevent forests!

What do you call an orc's wolf with particularly short legs?

A Worgi

Fellowship of the ring

As the fellowship of the ring was being formed Bilbo had been eavisdropping outside of the meeting, not being able to help his curiosity.
He had heard young Frodo take upon himself the burden of the ring, Sam, Merry and Pippin joining him on the foolish quest. Aragorn, Gimli, Legolas and Boromir ...

What's the most popular top-level domain in Mordor?

.orc

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A hideous little orc is in the kingdom's capital, looking to acquire medicine for his sick mom.

Nobody can stand the sight of him, with some even threatening violence of he doesn't leave.
He finds and alchemist's medicine shop at the market and tells him about his mother's illness.

"Ah, but of course!" says the alchemist, "It's clearly a case of Sakiara Fever. It's not very common at...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know the Elves had a plan to beat the Uruk-hai with Sexual Frustration?

It's true. They knew that if they got enough trees together, it made an OrcHard.

Why do killer whales never make friends with other species?

They're too orc'ward.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I think my friend might be gay

I went over to his house to watch Lord of the Rings, anyway do you remember how it begins with Bilbo celebrating his 111th birthday in the shire, reuniting with his old friend, Gandalf, Bilbo reveals that he intends to leave the Shire for one last adventure, and he leaves his inheritance, including ...

What did Gimli say to Legolas when the Uruk-hai marched on Helm's Deep?

That's a LOTR orcs!

probably won't get him laid

A guy walks into a bar and starts pretending to shoot arrows to a few girls. One of those girls smiles and gets closer to talk: "Hey, I saw that you threw me an arrow." she said while winking at him.

"Yes, I guess I did." came his reply.

"Who are you?", she asked. "Cupid throwing love ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walls into a bar...

He sees a woman with a duck, a priest, a rabbi, a Muslim, a redneck, an English man, a Scotish man, a Welsh man, an Irish man, a pirate with a parrot on his shoulder, and an orc with a parrot on his shoulder all sitting quietly at their tables, enjoying drinks and polite conversation.

The ma...

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