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Grey Jokes

My wife said she wanted to see 50 Shades of Grey.

So I took a photo of her hair!

What's the difference between grey and gray?

One is a color, and the other is a colour.

What’s grey and not important?

An irrelephant

What’s a large grey animal that doesn’t matter?

An irrelephant

Why do women find Christian Grey so appealing?

Beats me.

Why does Karl Marx hate Earl Grey?

Because all proper tea is theft.

What's grey and comes in quarts?

Elephants

I found my first grey pubic hair today

I just didn’t expect it to be in my Big Mac

Mark Zuckerberg says he wears a grey t-shirt everyday because he doesn't want to waste time on things that don't matter.

He runs Facebook.

Fifty Shades of Grey

#272727, #282828, #292929, #2b2b2b, #2c2c2c, #2e2e2e, #313131, #323232, #343434, #353535, #373737, #393939, #3a3a3a, #3c3c3c, #3f3f3f, #404040, #424242, #444444, #454545, #474747, #484848, #4a4a4a, #4b4b4b, #4d4d4d, #4e4e4e, #505050, #515151, #535353, #565656, #575757, #585858, #595959, #5b5b5b, #5c...

I found my first grey pubic hair last night.

Last time I ever eat Grandma's Christmas dinner

Grey hair is hereditary.

You get it from your children.

Roses are brown, violets are grey

I just found out I'm colorblind today.

Mommy, why are some of your hairs turning grey?

A curious child asked his mother: “Mommy, why are some of your hairs turning grey?”

The mother tried to use this occasion to teach her child: “It is because of you, dear. Every bad action of yours will turn one of my hairs grey!”

The child replied innocently: “Now I know why grandmothe...

When struggling between which grey/gray to use…

Just remember this helpful tip:
Europe=grEy, America=grAy.... and for the Canadians, grEHy

What's grey, has spikes, and runs around a field?

Barbed wire.

What's white and grey and spins at 2400rpm?

An albatross in a 747.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A little lad asks his mother why she has so many grey hairs.

"It's because you are so naughty" she tells him.

"Well,..." he replies, "...having seen grandma, you must have been a right twat."

What is grey and pink,grey and pink?

2 elephants hiding in a strawberry patch

Mom, Why is your hair turning grey?

There was once a naughty little girl who was always getting in trouble and she asked her mother one day "Mom, why is your hair turning grey?" And her mother replied "Every time you do something bad, I get another grey hair." The girl got a puzzled look on her face. A moment later, the girl starts ch...

I found my first grey pube today...

Usually I wouldn't mind, but it was in my greggs pasty.

If you ever want to sin, make sure you have some Earl Grey on you!

Because with tea, immoral acts become immortal acts!

What has two grey legs and two brown legs?

An elephant with diarrhea

What is big, grey and can't fly?

A parking lot.

What's the best thing about Dorian Grey jokes?

They never get old!

What is grey and hurts if it flies in your eye?

A Boeing F/A-18E/F Super Hornet

If you go to a Jedi bar, the only vodka that you can get is Grey Goose.

Because..only the Sith deal in Absolut.

Being 62, I wasn't surprise to find my first grey pubic hair today.

What surprised me was finding it in the McDonald's cheeseburger I had for lunch.

Why parents go grey

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employees home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?"

Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss ask...

What's grey and red and goes 100mph?

A baby bunny being discharged from my lawn mower.

I wish I could re-enact the fantasy scenes from 50 Shades of Grey...

For example, the one where she gets a job right out of college.

Roses are red, April is grey, The next time you leave your house

It’s Gonna Be May

A grey piece of tarmac rolls into a bar

He says "I'm the biggest and toughest piece of tarmac around, and I'll fight anybody in here."

The barman says "if you're so tough, go fight that red piece of tarmac over there."

The grey piece of tarmac looks over at the red piece of tarmac and says "I'm not fighting that guy, he's ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Watched 50 Shades of Grey with my parents and Christ if all the sex didn't make the whole thing awkward.

I could barely see the screen with my mom bent over like that.

What's grey and comes in pints?

Elephants

(Credit: "Afterlife" by Ricky Gervais)

Greying hair

A boy asked his dad "Why does hair turn grey?"

His dad considered his own grey hair and said "Son, everytime you do something shameful, I get a grey hair. Whenever you don't try your best, I get another grey hair. And when you don't listen to your parents, I get another grey hair!"

T...

What's the difference between Jesus and Sasha Grey?

The look on their face while being nailed.

What animal is grey and has a trunk?

A mouse on vacation

What instant coffee and Sasha Grey have in common?

3 in 1

whats grey and doesn't even weigh much?

Light Grey

Daniel Craig was explaining why his character had grey hair for the first time ever in the franchise.

This comment has been overwritten and deleted forevermore by the user in response to the API changes June 2023.

I went to the 50 Shades of Grey midnight premier earlier tonight

Just sucks I couldn't hear the movie over all those goddamn bees in the theater

Four guys have been going on the same golfing trip to St Andrews for many years.. Two days before the group is to leave, John's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. John's mates are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.

Two days later, the three get to St Andrews only to find John sitting at the bar with four drinks set up! "Wow, John, how long you been here, and how did you talk your Missus into letting you go?" "Well, I've been here since last night... Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my living room chair and ...

So a rabbit is enjoying some earl grey in his garden when his friend arrives.

His friend says, "Please come back to us."

The rabbit, formerly Jewish, says, "No, sorry, I don't believe anymore."

His friend grabs him by one arm and tugs, saying, "Come with me, come on! You have to join us down at the synagogue! You used to lead us and we miss you!"

Almost d...

What's big, grey and goes round and round?

An elephant in a washing machine.

50 shades of grey would be a perfect title for a movie about a dog reading a map of the US.

EDIT: Thanks a million to everyone who upvoted. It's the first time I get these many. Oh, and by the way, the joke is stolen, it's a meme that has been going around for a while now, so... middle finger to all of you.

The world is full of grey areas.

I don't know how you can get any more black and white than that.

I found my first grey pubic hair this morning.

Normally things like this don’t bother me, but I found it in my sausage and egg McMuffin.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Donald Trump, Vladimr Putin and Angela Merkel take a walk on the Beach.

Seeing the great body of water, Mr Trump felt the need to reassure the two others of his country's militaristic superiority.

"Folks, I can tell you, our Navy submarines, are so big and so good, would you believe it, they can remain submerged from the moment they leave the port, to the day the...

"Fifty Shades of Grey" gives its readers unrealistic expectations.

It makes them think that Vintage Books will publish anything that gets sent to them.

What's grey, has four legs, howls at the moon, and eats cement?

A wolf. I threw in the cement to make it hard.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a Grey Hound bus station and a lobster with boobs

One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean

What is grey, has wings and is a terrible swimmer?

A castle.

What's black, grey, and red all over?

A gorilla with a child in the enclosure.

This week Lego Batman sold more tickets than the sequel to 50 Shades of Grey...

When asked to comment about this 50 Shades stated "It's okay, I like to be dominated."

African Grey Parrots are famously intelligent, but studies have shown that they consistently lose chess matches against ravens, jackdaws, and other corvids.

Said one researcher, "They just have trouble weighing the crows and pawns."

50 shades of grey

Girl 1: Hey have you read 50 shades of grey yet?
Girl 2: Yes! From cover to cover!
Girl 1: And the index?
Girl 2: Exhausted...

A man’s wife is missing…

Man: Officer, my wife is missing. She went out yesterday and she hasn’t come home.

Officer: Okay, what’s her height?

Man: Not sure…. Maybe around 5’6?

Officer: Okay, weight?

Man: I dunno… not slim not big.

Officer: Okay… colour of her eyes?

Man: Sort of blue...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was talking to my buddy about 50 Shades Of Grey

He said "yeah, my wife and I have been doing S&M for years."
"Really!", I said, "I had no idea!"
"Sure," he said, "she sleeps and I masturbate!"

Why are calculators grey and boring?

Cause it's what's on the inside that counts!

I tried stealing someone's Earl Grey once…

…but it wasn't my cup of tea.

Prob been done before Dad joke, but "What's large, grey and unimportant"?

An irrelephant.

What did the actress do when she saw her first strands of grey hair?

She thought she would dye.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Where did E. L. James learn to write “50 Shades of Grey”?

AP Cliterature

50 shades of grey is a genius title but had they thought about it

They should have added 19 more shades

What's grey and comes in litres?

An elephant.

Apologies if this is a repost - heard it yesterday and had to share.

Howdy this is Elvis and I have a joke for you fine people today. How come my hair has turned grey?

Because I never dyed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s grey, weighs 500 pounds, and drags along the bottom of the ocean?

Moby’s Dick

I remember doing a book report in elementary school on, "Fifty Shades of Grey".

I got a B+ and the teacher left a note saying, "thank god you didn't actually read the book, though I loved your creativity stating Christian Grey had 49 other clones".

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