I happened to be in court when I noticed a wrinkled old lady with grey hair sat up high...

I asked her, "You mind if I ask how old you are?"

She shouted back, "Thirty, love!"

I thought she was just messing with me so I replied, "No, really, how old are you?"

She yelled at me, "Forty, love!"

I realised then I should get back to my tennis match.

In my girlfriend's copy of 50 Shades of Grey I found a photo of me with the word "scumbag" written as a caption.

I guess I'm not in her good books.

Why did Karl Marx dislike Earl Grey?

Because all proper tea is theft.

50 shades of grey is a genius title but had they thought about it

They should have added 19 more shades

Mommy, why are some of your hairs turning grey?

A curious child asked his mother: “Mommy, why are some of your hairs turning grey?”

The mother tried to use this occasion to teach her child: “It is because of you, dear. Every bad action of yours will turn one of my hairs grey!”

The child replied innocently: “Now I know why grandmothe...

What's grey and comes in pints?

An elephant.

The world is full of grey areas.

I don't know how you can get any more black and white than that.

I found my first grey pubic hair today

I just didn’t expect to find it in my Big Mac

"Fifty Shades of Grey" gives its readers unrealistic expectations.

It makes them think that Vintage Books will publish anything that gets sent to them.

I remember doing a book report in elementary school on, "Fifty Shades of Grey".

I got a B+ and the teacher left a note saying, "thank god you didn't actually read the book, though I loved your creativity stating Christian Grey had 49 other clones".

Mark Zuckerberg says he wears a grey t-shirt everyday because he doesn't want to waste time on things that don't matter.

He runs Facebook.

What's big, grey, and doesn't really matter?

An irrelephant.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Roses are grey.

Violets are grey,

I'm colourblind,

And shit at poetry.

Fifty Shades of Grey has no plot.

It's just all climax.

What do you call someone who has watched all the "Shades of Grey" movies?

A glutton for punishment...

Did you hear about the guy swindling women by pretending to be Christian Grey

Turns out he was a Con Dom.

I found my first grey pubic hair this morning.

Normally things like this don’t bother me, but I found it in my sausage and egg McMuffin.

I picked out a color of grey paint the other day, I guess the salesman didn't like it.

He just said "Oh, the hue manatee."

What is grey, has wings and is a terrible swimmer?

A castle.

I really wish some of the fantasies in 50 shades of grey were real...

like how she got a job right out of college.

What's big and grey and can't swim?

A parking lot.

What's big, grey, and comes in quarts?

... an elephant


Just got this one from my mom

Why did the characters from Fifty Shades of Grey get into a fight about fast food?

They couldn't agree where to go. Christian wanted Domino's, but Ana insisted on Subway!

My wife said she wanted to see 50 Shades of Grey.

So I took a photo of her hair!

Fifty Shades Of Grey.

#272727, #282828, #292929, #2b2b2b,

#2c2c2c, #2e2e2e, #313131, #323232,

#343434, #353535, #373737, #393939,

#3a3a3a, #3c3c3c, #3f3f3f, #404040,

#424242, #444444, #454545, #474747,

#484848, #4a4a4a, #4b4b4b, #4d4d4d,

#4e4e4e, #505050, #515151, #535353,
...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So, my girlfriend wanted to try some stuff she saw in the new 50 Shades of Grey movie

Girlfriend: I just saw the new 50 shades and I really wanna try something I saw in the move.

Me: oh yeahhhh? What’d you wanna try babe?

Girlfriend: Fuck a billionaire.

What has 2 grey legs and 2 brown legs?

An elephant with diarrhea...

This week Lego Batman sold more tickets than the sequel to 50 Shades of Grey...

When asked to comment about this 50 Shades stated "It's okay, I like to be dominated."

Grey hair is hereditary

You get it from your kids.

What's black and grey and rolls around in the parking lot of a McDonald's?

Mr. T and a pigeon fighting over a french fry.

I know it's old but it always made me laugh.

What's the difference between gray and grey?

One is a color, the other is a colour.

Why are elephants big and grey?

Because if they were small and purple, they would be called grapes.

At the end of the worship the priest asks his charge, "How many of you forgave your enemies?"

Everyone holds up their hands, except a fragile elderly lady.

"Are you denying forgiveness to your enemies?" the surprised priest asks.

"Oh no, dear," the grey haired woman says. "I just have no enemies."

"This is very unusual," the priest says. "How old are you?"

"I'm 98...

I tried stealing someone's Earl Grey once…

…but it wasn't my cup of tea.

50 shades of grey would be a perfect title for a movie about a dog reading a map of the US.

EDIT: Thanks a million to everyone who upvoted. It's the first time I get these many. Oh, and by the way, the joke is stolen, it's a meme that has been going around for a while now, so... middle finger to all of you.

I went to the 50 Shades of Grey midnight premier earlier tonight

Just sucks I couldn't hear the movie over all those goddamn bees in the theater

What kind of person can't stop watching 'Fifty Shades of Grey'?

A colorblind synaesthesiac listening to the radio

What's black, grey, and red all over?

A gorilla with a child in the enclosure.

What's the difference between Jesus and Sasha Grey?

The look on their face while being nailed.

What's grey and has a big trunk?

A mouse going on holiday.

Donald Trump's family bought him a Gandalf the Grey costume for his birthday.

Unfortunately, this wasn't the sort of Grand Wizard outfit he had in mind...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

There’s a knock on the door of the Hells Angels clubhouse

Big hairy biker goes to answer and there’s a little grey haired old lady standing there.

Old lady: I’d like to join the Hells Angels

Biker (a bit flabbergasted): Jeez, I dunno, what about a hog?

Old lady: Oh, that’s no problem, I just bought a brand new Harley.

Biker: Wel...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I was talking to my buddy about 50 Shades Of Grey

He said "yeah, my wife and I have been doing S&M for years."
"Really!", I said, "I had no idea!"
"Sure," he said, "she sleeps and I masturbate!"

I just got my first grey hair.

This is the last time I let grandma cook dinner for me.

What instant coffee and Sasha Grey have in common?

3 in 1

An old man went to get his Social Security started.

But he forgot his papers on the kitchen table.

The lady at the Social Security office told him he needed proof of birth before they could get things started. He pulled down his shirt and said, “Don’t these grey hairs on my chest prove I’m 65?”

She said, “All right sir, I believe you. B...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Purple and a Grey walk into a bar...

The bartender says "what'll it be, boys?"
The grey is indecisive and thinks long and hard about his decision.
A little annoyed, the bartender turns to the purple.
^^^.
^^^.
^^^.
But he was already passed out on the bathroom floor.
^^^.
^^^.
^^^.
...

What's grey and comes in litres?

An elephant.

Apologies if this is a repost - heard it yesterday and had to share.

Two big, strong, grey animals are talking to each other...

Animal 1: Hey, you realize we have horns on the top of our heads right?

Animal 2: Rhino

A very Canadian joke

It's Grey Cup weekend in Vancouver... the Stampeders are playing the Argonauts at BC Place, and fans are flying in from all over the country to watch the game and join in the festivities.

It's kind of chaotic at the domestic arrivals terminal at YVR. Air Canada and WestJet flights are arrivin...

A man walks through the African wild lands and sees an elephant in distress.

He goes close to it but slowly, knowing that they can become enraged very quickly. Upon closing in on it, the elephant stops trumpeting and looks at the man. There was a minute of intense staring between the two, the man noticed an obvious mark on one of its tusks like a tiny dark grey diamond. Slow...

What is large, grey and sings great jazz songs?

Elephants Gerald