I found my first grey pubic hair today.

However, i didn't freak out about it like the other people in the elevator.

I heard a loud scream and ran as fast as I could to our bathroom. Man, you should have seen the look on my wife's face as she stared at the mirror in disbelief after seeing some grey hair...

I thought for sure she was gonna dye...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s grey, weighs 500 pounds, and drags along the bottom of the ocean?

Moby’s Dick

I accidentally walked into my daughter’s room and was shocked to see her reenacting a fantasy scene from 50 Shades of Grey.

Like the one where she gets a decent job right out of college.

What is big, grey and not important?

An Ir-elephant

I happened to be in court when I noticed a wrinkled old lady with grey hair sat up high...

I asked her, "You mind if I ask how old you are?"

She shouted back, "Thirty, love!"

I thought she was just messing with me so I replied, "No, really, how old are you?"

She yelled at me, "Forty, love!"

I realised then I should get back to my tennis match.

Why does Karl Marx dislike Earl Grey Tea?

Because all proper-tea is theft

Prob been done before Dad joke, but "What's large, grey and unimportant"?

An irrelephant.

50 shades of grey is a genius title but had they thought about it

They should have added 19 more shades

"Fifty Shades of Grey" gives its readers unrealistic expectations.

It makes them think that Vintage Books will publish anything that gets sent to them.

What's grey and comes in pints?

An elephant.

The world is full of grey areas.

I don't know how you can get any more black and white than that.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Roses are grey.

Violets are grey,

I'm colourblind,

And shit at poetry.

In my girlfriend's copy of 50 Shades of Grey I found a photo of me with the word "scumbag" written as a caption.

I guess I'm not in her good books.

Mommy, why are some of your hairs turning grey?

A curious child asked his mother: “Mommy, why are some of your hairs turning grey?”

The mother tried to use this occasion to teach her child: “It is because of you, dear. Every bad action of yours will turn one of my hairs grey!”

The child replied innocently: “Now I know why grandmothe...

I remember doing a book report in elementary school on, "Fifty Shades of Grey".

I got a B+ and the teacher left a note saying, "thank god you didn't actually read the book, though I loved your creativity stating Christian Grey had 49 other clones".

Fifty Shades of Grey has no plot.

It's just all climax.

I found my first grey pubic hair this morning.

Normally things like this don’t bother me, but I found it in my sausage and egg McMuffin.

I picked out a color of grey paint the other day, I guess the salesman didn't like it.

He just said "Oh, the hue manatee."

What is grey, has wings and is a terrible swimmer?

A castle.

Did you hear about the guy swindling women by pretending to be Christian Grey

Turns out he was a Con Dom.

My wife said she wanted to see 50 Shades of Grey.

So I took a photo of her hair!

What's big and grey and can't swim?

A parking lot.

Mark Zuckerberg says he wears a grey t-shirt everyday because he doesn't want to waste time on things that don't matter.

He runs Facebook.

What's big, grey, and comes in quarts?

... an elephant


Just got this one from my mom

Fifty Shades Of Grey.

#272727, #282828, #292929, #2b2b2b,

#2c2c2c, #2e2e2e, #313131, #323232,

#343434, #353535, #373737, #393939,

#3a3a3a, #3c3c3c, #3f3f3f, #404040,

#424242, #444444, #454545, #474747,

#484848, #4a4a4a, #4b4b4b, #4d4d4d,

#4e4e4e, #505050, #515151, #535353,
...

Why did the characters from Fifty Shades of Grey get into a fight about fast food?

They couldn't agree where to go. Christian wanted Domino's, but Ana insisted on Subway!

What has 2 grey legs and 2 brown legs?

An elephant with diarrhea...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So, my girlfriend wanted to try some stuff she saw in the new 50 Shades of Grey movie

Girlfriend: I just saw the new 50 shades and I really wanna try something I saw in the move.

Me: oh yeahhhh? What’d you wanna try babe?

Girlfriend: Fuck a billionaire.

What's the difference between gray and grey?

One is a color, the other is a colour.

Grey hair is hereditary

You get it from your kids.

This week Lego Batman sold more tickets than the sequel to 50 Shades of Grey...

When asked to comment about this 50 Shades stated "It's okay, I like to be dominated."

50 shades of grey would be a perfect title for a movie about a dog reading a map of the US.

EDIT: Thanks a million to everyone who upvoted. It's the first time I get these many. Oh, and by the way, the joke is stolen, it's a meme that has been going around for a while now, so... middle finger to all of you.

What's black and grey and rolls around in the parking lot of a McDonald's?

Mr. T and a pigeon fighting over a french fry.

I know it's old but it always made me laugh.

I tried stealing someone's Earl Grey once…

…but it wasn't my cup of tea.

I went to the 50 Shades of Grey midnight premier earlier tonight

Just sucks I couldn't hear the movie over all those goddamn bees in the theater

What's the difference between Jesus and Sasha Grey?

The look on their face while being nailed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is driving through the desert when suddenly his car breaks down

He has no idea how to fix it and is in the middle of nowhere. Under the scorching heat of the sun, hours pass by and his hopes start fading away.

All of a sudden, a grey horse appears from nowhere.

\- What's up, pal? says the horse. Can I help you?

The man is baffled. Where is ...

Donald Trump's family bought him a Gandalf the Grey costume for his birthday.

Unfortunately, this wasn't the sort of Grand Wizard outfit he had in mind...

What kind of person can't stop watching 'Fifty Shades of Grey'?

A colorblind synaesthesiac listening to the radio

What's grey and has a big trunk?

A mouse going on holiday.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A cowboy had spent many days crossing the Montana prairies without water. His horse had already died of thirst.

He's crawling along the dusty ground, certain that he has breathed his last breath, when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the ground several yards ahead of him. 

He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the ground and discovers what looks to be an old briefcase. He opens it a...

What's black, grey, and red all over?

A gorilla with a child in the enclosure.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was talking to my buddy about 50 Shades Of Grey

He said "yeah, my wife and I have been doing S&M for years."
"Really!", I said, "I had no idea!"
"Sure," he said, "she sleeps and I masturbate!"

What instant coffee and Sasha Grey have in common?

3 in 1

Vets waiting room

Two dogs in a vets waiting room. 1st dog is old, grey around the muzzle has a bad limp and smells bad.

2nd dog, much younger, says to the old dog, '' Why are you here today '' Old dog replies, ''I am going to be put to sleep, i'm in very bad health, and my time has come''

Young dog...

I just got my first grey hair.

This is the last time I let grandma cook dinner for me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

WHY PEOPLE HATE SCHOOL RE-UNIONS

Jan, Sue and Mary haven't seen each other since leaving school.

They rediscover each other via a reunion website and arrange to meet for lunch in a wine bar.

Jan arrives first, wearing a beige Versace. She orders a bottle of Pinot Grigio.

Sue arrives shortly afterward, in grey...

Two big, strong, grey animals are talking to each other...

Animal 1: Hey, you realize we have horns on the top of our heads right?

Animal 2: Rhino

What's grey and comes in litres?

An elephant.

Apologies if this is a repost - heard it yesterday and had to share.

Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey had kids together…

But the children were clones of Mr. Grey because he had all the dominant genes.

An American, a Hindu, and a Russian land in Purgatory.

A grey-winged angel with a huge whip hanging from his belt meets them and says: "Alright, here's the rules. Anyone who takes three strikes from my whip without screaming, can go straight to Heaven. You can shield yourselves with whatever you like. We've got everything here. Who's first?" The America...

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