I once spent ten years marooned on a tropical shore...

I lived on nothing but coconuts and seafood. I fashioned sandals out of leaves, a hut out of grass and sticks, and I kept myself healthy with wild plants. One day I was scouring the beach for copper wire to build the radio I was working on, and I came across a small white spheroid about 2" in diamet...

I was looking for maroon spray paint but couldn’t find it

True story:

Years ago I was looking for maroon spray paint but couldn’t find it. I asked the hardware store employee if they had any. She’d never heard of maroon before.

“You’re making that up,” she said.

I replied, “Yeah, it’s a pigment of my machinations.”

In retrospe...

A geologist, physicist and an economist are marooned on a desert island with nothing to eat.

A can of soup washes ashore. They ponder how to open it. The geologist says, ‘Let’s smash it open with a rock.’ The physicist says, ‘Let’s heat it up and blow it open.’ The economist says, ‘No, no. You guys will lose most of the soup. Let’s just assume we have a can opener.’

A shipwrecked mariner had spent several years on a deserted island, completely alone.

Then one morning he was thrilled to see a ship offshore and a smaller vessel pulling out towards him.

When the boat grounded on the beach, the officer in charge handed the marooned sailor a bundle of newspapers and told him: “The captain said to read through these and let us know if you still...

Three guys and a girl are marooned on a desert island

After one week the girl is so ashamed of what she's doing she kills herself

After another week the guys are so ashamed of what they're doing to her they bury her

After another week they're so ashamed of what they're doing they dig her up again

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Two guys and a girl were marooned on an island

They had everything but they needed sex, so they took turns with the girl every week.
One day, the girl died.
In the first week, the guys were fine.
In the second week, they were not fine and decided to consider alternatives.
In the third week, they threw the body away.

The real mistake of the half-time show was that Maroon 5 performed on a stage shaped like an M.

When they should've set it to W for Wumbo.

What the difference between Maroon 5 and Chipotle?

People actually want their Chipotle in a bowl.

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Three men are marooned on an island...

Three men are marooned on an island desperately seeking a way to get off.
A cannibal approaches them and flops his penis out. 'If the length of your three penises together is as big as mine, then I'll show you how to get off the island. Otherwise you'll be killed and eaten.' The native's nob was...

How on earth can I like Maroon Five..

... when I haven’t even seen the first Four?

A man was marooned on a desert island.

One day a beautiful woman arrives in a wet suit.
'When did you last have a smoke?' she asks. 'Five years ago.' So she gets out a cigar and he smokes it.
She unzips her wet suit a bit and says, 'When did you last have a drink?' He said, 'Five years ago.' So she gets out a bottle of Scotch a...

An Englishman, Irishman and Scotchman are marooned on an island

John, Mick, and McTavish have been stuck on the island for a very long time, and all have grown long beards.

One day while exploring, John discovered an old type of lamp, like an oil lamp.

Mick saw it and said "It could be an ol' genie! rub it a few times"

John rubs the lamp thr...

Super Bowl Halftime

At halftime it's Maroon 5 Patriots 3 Rams 0

A man becomes marooned on a deserted island...

He's learned how to survive and manages to keep up the routine for 10 years. One day while sitting on the beach a gorgeous woman walks out of the waves in full scuba gear. He runs up to her ecstatic to see another human face. He is still in disbelief when he says, "Are... are you real?" She nods...

A ship carrying red paint ­collided with another one carrying purple paint.

Both crews are said to be marooned

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Unhappy man with his little dude

A old man walks into a bar and sits down to have a drink. He quietly orders a beer when suddenly this tiny dude pops out of his shirt pocket. The bartender is amazed, “I’ve never such a tiny dude before.!” The old man quietly grumbles as he pulls out a tiny piano and places it on the bar. Immediatel...

A marooned Baptist is rescued by a ship.

A Baptist has been stranded on a deserted island for two years. Upon being rescued, a sailor asks: "You survived. Remarkable. How did you do it?"

The Protestant says, "By the grace of God. Come, let me show you where I lived." So the sailors and the castaway retreat into the jungle. ...

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In honor of Talk Like a Pirate Day

Here's my favorite pirate joke:

When I was 17, I went on a class trip to a beach but I snuck away to explore on my own. I went into this bar. It had nautical stuff on the wall, a bunch of shark jaws, but also streamers and balloons about the place. It looked like there was a party going on. ...

What happens to the crew when a red pirate ship and a blue pirate ship crash into each other?

They get marooned.

What's a sailor's least favorite color?

Maroon.

Was nice to see the Rams and Patriots

make it to the Maroon 5 concert last night

What is more disappointing than a funeral?

Maroon 5 dancing on the money they made through Stephen Hillenburg's death.

BREAKING NEWS!

Two tanker ships collided and sank in the southern Pacific Ocean yesterday. One was filled with red paint and the other, smaller tanker, was filled with blue paint. All crew members survived but now are marooned on an uninhabited island.

(Thanks to The Two Ronnies for this oldie)

A joke my brother made up when he was 13...

Two men were marooned on an island with no food.

After a week, they are both starving. To solve the issue of hunger, one of the men suggests that they cut off each other's legs and eat them to survive.
The other man agrees.

The first man, after a bloody and gruesome struggle, saws...

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A guy shipwrecks on a deserted island...

And after several weeks he becomes lonely and wishes for a companion.
Lo and behold the very next day, a ship with 6 beautiful women crashes. They start to talking and decide that they will share the man. One will sleep with him each night of the week. The man gets a day off, and the cycle repeat...

What do you call 5 artists stuck on an island?

Marooned 5

There are two boats (tankers) about to collide at sea.

One is filled with purple paint, the other with red paint.

They collide...

All the survivors were marooned.

A purple man has a purple wife.

They have two purple kids and live in a big purple house. One day they decide to take a vacation, so they all pile into their purple car, drive it to their purple boat, and set out to sea. Sadly the boat crashes and they are stranded on a small island. The purple man looks to the heavens in desperat...

A red ship and a blue ship...

A Red ship and a Blue ship were sailing towards each other at full speed in the middle of the ocean and collided resulting in a horrible mess. What happened to the sailors?

...they were Marooned.

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Cannibals [NSFW]

Three shipmates are marooned on an island in the middle of the ocean. They explore the island, only to find that it is inhabited by a tribe of cannibals. The cannibals capture the three men and bring them before the chief. The men plead for their freedom, and the chief, seeing that they are desperat...

The carnival is in town so Bruce invites Garry to spend a romantic warm summer evening with him wandering around the attractions.

Bruce wins a Cupie doll and gives it to Garry. They eat corndogs and cotton candy and both of them are thinking this is the best night of my life.
Then they come across the giant ferris wheel and Garry says “lets go on that big wheel it’s my all time favourite ride in the world.”
Bruce says “...

Boonta

Three men are marooned on island in the middle of the sea. They soon realize that the island is the home of the Wanooka tribe, known for being ruthless and murderous. They are captured and brought to the main village. The Wanooka chief goes of to the first man and asks him a question. "Death or Boon...

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