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Amber Jokes

what is Amber Heard's favorite board game?

**SCATAGORIE**

C'mon guys don't make fun of Amber Heard's lawyer

He probably gets enough abuse from her as it is

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Dedicated to Amber Heard

After a night of drinking, Brian crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.

He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.

When he awoke, he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe. "Who the hell are you?" demanded Brian, "and ...

Amber Heard's net worth is $2.5 million and she now has to pay Johnny Depp $15 million...

Yeah, she's forever going to be in Depp!

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What did Johnny Depp's bed say when Amber Heard walked in?

You've got to be shitting me.

What pronouns do Amber Heard’s lawyers prefer?

Hear/say

Let's all take a moment to Thank Amber Heard's team of Lawyers for their efforts and hard work

to prove Johnny Depp's innocence.

The only way Amber Heard would get what she deserves...

is if she started telling jokes about Will Smith's wife.

Don't you hate it when you get an Amber Alert

and you have to switch cars?

If Will Smith, Amber Heard, and Chris Brown formed a band, what would its name be?

The Heavy Hitters.

Who is this Amber person…

and why does she keep texting everybody about my cars?

Amber alert has a new meaning now thanks to Amber Heard

It's what the city sends to men when Amber is seen at a bar.

Never name your daughter “Amber”

They seem to get abducted a lot.

Amber Heard had an argument with her interior designer.

They could not decide on where to place the stool in the bedroom.

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Just saw Amber Heard try to fake cry during the trial.

Can’t really tell if she’s a shitty actress or just a shitting actress.

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Request to ban Amber Heard jokes.

They're shit.

What do Amber Heard and Jesus have in common?

They both got nailed on the cross.

What’s Amber Heard’s Sleep Number?

… number 2

I HATE Amber alerts.

I already know what my car looks like.

Part Spider, part Scorpion creature found in Amber

Johnny Depp is glad that he isn't that creature.

I'm getting really sick of these Amber Alerts...

They either wake you up at three in the morning or broadcast your license plate to the whole world.

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Say what you want about Amber Heard...

She is the only one who gave a shit in this relationship.

Amber will always remember this as

The day she almost caught Captain Jack Sparrow

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Amber Heard's morning routine

1). Wake Up
2). Eat Breakfast
3). Take a shit
4). Get out of bed
5). Shower

Amber Heard and Jussie Smollett walk into a bar...

And just lied there

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I can't believe DCU fans wanted to ban Amber Heard

From their movies there seems to be no better place to shit the bed.

BREAKING NEWS from the courtroom! Amber Heard confesses to having a child with Charlie Sheen. The child went to live with his father and took his name.

Both parents agreed the child should be sheen and not heard.

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I dated Amber Heard for a bit, but didn't sleep with her

Couldn't make it passed turd base

What algorithm does Amber Heard use to dig for gold?

Depp First Search.

What’s the difference between Bigfoot and Amber Heard ?

Bigfoot won’t sh*t in your bed.

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What is Amber Heard's love language?

Turds of affirmation

Believe all women. Really? ALL of them?

That’s the dumbest thing I’ve Amber Heard.

They keep calling the Johnny Depp/Amber Heard trial “defamation case”…

I think there’s a typo there.

What's the difference between Amber Heard's lawyer and Dory?

Dory at least takes a few seconds to forget an answer she recieved.

What is Amber Heards favourite snack

A Saltine

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Johnny Depp claims amber heard or her friend pooped on his bed

This incident surely left a stain in their relationship...

Why did the genie grant Johnny with Amber?

He asked to get hammered, but he got miss heard.

The truth is that Amber Heard won't ever work in movies again.

Her lawyer,"For a difference of $150,000,000, act like the victim ".

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Amber Heard’s lawyer sure is having a hard time in this trial…

He really shit the bed with this one.

What starts with an A and makes up everything?

Amber Heard.

What did Johnny Depp's lawyer say when they found Amber Heard's "bruise makeup kit" wasn't made before 2017?

Objection, lack of foundation

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What does Jurassic park and the Depp v. Heard Trial have in common?

They both feature Amber full of crap.

What's the hardest part about having a child?

The Amber alerts.

Johnny repeatedly said he was gonna win the defamation case

Which proves that Amber Heard, but didn’t listen

Who's Amber?

and why is she always blowing up my phone with random names of vehicles?

Johnny Depp was talking to a friend one day. He explained he was experiencing some minor hearing loss but didn’t want people to know about it. But since yesterday the tabloids began reporting his secret issue, much to his distaste. His friend asked how the secret could’ve possibly gotten out.

Johnny Depp replied: “Rumor has it, Amber Heard.”

In the future, Jurassic Park starts to become a reality

There is a young, inexperienced employee who stumbles on a piece of amber, and immediately brings it to the laboratory. The scientist is confused, as this piece doesn't look like the others, so he goes off to the lab to date it.

The employee, unknowing of what it is still, starts to put it in...

From now on instead of saying #1 or #2 for the bathroom

I'm going to call it an R. Kelly or Amber Heard

Never let others keep you down, never stop trying and never be afraid to fight for what you want.

Unless your name is Amber Heard in which case can you please stop? Like, now please?

What do you call a group of deer who indulge in domestic violence and blame it on their SO?

Amber Herd

The Carnival Date

Jesse took his blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to do first, Amber?" asked Jesse.

"I want to get weighed," replied Amber.

They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.

Next, the couple went o...

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What do they announce overhead when a patient poops in the bed in the hospital?

I Heard they call a Code Amber.

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Two frat guys are stranded in the middle of the ocean

Brad and Chad have been stuck in a lifeboat for weeks. They're out of water and supplies, and they're sure they're doomed.

They notice a sealed bottle bobbing toward their boat and scoop it out of the water. They open it up, and a genie pops out.

"Thank you for freeing me!" the genie s...

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My wife suggested I get one of those penis enlargers

So I did. She’s 21 and her name is Amber

Answer: IBM

Question: What's Amber Heard's top corporate investment tip.

I’m just curious

How Johnny Depp reacts when he gets an Amber alert on his phone…🫣

Wife : I'm leaving you!

Wife : I'm leaving you

Me : Why?!

Wife : You lie to me constantly!

Me : Ha! You don't just leave the man who invented the spatula, Amber!

A couple is arguing and breaking up

And he says:
- You don't love me because I'm colorblind, right Violet?
- You stupid! I told you my name is Amber!!

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What do you call a bird that beats the shit out of her husband?

Amber Bird.

A story of two blondes

Two blondes were in a bar watching the television when the news came on. It showed a guy on a bridge that was about to jump, obviously suicidal. "I'll bet you $10 he'll jump," said Betty.

"Bet you $10 he won't," replied Amber. Then, the guy on the television closed his eyes and threw himself ...

My son was dating a girl, Stephanie, that I wasn't really fond of...

The last time he brought her over to the house, I said with a smile 'Hi there Amber!' She had a look of horror. 'Sorry, I can't keep all these girls' names straight' I said with a grin. I haven't seen her since!

My blonde girlfriend broke up with me today.

She was upset at me getting a text from Amber Alert

Dark as charcoal

A mother goes to the kindergarten to pick up her daughter.

She arrives to a nightmarish scene, the whole place is crawling with fireman, emergency vehicles and panicked parents, the kindergarten caught on fire, smoke everywhere.

She runs around frantically calling for her daughter: "Am...

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A wealthy snob walks into a bar

The snob asks the bartender for a 12-year-old Scotch. The bartender serves him, but the snob spits it out. "Hey, what are you trying to pull? I know my scotch, and this isn't 12-year-old, it's 5-year old!"

The bartender apologizes "Sorry, sir, we really don't have much demand here for 12 y...

What dating app do Catholic Priests use?

Amber Alerts.

A dog walks into a natural history museum

Asking for a piece of the new dinosaur exhibit to prove an important theory

In return the dog offered what looked like a tiny black speck encased in amber

The research assistant was visiting from Ireland and was very much out of his intellectual depth. Not wanting to seem ignorant, the...

3 guys sitting talking about their hobby's

First guy: i Like to make pens in my spare time. I just made a nice one out of purple heart wood.

Second guy: yeah I like to make beer. I just made a great Amber ale. I'll bring you guys a batch next time.

Third guy: I like to disappoint my wife. Just did it last night.

Did she know that Elon Musk was cheating on her?

Yeah, Amber Heard

If you're going to play a 311 song...

... make sure you issue an Amber Alert.

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