The 73+ Best Amber Jokes

I will never name my child Amber.

Those are always the ones that seem to turn up missing.

If Will Smith, Amber Heard, and Chris Brown formed a band, what would its name be?

The Heavy Hitters.

Who is this Amber person…

and why does she keep texting everybody about my cars?

Amber Heard's net worth is $2.5 million and she now has to pay Johnny Depp $15 million...

Yeah, she's forever going to be in Depp!

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What did Johnny Depp's bed say when Amber Heard walked in?

You've got to be shitting me.

Amber Heard had an argument with her interior designer.

They could not decide on where to place the stool in the bedroom.

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Say what you will about Amber Heard and Johnny Depp….

…but she was the only one who gave a shit in that relationship.

What's the hardest part about having a child?

The Amber alerts.

what is Amber Heard's favorite board game?

**SCATAGORIE**

C'mon guys don't make fun of Amber Heard's lawyer

He probably gets enough abuse from her as it is

Let's all take a moment to Thank Amber Heard's team of Lawyers for their efforts and hard work

to prove Johnny Depp's innocence.

What pronouns do Amber Heard’s lawyers prefer?

Hear/say

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Dedicated to Amber Heard

After a night of drinking, Brian crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.

He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.

When he awoke, he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe. "Who the hell are you?" demanded Brian, "and ...

Believe all women. Really? ALL of them?

That’s the dumbest thing I’ve Amber Heard.

BREAKING NEWS from the courtroom! Amber Heard confesses to having a child with Charlie Sheen. The child went to live with his father and took his name.

Both parents agreed the child should be sheen and not heard.

What algorithm does Amber Heard use to dig for gold?

Depp First Search.

Johnny Depp's the one guy ...

....that could have used an Amber alert.

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Just saw Amber Heard try to fake cry during the trial.

Can’t really tell if she’s a shitty actress or just a shitting actress.

What starts with an A and makes up everything?

Amber Heard.

Johnny repeatedly said he was gonna win the defamation case

Which proves that Amber Heard, but didn’t listen

The only way Amber Heard would get what she deserves...

is if she started telling jokes about Will Smith's wife.

What do Amber Heard and Jesus have in common?

They both got nailed on the cross.

PSA for expecting parents

The name you give your child will follow them throughout their entire life, so choose carefully. Think of how it will be made into nicknames and how other people will say it.

Oh, and don't forget about the initials.

Sincerely,

Anna Nichole Amber Lewis and Clive Ulysses Mansfiel...

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I dated Amber Heard for a bit, but didn't sleep with her

Couldn't make it passed turd base

Amber Heard and Jussie Smollett walk into a bar...

And just lied there

What’s Amber Heard’s Sleep Number?

… number 2

Don't you hate it when you get an Amber Alert

and you have to switch cars?

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I can't believe DCU fans wanted to ban Amber Heard

From their movies there seems to be no better place to shit the bed.

They keep calling the Johnny Depp/Amber Heard trial “defamation case”…

I think there’s a typo there.

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A wealthy snob walks into a bar

The snob asks the bartender for a 12-year-old Scotch. The bartender serves him, but the snob spits it out. "Hey, what are you trying to pull? I know my scotch, and this isn't 12-year-old, it's 5-year old!"

The bartender apologizes "Sorry, sir, we really don't have much demand here for 12 y...

What’s the difference between Bigfoot and Amber Heard ?

Bigfoot won’t sh*t in your bed.

Amber will always remember this as

The day she almost caught Captain Jack Sparrow

Never let others keep you down, never stop trying and never be afraid to fight for what you want.

Unless your name is Amber Heard in which case can you please stop? Like, now please?

Part Spider, part Scorpion creature found in Amber

Johnny Depp is glad that he isn't that creature.

From now on instead of saying #1 or #2 for the bathroom

I'm going to call it an R. Kelly or Amber Heard

What did Johnny Depp's lawyer say when they found Amber Heard's "bruise makeup kit" wasn't made before 2017?

Objection, lack of foundation

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does Jurassic park and the Depp v. Heard Trial have in common?

They both feature Amber full of crap.

What is Amber Heard’s favorite chocolate bar?

Hearsay’s Chocolate.

I asked her to confirm but she objected.

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Amber Heard’s lawyer sure is having a hard time in this trial…

He really shit the bed with this one.

The truth is that Amber Heard won't ever work in movies again.

Her lawyer,"For a difference of $150,000,000, act like the victim ".

In real life, Johnny Depp and Amber Heard's marriage was toxic

Naturally, it'd make a great romcom.

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Johnny Depp claims amber heard or her friend pooped on his bed

This incident surely left a stain in their relationship...

I HATE Amber alerts.

I already know what my car looks like.

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What do they announce overhead when a patient poops in the bed in the hospital?

I Heard they call a Code Amber.

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Amber Heard's morning routine

1). Wake Up
2). Eat Breakfast
3). Take a shit
4). Get out of bed
5). Shower

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is Amber Heard's love language?

Turds of affirmation

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I Am The Viper! (Long)

A young man inherited a stately manor from his uncle after his untimely passing. The man's uncle was in reasonably good health, but was found dead in his library. His body bore signs of poisoning, but there was no one else with him the night of his death and no poison was found in his system or on t...

What's the difference between Amber Heard's lawyer and Dory?

Dory at least takes a few seconds to forget an answer she recieved.

Amber alert has a new meaning now thanks to Amber Heard

It's what the city sends to men when Amber is seen at a bar.

What is Amber Heards favourite snack

A Saltine

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NSFW A wealthy businessman goes to Vegas and orders a prostitute.

Moments later, he hears a knock on his hotel door, he answers, and in walks the most beautiful prostitute he has ever seen.

"Hi Honey, my name is Amber and I am here to service you" she says. "My only stipulation is that I do not do anal. Now, what would you like me to do first?"

"Ho...

I’m just curious

How Johnny Depp reacts when he gets an Amber alert on his phone…🫣

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two frat guys are stranded in the middle of the ocean

Brad and Chad have been stuck in a lifeboat for weeks. They're out of water and supplies, and they're sure they're doomed.

They notice a sealed bottle bobbing toward their boat and scoop it out of the water. They open it up, and a genie pops out.

"Thank you for freeing me!" the genie s...

Answer: IBM

Question: What's Amber Heard's top corporate investment tip.

Why did the genie grant Johnny with Amber?

He asked to get hammered, but he got miss heard.

In the future, Jurassic Park starts to become a reality

There is a young, inexperienced employee who stumbles on a piece of amber, and immediately brings it to the laboratory. The scientist is confused, as this piece doesn't look like the others, so he goes off to the lab to date it.

The employee, unknowing of what it is still, starts to put it in...

I'm getting really sick of these Amber Alerts...

They either wake you up at three in the morning or broadcast your license plate to the whole world.

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The moment I reached home,my wife was standing at the door and told "I got a call from "Amber" and she said she slept with you 5 times".

"Err... Wrong number," I replied. "It has to be a wrong number."

She pulled out her phone and showed the photo.

"Then,explain this !"

"Well, I'm not denying sleeping with her .But that dumb bitch is either bad in counting or memory. We slept 7 times so far".

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My wife suggested I get one of those penis enlargers

So I did. She’s 21 and her name is Amber

A couple is arguing and breaking up

And he says:
- You don't love me because I'm colorblind, right Violet?
- You stupid! I told you my name is Amber!!

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A team of Nazi spies parachutes in Britain during WW2.

They're all well-trained, they know their mission, they have their legends. But when they're still above the ocean, suddenly a terrible thunderstorm hits them. The hurricane scatters them, some of them smash into the cliffs, others hit the waves and drown. Only one last spy, by sheer luck or miracle...

A dog walks into a natural history museum

Asking for a piece of the new dinosaur exhibit to prove an important theory

In return the dog offered what looked like a tiny black speck encased in amber

The research assistant was visiting from Ireland and was very much out of his intellectual depth. Not wanting to seem ignorant, the...

What do you call a group of deer who indulge in domestic violence and blame it on their SO?

Amber Herd

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What do you call a bird that beats the shit out of her husband?

Amber Bird.

Stopped to offer directions to a guy. Me: "Yup. Just head up the road until you reach that green...no, amber...no, red light"

I could have just said traffic light.

Guys I just got my first shout-out

It was an Amber Alert about my van.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Getting an AMBER Alert while on the toilet is like winning the lottery...

Since those things are designed to randomly scare the shit out of you.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Rolls Royce and a Mini

A Rolls Royce and a Mini pull up at the lights together. The guy in the Mini looks at the guy in the Rolls Royce and presses a button to lower his window. The guy in the Rolls Royce smiles and presses the button for his window to go down and with beautiful precision the window smoothly rolls down. ...

My son was dating a girl, Stephanie, that I wasn't really fond of...

The last time he brought her over to the house, I said with a smile 'Hi there Amber!' She had a look of horror. 'Sorry, I can't keep all these girls' names straight' I said with a grin. I haven't seen her since!

The Carnival Date

Jesse took his blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to do first, Amber?" asked Jesse.

"I want to get weighed," replied Amber.

They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.

Next, the couple went o...

My blonde girlfriend broke up with me today.

She was upset at me getting a text from Amber Alert

What dating app do Catholic Priests use?

Amber Alerts.

3 guys sitting talking about their hobby's

First guy: i Like to make pens in my spare time. I just made a nice one out of purple heart wood.

Second guy: yeah I like to make beer. I just made a great Amber ale. I'll bring you guys a batch next time.

Third guy: I like to disappoint my wife. Just did it last night.

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