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Cataract Jokes

My grandma had cataract surgery on both eyes

I was on the phone with my grandpa asking how she was feeling.

Gpa: She’s recovering really well, she can see much clearer. She’s pretty happy with the results.

Me: That’s good, no side effects?

Gpa: There is one troubling side effect

Me: What? Is she okay?

Gp...

A patient gets its eyes checked after cataract surgery

He asks his doctor: “How does it look, doc? Am I able the play the piano?”
Doctor: “It looks all fine. With the right glasses it should be no problem.”
Patient: “That’s amazing, I’ve never played the piano before!”

I heard that cataracts are the third leading cause of blindness...

... the first two being politics and religion.

Have you heard like 50% of Chinese people have cataracts?

Yeah, I guess the other 50% drive "rincoln towncah".

TIL 50% of South Koreans have cataracts.

The other 50% drive Rincolns.

A very angry woman stormed up to the receptionist’s desk at a doctor’s office. "Someone stole my wig while I was having surgery yesterday!" she complained.

The doctor came out and tried to calm her down. “I assure you that no one on my staff would have done such a thing,” he said. “Why do you think it was taken here?”

“After the operation, I noticed the wig I was wearing was cheap-looking and ugly.”

“I think,” explained the surgeon gently...

Optometrist

After several months of “gentle encouragement” from my partner, I finally went to see the eye doctor.

First she did a pressure test, blowing a puff of air into each eye and carefully observing my responses on a monitor.
Then she examined each eye with the little hand-held lights.

Th...

Around 80% of all Asians that move to America get cataracts.

The remaining 20% usually buy chevrorets, rexus, or rincoln. Some even get rand lover.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cataracts are extremely rare in Japan.

Chevrorets and Rincolns, on the other hand, are quite common.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex after Surgery

A recent article in the Dominion Post reported that a woman has sued Wellington Hospital, saying that after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in sex.

A hospital spokesman replied: "Your husband was admitted for cataract surgery. All we did was correct his eyesight!"

Why don’t Asians get cataracts?

They rike rexuses

9/10 Asians have cataracts

The 10th one has a Mercedes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I told my boss

That I wasn’t coming into the office today because I’ve got a bad flare up of occupational rectal cataracts.

She asked “What the hell is that? Does it hurt?”

I said “Not really, I just can’t see my ass coming in tomorrow!”

A group of seniors were sitting at a table together at Starbucks, discussing their ailments.

"My arms have got so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee," said one.

"Yes, I know," said another. "My cataracts are so bad; I can't even see my coffee."

"I couldn't even mark an 'X' at election time because my hands are so crippled," volunteered a third.

"What? Speak up! W...

Did you hear about the singing pirate that had a cataract?

After the surgery, he shall see, shan't he?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fact: 50% of Japanese have Cataracts

The other 50% drive Rexus and Chrysrer

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I heard most Japanese men have cataracts

It's not true, some of them drive Rincons

So a Chinaman goes to the eye doctor

and after giving a check up, the doctor says, "I see what the problem is: you have a cataract."
"No I don't," the Chinaman responds, "I drive a Lincoln Continental."

As my grandfather once said...

It's so foggy out here, I can't see through my cataracts.

A furious lady marches into the eye clinic's reception area and shouts at the receptionist, "Who stole my wig during my eye surgery yesterday?"

The doctor immediately rushes out to pacify her. "I assure you, no one on my team would do such a thing. What makes you think it was stolen?"

The woman replies, "Well, before the procedure, my wig was perfect, but when I woke up, it was a tangled mess, and made me look ugly and cheap."
<...

Did u know 70% of Chinese optometrists have cataracts

The other 30 drive Rincolns

Health Line: Did you know 50% of Asians in the US have cataracts?

The other 50% have Rincoln Continentals

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

TIL 20% of japanese people have cataracts

18% have chevrorets

15% have rincolns

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Japanese man goes to the optometrist..

Optometrist gives him an examination and says “You have a cataract.”

Japanese man says “No, I drive a rincoln continentrr.”

My Asian eye doctor

Since I am half-Chinese and half-Filipino, and in recognition of AAPI month, I shall relate what happened visiting the eye doctor. I had been having trouble seeing while driving, so I went to my eye doctor, who happens to be Asian like me. He did the usual things, the eye charts, peering into my e...

The three sons of an old woman return home after years seeking their fortune

The three sons of an old woman return home after years seeking their fortunes.

They make merry and have dinner together. And before leaving, they hand their mother gifts.

The eldest son gifts his mother the deed to a massive palatial chateau in the French Riviera.

The middle son...

A man takes his Great Dane to the vet

The vet picks the dog up and inspects him and says to the man.
“Sir, your dog has cataracts and I will have to put him down”
The man says “You have to put my dog down for cataracts!?!?”
The vet replies “ Oh no he`s just very heavy”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

They say 3 out 10 people in Japan have cataracts.

The rest drive Toyota or Mitsubishis!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An elderly asian man gets into a car accident and has to re-do his eye exam for the DMV.

He fails, and goes to the doctor. While examining him, the doctor says "well, I can see the problem here. You have cataracts." The old man responds, "I don't have cataract! I have rincoln continental!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Asian man walks into an optometrist's office

AFter testing the mans vision the doctor says to him
"Sir i belive you have a cataract"
"Nonsense" the man says "I drive a Rincoln"

A regular in our cafe (true story)

I run a small cafe. A regular (R) and his wife (W) stopped in yesterday and ordered their usual meal. W said "R had surgery this morning."

R said "I had eye surgery, had a cataract removed."

When they left, I said "Goodbye R, Hope you'll see us soon."

Mr Wong goes to the optometrist...

The optometrist says to him "I'm sorry, Mr Wong, I'm afraid I have some bad news: you have a cataract."

Mr Wong says confidently "No! I drive Rincoln Continentar!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Asian man goes to the Ophthalmologist...

(you gotta say this one out loud. Doesn't work so well written/read)

After some tests, the doctor comes back and tells him: "You have a cataract."

The patient looks at him, confused, and says: "No I don't. I drive a Rincoln."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to my WIFES doctor and told him I was going to sue him.

When he asked why I explained that ever since my wife left his care she hasn’t been sexually interested in me.

The doctor said all he done was cataract surgery and now she can see.

Two girl twins are born. One is named Skye after her perfect blue eyes

The other has cataracts, so was called Claudia

Mr Wong goes to the Eye Doctor...

Mr Wong goes to the Eye Doctor. He tells the Dr "I cannot see where." The doctor gives him an exam and says "Mr Wong, I know what your problem is. You have cataracts." Mr Wong replies angrily "No sir!! I drive Rincoln Continentor!!"

A Lady Threatened to Sue Her Husband's Doctor

A lady threatened to sue her husband's doctor because after he recovered from surgery he had performance issues in bed. She claimed that he could no longer get it up and therefore could no longer please her.

The Doctor responded with "How's that my fault? I only removed his cataracts."

An old Chinese lady goes to see the eye doctor...

The optometrist gives her the regular eye exam then proceeds to do a few more tests because of her advanced age. After peering through one of his instruments into her eyes, he says "Well ma'am, I'm sorry to tell you this, but you've got cataracts." To which the Chinese woman replied, "No cataracts, ...

Asian eye problems

So a Chinese man is having trouble with one of his eyes and goes to see the optometrist. When the testing is over, the optometrist tells the man, "I'm sorry, you have a cataract" in which the Chinese man replies "No I dont! I have a rinkoln continental!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A White guy, a Black guy and a Mexican are out in a boat fishing

when a big storm blows up and threatens to sink them.

The men begin praying, and the storm disappears.&nbsp; They look up and see Jesus walking towards them across the water.&nbsp; Jesus says to the men, "Because of your faith, I will heal each of you."

Jesus turns to the White...

My Pastor told me this one and it really hit home...

Some older people at a nursing home are complaining about getting older. One picks up his coffee and says "I'm getting so old I can barely lift my arm to pick up my coffee"

Someone sitting next to him says, "My cataracts is so bad I can barely see my coffee."

Someone behind them then s...

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