UPJOKE
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My grandma had cataract surgery on both eyes

I was on the phone with my grandpa asking how she was feeling.

Gpa: She’s recovering really well, she can see much clearer. She’s pretty happy with the results.

Me: That’s good, no side effects?

Gpa: There is one troubling side effect

Me: What? Is she okay?

Gp...

Did you hear about the singing pirate that had a cataract?

After the surgery, he shall see, shan't he?

A patient gets its eyes checked after cataract surgery

He asks his doctor: “How does it look, doc? Am I able the play the piano?”
Doctor: “It looks all fine. With the right glasses it should be no problem.”
Patient: “That’s amazing, I’ve never played the piano before!”

The three sons of an old woman return home after years seeking their fortune

The three sons of an old woman return home after years seeking their fortunes.

They make merry and have dinner together. And before leaving, they hand their mother gifts.

The eldest son gifts his mother the deed to a massive palatial chateau in the French Riviera.

The middle son...

Did you hear about the Ophthalmologist who told his patient that he has cataracts?

It was an eye-opening experience for him.

A very angry woman stormed up to the receptionist’s desk at a doctor’s office. "Someone stole my wig while I was having surgery yesterday!" she complained.

The doctor came out and tried to calm her down. “I assure you that no one on my staff would have done such a thing,” he said. “Why do you think it was taken here?”

“After the operation, I noticed the wig I was wearing was cheap-looking and ugly.”

“I think,” explained the surgeon gently...

Did u know 70% of Chinese optometrists have cataracts

The other 30 drive Rincolns

(From Grandpa RIP) A Chinaman walks into an optometrist’s office. The optometrist says, “Well it seems like you have a cataract.”

The chinaman says “Nooooo, I drive a Rincoln Continental”

A group of seniors were sitting around talking about all their ailments at the coffee shop...

"My arms have got so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee," said one. "Yes, I know," said another. "My cataracts are so bad; I can't even see my coffee."

"I couldn't even mark an "X" at election time because my hands are so crippled," volunteered a third.

"What? Speak up! What?...

Around 80% of all Asians that move to America get cataracts.

The remaining 20% usually buy chevrorets, rexus, or rincoln. Some even get rand lover.

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Cataracts are extremely rare in Japan.

Chevrorets and Rincolns, on the other hand, are quite common.

9/10 Asians have cataracts

The 10th one has a Mercedes

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Fact: 50% of Japanese have Cataracts

The other 50% drive Rexus and Chrysrer

As my grandfather once said...

It's so foggy out here, I can't see through my cataracts.

My Asian eye doctor

Since I am half-Chinese and half-Filipino, and in recognition of AAPI month, I shall relate what happened visiting the eye doctor. I had been having trouble seeing while driving, so I went to my eye doctor, who happens to be Asian like me. He did the usual things, the eye charts, peering into my e...

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Sex after Surgery

A recent article in the Dominion Post reported that a woman has sued Wellington Hospital, saying that after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in sex.

A hospital spokesman replied: "Your husband was admitted for cataract surgery. All we did was correct his eyesight!"

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A White guy, a Black guy and a Mexican are out in a boat fishing

when a big storm blows up and threatens to sink them.

The men begin praying, and the storm disappears.  They look up and see Jesus walking towards them across the water.  Jesus says to the men, "Because of your faith, I will heal each of you."

Jesus turns to the White...

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Japanese man goes to the optometrist..

Optometrist gives him an examination and says “You have a cataract.”

Japanese man says “No, I drive a rincoln continentrr.”

Mr Wong goes to the optometrist...

The optometrist says to him "I'm sorry, Mr Wong, I'm afraid I have some bad news: you have a cataract."

Mr Wong says confidently "No! I drive Rincoln Continentar!"

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They say 3 out 10 people in Japan have cataracts.

The rest drive Toyota or Mitsubishis!

A Chinese guy goes to an eye doctor

The eye doctor says to the Chinese man: "We found the problem, you have a cataract."

The Chinese man replies: "No I drive a Rincon."

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An Asian man goes to the Ophthalmologist...

(you gotta say this one out loud. Doesn't work so well written/read)

After some tests, the doctor comes back and tells him: "You have a cataract."

The patient looks at him, confused, and says: "No I don't. I drive a Rincoln."

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An Asian man walks into an optometrist's office

AFter testing the mans vision the doctor says to him
"Sir i belive you have a cataract"
"Nonsense" the man says "I drive a Rincoln"

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An asian man walks into an optometrist's office...

An asian man walks into an optometrist's office and gets his eyes checked out. After the test is over the optometrist says "you've got a cataract". To which the asian man replies "a cataract?! no no. Ive got a rincoln continental!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An elderly asian man gets into a car accident and has to re-do his eye exam for the DMV.

He fails, and goes to the doctor. While examining him, the doctor says "well, I can see the problem here. You have cataracts." The old man responds, "I don't have cataract! I have rincoln continental!"

Mr Wong goes to the Eye Doctor...

Mr Wong goes to the Eye Doctor. He tells the Dr "I cannot see where." The doctor gives him an exam and says "Mr Wong, I know what your problem is. You have cataracts." Mr Wong replies angrily "No sir!! I drive Rincoln Continentor!!"

A Chinaman goes to see the eye doctor...

After the exam the doctor said, "I know why you're having trouble." The Chinaman says, "why?" Doctor said, "you have a cataract." Chinaman says, "no, I have a Rincoln Continental."

A regular in our cafe (true story)

I run a small cafe. A regular (R) and his wife (W) stopped in yesterday and ordered their usual meal. W said "R had surgery this morning."

R said "I had eye surgery, had a cataract removed."

When they left, I said "Goodbye R, Hope you'll see us soon."

What is the most common cause of feline blindness?

Cataracts

My Pastor told me this one and it really hit home...

Some older people at a nursing home are complaining about getting older. One picks up his coffee and says "I'm getting so old I can barely lift my arm to pick up my coffee"

Someone sitting next to him says, "My cataracts is so bad I can barely see my coffee."

Someone behind them then s...

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I went to my WIFES doctor and told him I was going to sue him.

When he asked why I explained that ever since my wife left his care she hasn’t been sexually interested in me.

The doctor said all he done was cataract surgery and now she can see.

Two girl twins are born. One is named Skye after her perfect blue eyes

The other has cataracts, so was called Claudia

A man takes his Great Dane to the vet

The vet picks the dog up and inspects him and says to the man.
“Sir, your dog has cataracts and I will have to put him down”
The man says “You have to put my dog down for cataracts!?!?”
The vet replies “ Oh no he`s just very heavy”

A Lady Threatened to Sue Her Husband's Doctor

A lady threatened to sue her husband's doctor because after he recovered from surgery he had performance issues in bed. She claimed that he could no longer get it up and therefore could no longer please her.

The Doctor responded with "How's that my fault? I only removed his cataracts."

Asian eye problems

So a Chinese man is having trouble with one of his eyes and goes to see the optometrist. When the testing is over, the optometrist tells the man, "I'm sorry, you have a cataract" in which the Chinese man replies "No I dont! I have a rinkoln continental!"

An old Chinese lady goes to see the eye doctor...

The optometrist gives her the regular eye exam then proceeds to do a few more tests because of her advanced age. After peering through one of his instruments into her eyes, he says "Well ma'am, I'm sorry to tell you this, but you've got cataracts." To which the Chinese woman replied, "No cataracts, ...

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