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Starters Jokes

It's incredible how many French words are now used in the English language

There's 'Hors D'oeuvres' for starters.

Her: I want to break up. For starters, I’m sick of your terrible jokes.

Him: Ok. And for the main course?

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.

Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it.

The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that...

I hate when people start their statement with “well for starters”

and then never talk about the main course or the dessert.

if you don't have any conversation starters try the Titanic

wait nvm it's not a good icebreaker

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A guy goes to the doctor for his physical. The doctor says to him, “Well, for starters, you’re going to have to stop masturbating.”

The guy asks, “Why?”
And the doctor replies, “Because Good God, man! I’m trying to give you your physical!”

Obligatory Cake Day post. Thank you.

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I was sat in a restaurant last night, when I got hit on the back of the head with a prawn cocktail...

I looked round and this guy shouts:


"That's just for starters!"

My girlfriend and Twitter have a lot in common.

For starters, I now refer to both as X

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This wealthy couple are employing a housemaid. She decides to ask for a raise.

She goes to the lady and asks: “Ma’am, I’d like a raise.”

The lady responds: “A raise? But why on earth? I see no reason why.”

The housemaid says: “Well, for starters, I cook better than you, ma’am.”

The lady gets annoyed and replies: “Where does that come from?”

“Well, M...

Why are jokes about suicide bombers are not funny.

Well for starters, their delivery is just everywhere.

I figured out why orgies were so popular in ancient Rome.

For starters, you need four people to LXIX.

Don't Spoil Endgame

Friend: Now I know how Endgame goes down... some idiot kid loudly spoiled it to everyone today.

Me: So... who died?

Friend: For starters, the kid.

A man wakes up and finds himself alone in a hospital room.

He has no recollection of how he got there. While pondering his situation, his bedside phone rings, and he answers it.

A doctor on the other end identifies himself, and tells the man: "I have really bad news. You're very sick. After your collapse yesterday, we ordered several tests, and got...

I asked a linguist, "I'd like to speak to my cat. Can you teach me how?"

"For starters," she said, "the h is silent."

A reporter interviews a monk who's 130 years old

Reporter : According to the Guinness world record book you are the oldest living person in the world right now. What is your secret?
Monk : Well, for starters I don't argue with idiots.
Reporter : No way!
Monk : No way.

What is the biggest advantage of living in Switzerland?

Well for starters the flag is a big plus.

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A wife works long shifts every day...

A wife works long shifts every day of the week to support her family. The husband, who rarely sees her, begins to feel affected by the lack of intimacy from her when she is around, so he has an affair with a younger lady.

One day, the wife comes home early, and finds her husband in bed with h...

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"Y'know, I'm a criminal in 72 countries."

"How so?"

"Well, for starters, I'm gay."

What's the difference between an Indian and African elephant?

For starters, one of them is an elephant.

A lizard tatoo artist applies for a job at an architectural firm...

The hiring manager is perplexed. "How" he asks, "does inking reptiles amount to 'relevant experience' designing buildings for our firm?"

"Well for starters" the lizard tatoo artist begins, "all of my drawings are to scale."

*This is OC fam. Just put my 2 weeks notice in at my day job...

What do you get when you mix human DNA with zebra DNA?

Well, kicked out of the zoo for starters.

I have mixed opinions on Asia as a whole.

For starters, while South Korea is absolutely lively, the rest of Asia is completely Seoulless!

A Hipster and a Duck

Part 1.
A hipster walks into a bar with a duck on his head. The bartender goes “Hey, where did you get that?”
The duck goes “In Brooklyn, there’s thousands of them!”

Part 2
A hipster walks into a Brooklyn bar with a duck on his head. The bartender asks “What can I do for you?”
The...

My fast food addiction is really starting to cause me issues.

For starters, I can't find anywhere in New York that does a decent cheetah sandwich.

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Me and my wife have been seeing a marriage counselor lately and when we went in there he says "So tell me what do you two have in common?"

I said "Well for starters… Neither one of us suck dick!"

What's the difference between a bucket and a tub?

For starters, the bucket pails in comparison.

A student gets called into the teacher’s office

Teacher: “Do you know why I called you here today?”

Student: “No.”

Teacher: “It’s because you cheated on the last test.”

Student: “How could you possibly know that?”

Teacher: “Well, for starters, on the last question Sam wrote ‘I don’t know.’ On your paper, you wrote ‘‘Me...

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Monkey business

In a secret lab, a bunch if scientists are working on modified human DNA. To find out if their experiments work, they infuse monkey cells with the modified DNA. After a few years of raising 3 modified monkeys they send each of them into a different apprenticeship for one year, to see if they are abl...

What is the difference between a lentil and a chick pea?

Well, for starters I would never pay $200 to have a lentil on my face.

Thumb in the soup at the restaurant

A man goes to a restaurant with his wife. They look at the menu and order some starters and two soups. After placing their orders they start to notice something strange: there is only one waiter and he puts his thumb in the soups of the other customers when he carries them to the tables. The man and...

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Oh.. those Marines!

*A Marine walks into a bar and notices a Jar on the counter top with money in it.*

**Marine**: "This is new, what's it for?"

**Bartender**: "Its for our weekly challenge"

**Marine**: "Oh I love challenges, what is it for this week?"

**Bartender**: "Oh this one is a specia...

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A married couple goes to a marriage Counsellor to work out some problems.

The Counsellor sits them on the couch and says "For starters, let's talk about something you both have in common."

The husband says "Well, neither of us suck dick."

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A business man is driving through a small town, on his way to an important presentation, when he realizes he's in need of a haircut and doesn't have much extra time...

He remembers there's a little barbershop on the corner so he stops, and a short while later he's back on his way.




A week or two passes, and he pulls into the little barbershop again.





"Hello again Sir." the barber says. "What can I do for you?"


<...

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A guy walks into the doctor's office...

He's got a strawberry shoved up each nostril, carrots sticking out of his ears, and a hotdog shoved halfway up his ass.

Hey says, "Doctor, I don't know what it is, but I feel terrible!"

"For starters, you're not eating right."

Jay-Z owned a baseball team.

From day one, it was a foregone conclusion that it would be a cellar-dwelling team. Everyone on that team had a batting average of below .150, and not a single player scored a home-run. The defense was horrible; every outfielder was scared of fly-balls, the infielders couldn’t catch line drives to s...

Chris Cornell dies and goes to heaven…

St. Peter: It is probably a bit disorienting, but there are a lot of people here you will want to meet.

Chris: Like who?

St. Peter: Well, right over there are Janis, Jimi, Kurt, Prince, and David Bowie for starters.

Chris: Oh no, is that Bono over there with them? I d...

Good ole little Johnny was sitting in class

The teacher drew a line with three birds on it up on the blackboard.



"Ok, class, there are three birds on a wire, if one of the birds falls off, how many birds are left?"



As she erases one of the birds on the blackboard, little Susie in the front row raises her hand and...

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Brian is lonely and decides to hire a hooker.

He drives around until he sees a lady of the night who catches his eye. After going through some formalities she gets in the passenger seat and he asks how much she charges.

"For starters a handy is $375."

"Wow, that seems like a lot of cash for a handjob lady."

"Mister, do you...

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The Illness

A man returned from a business trip to Dubai feeling nauseous and looking ghastly. He rushed to the ER and was immediately put through some medical tests.


After a few days of experiencing excruciating pain throughout his body, the doctor walks into the room holding his medical report.
...

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Doggy

A man walks into a bar looking to unwind after a stressful week. He orders his favorite drink and takes a look around. On one of the shelves behind the bartender is a huge glass jar full of hundreds of hundred dollar bills. Noticing the large amount of money, the man is intrigued.

"What's up...

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