Did you know: the cows with the sweetest, most delectable milk have a unique defensive mechanism?

Horns!

What is your favorite Norm Macdonald joke/lune

"You,re the first defensive player ever to win the Heisman trophy, and no one can take that away from you."


"....Unless, of course, you kill your wife and a waiter"

If you see your joke, by all means comment, but don't repeat it, find another -he has thousands and thousands - I ...

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(True story) Friend and I were talking about dick sizes and my mother over hears me say how small I am.

She says in a defensive concerned voice. Noooo.. You're big.....

Mom! How the hell would you even know that?! You haven't seen my junk since I was a baby!

Cause, when you were born the nurses came to me and said you were the biggest of all the other baby boys in the nursery.

I s...

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Here's a joke told to me by my ancient high school band director in rural Oklahoma many years ago

Mr. Band Director loved to tell the story of how his ancestors came to settle in Oklahoma during the days of pioneers, covered wagons, and frequent, often bloody misunderstandings with the local natives.

One day his great-grandfather was leading the conestogas when off in the distance he hear...

Rudy Gobert should win NBA’s defensive player of the year

He just single-handedly shut down the whole league.

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The year is 1944. The Americans are advancing fast. Adolf Hitler is furious and starts to listen to defensive tactics proposed by his commanders...

The first commander suggests they pull out the tanks from the Eastern front and deploy them in the Western front, so that the defenses there would be hard to go past.

"Are you crazy? That's a horrible idea!" Hitler exclaimed.

The second commander steps in and suggests a horrible idea f...

If someone has already submitted a joke about defensive swordsmanship...

...sorry for the riposte.

Sometimes I wonder if the entire world is full of defensive, conceited douchebags who can't laugh at themselves...

Then I read some Reddit comments and I'm almost certain of it.

A dog breeder has a very defensive Golden Retriever

There was a period of time where she caused all the mailmen to just pass his house because of the dog. All but one mailman. The dog never attacked, but rather happily trotted up to him and asked to be pet. Eventually the breeder sees the mailman speaking to the dog, and the dog seemed to respond! Af...

...I wanted to design defensive structures for the city....

as it turns out, not my Forte.

Why was the Jewish man so defensive about his beer?

Because Hebrewed it.

Perry was busy building a defensive palisade around the Musketeer compound, but it was leaning over badly.

Suddenly Porthos spots the enemy and yells 'Attack! Perry, REPOST!'

Came across this in defensive driving school...

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver's license?

Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?

Driver: It's not my car. I st...

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What do defensive linemen and porn stars have in common?

At some point both of them have said to themselves "This sack is going to make my career."

A doctor sees an obese women to advise her about weight loss.

The women defensively says, "Look, I'm obese. My sister is obese. My mother is obese. My kids are obese. My brother is obese. Obesity runs in my family." The doctor replies, "It sounds like nobody runs in your family."

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A man and a wife are in a hotel room on the 3rd, rekindling their love for each other...

It quickly turns into teenage, window fogging, grope fest and they start to fuck like bunnies. After they finish the first round, they notice the room's a little different. The man steps outside and checks around and notices the room across him is 415. "Weird", said the man to himself. "I thought th...

An r/Jokes subscriber was fencing...

His opponent was confused because he was fully on the offensive and made not even one defensive move.

After the game, the opponent asked him about his unorthodox technique.

He replied, "Oh yeah, I only know how to riposte."

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