Did you know: the cows with the sweetest, most delectable milk have a unique defensive mechanism?

Horns!

A young Greek couple got married, and at their wedding...

...the mother of the bride took the bride aside for a quick chat.

"My sweet," she said, "you're now a woman. I'm so proud. Some advice for you now that you're married: Greek men are very particular, and at some point when you're making love to your new husband, he might suggest that you 'turn...

Rudy Gobert should win NBA’s defensive player of the year

He just single-handedly shut down the whole league.

If someone has already submitted a joke about defensive swordsmanship...

...sorry for the riposte.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The year is 1944. The Americans are advancing fast. Adolf Hitler is furious and starts to listen to defensive tactics proposed by his commanders...

The first commander suggests they pull out the tanks from the Eastern front and deploy them in the Western front, so that the defenses there would be hard to go past.

"Are you crazy? That's a horrible idea!" Hitler exclaimed.

The second commander steps in and suggests a horrible idea f...

Sometimes I wonder if the entire world is full of defensive, conceited douchebags who can't laugh at themselves...

Then I read some Reddit comments and I'm almost certain of it.

A dog breeder has a very defensive Golden Retriever

There was a period of time where she caused all the mailmen to just pass his house because of the dog. All but one mailman. The dog never attacked, but rather happily trotted up to him and asked to be pet. Eventually the breeder sees the mailman speaking to the dog, and the dog seemed to respond! Af...

...I wanted to design defensive structures for the city....

as it turns out, not my Forte.

Why was the Jewish man so defensive about his beer?

Because Hebrewed it.

Perry was busy building a defensive palisade around the Musketeer compound, but it was leaning over badly.

Suddenly Porthos spots the enemy and yells 'Attack! Perry, REPOST!'

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do defensive linemen and porn stars have in common?

At some point both of them have said to themselves "This sack is going to make my career."

Came across this in defensive driving school...

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver's license?

Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?

Driver: It's not my car. I st...

A doctor sees an obese women to advise her about weight loss.

The women defensively says, "Look, I'm obese. My sister is obese. My mother is obese. My kids are obese. My brother is obese. Obesity runs in my family." The doctor replies, "It sounds like nobody runs in your family."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man and a wife are in a hotel room on the 3rd, rekindling their love for each other...

It quickly turns into teenage, window fogging, grope fest and they start to fuck like bunnies. After they finish the first round, they notice the room's a little different. The man steps outside and checks around and notices the room across him is 415. "Weird", said the man to himself. "I thought th...

Two guys and a union worker were fishing on a lake one day, when Jesus walked across the water and joined them in the boat.

When the three astonished men had settled down enough to speak, the first guy asked, humbly, "Jesus, I've suffered from back pain ever since I took shrapnel in the Vietnam War...could you help me?"

"Of course, my son," Jesus said, and when he touched the man's back, he felt relief for the fir...

An r/Jokes subscriber was fencing...

His opponent was confused because he was fully on the offensive and made not even one defensive move.

After the game, the opponent asked him about his unorthodox technique.

He replied, "Oh yeah, I only know how to riposte."

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.