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Nose Bleed Jokes

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There was a kid named Billy who always had nose bleeds.

There was a kid named Billy who always had nose bleeds. He could feel it coming 15 seconds before it actually happens. So one day, Billy walks into class and sits at a desk, waiting for the teacher and other students to come to class. A religious kid comes to class and sits next to Billy. Then the t...

I once put ketchup up my nose to emulate a bad nose bleed.

It was a bad idea in Heinz-sight.

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The blood of virgins

A guy walks into his regular bar and loudly orders a round for the entire bar. "Drink up! For tonight I have bathed in the blood of virgins!" he loudly proclaims. "So, had another nose bleed while you were in the shower today, huh?" the bartender asks.

I was doing drugs with my friends and we ran out of coke, so we snorted some estrogen.

Now my nose bleeds once a month.

What's black, white and red all over?

Whitney Houston with a nose bleed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I have bathed in the blood of virgins...

Well, I had a nose bleed in the bath this morning.

Your team here

There was a guy way up in the nose bleed seats at ‘your team’s’ home game. About the end of the first quarter, he spotted an old man and an empty seat down on the 50 yard line. He made his way down to the older gentleman, and asked if anybody was sitting there.

The man said “ my wife and I h...

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Rancher Abe and his mating bull

Abe the rancher was having issues with his stock because his prized bull would not mate. Abe's friends told him to try a vaginal smear technique.
They told Abe to get a cow and rub the vaginal juices and then rub it onto and under the bulls nose

Sure enough, Abe's prized bull when crazy a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

United Airlines one-liners

Hilarious Compilation of Twitterati responses on the United Airlines Fiasco #NewUnitedAirlinesMottos
"United Airlines: Not enough seating, prepare for a beating."

"We have Red Eye and Black Eye flights available!"

"You can't beat our prices! But we can sure beat our passengers!"...

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