I think it's best to wear two different deodorants, one for each armpit

But that's just my two scents

A major detergent manufacturer is to release a new range of fruit scents, including apple, tomato, orange, banana and mango

They're going to call it "Tide Pods - Natural Selection"

THE SCENT OF AN OLD WOMAN.....

A haggard old lady rides in a fancy hotel's elevator. On the second floor, a beautiful woman steps on and arrogantly says to the old lady, "Georgio, $100 an ounce."

On the next floor, an equally beautiful women steps on and says, "Chanel, $150 an ounce."

The old lady's floor approaches...

What do you call a scent that wanders?

An a-roam-a.

They say dogs can detect cancer by scent..

Wondering if CAT scan too..

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It's funny how certain scents can bring back memories of people we associated with those scents

like how I remember my ex every time I take a shit.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

NSFW Stupid frog

This woman goes to a pet store to purchase some dog food. She puts the bag of food up on the counter and notices a box full of frogs. She reads the sign on the box...and it says...."Snatch Eating Frogs..$20 each (comes with instructions)" She looks around to see if anybody's watching her and whisper...

What is a millennial’s favourite fragrance?

Scents of entitlement.

I tried to create a business that makes talking candles

It didn't make any dollars or scents.

I don't know why, but my vanilla candle isnt working.

It just doesn't make any scents

A Priest and a Jamaican man are on a plane...

..and as they're taking off, the pilot says over the intercom "folks, I have something to tell you. I cannot fly the plane if someone passes gas; if someone does, I'll pass out and the plane will crash."

So halfway through the flight, the plane noses forward and goes into a dive. And the Jama...

How to get new business

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity gets the better of him and...

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I'm so pissed off with the new candle store in town. The times I've gone in they haven't even had vanilla or apple candles in stock.

They lack common scents.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I was offered sex with a 24 year old Instagram model last night. In exchange, I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner.

Of course I declined, because I am a person with high moral standards and strong willpower. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner. Now available in lemon scent or vanilla.

What do you call a rapper who can fart in many different ways?

50 scents.

A duck, a skunk, and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill!

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The Hunters

Bill and his three hunting buddies head out into the mountains to hunt some deer at a cabin they rented. They bring classic rifles not very strong but good enough to bring down a deer. One of Bill's buddies notices a bear and takes a shot at him. The bullet hits the bear but it does nothing but piss...

What do you need to choose a good air freshener?

common scents

An old man is lying on his deathbed.

Slipping peacefully away, he is half-aware of one sense after another fading, his sight growing dim, a blessed silence falling... and then something half-forgotten teases at his nose and he twitches as it registers. It's a delicious savoury scent wafting up the stairs - his wife's wonderful cheese s...

A comedian was on vacation in London.

A comedian was on a vacation in London when he came across a large crowd. He pushed and squeezed his way past the ocean of people and saw the Royal Family who were on their way to have lunch. As he takes out his phone to snap a photo, he saw from the corner of his eye a shady man pushing past the cr...

My wife got angry when I said her new candle smelled like wet dog and mildew...

But I was just giving my two scents on the topic

People always wonder what got me interested in the candle business

I’d have to say it was mostly common scents

I want to open a perfume store...

I'd call it: "Common Scents."

A lady walks into a perfumery and asks for the perfumer for his finest fragrance.

"Doobie woobie blue bop", says the perfumer.

Confused she looks around and notices that all of the bottles on the shelves are empty. "Do you keep them in the back?" she asks

"Flim flam flibidy blam", says the perfumer.

The lady sniffs the air, then looks at him strangely and as...

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A police officer catches Dave duck-hunting, checks to make sure he has the right license.

So Dave went hunting in the woods, one day, and ***BAM!***, shot a duck.

A bored, nearby trooper waiting in his patrol car near the highway hears the gunshot, gets out, and runs into the woods to find Dave holding the duck.

The trooper yells, pointing at Dave, "You stop right there! L...

What is a dog's favorite email folder?

Scent messages!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

There was a gentleman waiting to use the restroom...

...in a classy establishment, but the occupant was taking his time.

​

A lady noticed that he was walking funny, taking small steps, and with a look of pain and anxiety on his face. "Sir", she said, "the ladies restroom is unoccupied. You may use it if you promise not to touc...

3 Men go to Heaven

3 Men go to Heaven. There, they see a huge wonderland, with trees, flowers, and beautiful wild animals. Before they're allowed in, God explains to them the one rule- don't step on the rocks. The three men are confused but happily accept this.
On the first day, two of them wake up to the other ...

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A girl asked me to have sex with her

I was at the shopping mall yesterday and met this 21-year-old girl who was a laundry detergent promoter. She told me she would have sex with me if I advertised her product to all my friends and contacts.
I was sadly amazed and obviously did not accept her offer because I am much older than her an...

My douchebag nephew puts on loads of deodorant and I have a hard time understanding him.

He has too strong of an axe scent.

A long-neck giraffe is eating with a rabbit in the forest

... and then the giraffe brags, "Bet you are really envious of my long neck. When I'm eating, delicious food usually lingers in my throat and oh my, the taste, the scent, that feels really good!"

The rabbit swallows a mouthful real fast and then asks,

"Have you ever puked?"

A new high-tech, fully automated supermarket opened recently in town.

It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.


When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh mown hay.


In the meat departmen...

A man dies and finds himself at the foot of a mountain.

There is a sign by the mountain that reads ‘Welcome to Mount Olympus. To learn your fate in the afterlife, climb to the top and see the twelve deities.’

The man looks up the towering mountain, wondering how he will reach the high summit. As he starts his ascent he sees another man making his ...

Little Tommy goes to his mom...

Little Tommy goes to his mom and asks, “Mom, can I take the dog for a walk?”

His mom replies, “Not now, Tommy. She’s in heat.”

“What’s heat?” he asks.

“Your dad’s in the garage. Go ask him.”

Tommy finds his dad in the garage. He says, “Dad, I wanna take Daisy for a walk b...

My friend told me about his idea for odorless candles

I told him they wouldn't make any scents

A Vampire comes home for the night

A Vampire comes home for the night in bat form with blood covered all over his face, his three friends come up to him completely hypnotized by the scent of the blood, they ask him, “What did you get tonight?! That blood smells delicious!” The Vampire remains quiet and tells them not to worry about i...

The smell of rain

Every loves the smell of rain. So fresh, so clean. But in actuality you can’t actually smell rain. What you smell is the world around you.

Way back in the day humans used to have to actually hunt their food. So if you were chasing down a deer and it started to rain you could easily lose the ...

My husband was quite distraught and incoherent after losing his job at the cologne factory.

I don't know how to reply; he just isn't making scents anymore.

A blind man was walking down the street.

A blind man was walking down the street, he had a good sense of smell.

he passed by the church.

blind man: hmm,this must be the church,I smell candles!

down the street he walks more and passed by the cemetery.

blind man: I knew this place,I can tell the scent of the flowe...

You could say the smell of a new Apple product is...

Scent from my iPhone

I went to the perfume store and asked the guy there, "Penny for your thoughts?"

He replied, "I'm quite sorry, sir, but I only have scents."

An old man was laying on his death bed

With only hours to live, he suddenly noticed the scent of chocolate chip cookies coming from the kitchen. With his last bit of energy, the old man pulled himself out from his bed, across the floor to the stairs, and down the stairs to the kitchen.

There, the old man's wife was baking chocolat...

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Doggone it.

Little Jamie asked her dad, “Daddy? Can I please, please take our doggie for a walk around the block?”

Dad thought for a moment. Their dog was “in heat” and he really didn’t want to let her out of the yard. Any male dog would pick up the scent. But Jamie was being so sweet.

“Um...o...

A dog needed to go for a walk

A 12 year old wanted to take their dog out for a walk. The only problem is that the dog was on heat.

The kid asked her mother if she could take the dog out, the mother replied to say she wasn’t sure but to ask her father if he had any ideas.

The child then asked her dad who said its ...

A frog, a duck, and a skunk want to go to the movies together

A frog, a duck, and a skunk want to go to the movies together. But, when they go up to the ticket booth, the man working there tells them that only the frog and the duck can watch the movie.

"What?! Why can't I?" asks the skunk.

"Well, the movie tickets cost $1 each. The duck has a bil...

A man goes shopping for candles...

He's strolling through Bed Bath and Beyond, when he finally locates the candle section. So many options to pick from, he starts to give them all a good test sniff. As he's smelling more and more candles he wrinkles his brow and remarks to himself "All these candles smell funny..."

So he catch...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A bear and a rabbit uncover a magic lamp.

A bear is looking for honey in a big, old tree when he spots something mysterious down in a hole. After a whole lot of struggling he finally asks a rabbit if he could help retrieve the thing.

So with a little wiggling and waggling the rabbit drags out from the tree a tarnished and weathered o...

A crook walks into a bait and tackle store and sees the cashier is blind.

She asks him for a 50 dollar fishing rod, and he walks over and shows it to her. Then she thanks him and sticks a 100 dollar rod into her cart.

But the blind man isn't stupid, and when she rings it up, he feels the rod and he says "that will be 100 dollars for the fishing rod."

the wom...

I told my dad that I wanted to be a perfume manufacturer.

He replied "That makes scents."

What’s a $2100 perfume?

A Scent of Pride and Accomplishment

Did you hear about the person who spent over £1 million in the perfume shop?

They had more money than scents.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Mediocre guy dies and arrives at the Pearly gates

God meets him and says: you were neither good nor bad, so you will have a chance to decide now, heaven or hell?

Guy thinks to himself for a minute and says: Let's try hell first, if it doesn't work out I'll just end up in heaven.

So down he goes...

The earth opens up and smoke...

Did you guys hear the one about the perfume factory that went out of business?

Nevermind, it doesn't really make scents anymore

What leads people to Rome?

The scents.

They want some aROMAtherapy.

A duck, a deer, a skunk and an elephant are sitting in a bar

The end of the night rolls around and the waitress asks who is going to pay the tab.

The duck says that he can't pay because he only has one bill.

The deer says that she had a buck on her last night, but won't have any doe until spring.

The skunk says he can't pay because he onl...

Celebrities who release perfumes...

Have they no scents of shame?

A friend told me she was going to bake some cookies to relieve some stress...

I told her, “that makes scents.”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The English gentleman..

..Mr. Harold James Blessing was a renowned person. He’d retired from service in the British Army, and was revered and liked by all in the town for his best qualities.

One day, while visiting the countryside where he was quite popular, he spotted an immensely pretty, dazzling, drop dead gorgeo...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man reads an advertisement in the paper for the best raccoon hound ever and decides to go have a look.

The man reaches out to the person who placed the ad and scheduled a date and time to meet. Upon arriving at the agreed-upon location, a patch of woods in Mississippi, the owner of the raccoon hound informs the man that this is in fact the best coonhound he has ever seen or owned. However the owner e...

A man buys some cologne before a job interview...

A man quickly headed to Walmart before a job interview looking to buy some cologne. Not knowing which one to buy, he asked the employee which fragrances were purchased the most by other customers. The employee directed him to five standard fragrances, all of which the man then bought. However, not k...

I was thinking about starting an odorless candle company

But I realized it wouldn't make any scents

two men were walking thier dogs...

Two men, tom and bob were walking their dogs when they smell a delicious scent. "You smell that?" tom asked. Bob replied, "the heck I do, let’s find where it’s coming from!”. After 5 minutes of searching, the scent led them to a restaurant. Tom said "let’s get something to eat!" they both were hungr...

Why did the jury decide Ester was not guilty?

Because Ester is in a scent.

Why couldn't the dogs understand each other.

Because they didn't have any common scents. Ha ha ha... I'll see myself out.

A cute one I heard from a friend at work.

Three animals walk into a bar; A duck,a skunk and a deer. They go up to the bar and order 3 drinks. "5 dollars" Says the bartender. The deer looks at the duck and says "I don't have a buck to my name!" the skunk cries "I have no money, not even a scent!" but the duck says to the bartender "It's alri...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Five Penny Trick

Something I remember from my misspent youth.

Requires five pennies, placed down one at at time, heads up.

Place the first penny on the table..."Can you smell that....that's a scent."

Place the second penny...."Can you see any fruit....that's a pair"

Place the third penny....

What's the Difference Between Guts and Balls?

Guts is coming home late from the bar, drunk as a skunk meeting your wife at the door with a broom in her hand and asking her if she's still cleaning the house or going out for a ride.

Balls is coming home late from the bar, drunk as a skunk with lipstick all over your face and the scent of w...

I don't understand odourless air fresheners.

They don't make any scents.

i think ive gone insane. i cut off my nose.

nothing makes scents anymore.

I don't know why people use odorless deodorant

It makes no scents!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

(Oldie) A city boy goes to visit his grandfather's farm in the country.

A he was walking along the fields, he noticed something very odd—a pig, sitting under a tree, with a peg leg. Later, as he was eating dinner, he asked his grandpa:
"Hey, why does that pig out in the fields have a peg leg?"
"Oh, Old Jim?" his father replied. "Well, that's a very special pig....

A police officer pulls up to a stop sign

A police officer pulls up to a stop sign with a beaten up Toyota Camry in front of him. The officer comes to a stop and waits, but the Camry refuses to move. The officer waits a minute and begins to get agitated. Finally, the officer gets out of the police car and walks up to the Camry. The window c...

Three guys arrive at the pearly gates...

St. Peter says "OK, we've kind of streamlined the entry process here. I'm going to ask you a single question, and if you answer it correctly you will be admitted into heaven." He turns to the first guy and says "What is Easter?" The guy says "Easter, huh? Let me see... Isn't there a tree involved? S...

Why did the flower with no smell confuse people?

Because it didn't make any scents!!


.


.

.

.

Get it..scents sounds like sense...sort of..so it's funny because the.. okay I'm sorry I'll just see myself out.

Dog in heat

A little girl asks her mum, 'Mum, can I take the dog for a walk around the block?'
Her mum replies 'No, because she is on heat.'

'What does that mean?' asked the child.
'Go and ask your father. I think he's in the garage.'

The little girl goes out to the garage and says, 'Dad...

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Roy Rogers and the mountain lion

Back in the 1950s, cowboy star Roy Rogers bought a brand new pair of expensive cowboy boots. Cowboy boots are notoriously stiff when they're new so Roy spent all morning oiling and working the leather to try to soften them up a bit. He then took them out onto the back porch to dry in the sunlight wh...

My apartment was starting to smell bad so I bought myself a candle.

It just makes scents.

So I bought a fragrant candle the other day, but when I lit it nothing happened...

It just didn't make scents.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The female stink badger has 12 potent smelling nipples..

dozen tit make scents

A robber broke into a perfume store...

He raided the register and stole everything in the store, he took every last scent.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Tom the soldier in the desert.

An army is in the desert for several upcoming months.
The sergeant tells his troops: "Well, I know the climate is harsh and that you won't have a lot of entertainment here as there is no women. But, in case you cannot stand the pressure anymore, you will be allowed to take the camel behind this ...

An old actor has trouble getting work due to failing memory...

After contacting many people that he worked with in the past , he is finally able to land a job in a popular new Broadway play. The director tells him its only one line at the beginning of the play, but it is a very important line. It sets the mood for the rest of the play. It is ESSENTIAL he nails ...

All my life I've refused to wear perfume.

But then an aggressive perfume-salesperson knocked some scents into me.

My air fresheners for insane people got turned down...

They said there wasn't any cents in making scents for people who don't make sense

A boy went to visit his grandfather that lived deep in the mountains... [long]

He hadn't seen his grandfather in quite some time, not since his grandmother's funeral a few years back at least. So, deciding that it would do their son well to visit the old man for the summer, his parents packed him up and sent him to go stay with the old man for the summer.


So, upon h...

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A koala and a lizard smoke a joint in a tree

After they finish the joint, they both are feeling pretty lit. The lizard says "man, my cottonmouth is out of control, I need to go get a drink". He leaves to go get a drink. An alligator walks by smells the sweet scent of cannabis still lingering in the air. He sees koala up in a tree, but before h...

There Once Lived A Family of Moles on a Hill.

On morning Papa Mole woke up and walked to the entrance of the burrow. He was greeted with the most beautiful morning he had ever seen. The sunrise shone brightly and scents of spring wafted through the air.

"This is amazing!" Papa exclaimed "Ma! Come and see this! The morning's beautiful an...

Did you hear about the lazy perfume-maker?

He made no scents.

A TV reporter and his cameraman are filming some lions in the Sahara desert,

when suddenly the wind changes and the male picks up their scent. With a mighty roar the ferocious beast starts bounding towards them! Shocked and crying for help the reporter turns towards the cameraman, who had dropped the camera and was lacing up his shoes. Dumbfounded the reporter asks him: "Wha...

My wife got really angry when I spent a lot of money on a make-your-own perfume kit

...but it made scents to me