Why should you never brush your teeth with your left hand?

Because a toothbrush works better.

What's red and bad for your teeth?

A brick.

What has a 1000 teeth and holds back a monster?

My zipper.

Archangel Michael has just created a duck-goose with giant teeth and wants to show his magnificent creation to God.

He comes to God's presence and says: "look what beauty I made, I'm just not sure where to put it"
God thinks for a moment and says: "how about you put it in Australia with all the other nonsense you've created."

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A 75 year old used to put his fake teeth in a jar of water before sleeping

He used to do this every night. One day he felt thirsty and accidentally drank the water which he put his dentures. The next day, he had severe stomach pain and went to the doctor.

The doctor examined him thoroughly, wiped his brow of sweat visibly shaking and said - “In all my years being a...

My dentist mocked me today, saying that even though he's much older than me, he has healthier teeth.

I said it must be because he has the better dentist.

What do you call a bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear.

Yo mama's teeth are so yellow...

She stood on a street corner and smiled, and traffic slowed down

I have green skin, a nose three times the size of the horn on my head, four brown teeth and my neck is covered in furry scales... what am I?

Ugly!

What do you call pizza that's good for your teeth?

Stuffed-Crest pizza.

What has 100 legs and 8 teeth?

The front row of a Cliff Richard concert.

My dentist was cleaning my teeth and told me to open up more.

I told him I hadn’t seen my father in three years.

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Sperm count

An 65 year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."

The next day the old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which wa...

Yo mama's teeth are so bad

That when she smiled to the cashier at walmart, the barcode scanner picked it up as a set of saucepans

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An old woman accidentally drops her fake teeth at the park while walking her dog.

She can’t find the teeth anywhere in the tall grass. A man spots her bending over and asks what she lost. “I dropped my false teeth somewhere around here.”

“Oh,” the man says, “that’s no big deal. Here, try this pair on.”

He hands her a set of teeth that are too big for her mouth. He h...

I got a guy who makes false teeth for me.

He's an indentured servant.

I need to tell my girlfriend she's using way too much teeth when she goes down on me, but I don't want to hurt her feelings.

How do I soften the blow?

Politicians in the US remind me of British teeth.

Some are sharp, most are white, and all are crooked.

Did you know that Starbucks can make your teeth whiter?

Enough pumpkin spiced latte will make anything whiter

What do you call a bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear (yes i know my sense of humour is great)

What do you call a smiling Roman soldier with a piece of hair stuck between his front teeth?

A glad-he-ate-her.

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Speaking of a big fat butt!

A girl takes her big fat cat to the vet.

"My cat is very fat,” she says.

"Alright," says the vet. "I will look at him."

The vet picks up the cat and examines its teeth. Then she looks at its eyes. Then into its ears.

Finally, she turns to the girl and says, “I'm very sorr...

So I was sitting on the bus just reading a book when somebody tapped me on the shoulder.

I turned around and saw an old lady. She said to me, "Sonny, would you like some nuts? I've got a couple hazelnuts and almonds if you'd like."

"Sure.", I replied. Then she gave me a handful of nuts and went back to sit with her friends.

"What a nice lady", I thought, while happily mu...

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What has 3 teeth and 6 boobs?

Night shift at Waffle House.

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A Canadian was having a coffee and croissants with butter and jam in a cafe when an American tourist, chewing gum, sat down next to him.

The Canadian politely ignored the American, who, nevertheless started up a conversation.

The American snapped his gum and said, "You Canadian folk eat the whole bread?"

The Canadian frowned, annoyed with being bothered during his breakfast, and replied, "Of course".

The American...

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On the sixth day

**ON THE SIXTH DAY... **

**God Creating Spiders**

God: Make it have 8 legs

Angel: Seems excessive but OK

God: And 8 eyes

Angel: You need to calm down a li-

God: Give it a bum rope

**God Creating Kittens**

God: make them fluffy & adorable li...

An elderly gentleman goes to his..

doctor for a physical, checked his bloodwork, heart and lungs, everything looks great! The doctor said he had one more test to perform. He needed the man to go home to collect a sperm sample in this jar to see how his reproductive health is.

The old man says no problem with a smile.

Th...

Some people have 32 teeth, while some people have only 6.

It's simple meth.

What do you call a gangster with clean teeth?

Oral-G

What has 800 legs and only 16 teeth?

The queue at Primark on Monday.

What’s 50 feet long and has 37 teeth?

The front row of a Willie Nelson concert

I was so busy with maths homework that I didn't brush my teeth for a week

The calculus had built up, and it was starting to get quite hard.

What has 20 legs and 2 teeth.

The methadone line

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A man wanted to try 69 with his girlfriend

Right in the middle the man realizes he has a dentist appointment. So he pops up and heads to the bathroom. He brushes his teeth 3 times. He uses mouth wash twice and flosses once for good measure.

He gets to the dentist office just in time and his dentist calls him in. Dentist says open wid...

Why do liberals hate dentists?

Because dentists make teeth straight and white.

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A writer moves to a rural area so he can focus on his writing without distractions

After getting settled in he sits down to start writing and is immediately disturbed by a knock on the door.

He answers to door to find an old scraggly looking man in dirty overalls, with very few teeth, and a long unkempt beard. The old man looks very excited to see him.


Howdy ne...

Like pulling teeth

I had a wisdom tooth going bad and the dentist told me it wouldn't be worth filling the cavity and she just sent me to an oral surgeon to get the tooth pulled.

So I get there and I'm in the chair and I tell the guy "I've never had a tooth pulled." He was pretty seriously bothered that I used ...

Courtesy of my 6yo daughter: What do you call a dinosaur that takes care of its teeth?

A Flossiraptor

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A young man with his pants hanging half off his ass, two gold front teeth, and a half inch thick gold chain around his neck; walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check....

He marched up to the counter and said,
"Hi. You know, I just H A T E drawing welfare! I'd really rather have a job.. I don't like taking advantage of the system, getting something for nothing!"

The social worker behind the counter said "Your timing is excellent. We Just got a job opening...

Baby teeth

\- Hey neighbour what is going on, why is your husband screaming like that?!!

\- Nothing to worry neighbour, his teeth are coming out!

\- Wait what? Isn't he like 60 years old?!

\- Yeah, that's true but last night, during his sleep, he swallowed his dentures ...

Boy: your teeth are like stars

GIRL: Aww.. thanks are they that much pretty?


Boy: no, far away from each other

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I do porn, and the company I work for has a guy who writes all the blowjob scenes. He has the girls use their teeth, never pay attention to the balls, and only lick the tip.

I don’t know whose dick this guy sucked to become the head writer

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A man was dragged into a white van in the middle of the street

He finds himself in an interogation room where he is being accused with treason, and he must tell on his accomplices. The man is definitely innocent. After a few hours the investigators bring this big Russian guy , Igor, and tell him to go down to the basement and fuck the guy in the ass until he co...

After earning his DDS; a dentist went and opened up his own practice.

He became widely known for his amazing skills, and was highly praised + recommended by every patient he ever had. One year; he was nominated for (and won) a prestigious medical award. Inscribed upon its ornate surface was his name and the specific honor: “Global Recognition of Outstanding Surgical S...

Don't step on the chickens

Three men die and come to the pearly gates. They swing open and they hear the voice of god booming: "Be welcome to heaven, but don't step on the chickens!" and as far as the eye can see there are chickens EVERYWHERE.

One guy is like, "forget this!" and instantly steps on a chicken. They hear ...

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I am excessively orderly and fussy when brushing my teeth

You might say I’m anal about oral.

I'm afraid to tell my mom I accidentally knocked out some of my teeth and swallowed them...

It's really chewing me up inside.

I invented a boomerang with teeth...

That ones gonna come back to bite me in the ass

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You guys keep getting this joke wrong. "What is red and bad for your teeth?"

A brick...

Now shut the fuck up.

"I'd rather have a baby than have my teeth filled" said the young woman nervously to the dentist

"fine by me " replied the dentist " Let me just adjust the chair to a better position"

Why do all methheads have bad teeth?

They only brush them before sleeping

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A Nazi walks into a bar

He goes up to the bartender and looks around seeing an older Jewish man sitting in a corner. He turns to the bartender and announces loudly: "A round of beer for everyone except that Jew over there!"

The Nazi turns to the Jew smiling nastily and is surprised to see him smiling warmly back. So...

Lets face it English is a stupid language There is no egg in the eggplant No ham in the hamburger And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England

French Fries Were Not Invented In France.

We Sometimes Take English For Granted

But If We Examine Its Paradoxes We Find That:

Quicksand Takes You Down Slowly

Boxing Rings Are Square

And A Guinea Pig Is Neither From Guinea Nor Is It A Pig.

If Writers Write, H...

Sharing is caring...

The old man placed order for one hamburger, French fries and a drink. He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife. He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife. He...

How do you know the toothbrush was invented in Alabama?

If it were it invented anywhere else it would have been called a teethbrush.

My dentist said my teeth were stained and then asked me "Do you smoke or drink coffee?"

I said ... "I drink it"

What do you call the soft tissue between a Shark's teeth?

A Slow Swimmer

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Why do men give cold women their jackets?

No man wants a blowjob from a woman with chattering teeth

What will the Monster eat after the Dentist pulled out his teeth?

The Dentist

The date I took to the AC/DC concert had buck teeth, giving her a cute beaver smile

She was the best dam woman I had even seen

I have to get my wisdom teeth pulled out

I’m going to fail so many perception checks without them :(

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What do you call a large bearded homosexual man with no teeth, who enjoys giving blowjobs?

A gummy bear.

A lack of wisdom

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I just had my wisdom teeth removed," the guy tells the bartender. "How do you feel?" the bartender asks. "Kind of strange," the guy replies. "I have a sudden urge to ask my girlfriend to marry me."

For past 10 years my wife has been complaining to me about not putting the cap back on the toothpaste...

On our anniversary, I decided to change this bad habit and make my wife happy.
For a week I was diligent, always capping the toothpaste.
I was expecting my wife to thank me, but she never did it.
Finally, last night she turned and looked at me and said:
Why did you stop brushing your te...

A nice old lady gives a bus driver some nuts…

A nice old lady on a bus offers the bus driver some peanuts, the driver happily eats them.
Every five minutes the old lady hands the driver a handful of nuts, eventually he asks:

“Why don’t you eat them yourself?”
To which the old lady replies

“I don’t have any teeth, look” ...

A person gets hit by a bicycle.

So this person wakes up, as usual, to get ready to go to work. They do their normal routine: brush teeth, eat breakfast, get dressed, etc... On their way to work, they get hit by a bicycle.

The next day, the same thing happens. Get ready for work, leave, get hit by a bicycle. This goes on for...

The wizard materialized on the hill above the outdoor festival and proclaimed, “All shall be vanquished.... except those in temporary shelters supported by a pole, and fully aquatic animals with spade-shaped teeth!”

The area was safe for all in tents and porpoises.

A man asked his wife: how many teeth does a donkey have?

The wife's response: I don't know honey, look in the mirror, open your mouth, and count them.

My wife has teeth like pearls

Few and far between

What did the dentist say looking at my teeth?

Brace yourself!!

What has sixty feet, three teeth & seventeen dollars?

The front row at a Insane Clown Posse concert

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman and her annoying nephew entered a lawn bowling contest.

The sun was out, the grounds had been immaculately prepared and every retiree within city limits had turned out for the event. Pearl had to admit that she was feeling better about the day now that it had finally arrived.

A few weeks ago when her delinquent of a sister had foisted her awful...

Burt and Molly who were in their 70's were lying in bed one night.

Burt was falling asleep but Molly was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. She said, "You used to hold my hand when we were courting." Wearily Burt reached across, held her hand for a second, and rolled over to try to fall asleep. A few moments later she said, "Then you used to kiss me." Mildly ir...

I once knew a guy with teeth so bad

His calculus had advanced to trigonometry.

What’s the first thing a cannibal eats after they get there teeth checked?

The dentist.

Two English gentlemen are commuters, using the Tube to the City. They get on and off at the same stations, and having done it for years they occasionally nod greetings or even exchange a “good morning.”

One of them looked really unhappy one day and the other said “I know we haven’t been introduced but if you don’t mind me saying it you do look a bit peaky.”
“My false teeth are killing me.”
“Hmmm. If you let me have a good look I may be able to help you.”
“Oh please do...”
“Give me a da...

Two old guys are working at a sewage treatment plant

One guy goes off to lunch and comes back to find his buddy standing above a vat of sewage with a long rake.

"What are you doing?!" he yells

"My coat fell in" his buddy yells back

"You're not really gonna wear that again are you?!"

"No, no. Gosh no, I'm not going to wear ...

I'm religious about brushing my teeth.

I do it twice a year on Christmas and Easter.

Little Timmy is skiing on a mountain with his family

At a certain point, he decides that it would be nice if he impressed his mother, so he shouts: "look mom, without hands!", then proceeds to drop the ski poles on the snow and go down.

After he manages to return on the top, he shouts again: "look mom, without seeing!" then puts his wool hat on...

An old woman walked into a dentist's office,

took off all her clothes, and spread her legs. The dentist said, "I think you have the wrong room." "You put in my husband's teeth last week," she replied. "Now you have to remove them."

One day, a man walks into a dentist's office and asks how much it will cost to extract wisdom teeth.



"Eighty dollars," the dentist says.
"That's a ridiculous amount," the man says.
"Isn't there a cheaper way?"
"Well," the dentist says, "if you don't use an anesthetic, I can knock the price down to $60."
"That's still too expensive," the man says.
"Okay," says the de...

(OFFENSIVE) Why do models don't brush their teeth?

Because you have to brush your teeth after every meal.

Little Johnny and the plumber

Little Johnny's parents have a plumber over to fix some issues in the bathroom. As kids do, Johnny roams around the plumber, commenting and asking questions.

At same point, the plumber takes out a screwdriver, and Little Johnny gets excited. "Hey, my dad has two of these. A small one that he...

My wife said she found my first gray hair, but I didn't believe her for the longest time. Then when I was brushing my teeth this morning I saw it in the mirror, on the left side of my mustache.

It was right under my nose this whole time.

Protect the gold teeth

Policeman: Why didn't you shout for help when you were robbed of your watch?

Man: If I had opened my mouth, they'd have found my four gold teeth. That would be much worse.

What did the dentist say to his girlfriend?

"You have the nicest teeth I've ever come across"

What does mike Tyson wear to the dentist?

A teeth hurt

"You have three wishes!"

"Oh no, I know the drill. Whatever I wish for, will come back and bite me."

"What? No, I'm a good genie. Listen, if it does, I will even give you infinite wishes"

"I want a boomerang with teeth."

As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Traffic Warden's funeral,

a voice from inside screams: "I'm not dead, I'm not dead. Let me out!"

The Vicar smiles, leans forward sucking air through his teeth and mutters: "Too late pal, I've already done the paperwork."

I got knocked off my bike by a salt spreading truck last winter.

"You IDIOT" I shouted through gritted teeth.

A lumberjack chopped off my teeth

But later he apologized and said it was axedental.

During covid, my orthodontist told my I should tend to my teeth by myself.

“How?” I asked.

He said “Brace yourself.”

I asked my dentist to put in a new tooth that matched my other teeth

He put in tooth with 4 cavities.

My cousin told me it's totally safe to get a dental piercing

Turns out he was lying through his teeth.

What has 110 legs, 250 teeth, and an IQ of 500?

The front row of a Donald Trump rally.

Why do vampires clean their teeth three times a day?

To prevent bat breathe.








Edit : it's breath (sorry for the typo)

Someone said I couldn’t tell a pun about crooked teeth

Well brace yourselves!!!!

Most people have 32 teeth, I have 10 plus 15 minus 3 ...

trust me, I did the meth.

I bite my nails and it's killing my teeth

I should probably take my shoes off

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