This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained. ...

What do you call the soft tissue between a shark's teeth?

A slow swimmer

Genie: I will grant you 3 wishes.

Me: I've seen this before. Whatever I wish for will come back and bite me in some way.

Genie: I promise that won't happen. I'm so sure it won't I'll give you infinite wishes if it does.

Me: Okay. I wish for a boomerang with teeth.

Genie: You son of a ........

An old woman accidentally drops her fake teeth at the park while walking her dog.

She can’t find the teeth anywhere in the tall grass. A man spots her bending over and asks what she lost. “I dropped my false teeth somewhere around here.”



“Oh,” the man says, “that’s no big deal. Here, try this pair on.”



He hands her a set of teeth that are too big for...

A boys mouth is hurting and it’s determined that be needs to get his wisdom teeth out

He and his dad go in tot eh dentist, the dentist puts him under with some laughing gas and gets the procedure done.
When he awakes the boy is sore from the procedure, “ugh I feel like I just got into a fight”

The dad responds
Yea some dentist knocked you out.

Patient : The composite you put in my teeth were too soft. I need something harder

Dentist : Im sorry I cant do that

Patient : What? Why not?

Dentist : I just cant. No hard fillings.

What's red and bad for your teeth?

A brick.

The girlfriend just got her teeth whitened

Although, to be honest, most of it went on her chin

Why could the god of thunder not speak well after he got his wisdom teeth pulled...

Because he was too Thor.

What happens if you have 2 teeth and you chip one in half?

You’ll have three two-ths left

What do you call a bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear

(My girlfriend told me this and I thought I'd share)

What has 50 pairs of eyes but only three teeth?

The front row at a Trump rally.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to get his wisdom teeth cut out

and the oral surgeon tells him he’s going to give him something for the pain. The man says I don’t need it the last time I felt pain was so intense I haven’t felt pain since. The oral surgeon takes this as a challenge and intentionally tries to hurt the man while he cuts his wisdom teeth out. When h...

I'm not saying that the people in my city have bad teeth...

But a guy just went through the self scan checkout at Wal-Mart, smiled and the barcode scanner picked it up as an electric crockpot.

How many teeth does a hockey player have?

Don’t you mean tooth?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When you think about it, brushing your teeth and sex have a lot in common.

it’s good for your health, you do it before bed, and it doesn’t happen everyday.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man crawls into a psychiatrist's office on all fours with something in between his teeth.

The psychiatrists says:
"Oh, and what do we have here? A kitty?".
The man crawls into a corner. The doc goes on, saying:
"Maybe you're a doggy?".
The man changes corners, with the shrink saying:
"I see! You're a turtle!".
The man finally slaps and yells:
"Ju...

My Girlfriend Just Got Her Wisdom Teeth Out

She was telling me that her face was sore, so I told her she was a *"sore-bae*, get it? Sorbet?". And then she turned around in bed and wouldn't talk to me.

Courtesy of my 6yo daughter: What do you call a dinosaur that takes care of its teeth?

A Flossiraptor

An old man placed an order for one hamburger, french fries and a drink. He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife...

He then carefully counted out the french fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.

He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them.

As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them we...

I have a joke or 2 about bad teeth coming

Brace yourselves

Why does Sonic the Hedgehog have human teeth?

Rule 34

A lumberjack chopped off my teeth

But later he apologized and said it was axedental.

What has 132 legs and 8 teeth?

The front row of a Toby Keith concert.

How are stars like false teeth?

They both come out at night!

On my recent trip to Australia, I made the mistake of buying a boomerang with teeth.

Sure enough, it came back to bite me in the ass.

I've got a lot of puns about people with crooked teeth

You'd better brace yourself

Why do philosophers have bad teeth?

Because they don’t get transcendental plans.

What's the best stage name for a stripper with no teeth?

Crystal Meth

What do you call a smiling Roman with hair in his teeth?

A gladiator

My dentist mocked me today, saying that even though he's much older than me, he has healthier teeth.

I said it must be because he has the better dentist.

What do you call an alligator without scales, tail, limbs or teeth?

A nothingator.

~ 4 yr. old nephew came up with it

How did the man lose his teeth?

AcciDENTALly

Today a woman told me that I have a beautiful smile and asked me what I use on my teeth.

I looked at her and said "Polygrip".

Why do social justice warriors hate dentists?

Because they make teeth straight and white.

What has a mouth with teeth and flies?

An Ethiopian child.

What did the dentist name his high strength teeth aligners?

Braces for impact!

I dated a dentist a while back,

She had the whitest teeth I ever came across.

I got a set of false teeth put in but couldn't pay for them, so now I have to help out at the dentist's office

I guess that makes me an indentured servant

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How I Lost My Teeth!!!

I was at CHUCK'S BAR AND GRILL last night, at the bar waiting for a beer when, a butt-ugly, big old heifer came up behind me, and slapped me on the ass. She said, "Hey sexy, how about giving me your number." I looked at her and said, "Have you got a pen?" She said, "I sure do," as she smiled with an...

Most people have 32 teeth. Some have 10...

... it‘s simple meth.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young man with his pants hanging half off his ass, two gold front teeth, and a half inch thick gold chain around his neck; walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check....

He marched up to the counter and said,
"Hi. You know, I just H A T E drawing welfare! I'd really rather have a job.. I don't like taking advantage of the system, getting something for nothing!"

The social worker behind the counter said "Your timing is excellent. We Just got a job opening...

I know a guy who religiously gets his teeth checked once per week

. He's a Seventh Day A Dentist

I bumped into a stranger. He turned around and told me he was gonna rearrange my teeth.

What a great dentist he was - so glad I met him.

Don't waste time brushing your teeth when you are young.

Simply put your dentures in the dishwasher when you're older.

A lot of people say negative things about my teeth

I normally just brush it off

What has 32 teeth and hides a monster?

My zipper

Why do hillbilly’s have missing teeth?

Their dentist is Dr.Pepper.

What’s the best vegetable to clean your teeth with?

Brushles sprouts

I couldn't afford a set of false teeth, but I found a guy who would make me a set in exchange for me doing some work around his house.

I guess you could say it was indentured servitude.

Washington liked his wooden teeth enough.

Unfortunately, they were all bark and no bite.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do guys always give their jacket to girls when they're cold?

Because no one wants a blowjob from a girl when her teeth are chattering.

I hate people with straight teeth...

Yes, I'm bracist.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A boy asks his mom, “When I grow up will I have two penises like daddy?”

Mom: Daddy doesn’t have two penises son

Son: Sure he does! He has the little one he uses to pee and the big one he uses to brush the babysitter’s teeth!

"Son, you better start brushing your teeth...

Oral-B very angry."

I was listening to my wireless headphones while the dentist was working on my teeth.

He needed to tell me something so he pulled out my earbud.

It was a Bluetooth extraction.

My 7 year old nephew told this joke to my sister : what's the first thing you do after waking up and the last thing you do before going to bed?

Nephew: Brushing your teeth!

Mom: oh honey that's not a joke.

Nephew: it is if you think that's what I do!

Donald Trump told me that I have very nice teeth

which is not surprising, seeing as he only likes things that are straight and white.

Ghandi spent a lot of time fasting in his life, which made him thin and frail. He chose not to wear shoes often, so when he walked, he toughened up his feet. Rarely did he brush his teeth.

That makes him a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

How does a bird eat without teeth?

They succeed

What has 40 feet and 20 teeth?

The front row at a Garth Brooks concert.

Are your teeth cold?

Then why are they wearing those yellow blankets?

(You just licked your teeth didn’t you?)

What has an IQ of 100 and a full set of teeth?

The front row at a NASCAR race.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If dentists only make money off of us if we have bad teeth

The why the fuck am I using a toothpaste 4 out of 5 of them are recommending!

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.