The girlfriend just got her teeth whitened

Although, to be honest, most of it went on her chin

My dentist mocked me today, saying that even though he's much older than me, he has healthier teeth.

I said it must be because he has the better dentist.

What's red and bad for your teeth?

A brick.

what has 36 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk?

my zipper

A man went to the dentist to get his teeth checked for cavities

The Dentist: "Woah, that's a HUGE cavity - a HUGE cavity!"

The Man: "Enough, Doc, I heard you the first time!"

The Dentist: "Sorry, that was an echo."

What do you call a happy Roman soldier with a hair stuck in his teeth?

A "Glad he ate her"

I have sensitive teeth.

Even me just saying that offends them.

I don't know how to tell my wife of 15 years that she's been using her teeth WAY too often when she goes down on me.

How do I soften the blow?

Most people have 32 teeth. Some have 10.

It’s simple meth.

On the front of the toothpaste packaging it said: "For Amazingly Sparkling Teeth!"

"I better not buy it, then," I thought, "because mine are rancid."

What's the first thing a monster eats after he has had his teeth checked?

The dentist.

What do you call a bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear

What is it called when a dentist checks your teeth?

A cavity search.

Genie: You have 3 wishes.

Me: I've seen this before. Whatever I wish for will come back and bite me in some way.

Genie: I promise that won't happen. I'm so sure it won't I'll give you infinite wishes if it does.

Me: Okay. I wish for a boomerang with teeth.

Genie: You son of a...

What do you call a boomerang made of teeth?

I don't remember the punchline and it's probably gonna come back to bite me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After an amazing 69 with his girlfriend, Kevin remembered he had a dentist appointment.

He was afraid that the dentist would smell pussy on his breath so he brushed his teeth 7 times and on top of that 2 liters of mouthwash.
As he arrived at the dentist he chewed 5 strong mints too.
The dentist told him to take a seat. Feeling confident & relaxed he opened his mouth wide....

What do you call the soft tissue between a shark's teeth?

A slow swimmer

I'm not saying that the people in my city have bad teeth...

But a guy just went through the self scan checkout at Wal-Mart, smiled and the barcode scanner picked it up as an electric crockpot.

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An old woman accidentally drops her fake teeth at the park while walking her dog.

She can’t find the teeth anywhere in the tall grass. A man spots her bending over and asks what she lost. “I dropped my false teeth somewhere around here.”



“Oh,” the man says, “that’s no big deal. Here, try this pair on.”



He hands her a set of teeth that are too big for...

What do my girlfriend and a vampire with no teeth have in common?

Neither of them suck

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A witcher hypnotises a vagrant and mistakenly knocks out his teeth.

It was Axii Dental.

You brush your teeth at night to keep your teeth...

You brush them in the morning to keep your friends.

Credit of this joke goes to my dental hygienist

What had 200 arms, 200 legs and 3 teeth?

The front row of a Willie Nelson concert.

What did the lazy dentist say to his patient with crooked teeth?

Brace yourself.

A 54-year-old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.

While on the operating table she had a near-death experience. Seeing God she asked, "Is my time up?"

God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a...

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Sperm count

A 65 year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."
The next day the old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as cle...

Patient : The composite you put in my teeth were too soft. I need something harder

Dentist : Im sorry I cant do that

Patient : What? Why not?

Dentist : I just cant. No hard fillings.

What happens if you have 2 teeth and you chip one in half?

You’ll have three two-ths left

The dentist says my teeth are like a string of pearls

each one has a hole through it!

Courtesy of my 6yo daughter: What do you call a dinosaur that takes care of its teeth?

A Flossiraptor

Why could the god of thunder not speak well after he got his wisdom teeth pulled...

Because he was too Thor.

Dentist: "You have three cavities. Do you want to have them all filled today?"

"Woah woah, we just met, let's start with fixing my teeth, then we'll see about that"

A boys mouth is hurting and it’s determined that be needs to get his wisdom teeth out

He and his dad go in tot eh dentist, the dentist puts him under with some laughing gas and gets the procedure done.
When he awakes the boy is sore from the procedure, “ugh I feel like I just got into a fight”

The dad responds
Yea some dentist knocked you out.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar...

He goes up to the bartender and asks him if he likes to gamble.

The bartender says, "Sure, I'll take a bet. What's your action?"

The man offers a $50 bet that he can bite his own eyeball. The bartender, thinking it's easy money, accepts his bet, and is shocked when the man removes his ...

Why does Sonic the Hedgehog have human teeth?

Rule 34

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to get his wisdom teeth cut out

and the oral surgeon tells him he’s going to give him something for the pain. The man says I don’t need it the last time I felt pain was so intense I haven’t felt pain since. The oral surgeon takes this as a challenge and intentionally tries to hurt the man while he cuts his wisdom teeth out. When h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When you think about it, brushing your teeth and sex have a lot in common.

it’s good for your health, you do it before bed, and it doesn’t happen everyday.

Always remember to brush your teeth everybody

Wait this is the UK

A lumberjack chopped off my teeth

But later he apologized and said it was axedental.

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Why do men give their jackets to women that are cold

Who the fuck wants a blowjob from a girl whos teeth are chattering

What are the ways you can describe your motorcycle but not your girlfriend?

# It's small, but it makes a hell of a noise.

# If you really push up tight, you can fit three people on it.

# It's ok... If you don't mind the bugs in her teeth.

# Sure you can ride her, everyone else has.

I've got a lot of puns about people with crooked teeth

You'd better brace yourself

How many teeth does a hockey player have?

Don’t you mean tooth?

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A man crawls into a psychiatrist's office on all fours with something in between his teeth.

The psychiatrists says:
"Oh, and what do we have here? A kitty?".
The man crawls into a corner. The doc goes on, saying:
"Maybe you're a doggy?".
The man changes corners, with the shrink saying:
"I see! You're a turtle!".
The man finally slaps and yells:
"Ju...

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A young man with his pants hanging half off his ass, two gold front teeth, and a half inch thick gold chain around his neck; walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check....

He marched up to the counter and said,
"Hi. You know, I just H A T E drawing welfare! I'd really rather have a job.. I don't like taking advantage of the system, getting something for nothing!"

The social worker behind the counter said "Your timing is excellent. We Just got a job opening...

What do you call a bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear

(My girlfriend told me this and I thought I'd share)

I have a joke or 2 about bad teeth coming

Brace yourselves

Why do sheep have yellow teeth?

Because an Apple a day keeps a doctor away

How are stars like false teeth?

They both come out at night!

I got knocked off my bike last night by a lunatic driving a salt lorry through deep snow. You complete idiotic moron I shouted

Through gritted teeth

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Have you heard about the old man's gambling problem?

An old man had a gambling problem not a bad one but a really good one. He was depositing thousands each day.

A few months pass and seeing as the old man had no job was contacted by the IRS to discuss his income.

The old man arrives with his lawyer to speak with the IRS agent. The agen...

What's the best stage name for a stripper with no teeth?

Crystal Meth

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

On my recent trip to Australia, I made the mistake of buying a boomerang with teeth.

Sure enough, it came back to bite me in the ass.

Two guys walk into a bar

Two guys walk into a bar and sit down at a table.
The barkeep comes over to them and asks, "What can I serve you gentlemen?"

One of them says to the barkeep, "I'll bet you a pitcher of your finest beer that I can lick my eye."

The barkeep says, "I've had guys come in here that could...

How did the man lose his teeth?

AcciDENTALly

An old woman walked into a dentist's office, took off all her clothes, and spread her legs.

The dentist said, "I think you have the wrong room."

"You put in my husband's teeth last week," she replied. "Now you have to remove them."

Three vampires are sleeping in a crypt.

One of them wakes up and flies away.

When he comes back, blood is dripping from his teeth.

"Guys, see that house? I sucked out the people who lived there!"



After a while, the second vampire leaves the crypt.

When he comes back, his entire head is covered in blood....

Reunion Special

Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, "surely I can't look that old."

"My name is Archana. I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist.

I noticed his BDS degree on the wall, which bore his full name.

Suddenly,...

Why do philosophers have bad teeth?

Because they don’t get transcendental plans.

What do you call an alligator without scales, tail, limbs or teeth?

A nothingator.

~ 4 yr. old nephew came up with it

I hate people with straight teeth...

Yes, I'm bracist.

What has 50 pairs of eyes but only three teeth?

The front row at a Trump rally.

My Girlfriend Just Got Her Wisdom Teeth Out

She was telling me that her face was sore, so I told her she was a *"sore-bae*, get it? Sorbet?". And then she turned around in bed and wouldn't talk to me.

So I was sitting on the bus just reading a book when somebody tapped me on the shoulder.

I turned around and saw an old lady. She said to me, "Sonny, would you like some nuts? I've got a couple hazelnuts and almonds if you'd like."

"Sure," I replied. Then she gave me a handful of nuts and went back to sit with her friends.

"What a nice lady," I thought, while happily munch...

An old lady offers the bus driver some peanuts.

So the driver
happily munches them.


Every 5 minutes she gives him a
handful more peanut.


Driver: Why don't you eat them
yourself?


Old lady: I can't chew. Look, I
have no teeth.


Driver: Then why do you buy
them?


Old lady: Oh, I jus...

Haha Granny is too smart to handle.

An old grandma brings a bus driver a bag of peanuts every day.

First the bus driver enjoyed the peanuts but after a week of eating them he asked: "Please granny, don't bring me peanuts anymore. Have them yourself.

The granny answers: "You know, I don't have teeth anymore. I just prefer...

Today a woman told me that I have a beautiful smile and asked me what I use on my teeth.

I looked at her and said "Polygrip".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How I Lost My Teeth!!!

I was at CHUCK'S BAR AND GRILL last night, at the bar waiting for a beer when, a butt-ugly, big old heifer came up behind me, and slapped me on the ass. She said, "Hey sexy, how about giving me your number." I looked at her and said, "Have you got a pen?" She said, "I sure do," as she smiled with an...

A lot of people say negative things about my teeth

I normally just brush it off

I got a set of false teeth put in but couldn't pay for them, so now I have to help out at the dentist's office

I guess that makes me an indentured servant

Why didn’t the astronaut brush his teeth?

They were already experiencing zero cavity.

I bumped into a stranger. He turned around and told me he was gonna rearrange my teeth.

What a great dentist he was - so glad I met him.

I know a guy who religiously gets his teeth checked once per week

. He's a Seventh Day A Dentist

What do you call a baby cub before it starts teething?

A gummy bear

Why did the woman cross the road?

*grits teeth

Because the road crossed her first.

Ever since I got my left leg amputated, every girl has been avoiding me.

I got into a car accident a few years back and had my left leg amputated. Getting used to balancing myself on 1 leg and crutches took a lot of time. I felt that without my precious left leg, i would never be the same.

My confidence dropped severely, and the passion i had for all the things i ...

"Son, you better start brushing your teeth...

Oral-B very angry."

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A gambler walks into a bar...

He sits down, orders a beer and starts a conversation with the bartender. The bartender asks what brings him to town. The gambler says “I make my living going around gambling on things.” “Like on sports?” Asks the bartender. The gambler replies “No, I bet on anything and I never lose any money... ...

What’s the best vegetable to clean your teeth with?

Brushles sprouts

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do tampons have that piece of string attached to the end of them?

So you can floss your teeth when you’re done eating.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

50th anniversary

For their 50th wedding anniversary, an elderly couple in their 80s decided to relive their honeymoon. They got the same room in the same little cottage in the small town the got married in those many years ago.

While her husband excused himself to go to the bathroom, the wife thought she'd s...

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