This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained. ...

How many teeth does a hockey player have?

Don’t you mean tooth?

What’s red and bad for your teeth?

A brick

What do you call a bird with no teeth?

A bird. Birds don't have teeth.

What do you call a dinosaur that takes care of its teeth?

A Flossiraptor

An old woman accidentally drops her fake teeth at the park while walking her dog.

She can’t find the teeth anywhere in the tall grass. A man spots her bending over and asks what she lost. “I dropped my false teeth somewhere around here.”


“Oh,” the man says, “that’s no big deal. Here, try this pair on.”


He hands her a set of te...

Genie: I will grant you 3 wishes.

Me: I've seen this before. Whatever I wish for will come back and bite me in some way.

Genie: I promise that won't happen. I'm so sure it won't I'll give you infinite wishes if it does.

Me: Okay. I wish for a boomerang with teeth.

Genie: You son of a ........

What do you call a redhead who doesn't brush their teeth?


This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man goes to get his wisdom teeth cut out

and the oral surgeon tells him he’s going to give him something for the pain. The man says I don’t need it the last time I felt pain was so intense I haven’t felt pain since. The oral surgeon takes this as a challenge and intentionally tries to hurt the man while he cuts his wisdom teeth out. When h...

My Girlfriend Just Got Her Wisdom Teeth Out

She was telling me that her face was sore, so I told her she was a *"sore-bae*, get it? Sorbet?". And then she turned around in bed and wouldn't talk to me.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

When you think about it, brushing your teeth and sex have a lot in common.

it’s good for your health, you do it before bed, and it doesn’t happen everyday.

On my recent trip to Australia, I made the mistake of buying a boomerang with teeth.

Sure enough, it came back to bite me in the ass.

What happens if you have 2 teeth and you chip one in half?

You’ll have three two-ths left

Why does Sonic the Hedgehog have human teeth?

Rule 34

An old man placed an order for one hamburger, french fries and a drink. He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife...

He then carefully counted out the french fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.

He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them.

As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them we...

What do you call a dog with only three teeth?

Meth Lab.

What has a mouth with teeth and flies?

An Ethiopian child.

What do you call a smiling Roman with hair in his teeth?

A gladiator

Why do philosophers have bad teeth?

Because they don’t get transcendental plans.

What has 50 legs and 42 teeth?

The front row at a Willie Nelson concert.

How did the man lose his teeth?


A lumberjack chopped off my teeth

But later he apologized and said it was axedental.

What do you call an alligator without scales, tail, limbs or teeth?

A nothingator.

~ 4 yr. old nephew came up with it

Why does every fortnite player have white teeth?

Because they floss all the time.

I've got a lot of puns about people with crooked teeth

You'd better brace yourself

What's the best stage name for a stripper with no teeth?

Crystal Meth

My dentist mocked me today, saying that even though he's much older than me, he has healthier teeth.

I said it must be because he has the better dentist.

What did the dentist name his high strength teeth aligners?

Braces for impact!

Today a woman told me that I have a beautiful smile and asked me what I use on my teeth.

I looked at her and said "Polygrip".

What do stars and false teeth have in common?

They both come out at night.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What's 50 feet long and has 7 teeth?

The front row of a Neo nazi rally.

I got a set of false teeth put in but couldn't pay for them, so now I have to help out at the dentist's office

I guess that makes me an indentured servant

Why didn’t the astronaut brush his teeth?

They were already experiencing zero cavity.

I know a guy who religiously gets his teeth checked once per week

. He's a Seventh Day A Dentist

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

How I Lost My Teeth!!!

I was at CHUCK'S BAR AND GRILL last night, at the bar waiting for a beer when, a butt-ugly, big old heifer came up behind me, and slapped me on the ass. She said, "Hey sexy, how about giving me your number." I looked at her and said, "Have you got a pen?" She said, "I sure do," as she smiled with an...

I hate people with straight teeth...

Yes, I'm bracist.

Most people have 32 teeth. Some have 10...

... it‘s simple meth.

A lot of people say negative things about my teeth

I normally just brush it off

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Should have kept his mouth shut.

A young man with his pants hanging half off his rear, two gold front teeth, and a half inch thick gold chain around his neck, walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check.

He marched up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a ...

Don't waste time brushing your teeth when you are young.

Simply put your dentures in the dishwasher when you're older.

I dated a dentist a while back,

She had the whitest teeth I ever came across.

Why do hillbilly’s have missing teeth?

Their dentist is Dr.Pepper.

Why do social justice warriors hate dentists?

Because they make teeth straight and white.

Washington liked his wooden teeth enough.

Unfortunately, they were all bark and no bite.

I bumped into a stranger. He turned around and told me he was gonna rearrange my teeth.

What a great dentist he was - so glad I met him.

What has 32 teeth and hides a monster?

My zipper

I couldn't afford a set of false teeth, but I found a guy who would make me a set in exchange for me doing some work around his house.

I guess you could say it was indentured servitude.

I was listening to my wireless headphones while the dentist was working on my teeth.

He needed to tell me something so he pulled out my earbud.

It was a Bluetooth extraction.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A boy asks his mom, “When I grow up will I have two penises like daddy?”

Mom: Daddy doesn’t have two penises son

Son: Sure he does! He has the little one he uses to pee and the big one he uses to brush the babysitter’s teeth!

"Son, you better start brushing your teeth...

Oral-B very angry."

How does a bird eat without teeth?

They succeed

I'm not saying that my ex-wife has bad teeth,

but she smiled in Tesco once and the barcode scanner thought she was a set of saucepans.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why do guys always give their jacket to girls when they're cold?

Because no one wants a blowjob from a girl when her teeth are chattering.

What do you call the soft tissue between a shark's teeth

What do you call the soft tissue between a shark's teeth?

A slow swimmer.

Donald Trump told me that I have very nice teeth

which is not surprising, seeing as he only likes things that are straight and white.

My 7 year old nephew told this joke to my sister : what's the first thing you do after waking up and the last thing you do before going to bed?

Nephew: Brushing your teeth!

Mom: oh honey that's not a joke.

Nephew: it is if you think that's what I do!

I told the dentist I was concerned about the buildup on my teeth

He just brushed it off.

Ghandi spent a lot of time fasting in his life, which made him thin and frail. He chose not to wear shoes often, so when he walked, he toughened up his feet. Rarely did he brush his teeth.

That makes him a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

What has 40 feet and 20 teeth?

The front row at a Garth Brooks concert.

Are your teeth cold?

Then why are they wearing those yellow blankets?

(You just licked your teeth didn’t you?)

Teeth are like college.

After experimenting with drugs, a few might drop out.

I used to play my Xbox so much when i was a kid, I'd forget to brush my teeth.

Worst case of Halo-tosis you ever saw.

This joke was actually the first thing I ever posted to Reddit, just not to jokes.

Edit: actually it was to r/jokes...

Edit again I just realized it's my cake day so, reason for reposting my bad joke.

What has an IQ of 100 and a full set of teeth?

The front row at a NASCAR race.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

If dentists only make money off of us if we have bad teeth

The why the fuck am I using a toothpaste 4 out of 5 of them are recommending!

What has six legs, two arms and no teeth?

An old couple going doggy-style.

What has a hundred eyes but only 2 teeth?

A retirement home

Dentist: How did you lose your three teeth?

Patient: "My wife prepared the pancakes and they were very hard to eat."

Dentist: "Then you could have refused to eat them."

Patient: "I did refused to eat them. Hence, I lost my three teeth."

Yo momma’s teeth are so yellow

When she smiled at traffic, it slowed down

Turns out my co-worker and I are getting our teeth checked the same day

Isn't that coinciDENTAL?

I'll see myself out