Newer Jokes

it really pails in comparison

The seller lives in Seychelles.

None, both of them are homeless

Yeah, $100 is more than $1.

But once I did, I started seeing things in new light.

But then I realized I was getting ahead of myself.

A kid walks in to check out the place early the next day. Looking all around, he sees that the store has several recognizable items (such as whoopie cushions) and some unique items that he'd never seen before. There was also a wall full of candy, with weird names such as "Hoot Gummies" and "Woof Bar... read more

In a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around. When the fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fireman in charge and said, "All our secret formulas are in the vault in the centre of the... read more

When a man finally goes down on you, you don't get rid of it for a newer model.

The pilot had just had a heart attack, they were running low on fuel. While he had flown decades ago during the war, he had no experience with the newer instruments and wasn't sure if he could land the plane. He grabs the radio and explains his situation to air traffic control. Several voices answe... read more

Two carpenters were working on a house. One older one and one newer to the job. They were both working on one side of the house. After a few hours of working the older guy noticed the young guy looking at every nail, then dropping about half. The older one exclaimed about this and asked. “Why are yo... read more

There was once a bar in the UK for roads, they would gather and talk about all the vehicles and traffic they had each day.

In walked the M1, the M5 and the M6, three of Britain's biggest roads, they sat and boasted to each other about how busy they were. The other roads enjoyed listening to t... read more

This club dedicated to telling jokes would meet every month and tell jokes to each other. The best jokes were retold so many times that after a while the club members would simply reference them by number. One evening they were telling jokes as usual:

"Do you remember number 117?"
Lots of ... read more

He gets a bus that has Bert and Ernie, Grover, Big Bird, et. al. painted on it. He says "Are you kidding me?". Boss replies, "Once you have some seniority we'll give you a newer bus."

So, he sets out on the run and at his first stop a boy gets on. Ross says, "Hi. I'm your new bus driver, ... read more

Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.
Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them breaks and splinters.... read more

I wasn’t sure if the horse was ready for a rider just yet, so I slowly approached him, all the while talking gentle to the horse like I have always done when dealing with newer horses. I kept saying “easy boy” and I slowly reached out to pet him. The horse nervously kept its eyes on me, but he final... read more

Alright, so here's quick math question for ya:

So there's two trains. The first train is traveling at *exactly* 90 miles per hour from Plotopia heading due west. There is a clown standing atop it. He is holding a grenade. (And yes, his billowing pants and rainbow-dyed afro-wig *are* affecting... read more

Daedalus, the famous Greek architect and inventor, was relaxing in his home in the Blessed Isles of the Underworld when Hades, the Lord of Death himself, came to him with a favor.

"Listen, Daedalus," Hades began. "You know how the population of the dead here increase every year? The Underworl... read more