Apparently they have increased the difficulty level of the "She sells sea shells" tongue twister in a newer version

The seller lives in Seychelles.

What’s the difference between someone living on the street and the newer IPhone?

None, both of them are homeless

Is a newer $100 bill worth more than a older one?

Yeah, $100 is more than $1.

At first, I was skeptical about replacing my florescent bulbs with newer LED ones...

But once I did, I started seeing things in new light.

I was contemplating engineering a newer, more advanced clone of my brain...

But then I realized I was getting ahead of myself.

I decided to go out horse riding one afternoon on a horse I hadn’t rode before....

I wasn’t sure if the horse was ready for a rider just yet, so I slowly approached him, all the while talking gentle to the horse like I have always done when dealing with newer horses. I kept saying “easy boy” and I slowly reached out to pet him. The horse nervously kept its eyes on me, but he final...

One dark night in Dublin, a fire started inside the local chemical plant . . .

In a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around. When the fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fireman in charge and said, "All our secret formulas are in the vault in the centre of the...

A new jokes store opens up in town.

A kid walks in to check out the place early the next day. Looking all around, he sees that the store has several recognizable items (such as whoopie cushions) and some unique items that he'd never seen before. There was also a wall full of candy, with weird names such as "Hoot Gummies" and "Woof Bar...

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A guy accidentally says another girls name during sex

One day, Matt is fucking his girlfriend, Sarah, in his apartment, after they both spent some time together. They're both passionately going at it, and look into each others eyes, and as Matt is about to climax he yells "Ohhh, Angela!"

Sarah instantly stops, and gives a sharp cold look, and sh...

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As many of us know, 'Retirement' is different for everyone.

One day, while driving to do some shopping, I passed by a newer retirement village. On the front lawn were six old ladies, lying naked on the grass. The Villages in Florida.I thought this was a bit unusual, but continued on my way. On my return trip, I passed the same retirement village with the sam...

My ideal girl is like my ideal car.

The newer the better.

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A Gargoyle, A Jinn, and A Dark Shaman are hanging out in a cemetery...

A gargoyle a jinn and a dark shaman are hanging out in a cemetery, close to midnight.

The shaman turns to the jinn and says,
"I bet my soul against your eternal servitude, that I can raise more corpses freshly dead within the past 10 years, than you can steal the souls of the living by gra...

A Bar for Roads

There was once a bar in the UK for roads, they would gather and talk about all the vehicles and traffic they had each day.

In walked the M1, the M5 and the M6, three of Britain's biggest roads, they sat and boasted to each other about how busy they were. The other roads enjoyed listening to t...

Two Carpenters

Two carpenters were working on a house. One older one and one newer to the job. They were both working on one side of the house. After a few hours of working the older guy noticed the young guy looking at every nail, then dropping about half. The older one exclaimed about this and asked. “Why are yo...

A quick math question

Alright, so here's quick math question for ya:

So there's two trains. The first train is traveling at *exactly* 90 miles per hour from Plotopia heading due west. There is a clown standing atop it. He is holding a grenade. (And yes, his billowing pants and rainbow-dyed afro-wig *are* affecting...

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A man with a french mother and german father dies and goes to hell.

The devil tells him

"Since you are both french and german, I will let you choose between going to french hell or german hell!"

The man asks to see them first, so the devil takes him to french hell. People are standing in a never ending lake, up to their chin in sewage and chained by th...

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A blonde woman is in a plane bound for Toronto...

...when the pilot says over the speakers- *Ping*! "You are now free to move about the cabin." The blonde calmly gets up from her seat in second class, strolls over to an empty seat in first class, and promptly gets herself situated.

One of the newer flight attendants notices this, so, natural...

What's the difference between a man and a computer?

When a man finally goes down on you, you don't get rid of it for a newer model.

A polish man is forced to take the controls in of a small two-passenger plane [math joke]

The pilot had just had a heart attack, they were running low on fuel. While he had flown decades ago during the war, he had no experience with the newer instruments and wasn't sure if he could land the plane. He grabs the radio and explains his situation to air traffic control. Several voices answe...

Daedalus and the Labyrinth

Daedalus, the famous Greek architect and inventor, was relaxing in his home in the Blessed Isles of the Underworld when Hades, the Lord of Death himself, came to him with a favor.

"Listen, Daedalus," Hades began. "You know how the population of the dead here increase every year? The Underworl...

M&Ms

Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.
Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them breaks and splinters....

Before Reddit there was a club dedicated to telling jokes and this is what happened

This club dedicated to telling jokes would meet every month and tell jokes to each other. The best jokes were retold so many times that after a while the club members would simply reference them by number. One evening they were telling jokes as usual:

"Do you remember number 117?"
Lots of ...

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