Why wasn't Bill Murray cast as Thor?

Because nobody likes an electricity bill.

Illinois bikers were riding west on I-74 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Murray Baker Bridge......

.....George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State
Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says, "Hey Baby.....whatcha doin' up there on that railin'?"

She says tearfully, "I'm going to commit suicide...

Bill Murray on child naming

The cool part about naming your kid is you don’t have to add six numbers to make sure the name is available.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I had a Japanese joke about Bill Murray and Scarlett Johanssen

But the punchline is lost in translation.

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Every year, Murray entered the state lottery hoping to win...

He never did.

One day, after praying vigorously and hoping for God's message, he headed out to the State Fair. A flash of lightning struck as he was passing Liz's carnival stall. She was bending over and he saw she was not wearing panties. He could see the number 7 written on each of her butt...

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Estelle and Murray's 47th wedding anniversary was coming up,

and Estelle wanted to make it extra special for Murray.

"Murray", she said, "You never do anything fun for yourself."

"What do you mean, Estelle? I go bowling all the time."

"That's still so boring though. I want to spice things up for you. You deserve it. We've been together al...

The conversion

Two old Jewish men are strolling down the street one day, when they happen to walk by a Catholic church. They see a big sign posted that says, "Convert to Catholicism and get $20."

Murray stops and stares at the sign. Abe turns to him and says, "Murray, what's going on?"

"Abe," replies...

A joke from work

Four famous actors get together and decide to dress up as famous artists for Halloween.

Leonardo DiCaprio says he'll go as Da Vinci since they have the same first name.

Tom Cruise says he'll go as Van Gogh so they have two painters.

Bill Murray says he'll go as Beethoven since h...

Knock knock joke by Arnold

A man goes to the house of his hot girlfriend.

Knock knock

Who's there?

Murray.

Murray who?

Can I Murray you?

Yes!

They got married, 3 kids.

One day a kid says, "Hey dad, how did you and my Mom meet? "

Well, it started out as a jok...

A grasshopper walks into a bar.

The bartender says to him, "Hey, we have a drink named after you."

The grasshopper replies, "You have a drink named Murray?"

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A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says “hey. We have a drink named after you!”

The grasshopper says, “you have a drink called Murray?”

A kid told this joke at freshman orientation at Umass. I still laugh at it. And it’s not even that funny.

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A man walks into a bar on top of a high rise

And sees another patron in a deep conversation with the bartender. As the man walks up and orders a beer, he can't help but hear the patron extolling the wonders of urban air currents to the visibly bored bartender.

"Yeah Murray, it's incredible. The speeds these updrafts can reach would blow...

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