UPJOKE
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A shooting club was holding a competition. The winner was to get a somewhat ugly trophy, the second-placed shooter - a crate of champagne.

By the end of the final round, two shooters were tied for first place, so they were told to do a tiebreaker round - 5 shots at maximum distance. To keep things more dramatic, they had to shoot at the same time.

After both had stopped firing and were awaiting the results, one shooter turned to...

I never got school shooter jokes

Guess they're aimed at a younger audience.

I deserve an award for beating up a school shooter...

I beat him up every day for nearly a year before he shot up the school.

How many Texas cops does it take to save children from an active shooter?

Still under investigation.







Edit: For those who assume I think any part of this situation is funny... [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black\_comedy](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_comedy). Also who gave me a Wholesome award? That's seriously messed up.

Edit ...

I'm just glad Eminem will never be a mass shooter

He only gets one shot

Did you know the US police have the most comprehensive and well maintained database of potential racist shooters?

They call it “the payroll”.

What do you call a communist sharp shooter?

A Marxman.

An 88-year old man came to the hospital and said to the doctor, “Doctor, my 18 year old wife is pregnant with my child.”

The doctor paused and said, “There was a master bear shooter in a village. He never missed a shot.

But one day he was in a hurry, and took his umbrella instead of his rifle by mistake.

When he encountered a bear, he still didn’t realize his mistake and pointed the umbrella and shot the...

School shooters

I just dont like school shooting jokes i dont know why.

Mabey its just because they're aimed at kids

The president walks out the White House and one of his body guards spots a shooter.

Quickly, he shouts "MICKEY MOUSE" and charges the gunman. Confused, the shooter is managed to be apprehended and the body guard is a hero.

The next day his boss invites him into his office and asks why he shouted mickey mouse. Blushing, he replied " I was panicking and I meant to say, Donald ...

What do you call a church shooter?

Mass murderer

What kind of cereal does a school shooter eat?

Pumped Up Kix

We should rename school shooters

Start calling em "PEW-pils"

Many news outlets don't name shooters anymore to prevent copycats...

Explains why we keep having so many hurricanes.

Why is Wolfenstein known as THE first person shooter?

Because in the games before it, you only shot monsters.

A dog wearing spurs, two six shooters and a vest hobbles in through a saloons double swinging doors

He hops on a bar stool and says I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.

A guy walks in a bar with a full-loaded six shooter

He says:"who slept with my wife"
It's silent
Than somebody in the back says
"You don't have enough bullets"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I really thought Activision understood that we're sick of modern-day shooters.

And yet in the new Call of Duty they're giving us Nazis to shoot again.

30 people in France are found dead all with bullet holes in their heads. The police apprehend the shooter and ask him why he did it.

The shooter says “Well I heard that it’s tourist season in France so I grabbed my gun and flew to France to hunt some tourists.”

(I know this joke is terrible but I just thought of it and didn’t want to loose this thought so I decided to post it here)

A school shooter is gunning down his classmates when he sees his ex-girlfriend. Why didn't he kill her?

He missed her.

What would happen if we took all possible school shooters and put them in one school?

Literally Fortnite

What sound did the gun make when the priest shot through two benches to kill a mass shooter?

PEW PEW

That's the difference between tech support and a mass shooter?

One is a troubleshooter, while the other is a troubled shooter.

An old Team Fortress 2 joke. Probably applicable to a few other team shooters, too.

The Heavy Weapons Guy woke up one morning to a bit of distress. His stomach was tied up in knots, forcing him into the bathroom for much of the day. After a few hours of this painful nonsense, he sought out the Medic for some professional advice.

"Ah," the Medic exclaimed in his exaggerated...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why are school shooters more likely to be white people?

White people actually go to school. Black people stay home and shoot people in their own neighborhood.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Winning an online argument with a grammar rule is like camping in an online shooter

If someone does it to you, they’re an ass. If you do it to someone else, it’s a legitimate strategy!

School shooters have a huge problem: They will miss their classmates.

One way or the other.

Two snipers are going through the desert when all of a sudden they come under fire...

"Spotter"... says the shooter, "find out where those shots are coming from!"

So the spotter takes out his scope and starts panning round... "I think I found them. There is a small shrub, covered in bacon, gammon, and pork chops"

"That's them..."says the shooter... "it's a ham-bush!"

How do American police stop shooters

They donut

A dog walked into a bar and asked for a beer.

One of the other bar patrons, a cowboy with a six-shooter, scoffed.

“I don’t want to drink at the same bar as a dog.”

The dog, offended, challenged the man to a fight. The man looked him up and down then dismissed the pup with a wave of his hand.

"I'm not killing a dog."

...

A Guy Walks Into a Bar with a Loaded Six Shooter with 1 in the Chamber

And yells "Who slept with my wife!? I'm gunna shoot that motherfuc***!"

A guy in the back yells back

"You're gunna need more ammo!"

Say what you want about Alec Baldwin

But he's a straight shooter

They say the Vegas shooter was a white guy...

I was betting on black

(NSFW) How do you make two School Shooters more powerful?

Columbine them together.

A high schooled student becomes a national hero after taking down a school shooter

But was expelled because of the schools zero tolerance policy

So the FBI paid professional hackers to unlock the shooter's iPhone.

But whenever I pay hackers to unlock an iPhone, I'm "too insecure to be in a relationship".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The cowboy's wife

A cowboy walked into the local honky tonk late one Saturday evening with his pistol drawn. "Alright nobody move! This here 6 shooters loaded and I'm here to shoot the low down varmint that's been sleeping with my wife!"
The crowd froze and nobody dared to speak for a full minute. Finally some dru...

I'm working on a video game where you go back in time and kill Adam and Eve

it's going to be the first ever First Person Shooter.

A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of three. He says “uno, dos...”

But before he can finish his sentence, a gunshot rings through the air and he falls to the floor, blood oozing out of his head. Screams are everywhere as the audience seeks cover.

His best friend Nathaniel is in the audience, but all he can do is sit there in shock and stare at the corpse of ...

Why are Indians so good at first person shooters?

They already have a red dot sight.

What is the one thing that we will never see happening in the U.S.?

School shooting...


where the shooter is eating a Kinder Surprise Egg.

The Catholic church released a fun PC game which takes place in the garden of Eden. You play as Eve and Adam is hiding from you. Your goal is to hunt him down with a slingshot.

It's a first person shooter.

Netflix is producing a documentary about the end of BlockBuster....

Thats like if the school shooters produced "Bowling for Columbine"

A dog walks into a bar

As he sits down the bartender comes over “dogs are not welcome here, please leave”. Unperturbed the dog says “gimme a beer”, the bartender pulls a gun out from under the bar, points it at the dog “I’m not warning you again “. The dog simply will not leave so the bartender is forced to shoot the dog ...

What do you call a vegan with diarrhea?

A Salad Shooter™️

A person calls 911

Operator: 911, what's your emergency?

Caller: I saw a black guy get shot!

Operator: Did you get the shooter's badge number?

Why aren't there any white jokes?

No one wants to get on the shooter's bad side.

Why can’t the cops ever catch overweight killers in the act?

They’re only looking for the active shooters

Why did the chicken cross the road?

His family was experiencing financial trouble, and needed money. He tried applying for many jobs, they just didn't work out. After ending up working in the drug business to support his family, a deal went bad and he got shot, landing him to the hospital. The night his family arrived to check on him...

Looking dog tired...

A three-legged dog walks into a Texas saloon, spurs clinking as he walks. His six-shooter slapping against his furry hip, he bellies up to the bar staring down the bartender and proclaims, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

A guy in a small town finds out his wife is cheating on him...

In a rage, he grabs his 6-shooter and kicks open the front door of the only bar in town and yells at everyone, "Whoever is sleeping with my wife is about to be shot!"

...

Quiet voice in the back says, "You're going to need more bullets mate..."

Why will the columbine high basket ball team lose the tournament?

Because they lost their 2 best shooters

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The little Cowboy

A little boy walks into an ice-cream store wearing a cowboy hat and a pair of six shooters.The woman behind the counter can't help smiling at the tough expression on his chubby little face.

“Hello there,cowboy," she says “What can I get for you?"

The kid bellies up to the counter.
...

Say what you will about Americans being fat and lazy...

but active shooters are always determined, dedicated, and in shape.

What's the worst question to ask in a job interview?

Do you have active shooter drills here?

Why hasn’t columbine won a basketball championship since 1999?

They lost their best shooters

Too soon maybe, but today's event are proof that men do everything better than women...

Active shooter couldn't even kill anyone but herself

I have a photographer friend who works for a school

We usually call him school shooter

A man and his hippo walk into a bar

It's about 5pm, but they're ready for a good night of drinking. They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other. Finally, the bartender says: "Last call." So, the man says, "One more for me... a...

A dog walks into a saloon...

...and says "gimme a whiskey!" The bartender says "we don't serve dogs here." The dog looks him in the eye, says "I SAID, gimme a whiskey!!" and the bartender responds "AND I SAID, WE DON'T SERVE DOGS!", and he shoots the dog in the foot. The dog runs out yapping.

A little while later they he...

What do you call...

What do you call it when a man who Hates games, cant stop playing side scrolling shooters?

A contr-addiction

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I bet he felt pretty good about himself...

A man walks into the local sporting goods store with the hopes of purchasing some ammunition, as he has every Saturday for the past two months (with nothing but bare shelves), despite the recent shortage. Much to the man's luck, the store just received a large shipment of ammo that morning and he is...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call an angry black man?

Typical. What do you call an angry white man?


Active shooter.

What's the difference between a cold nose and that weird white kid in your class?

One's a cool hooter, the other is a school shooter

So this is society..

Muslim Shooter = entire religion guilty

Black Shooter = entire race guilty

White shooter = mentally troubled lone wolf

What was Eve charged with after murdering Adam in the Garden?

Being a first-person shooter

Judge: "So did you aim to kill your classmates?"

School shooter: "That wasn't necessary, your Honor, I had a shotgun."

The recent shooting at YouTube was pretty terrible.

I guess the shooter had one too many videos demonitized.

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