I've never trusted lizards...

right from the gecko.

Why did the lizards breakup?

Because he had ereptile dysfunction.

My cat loves hunting lizards but he never kills them.

He's just all about the details.

Did you hear about the man who slaughtered lizards?

He was a cold-blooded killer.

My wife said to put a baby monitor in the crib with our son...

but I don't think lizards make very good pets for babies.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was “something wrong” with one of the two lizards he holds prisoner in his room.

“He’s just lying there looking sick,” he told me. “I’m serious, Dad . Can you help?”

I put my best lizard-healer expression on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little lizards was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do.

“Honey,” I ...

Why are lizards the best hitmen?

They always kill in cold blood

What do you call a rap battle event between lizards?

A reptile diss function.

I had three pet lizards, and two of them used to climb up to the top of the enclosure, but the other one could never get up...

I took it to the vet, and they said it was “a reptile dysfunction”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So there is a Lizard in the jungle

He's walking around doing a little exploring. He then notices there is a small hut in a tree that has some smoke coming out of it. So, the lizard yells up to the hut and says 'Hey! is everything okay up there?"

A monkey pokes his head out of the hut and looks down and says "Yeah man, just up...

What is the scientific term for impotence in lizards?

Reptile dysfunction.

Where do lizards get their new tails?

At the re-tail store

It didn’t take long for my son to learn about lizards.

He understood from the ge-cko

What do you call a wizard that can only control lizards?



I know this great joke about flying lizards...

But it tends to drag on!

I’m starting a YouTube channel about my fixation with lizards and snakes. What am I going to call it?

A Reptile Dysfunction

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