This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was “something wrong” with one of the two lizards he holds prisoner in his room.

“He’s just lying there looking sick,” he told me. “I’m serious, Dad . Can you help?”

I put my best lizard-healer expression on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little lizards was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do.

“Honey,” I ...

It didn’t take long for my son to learn about lizards.

He understood from the ge-cko

What is the scientific term for impotence in lizards?

Reptile dysfunction.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So there is a Lizard in the jungle

He's walking around doing a little exploring. He then notices there is a small hut in a tree that has some smoke coming out of it. So, the lizard yells up to the hut and says 'Hey! is everything okay up there?"

A monkey pokes his head out of the hut and looks down and says "Yeah man, just up...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What stops lizards from having sex?

Ereptile dysfunction

What do you call a wizard that can only control lizards?

Salamancer.

Ha.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The South American Cocksucking Iguana

A man is having problems with his wife. She's constantly nagging at him and he always seems to be in the dog house.


After a particularly big fight, he begins to drive around aimlessly. He passes a pet store and is seized by a brilliant idea. He'll get a pet for his wife! Maybe it will mak...

I know this great joke about flying lizards...

But it tends to drag on!

Where do lizards get their new tails?

At the re-tail store

I’m starting a YouTube channel about my fixation with lizards and snakes. What am I going to call it?

A Reptile Dysfunction

A man buys a monitor lizard for his PC.

Back home, he tries to connect it to the computer via HDMI.

The lizard bites him, so he calls the shop.

Tech support: "Monitor Lizards are not compactible with HDMI. You need to connect the lizard via UCP (Universal Cloacal Port). Also they love computer mice. You should buy a 20-pac...

What type of weed do lizards smoke?

Mariguana.

A man walks into a bar with a large reptile on his shoulder.

The bartender see this and asks him what his lizards name is. The man replies, “His name is tiny.” Confused, the bartender asks why he named the lizard tiny when he is obviously not tiny. “Because he’s my newt.”

Two snakes walk into a bar.

Turns out they were lizards.

What is a common question at lizards' fast food joints?

You want flies with that?

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