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Shiner Jokes

A cowboy, who just moved to Montana from Texas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Shiner...

He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.
When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy,
"You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it.
It would taste better if you bought one at a time."...

There's a shiner circus today in town today,

Seems more like a fez-tival to me.

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A man with a black eye takes his seat on the plane, when he notices that the man next to him also has a black eye....

"How did you get yours?" He asked

"A Freudian slip at the ticket gate," he replies "the girl selling the tickets was beautiful busty blonde. When I meant to ask for a ticket to Pittsburg, I accidentally asked for a picket to Tits-burg and she clocked be right in the eye. How about you? How'd ...

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Rags To Riches Success Story

A real touching success story! 

Every morning, the CEO of a large bank in Manhattan walks to the corner for a shoe shine.  He sits in an armchair, examines the Wall Street Journal and the shoe shiner buffs his shoes to a mirror shine. 

One morning the shoe shiner asks the CEO: "What do...

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Freudian Slip

Two men are sitting at a bar, both of them have a fresh black-eye.

First guy: (pointing at shiner) **So what happened to you?**

Second guy: **Freudian slip**

First guy: **What's that?**

Second guy: **That's when you accidentally say what you're thinking subconsciously, I ...

The big game hunter walked into the bar and bragged to everyone about his hunting skills. Being a good shot, no one could argue with him.

But then he said that they could blindfold him and he would recognize any animal's skin from its feel, and if he could locate the bullet hole, he would even tell them what calibre the bullet was that killed the animal.

He said that he was willing to prove it if they would pay for the drinks a...

A reporter is interviewing a wealthy investor and asks what the secrets were to his success. “Well, I’ll tell you one of the best financial decisions I made was based on stock advice I got from a shoe shiner”

“I figured if my shoe shiner is giving out stock tips, it’s probably right to get out of the market”

A man walked into work on Monday with two black eyes. His boss asked what happened.

The man said, "I was sitting behind a big woman at church. When we stood up to sing hymns, I noticed that her dress was caught in her crack, so I pulled it out. She turned around and punched me square in the eye."

"Where did you get the other shiner?" the boss asked.

"Well," the man sa...

Mr. Flatery walks into a pub

Mr. Flatery walks into a pub, bartender looks up and says "That's quite a shiner you have there, who gave that to you?" "Mr. Falstaf gave it to me" he replied. "That's quite a bute, did he have anything in his hand when he gave that to you?" Asked the barkeep"Aye, he had a shovel in his hand, he did...

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A man with a huge black-eye boards an airplane...

The flight attendant guides him towards his assigned seat, right beside another already seated passenger who also has a huge black-eye (same one). The first man says: "What are the odds? We share a flight to the same destination, we both have the same big ugly shiner on the same eye, and we are seat...

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A man shows up to work with a black eye...

His co-worker Buddy asks him "Where'd you get that shiner from, Dan?"

Dan says "I got it at church this weekend"

Buddy: "How the hell do you manage to get a black eye at church?"

Dan: "Well I sitting behind this big fat lady and when we stood up to sing hymns I noticed her dress...

A hunter sat in a bar.

A hunter walks into a bar, bragging that he can recognize any kind of animal skin by touch alone. When no one seems impressed he adds that he's also able to identify the exact weapon used to kill the animal.

This intrigues the other guests and they decide to put his boast to the test. After w...

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Dave is a well known, respected hunter, known to be the best in the state.

One night, he is sitting in a bar with some friends, and an out of state hunter stops in the bar.
He overhears Dave’s friends talking about how he’s the best and says, “there is no way he is the best hunter in the state!”

So Dave bets him that he can not look and guess what an animal was ...

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Two Black Eyes

One day a guy comes home from church sporting two black eyes. His wife says to him, yo, what the heck happened to you? Guy says, I’m sitting behind this lady, and when we stand for prayers, I notice her dress is stuck up the crack of her ass, so I reach out and tug it out for her. She turns around a...

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A man approaches the ticket counter at a train station, and notices that he and the attendant have matching black eyes...

The man approaches the ticket counter, and says "Hey, look at that buddy, we've got matching shiners! How'd you get yours?"

The ticket attendant replies, "Oh man, it's the damndest thing... this beautiful woman came up to the counter just SPILLING out of her shirt. Instead of saying 'Here's ...

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A man boarded a plane to Pittsburgh...

Sitting down, they both notice each other to have a black eye. Striking up conversation, one of the men speak up:

Man 1: "Hey, so I gotta ask. I mean we both have one... How'd you get your shiner?"

Man 2: "Well funniest thing, it was a slip of the tongue! Do you remember that attenda...

Guy can tell how any animal was killed

Guy walks into a bar and says: While I am blindfolded, I can feel the pelt of any animal and tell you how it was killed.

People start betting, the guy is blindfolded and given the first pelt (this bar has them for some reason).

the man holds the pelt and fingers the bullet hole, th...

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so this guy with a black eye walks into a a bar

he sits down at the counter and orders a drink.

as he looks over to his right, he notices another middle aged guy sitting next to him who also has a black eye

the guys look at it each other and the second guys says: what happened to you?

the first guy goes: 'just a misunderstan...

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A little Texas joke

A young man in Oklahoma turns 21. Excited, he tells his father, “I want to finally go to Texas.”

His father warns, “Scooter, you’re a full-grown man, now. I can’t stop you from going to Texas. But I have to warn you… **EVERYTHING IS BIG IN TEXAS!** You can’t be prepared for how absolutely hug...

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