Frogs Jokes - 42 Hilarious Frogs Jokes

What kind of condoms do frogs use?

Ribbed.

A frog goes into a bank (long)

A frog walks into a bank and walks up to the teller. He says, “my name is Kermit Jagger and I’d like to take out a loan.” The teller says, “nice to meet you, I’m Patti, but I have to tell you, we don’t loan money to frogs.” Kermit says, “no it’s ok. I have collateral. Here is this priceless heirloom...

Scientists studying frogs

Two scientists are studying how far frogs can jump. Their first step was to teach a frog to jump on command. This completed, they yelled jump, and the frog jumped 8 meters. Considering what effect each leg had, they then amputated one leg and yelled jump again. The frog jumped 6 meters. After notin...

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Sex frog

[Long]

A beautiful, well endowed, young blonde, goes to her local pet store in search of an exotic pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box full of frogs. The sign says: Sex Frogs! Only $20 each! Money Back Guarantee! (Comes with complete instructions).

The girl excitedly l...

Why are frogs so happy?

Because they eat whatever bugs them.

A frog walks into a bank.

The frog hops up on the counter of the nearest available teller and says "I want a loan."

Confused, the teller asks for the frog's name.

"My name is Kermit Jagger, son of Rolling Stone's legend Mick Jagger, and I want a loan" he says. "And what is **YOUR** name?"

"My name is Pat...

Three Frogs

Three frogs exploring the forest decide to find a place to sleep since it was becoming late. One of the frogs spots a house in the distance so the three head towards it. Once at the house, they find an open window and enter inside finding themselves in the bathroom. Looking for a place to sleep, the...

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The ugly frog

A princess is walking along a pond in the royal gardens when she looks down and sees a really ugly frog.
Picking the frog up, she comments on the creatures rather hideous appearance.
Princess:
\- "My, but you are really an ugly frog!"
Frog:
\- "I know, I know, I got a rea...

What kind of car do frogs drive?

Hop rods!

3 frogs get arrested

The first frog goes in and the judge asks him, "What's your name?" "Frog," he replies. "What did you do?" "I was just blowing bubbles in the pond, your honor." With that, the judge lets him go.
The second frog goes in. "What's your name?" asks the judge. "Frog Frog." "What were you doing?" "I was...

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Two frogs are about to have sex ...

The female frog says "I think we should use a condom." The male frog replies "No problem, there is a convenience store a couple of houses down the road. I'll go buy some. Any preferences?" She replies "Ribb it"!

So a chicken walks into a library and says , “bock”. Sounding like “book” the librarian hands him a book. He takes it and goes happily on his way. Then the next day...

The chicken says "bock bock", and the librarian hands him two books. Away he went. The third day, chicken says "bock bock bock", and the librarian hands him three books. And so on until the fifth day, when the chicken says "bock bock bock bock bock", the librarian hands him five books and follows hi...

Why don't frogs wear clothes?

Because they'll rip it.

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Why do Frogs make for good sex toys?

They’re ribbited for your pleasure.

Jokes are like frogs

Because if you dissect them, they die.
Except to use the word "dissect" implies the frog or joke in question is already dead. The correct word choice would be "vivisect," which is the equivalent of a dissection, but with the animal (or joke) still alive. Much like a dissection, vivisections are u...

how do frogs share a piece of paper?

They rippit

What type of sandals do frogs wear?

Open-toad.

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A frog is born mute

A frog is born mute so he can’t make any noises that a frog typically makes because, well, he can’t make any noises at all. So naturally it’s very difficult for the frog to make friends with the other frogs and he ends up with just one friend; a tortoise who’s had the patience and the wherewithal to...

I was fishing on vacation in Florida, when I ran out of bait. I saw a small snake nearby trying to swallow a frog and knowing the snake couldn’t bite me with the frog in his mouth, I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog, and put it in my bait bucket...

Now, the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting bit.

I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey in its mouth.

His eyes rolled back, he went limp.

I released him into the lake without incident and carried on fishing using the frog.

A litt...

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Jim Bob and the Blow Job Frog

A man is selling frogs in a box for $100 each. A sign says “Blow Job Frogs $100”.

Jim Bob walks up and looks in the box “No way one of those frogs is worth $100.”

Salesman “Take one down the alley and try it; If you don’t like it put it back and leave.”

Jim Bob does and comes b...

A Scientist and his Frog

In order to learn more about the jumping ability of frogs, a scientist trained his frog to jump on command.

On day 1, he told the frog, "Jump, frog. Jump!" And, the frog jumped. The scientist wrote in his journal: "Frog successfully taught to jump."

On day 2, the scientist amputated ...

What do frogs order at a restaurant?

French flies.

What’s frogs favourite game?

Croak-et

Parking frogs

What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.

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One day 3 frogs were out on the piss

One drink turned into five which turned into too many, and the next thing you know the 3 frogs are messing about in a public fountain. The police are called and they’re arrested.

Down at the police station, the frogs are taken in one by one for questioning. The first frog is called into the r...

Scientists tested a frog.

They cut off its legs and said "jump!"

The frog didn't jump.

Scientists therefore concluded that when frogs lose their legs, they become deaf.

Did you know that all frogs decended from a small colony in Poland?

even now they are all born a tad-polish

Why are frogs such great lovers?

They're ribeted for her pleasure.

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The Licking Frog

A woman walks into a pet store looking for a frog. The man working was very attracted to this woman and instantly went over to help. He ask, What are you looking for? A nice friendly frog! She said. He replied, We have these pussy licking frogs! She instantly bought one. He told her, Take it home an...

Scientists have accidentally created immortal frogs

While running experiments, they decided to cut some of the frogs vocal cords.
Ever since then, the frogs just wont croak

Why do frogs taste like beer?

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When's a frogs birthday?

February 29th

What are frogs' favorite social media platform?

What’s a Canadian frogs favorite game to play?

Croak-“Eh”

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[NSFW] Skilled Frog

A woman walked into a pet store one day to get some supplies. She went up to the cash register to pay for them and she saw a sign next to a small fish tank that said, "Pussy eating frogs - $50. So not to be embarrassed she whispered to the cashier, "I'll take one of those." The cashier said, "Ok, no...

Which shoes do frogs prefer?

Open toad sandals!

Three frogs are arrested for indecent exposure.

So three frogs are arrested and taken to court for indecent exposure. The judge orders the first frog to approach. He asks the frog's name to which the first frog responds "My name is Frog." "Well frog, what do you have to say about these charges brought against you?" "I was in the swamp, blowing bu...

A scientist is researching how far frogs can jump

He places the frog on the table and says "Frog, jump!" And the frog jumps a full 18 feet. He write 18ft in his notes. The scientist cuts off one of the frogs legs and says "Frog, jump!" And the frog jumps 14 feet. He scribbles 14ft in his notes. He cuts off a second leg, says "Frog, jump!" - the fro...

My jokes are like frogs

They aren't funny after you dissect them. But they weren't funny before either.

Did you know that toads are just frogs that have farted too much?

Ran out of gas, had to be toad

How do frogs fasten sheet metal?

Ribbets

Why do frogs taste similar to beer?

Because of the hops.

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