This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a ravishing blonde and a homely brunette are sharing a compartment on a train as it winds its way through the Alps.

Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness. On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard and as the train passes back into daylight, the Frenchman is rubbing his sore, red cheek.

The brunette thinks "I bet that di...

I mistook another man for my dad and hugged him

...what a faux pa.

I once mistook somebody's drink for mine.

It was definitely not my cup of tea.

TIL that, in 1917, England mistook an Italian maritime transport for a German one, so they attacked it.

Whoops, wrong sub.

A redneck mistook his own foot for a flounder while flounder gigging...

Later at the hospital, he was chatting with the doctor as the doctor was stitching him up. The doctor was also an avid fisherman too.

Doctor: I see you were using a double pronged gig.

Redneck: No, I use a single prong gig.

Doctor: Then why am I stitching up two holes?

Re...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the guy who mistook tippex for viagra?

He woke up in the morning with a massive correction

TIL that a Russian submarine was accidentally destroyed by a Russian warship that mistook it for an enemy submarine.

Oops, wrong sub!

What did Patrick Stewart say when the clone he created to deal with trespassing Trekkies mistook him for a fan and threw him out?

Hoisted by my own Picard

A man falls asleep at church.

One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the
local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem, my
husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very
embarrassing. What should I do?"

"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you.
I...

I dropped my knife and cut off a toe

After the surgery to reattach it, the doctor comes in.

Doctor: I have some good news and bad news.

Me: Tell me the bad news first doc.

Doctor: The bad news is they mistook a piece of candy for your toe.

Me: No way. Whats the good news?

Doctor: The good news is the ...

Why did the Chinese government confiscate all deer legs?

Mistook them for moose limbs.

(NSFW) A redneck bought a computer and he was trying to browse internet with his friend.

They came across a shopping website which they mistook for a dating website and went to the lingerie section .

After a long selection, his friend said " look this woman wearing red lingerie is really gorgeous and is only $49.99. order her" .

So he went and ordered it .

2 weeks l...

A nun, a blonde girl, a German and a Dutch sit together in a train compartment.

The train goes through a tunnel, it gets dark. A loud slap can be heard, an outcry follows it. As the darkness fades a big red mark can be seen on the Dutch guys face.

The Dutch thinks to himself "The German guy must have tried to grope the blonde, but she mistook us in the dark and hit me i...

Last night I dated a blind woman

At one point she ran her hands over my cheeks and mistook my acne for braille. Boy, was my face read.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman walks into a hospital with 2 burned ears

They ask "How on Earth did this happen?!"

"Well," The woman starts. "I was ironing my husband's shirt when the phone rang. I mistook the iron for my phone, and put it up to my ear, and that's how it got burned."

"And what about the other ear?"

The woman scoffed.

"The fuc...

A comedian was on vacation in London.

A comedian was on a vacation in London when he came across a large crowd. He pushed and squeezed his way past the ocean of people and saw the Royal Family who were on their way to have lunch. As he takes out his phone to snap a photo, he saw from the corner of his eye a shady man pushing past the cr...

A 54 year old woman had a heart attack & was taken to the hospital

A 54 year old woman had a heart attack & was taken 2 the hospital.

While on the operating table she had a near death experience.

Seeing God, she asked, “Is my time up ?”

God said, “No, you have another 34 years to live.”

Armed with this divine insight, the woman decid...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Englishman and a Frenchman are sitting opposite a beautiful young woman and her mother on a train going through the Alps

The train passes into a tunnel and the carriage is suddenly plunged into darkness. A short while later, everyone hears a loud *slap*, and a cry of *zut alors*! When the train emerges, the angry Frenchman is rubbing his cheek.

The older woman thinks: "That dirty Frenchman must have tried to to...

How did Helen Keller burn her cheek?

She mistook the iron for a telephone.

How did she burn the other cheek?
They called back.

An animal with big antlers jumped into my car and drove it off...

I mistook it for a reindeer, then realized it was just a commandeer.

A girl, her grandma, a guy and his boss share a compartment in a train.

A girl, her grandma, a guy and his boss share a compartment in a train. From the beginning of the journey it's pretty obvious that the girl and guy like each other. Once when the train passes through a tunnel and plunged into darkness a kissing sound and slap is heard. When the train comes out into ...

The Cathedral of San Giovanni

The City-State of San Giovanni is largely forgotten today. In 1571, however, it was a wonderful place to be for both the secular and the spiritual. The was no war for three centuries, the market benefited from its close proximity to the Old Salt Route, and the artist community was vibrant and influe...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This husband and wife had been driving for nearly 20 hours

and decide its time too get a room too relax and get a little sleep. They find a nice hotel and get a room for the night. They go up stairs too there room,shower,eat and sleep.they wake up,eat breakfast ad go down stairs too check out. The receptionist tells them there bill is 350 dollars,the husban...

Battery

An old woman mistook me for an employee at the supermarket.

She asked, "how much does just one AA battery cost?"

I had one in my pocket, but it was dead. I handed it over and said, "Here, no charge."

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.