When I was younger one of my favorite jokes to tell was about a 4,000 lb. elephant. I tried to convert it to metric to share with the rest of the world.

But, it never got a laugh. Just these looks of mass confusion.

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Guy gets a hotel room and asks for a hooker

A man heads to a seedy hotel to rent a room and asks the clerk where to find a prostitute.

The clerk says not to worry, he'll send one to the man's room in a few minutes.

The man goes to his room and sure enough, a few minutes later a prostitute knocks on his door.

"Hi honey, ho...

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TIL Smoking cannabis and drinking codeine infused solutions causes temporary memory loss and identity confusion among young lyrical artists.

That's why new rappers are always asking "What's my motherfucking name, y'all!"

A Blonde, a Brunette and a Redhead are against a wall to be executed by a firing line.

Each is given an opportunity for last words. The Redhead is up first: she points and screams "Tornado!" Everyone freaks out and in the commotion she gets away. The Brunette is second and catches on the the plan: she points and screams "Tsunami," fleeing in the confusion. The Blonde has worked out a ...

Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight...

There would be mass confusion.

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A clearly inebriated woman, stark naked, jumped into a taxi in New York and laid down on the back seat.

The cab driver, an old Jewish gentleman, opened his eyes wide and stared at the woman.

He made no attempt to start the cab.

The woman glared back at him and said, “What’s wrong with you, honey? Haven’t you ever seen a naked woman before?”

The old Jewish driver answered, “Let me ...

What do you get when you merge two scams?

confusion.

With all of the confusion with moving between online learning and in-person learning I lost my thesaurus

I couldn't find the words to describe how upset I was

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A bear goes into a beef and bourbon bar

A bear goes into a beef and bourbon bar and orders a beer.

The bartender says "We don't serve beers to bears in beef and bourbon bars."

The bear is getting angry. "Give me a beer you piece of shit!"

The bartender replies "We don't serve beers to bears in beef and bourbon bars wh...

The lion decided to invite everyone to his birthday party. But, him being the king, he ordered everybody to bring him meat as a present, or else he will hit them with his massive dong. And soon, the day came and all the animals lined up in front of the lion's cave with their presents.

The Wolf wanted to gift the King lamb, the fox had a chicken, the leopard an antelope, and so on...The lion greeted all of his guests and welcomed them to the party. Suddenly, the rabbit stood in front of him with a carrot. All guests went silent. The lion looked him in the eyes and said: " You know...

One day Mr. Johnson was sitting alone in his house when the phone rang. Mr. Johnson answered it. "Who is this?" he asked.

"I am the viper," said the voice on the other line. "I'll be at your house in an hour."

Mr. Johnson laughed and hung up the phone. "He's just playing a prank on me," he said, and went back to what he was doing.

Fifteen minutes later, the phone rang again. "Who is this?" asked Mr. Johns...

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There is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls

We have all heard of people having Guts or having Balls. But do you really know the difference between them?

In an effort to keep you informed, here are the definitions:

GUTS- Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the Gu...

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