You couldn't make Blazing Saddles today

Because if you did, people would say, "Hey, Mel Brooks already made this movie in 1974."

A lot of people though Mel Gibson was a bad choice for Braveheart. They said there was no way he could be Scottish.

But look at him now, he’s an alcoholic and he’s racist.

What do you call a sleepy Irishman?

Mel O’Tonin.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mel Brooks is tired of all the letters from Arnold Schwarzenegger begging for a new space balls movie.

In a public statement he said he is the worst schwartz a nagger of them all.

Some say my wife looks like Mel B.

Unfortunately, the B stands for Brooks.

It’s nice to see that celebrities have taken up book writing during the pandemic

One Direction by Kanye West

Guitars by Mel Gibson

Mining by Brad Pitt

Pear Cider by Katy Perry

Ship Building by Tom Cruise

How to Move Things by Jim Carrey

Escape from Prison by Morgan Freeman

American Motors by Harrison Ford

Wild Animals by Wi...

A Married Woman is Unhappy

A woman named Mel was married to a man named Ralph. Ralph was very rich, but Mel was unhappy in the marriage and wanted to leave him, but still wanted his money.

She started to have an affair with a man named Arty.

Mel: "Arty, you'd do anything for me, right?"
Arty: "Sure, within re...

So my rich brother in law bought a Jag. And one day while he was at a stop light

My destitute nephew, Ronnie, pulled up beside him in his 2003 Toyota. 

They are happy to see each other, the difference in wealth has never been an issue between them.

"How are you nephew?" say Mel “Have you seen my new Jag?"

"My that’s a fancy car, so let me ask you, what kind ...

Three bullets [NSFW] [LONG]

A woman (we'll call her Sally) is pregnant with triplets. She goes to a bank to get some money from her account, but unfortunately, the bank is being robbed. The robber shoots her three times with a gun. Each bullet hits one of her triplets, but she survives and so do they. Three months later, she g...

A jewish guy gets knocked over by a car...

A passer by runs over to check on him. He bundles up his coat into a pillow and places it under his head "Are you comfortable?" the stranger asks. He replies "Ach, I make a living."

Credit: Mel Brooks

Did anyone else think that...

Mel Gibson's remake of the 'Life of Brian' wasn't nearly as funny as the original?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Topical Joes (5/13)

Alright guys, here we are to recap the day's jokes. Let's get started.

First off in the news, it looks like the TSA arrested a woman for singing Whitney Houston on an airplane - but you should've seen what the TSA did when they caught those ridiculous musical militants of the Elton Jihad.
...

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