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What would you call it if Mel Gibson apologizes to the Jewish people?

Melatonin

A restaurant owner wouldn't serve Mel Brooks, Whoopi Goldberg, or Andrew Lloyd Webber.

I never expected to see such EGOT-ism in this day and age.

Some say my wife looks like Mel B.

Unfortunately, the B stands for Brooks.

Jesus is back...

Two homeless friends meet in a small british town on a Sunday morning after a long time.

*We must celebrate, let's have a drink, what do you have on you?*

*I only have a few Euros, and you?*

*Me too, hardly enough to have a nice drinking day.*

After a moment of silence, t...

Three bullets [NSFW] [LONG]

A woman (we'll call her Sally) is pregnant with triplets. She goes to a bank to get some money from her account, but unfortunately, the bank is being robbed. The robber shoots her three times with a gun. Each bullet hits one of her triplets, but she survives and so do they. Three months later, she g...

So my rich brother in law bought a Jag. And one day while he was at a stop light

My destitute nephew, Ronnie, pulled up beside him in his 2003 Toyota. 

They are happy to see each other, the difference in wealth has never been an issue between them.

"How are you nephew?" say Mel “Have you seen my new Jag?"

"My that’s a fancy car, so let me ask you, what kind ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mel Brooks is tired of all the letters from Arnold Schwarzenegger begging for a new space balls movie.

In a public statement he said he is the worst schwartz a nagger of them all.

A lot of people though Mel Gibson was a bad choice for Braveheart. They said there was no way he could be Scottish.

But look at him now, he’s an alcoholic and he’s racist.

Long:Two old timers go ice fishing…

Two old timers, Lou and Mel, go ice fishing. They each compete against each other and so they dril ltheir holes in the ice exactly 50ft apart. Set up their chairs, drop their lines in, pour some coffee from their thermoses and wait for a bite. A young man comes along and sets up exactly between the...

A Married Woman is Unhappy

A woman named Mel was married to a man named Ralph. Ralph was very rich, but Mel was unhappy in the marriage and wanted to leave him, but still wanted his money.

She started to have an affair with a man named Arty.

Mel: "Arty, you'd do anything for me, right?"
Arty: "Sure, within re...

You couldn't make Blazing Saddles today

Because if you did, people would say, "Hey, Mel Brooks already made this movie in 1974."

What do you call a sleepy Irishman?

Mel O’Tonin.

A reporter interviews a 2000-year-old man

Reporter: “is it true you had over nine hundred wives in your life?”

2000 y/o Man: “Indeed”

Reporter: “out of all your wives, which one was your favorite?”

2000 y/o Man: “Hmmm… Shirley. Definitely Shirley.”

Reporter: “And what made Shirley so special?”

2000 y/o Man...

It’s nice to see that celebrities have taken up book writing during the pandemic

One Direction by Kanye West

Guitars by Mel Gibson

Mining by Brad Pitt

Pear Cider by Katy Perry

Ship Building by Tom Cruise

How to Move Things by Jim Carrey

Escape from Prison by Morgan Freeman

American Motors by Harrison Ford

Wild Animals by Wi...

A jewish guy gets knocked over by a car...

A passer by runs over to check on him. He bundles up his coat into a pillow and places it under his head "Are you comfortable?" the stranger asks. He replies "Ach, I make a living."

Credit: Mel Brooks

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Here’s one my biology teacher told in class.

There are three moles digging a hole. There’s a daddy mole, a mommy mole, and a baby mole. The daddy mole stops digging and sticks his nose in the air and says “it smells like pancakes!”
Then, the mommy mole sticks her nose in the air and says “it smells like bacon!”
Then the baby mole sighs ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Topical Joes (5/13)

Alright guys, here we are to recap the day's jokes. Let's get started.

First off in the news, it looks like the TSA arrested a woman for singing Whitney Houston on an airplane - but you should've seen what the TSA did when they caught those ridiculous musical militants of the Elton Jihad.
...

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