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Yah Jokes

Hope this one lands with yah.

Me, dad I’m hungry
#
Dad, hi hungry I’m Austria let’s form an Empire

An American man is traveling in Sweden. NSFW

He goes to the local bar one night and picks up a tall, beautiful Swedish lady. They go back to his hotel and start making out. They French kiss deeply, he pulls back and says “In America, we call that a Strawberry Sundae!” She responds “Yah, shuure, vee do too.”

He proceeds to undress her a...

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(NSFW) Two rednecks, Junior and Billy, are walking through the forest and stumble upon a sheep with Its head stuck in the fence

Junior Looks at Billy and says, “Ima fuck that sheep!” So he runs up behind the sheep, pulls down his pants and starts fuckin it. After a few minutes he steps back, pulls up his pants and walks back to Billy. Junior looks at Billy and Says “I’m sorry, do you want a turn Billy?”

Billy looks a...

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Little long, but it's funny.

Ole is a farmer in Minnesota. He needs a new milk cow, and hears about one for sale over in Nordakota. (That would be North Dakota for you non-Scandahoovians out der.)
He drives to Nordakota, finds the farm and looks at the cow. He reaches under to see if she gives milk. When he grabs the tit and...

sarcastic jokes

* Stephen:- Knock knock !!
* Robert:- Who's there !!??
* Stephen:- Yah !!
* Robert:- Yah who !!??
* Stephen:- No I prefer Google !

My girlfriend came up with this one and wanted me to share with you guys. What do you call heavens toilet?

Halle-LOO-yah

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A man walks into the doctors office

"What seems to be the problem?" Asks the elderly receptionist.
"Somethings wrong with my dick!"
"Sir!" The receptionist exclaimed "you can't say that in front of everyone! You just embarrassed me and you embarrassed everyone in the waiting room."
"Well you asked" said the man.
"Yah but y...

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The Name of God

Two Jews were arguing about the proper way to say God’s name when the rabbi walked by.

“Rabbi,” called one of the men, “could you settle an argument for us? We want to know if the proper way to say God’s name is ‘Yah way’ or ‘Yah vey.’”

“That’s easy!” the rabbi said. “It’s ‘Yah vey!’”<...

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Three old guys are sitting on a park bench,

the first says 'I remember I used to be able to see all the pretty girls go by here. . . now . . . not so much.' The second old guy says 'Yah, it's the vision, it goes, it goes -- but me, I remember being able to smell their perfume as they passed' The first old guy says back 'Yah, it's the sense of...

A knock knock joke to change the world

Knock Knock.

Who's there?

I use yah.

I use yah who?

Really? Why? Google is way better.

People: God, do you have a name?

God: Yah, why?

A young busty girl was having a physical exam with her doctor.

Doctor: OK now, big breaths.

Patient: Yah, i know, and i'm only thixtheen

I asked a Black Belt if he liked karate

He said hi-Yah!

*My gf woke me up to tell me she came up with a joke and I'd figure I'd see the reception, thank you for your time*

A boy was asking his dad what the difference is between "confident" & "confidential".

Son to Dad: Dad, what is the difference between "confident" & "confidential"?

Dad: See, here is an example, you are my son, i am confident of that.

Son: I see

Dad: Now, you know our neighbor, little Timmy, your playmate right?

Son: Yah?

Dad: He's my son too, bu...

Joe was doing a crossword puzzle in a train car.

the guy next to him and the two women behind her were also doing the same puzzle.

once, the guy asked him "whats a word ending with *k* and means intercourse?"

he replied "talk"

behind him, the woman asked "hey you got an eraser?"



later the guy asked "you know a w...

A tourist is at the Sea of Galilee and is looking for a boat trip

A tourist is at the Sea of Galilee and is looking for a boat trip. He asks the boatman how much would it cost.

The boatman: 100 dollar.

The tourist: That's outrageous, it can't cost this much

The boatman: But Jesus himself walked on these waters!

The tourist: Yah,no w...

My grandma had cataract surgery on both eyes

I was on the phone with my grandpa asking how she was feeling.

Gpa: She’s recovering really well, she can see much clearer. She’s pretty happy with the results.

Me: That’s good, no side effects?

Gpa: There is one troubling side effect

Me: What? Is she okay?

Gp...

Which fruit has a pie in the middle of it?

Papaya

(Puh—pie—yah)

Did you hear Easter was canceled

Yah apparently they found the body

A blond and a brunette are walking through a field at night.

There is a full moon out.

The brunette points to the moon and says, "Did you know that the moon is made out of cheese?"

The blond's eyes widen and she says, "No, that's really neat!"

The brunette then says, "you know, if we could get up to the moon, gather up a bunch of that che...

Remember the periods of 24 hours that made up a week

Yah, those were the days.

Little John and Tim were playing in the yard...

Little John and Tim were playing in the yard, when they accidentally sent the ball to the neighbors yard. Tim went there to fetch it, but after a while, he came running with eyes closed tightly.

John: Hey, what happened?

Tim: Mrs. Richards is sunbathing there, naked.

John: Yah,...

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Miss Jorgensen's 6th grade class was studying WW2...

So she invites Ollie Svensen, the only surviving veteran in their area to talk to them. He had been a fighter pilot, and described his fist battle as having "fuckers above shootin' me, fuckers below shootin' at me, fuckers everwhere shootin!"

As the class giggled, the teacher said, "Mr. Svens...

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A guy walks into a bar with an alligator.

It's about 10 feet long. The bartender flips out and says, "Hey buddy, you gotta get that son of a b*tch outta here. It's going to bite one of my customers and I'm going to get sued."
The guy says, "No no no, it's a tame alligator. I'll prove it to you."
He picks up the alligator and puts it o...

Two blondes are at a saloon

They decide to plan a trip. They are talking about different destinations.

They finalize it to FL or the moon.

First says: what’s closer
Second says: The moon of course.
First says: really??
Second says: yah, you can see the moon.

Show and Tell with Grandpa Olie

A boy has brought his Grandpa Olie into class, to tell about some of his experiences as a pilot in World War II.

"Well," the old man begins, "I remember this one time, I was flying on patrol, when this one Fokker surprises me from behind!"

A few of the kids in the class start to snicke...

Walk with Pride

A man moves from Scotland to the US and attends his first baseball game. After a base hit he hears the fans roaring, "Run! Run!"

The next batter connects heavily with the ball and the Scotsman  stands up and roars with the crowd in his thick accent:  "R-r-r-un, yah bloody bahstard.   R-r-run!...

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Three nuns were getting ready for bed,

Changing out of their robes and into nightgowns.

Halfway through undress, breast bare, they hear a knock on the door.

"Who is it?" calls the first nun.

"I'm the blind guy!"

The second nuns asks, "You're a blind guy?"

"Yes, I'm the blind guy!"

The third nun, ...

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Vell, Ole and Lena went to the same Lutheran Church...

Lena went every Sunday and taught Sunday School. Ole went on Christmas and Easter, and once in awhile he went on one of the other Sundays. On one of those Sundays, he was in the pew right behind Lena and he noticed vhat a fine looking woman she was.

Vhile dey were taking up the collection, O...

A Jamaican is sightseeing in Egypt.

A vehicle drives by, beeping its horn. "Coo yah!" he says. "It's tootin' car, mon!"

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A boy and his dad were driving in a car,

when they were pulled over by the police. “Wankers” the Dad said after they were back on the road. The boy asked “what does wankers mean?” The dad said “It means police”

When they got home the Dad went upstairs and the boy went into the kitchen. His mother was in the kitchen stuffing a turkey...

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A Bacon Tree

Way back in the cowboy days, a wagon train was travelling West and hadn't seen anyone in days. One day, they came across an old Jewish man sitting under a tree, all by himself.
The leader of the wagon went over to the Jew and said "Hey, what are you doing way out here?"
The Jew replied, and to...

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Three guys were sitting in a bar talking. One was a Doctor, one was a Lawyer, and one was a Biker.

After a sip of his martini, the doctor said; "You know, tomorrow is
my anniversary. I got my wife a diamond ring and a new Mercedez. I
figure that if she doesn't like the diamond ring, she will at least
like the Mercedez, and she will know that I love her."

After finishing his scot...

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Two Friends Hiking

One day, two men were hiking on a mountainside.
"Hey, I'm gonna take a piss." says the first guy.
"Yah sure." says the second guy.
While the first guy is taking a pee, he gets bit by a venomous snake on his penis.
"Help!" screams the first guy, "I just got bit by a snake, go and get som...

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Kid in an ice-cream shop

A six year old kid walks into an ice cream shop in Chicago dressed as a cowboy and ask the girl at the counter for 2 scoops of chocolate ice cream.
The girl responds "would you like chocolate syrup and nuts on that?"
The kid responds with a "you bet yah!"
The girl then ask the kid "would y...

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Ole and Lena want to join the local church

So they go meet the pastor. The pastor says “This church very high standards for our members. In order for me to accept you as new members, you will have to prove you are worthy by abstaining from sex for 30 days”.

Ole and Lena look at each other and said “Ya, sure, vee vill give it a try”...

Two men go on a hunting trip...

One of them trips, hits his head on a rock, and passes out. The other man calls 911 and says "I think my buddy's dead!". The operator says "Make sure first." The man puts the phone down and the operator hears a gunshot. A second later the man says "Yah he's dead."

Ole and Sven go to Hell (long)

One day, Satan was walking through Hell, making sure the souls were properly tormented, until he came upon an unusual sight. Sitting next to a lava pool were Ole and Sven, decked out in parkas, hats, boots and gloves.

Confused, Satan walks up to them and asks them why they're dressed for win...

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Can Cold Water Clean Dishes

This is for all the germ conscious folks that worry about using cold water to clean. John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of West Virginia .

After spending a great evening chatting the night away, John's grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon, eggs a...

Guy walks into a bar and is in despair....

He sits down and asks for 6 top shelf whiskey shots all lined up....


The bartender pours them all out and the guy quickly shoots them one by one.


He asks for 6 more and the bartender obliged. As he's pouring the next 6 shots he gently asks the guy if he's ok.


The ma...

Two Swedes live across the street from one another in a small town in Manitoba...

Their names are Ollie and Sven. One morning, Sven is eating his Shreddies for breakfast and looks out the front window into Ollie's yard. Ollie has a sign out front that says "Boat for sale." Sven goes over to Ollie's house and says, "Eh, Ollie, what's this sign here? You don't even own a boat! All ...

Man walks into a bar and takes a seat.....

A man walks into a bar and takes a seat. He orders 4 whiskey shooters and downs them one after the other. The bartender asks him "What's your troubles mate?"

"Well if you had what I have you'd be doing the same." says the patron

"Oh yah, what's that?" goes the bartender

"About 2...

Boudreaux Joke

Boudreaux's wife don't come home one night.Boudreaux is sick with worry. Three days later Thibodaux comes to Boudreaux' door and tells him "I gots you some good news and some bad news" Boudreaux says" I'm a man,give me the bad news first". Thibodaux says " We just found your wife Clotilde dead, flo...

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3 Canadian guys discover an old oil lamp...

3 Canadian guys - One Newfie, One Quebecois, and one from Ontario are working together on a construction site. While digging they discover an old oil lamp, which, when picked up immediately belches forth a smoky, strange looking individual they know must be a genie.

"Thank you for freeing me,...

Diesel Fitter

Sven and Ole worked together and both were laid off, so they went to the unemployment office together.
Asked for his occupation, Ole said "Panty Stitcher. I sew the elastic onto ladies cotton panties." The cleark looked up Panty Sticher. Finding it classified as unskilled labor, she gave him $30...

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Boudreaux lived down by the river in deep Louisiana.

On the other side of the river lived a guy named Clarence.

Boudreaux hated Clarence and Clarence hated Boudreaux. Every day since they were small children, they'd go down to their river banks and yell at each other across the river. They never really met each other because neither one could s...

Long: An underaged ginger walks into a bar...

The bartender ask for his ID. The ginger stops, making a big show of reaching into his wallet and pulling out an obviously fake card.

"What do you think yah trying to pull?" says the bartender, "This ain't no underage drinking bar. Scram punk!"

So the ginger gets kicked out on the stre...

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A man walks into a bar....

A guy walks into a bar with an alligator. This thing is huge, It’s about 10-12 feet long. An absolute monster. The bartender sees it and he starts freaking out and yells, “Dude you got to get that freaking thing out of here, someone is going to get bit by that beast, and I am the one who is going to...

A man wants to buy a horse (long)

So he finds the man who owns the horse. The owner takes him to the stable. The buyer asks to take the horse for a test ride.

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"Okay," says the owner. "But I'm a retired church pastor. The horse will only go forward if you say, 'Praise the lord.' He will only stop moving if yo...

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A man and his penis.

A man had a problem with his penis since birth. It was related to the size, but unlike many humans who feel they are too small, his was far too large! 25 inches to be precise. Constantly he would have women run screaming from his bedchamber. So one day he decided he'd had enough of this, and went on...

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There's this guy Doug.

There's this guy Doug and he just moved into this new neighborhood. He asks his neighbor down the street if there's any places he should check out.

"Well dude I know of this one place down on 36th where you can pay $20 to have five guys kick the hell of you. It's painful at first but afterwar...

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Ducks...

Not sure if this has been posted but here yah go...

A very rich old man is on his deathbed and is going to die soon, so he calls in his three sons. He gives them each a duck and tells them that the one who gets the most for his duck will be given everything the old man owns. The first son goe...

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An Irishman, stricken with severe insomnia, decides he needs go for a late night walk..

Figures it’d be best if he got some fresh air and such, as he highly doubts that he'll be falling asleep anytime soon. So, he slips into his boots, throws on a jacket, and heads out the door. Not 5 minutes later, he comes across a freshly painted white picket-fence that leads to an unfamiliar bar on...

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