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Lem Jokes

Clem and Lem

Here's one I heard a long time ago.

Clem and Lem's parents passed away before telling them the facts of life. On night, an attractive woman knocked on their door, complaining of car trouble and asked to spend the night. Clem showed her to the attic bedroom where she immediately stripped. Clem...

101 lemmings walk into a bar

Ouch.

Ouch.

Ouch.

Ouch.

Ouch.

Ouch.

Ouch.

Ouch.

Ouch.

Ouch.

Ouch.

Ouch.

Ouch.

Ouch.

Ouch.

Ouch.

Ouch.

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O...

Why did the lemmings jump from the dock?

Too much pier pressure

What is a lemmings favorite granola bar?

A clif bar

What do you call a guy with lemmings jumping of his head?

Cliff

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Shotgun to the Crotch

Lem and Ephis are out hunting. They take a break to take a squirt in the woods when one of the dogs knocks over one of the shotguns. The gun goes off and hitting Ephis directly in the crotch.

Ephis screams in pain!

"Oh my God, Ephis!" says Lem, "We're going to have to get you to see ...

Bank robbery

Lem: "I got fired from my job as a bank guard."

Clem: "That's awful. What happened?"

Lem: "Well, a thief came in, and I drew my gun. I told him that if he took one more step, I'd let him have it."

Clem: "What did the thief do then?"

Lem: "He took one more step, so I let h...

I have a recipe in which a deep dish crust is filled with small rodents and covered with whipped egg whites.

Its a Lemming Meringue Pie

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