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A widow, Claire, was looking to move away from the city, and looked for a small town to live her final years in.

She drove a few hours out into the countryside to find a good place to move into. Eventually she came by Barkstown, and this peculiar name piqued her curiosity.

She drove in and was amazed by the amount of dogs there were in this town, but she was getting hungry from not eating all day.
...

My girlfriend, Lorraine, dumped me when she found out I was cheating on her with her fit friend, Claire Lee

Good news, I can see Claire Lee now Lorraine has gone.

Claire’s been telling all her friends about how I’m a stalker.

She’s texting- hang on, there’s some glare on the window...

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Sisters

Sister Claire and Sister Teresa are driving down a desert highway when the devil appears on their hood, making threatening gestures.

"Quick," Sister Teresa says, "Show him your cross!"

Sister Claire leans out the window, shouting:

"Piss off you bastard! I'll kick you in the fuck...

Todd sat behind Claire in Sunday school

The teacher asked the class 'Who created the universe?'
Todd poked Claire with his pencil and she jumped up yelling 'GOD ALMIGHTY!'
'Correct Claire'
The class goes on for a few minutes and the teacher asks 'Now, can anyone tell me who died on the cross?'
Todd poked Claire again and she l...

My marriage is over.

I loved my wife Lorraine in the beginning, but for the longest time I've had a crush on my friend Claire-Lee Robins, who I know feels the same way about me. Eventually Lorraine found out about my secretive feelings, and just like that, she packed her bags and left.

I do feel bad about it all...

My friend Claire predicted she'd be able to float in water

Guess she thought she was Claire bouyant.

I asked Sister Claire why she insists on wearing a dirty hat to church.

She said it’s just a nasty habit.

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I got thrown out of math class today.

The teacher asked me "If I gave you $20 and you gave $5 to Katie, $5 to Claire and $5 to Laura, what would you have?"

Apparently, 3 blowjobs and enough left for a kebab wasn't the answer...


EDIT: Holy, this blew up fast. Kind of like when the teacher gives me $20, but less sticky, ...

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My first managers name was Lorraine.

My first managers name was Lorraine and she was really cool. Her husband, alfonso, was an assistant manager at the same store, and he was a dick. He had been having an affair for quite some time with a woman named Claire Lee . Everyone except his wife knew, but we didn't have the heart to tell her. ...

Lorraine

So imagine you are dating this girl named Lorraine, she is AWFUL. She stalks you, goes through your phone, and other crazy girlfriend things. The times you have tried to break up with her is countless but she always weasels her way out of it and you find yourself not doing it.

However there i...

A man and his three beautiful daughters.

There once was a man living out in the countryside with his wife and his three beautiful daughters; Anne, Beth, and Claire. The man was very protective of his daughters, and when he learned that all three of them had fallen in love with three different men, he called the three men and said he wanted...

A man cheats on his wife Lorraine with a girl called Clearly

Suddenly Lorraine dies.

At her funeral the man stood up and sang "I can see Clearly now Lorraine has gone..."

I overheard it was my co-worker’s birthday tomorrow so I wished her a happy birthday eve.

She said her name is Claire and her birthday is actually tomorrow.

A man is married to his wife Lorraine

But he is secretly having an affair with his neighbor Claire Lee.
One day Lorraine discovers her husband has been cheating on her and swiftly packs her bags and leaves the next morning.
The man doesn't mind, and on his way to see Claire Lee the next morning he can't stop singing that one son...

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A Bus Full of Nuns Crashes...

(long) and they all die. In Heaven, they're all lined up outside the pearly gates while St. Peter checks each on in. "When you took your vows, you vowed that you were married to Christ and no other," says St. Peter. "Because of this, I need to ask you if you've ever had physical contact with a pe...

I took my psychic girlfriend ice skating but she fell through the ice.

Luckily, Claire's buoyant

Mark and Lorraine had been married for many years ...

But their marriage had become stale. Mark had secretly starting seeing a female colleague, Claire Lee, from work behind his wife's back and they were hitting it off really good. He was considering getting a divorce but couldn't bring himself to do it.

Then, out of the blue, Lorraine was kil...

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The Queen's Crossword

The queen had just completed the annual knighting ceremony. She had picked Claire Heinz, the scientist who's work was considered unethical by most, but she respected her anyways. An angry mob had already formed and was attempting to barge into the Buckingham palace.

This was nothing new. T...

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I've decided on a name for my new Real Doll(sex-bot).

eClaire.

"Why?"

Because she'll be electronic and cream filled.

What does Barack say to Michelle when they're getting adventurous with their House of Cards roleplay?

"Let me be Claire."

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