UPJOKE
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Claire Jokes

Sad news. I broke up with my girlfriend Lorraine because I was seeing another girl named Claire Lee…

But the good news is that I can see Claire Lee now Lorraine has gone

My marriage is over.

I loved my wife Lorraine in the beginning, but for the longest time I've had a crush on my friend Claire-Lee Robins, who I know feels the same way about me. Eventually Lorraine found out about my secretive feelings, and just like that, she packed her bags and left.

I do feel bad about it all...

Todd sat behind Claire in Sunday school

The teacher asked the class 'Who created the universe?'
Todd poked Claire with his pencil and she jumped up yelling 'GOD ALMIGHTY!'
'Correct Claire'
The class goes on for a few minutes and the teacher asks 'Now, can anyone tell me who died on the cross?'
Todd poked Claire again and she l...

Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, "surely I can't look that old.".

Well . . . you'll love this story..

from a lady called Claire

"My name is Claire..
I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist.

I noticed his degree on the wall, which bore his full name.

Suddenly, I remembered a tall , handsome, dark...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got thrown out of math class today.

The teacher asked me "If I gave you $20 and you gave $5 to Katie, $5 to Claire and $5 to Laura, what would you have?"

Apparently, 3 blowjobs and enough left for a kebab wasn't the answer...


EDIT: Holy, this blew up fast. Kind of like when the teacher gives me $20, but less sticky, ...

A woman named Lorraine Lee introduced her boyfriend, Frank, to her family for the first time.

As Frank greeted Mr. and Mrs. Lee, Lorraine's stunning sister, Claire, whispered something to him. Curious and suspicious, Lorraine decided to check on them and found Frank and Claire in bed together. Lorraine confronted Frank, who pleaded for another chance. Reluctantly, Lorraine agreed, but made i...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A widow, Claire, was looking to move away from the city, and looked for a small town to live her final years in.

She drove a few hours out into the countryside to find a good place to move into. Eventually she came by Barkstown, and this peculiar name piqued her curiosity.

She drove in and was amazed by the amount of dogs there were in this town, but she was getting hungry from not eating all day.
...

Claire’s been telling all her friends about how I’m a stalker.

She’s texting- hang on, there’s some glare on the window...

A woman named Lorraine Lee was taking her boyfriend, Frank, to visit her family for the first time.

Frank entered the house and shook hands with Mr. and Mrs. Lee. There was one other person at the house, and that was Lorraine's sister, a drop dead gorgeous woman named Claire.

Claire whispered something to Frank, and the two of them went upstairs together. Lorraine was suspicious, so five mi...

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Sisters

Sister Claire and Sister Teresa are driving down a desert highway when the devil appears on their hood, making threatening gestures.

"Quick," Sister Teresa says, "Show him your cross!"

Sister Claire leans out the window, shouting:

"Piss off you bastard! I'll kick you in the fuck...

My friend Claire predicted she'd be able to float in water

Guess she thought she was Claire bouyant.

I asked Sister Claire why she insists on wearing a dirty hat to church.

She said it’s just a nasty habit.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My first managers name was Lorraine.

My first managers name was Lorraine and she was really cool. Her husband, alfonso, was an assistant manager at the same store, and he was a dick. He had been having an affair for quite some time with a woman named Claire Lee . Everyone except his wife knew, but we didn't have the heart to tell her. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

… and he deserved it.

Hey, boys and girls, it’s Lee here with News from the Trenches, and as always, Ithank you all for subscribing to my podcast.

So I got some good news about my old pal, Barry! He finally dumped that gold digging witch he was dating!

For those of you just tuning in for the first time, B...

A man is married to his wife Lorraine

But he is secretly having an affair with his neighbor Claire Lee.
One day Lorraine discovers her husband has been cheating on her and swiftly packs her bags and leaves the next morning.
The man doesn't mind, and on his way to see Claire Lee the next morning he can't stop singing that one son...

A man and his three beautiful daughters.

There once was a man living out in the countryside with his wife and his three beautiful daughters; Anne, Beth, and Claire. The man was very protective of his daughters, and when he learned that all three of them had fallen in love with three different men, he called the three men and said he wanted...

Mark and Lorraine had been married for many years ...

But their marriage had become stale. Mark had secretly starting seeing a female colleague, Claire Lee, from work behind his wife's back and they were hitting it off really good. He was considering getting a divorce but couldn't bring himself to do it.

Then, out of the blue, Lorraine was kil...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Queen's Crossword

The queen had just completed the annual knighting ceremony. She had picked Claire Heinz, the scientist who's work was considered unethical by most, but she respected her anyways. An angry mob had already formed and was attempting to barge into the Buckingham palace.

This was nothing new. T...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've decided on a name for my new Real Doll(sex-bot).

eClaire.

"Why?"

Because she'll be electronic and cream filled.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Bus Full of Nuns Crashes...

(long) and they all die. In Heaven, they're all lined up outside the pearly gates while St. Peter checks each on in. "When you took your vows, you vowed that you were married to Christ and no other," says St. Peter. "Because of this, I need to ask you if you've ever had physical contact with a pe...

I took my psychic girlfriend ice skating but she fell through the ice.

Luckily, Claire's buoyant

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