What sort of monsters don't eat the crust?

I mean it's fantastic even if it doesn't taste like the rest of the watermelon

Wat did the mermaid wear to her math exam?

An algae-bra.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wats da difference between a jew an a canoe?

A canoe tips

Wat's the difference between the Falcons and a dollar bill?

A dollar bill is good for 4 quarters.

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A man on vacation is having horrible stomach pains, and realizes he has a tapeworm...

The resort doctor taps on his stomach a few times, listening with a stethoscope. Then he tells the man, "Come back tomorrow with a banana and a cookie."

"Ummm... okay..." the guy says, skeptical. "What for?"

"Do you want my help, or don't you!?" the doctor says. "Just do what I tell yo...

Hermione doesn't receive her mail from Hograwrts

She grows older

Gets married

Has a son

And one day her son picks up a mail and reads it...

He rushes to Hermione and says

You are a Witch mother

and Hermione replies in shock

EMMA WAT SON???

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Man runs out of fuel with Harley Davidson (very long)

There once was this man who always wanted a Harley Davidson. And one day he finally had enough money to do so.

When he went to buy his dream motorcycle the guy from the schop gave him a bucket of lube. The man asked: “wat’s the lube for”, is and the guy from the shop says: “because you have a...

Jezus at the pearly gate

At the pearly gate, Jezus is taking over st. Peter's shift for he has to take a toilet break. During Jezus his shift, an old man approaches the gate. Jezus calls te old man to him to ask him some questions.

He looks at the old man and asks: "So, what did you do to make a living?"

"I wa...

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Spotted Snakes

I read this a long time ago.

A Captain takes over a command during WW2 in the middle of the Pacific.

As he is looking through the reports, he finds morale in the basement, a few desertions, and the base is rampant with STD's.

He calls his top Sergeant in for an explanation. The...

Electro finally made it to the party

He said watts happening!

A burglar broke into a house one night.

He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, “Jesus is watching you.”

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze.
When he heard nothing more, after a bit, he shook his head and continued.
Just as he pulled the stereo ...

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Why a Merc is among the top rated cars

On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his Mercedes into a petrol station in a remote part of Irish countryside.
Pump attendant who knows absolutely nothin abt golf, greets him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is.
"Top of the mornin' to yer, sir" says ...

What did H say 2 O?

Wat 'er we doing?

A brittish boat is nearby a port in Germany and calls for help on the radio:

-WE ARE SINKING! WE ARE SINKING!
The german replies:
-Wat are you sinking about?

An Englishman gets a job at a French restaurant...

"...halo and welcome! Before y'begin work 'ere, you must be aware of corona," says his boss, pointing at a poster of it. "It is an infectant disease dat spreads easily so all must have dissinfectant." "Understood. I'll make sure so!" the Englishman declares.

But then later the new employee di...

A new Navy recruit has his first day on the submarine...

He speaks with the officer, who assigns him his post.

"Go stand at the periscope entry-way, and make sure no unauthorized personnel touch the periscope."

The recruit follows orders, and stands by the periscope. After 15 minutes, the officer stops by.

"Son I'm changing your post ...

It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniac

[Wat](http://m.imgur.com/mSC9hv0)

I saw a waterfall that emptied into a well

Wat-er-well

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Redneck sits next to the silicon valley kid on the overnight train ride

Redneck really wants to sleep, but silicone valley kid won't shut up, describing the wonders of technology.

\- Nowadays I can find an answer to any question, no matter how hard, you just need to know how to use tech!

Redneck really wants to sleep. But the kid keeps showing his gadgets,...

Two cars crash on the road...

One of the angry drivers gets out of his car and jumps on the other.

-Luk wat hav u don. I brok ma vary expansive artifisal jaw on the stiring whale.

-Relax dude,

said the other driver,

-I have a solution for your problem in this box.

He opened a box full of jaws a...

A monkey is sitting in a tree

A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint. The lizard looks up and says “Hey! Wats up? The monkey says “Smoking a joint, come..join me"

Both Have few joints together. After a while the lizard says his mouth is ‘dry’, and that he’s going to get a drink from the river.

At the r...

The Real Three Bears

It’s a sunny morning in the Big Forest, and the Bear family is just waking up.

Baby Bear goes down stairs and sits in his small chair at the table and looks into his small bowl. It’s empty. "Who’s been eating my porridge?!" he squeaks.

Papa Bear arrives at the big table and sits in hi...

What did Sherlock Holmes say after being asked to get a paternity test?

Wat*son*?

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